UnlikelyGrad

Not sure I'm the right person to be talking to, but here goes...I started thinking about grad school at age 36; married with four kids. I applied to programs across the country because my husband said he would happily move anywhere I wanted to (except New York City). "You have followed me wherever I moved for a job, now it's my turn to return the favor. Pick any school you want, it's your decision. No, honey, don't let my wishes influence your decision. Go to the school that you think is the best for your career." Sweet words. Just what I wanted to hear. But given the four schools that admitted me, he had a clear favorite. He said as much both to me and the kids. He preferred the school even though it offered me inadequate funding. I turned that school down; my choice was a school 1000 mi from home. So here I am in my second semester of grad school...living on my own...and my husband still hasn't moved here. He promises he will, but his expected move date is always about two months away. I fly back almost every weekend, which is expensive (our savings are going quickly) and exhausted (get home past midnight every Sunday and have early morning class on Monday). I miss my husband. I miss my kids, damn it. This house is too quiet, and too big for one person. (I rented a place big enough for all six of us.) Now he's saying he will come out and visit me. Finally. Unfortunately, he's driving, not flying (the kids are coming too) so his plans can be fluid. At first he said, "It would be so romantic if I could get there by Valentine's Day." But the other day he said, "I have so much to do before I leave. We will just have to celebrate Valentine's Day late. But I will be there for your birthday (a few days later)." I don't know whether to believe him or not... It sucks. I guess my only suggestion would be to make sure everyone lays all their cards on the table. My husband sure didn't. I know I picked the right school for me, but was it the right school for my marriage?

I got my last rejection in July. I guess that's what happens when you end up near the end of the wait list.

Sadly, yes. Sometimes research goes well, sometimes it just sucks. The important thing is to learn from those setbacks, to evaluate why things aren't working and what you can change about your methodology (or hypothesis) to get things back on track. Remember, you learn as much from disproving a hypothesis as you do from proving it.

Over the years, I've been in a variety of situations, both in and out of academia, and I've found that I thrive most in situations where I'm friends with my supervisor. My advisor right now is female; we clicked right away because we have very similar personality types. My previous research advisor was male, and about my age. We also became friends. (And yes, we really were just friends. I never felt otherwise and it was pretty clear that he felt the same about me.) I honestly can't imagine being in a advisor-advisee relationship where I can't really talk to my advisor...where I can't say, "I know this situation has nothing to do with my research, but this is really bothering me to the point that it's interfering with my work. Do you mind if I vent a little?"

After talking with grad students in my program who have transferred here from other schools, I was surprised to hear of the variety in seminar programs. What does your school require in terms of attendance? What's required of students in terms of giving a seminar? My department: *Requires that all grad students attend every seminar. (I think you're allowed a certain number of absences per semester, but they don't publicize this number.) Seminar may be held twice each week, so this is a bit of a load. *Requires that master's students give one seminar, and that Ph.D. students give two (one master's level, one Ph.D. level). Master's level seminars can be on any chemistry-related topic, though most people just speak about their own research. Ph.D. level seminars have to be given on the student's thesis research. How about your school/department?

I concur with those who are telling you to take a couple of classes. It worked very well for me (out of UG 15 yrs before application season).

Can't give specifics... but I have relatives who have lived there for 6-7 years now. They moved from Seattle and were therefore understandably skeptical about what there was to do. They like it, though--a lot! I know that they do go up to Chicago every couple of months to go to museums or whatever. But they say there's a good variety of restaurants, and some cultural events...so no, you won't necessarily go crazy.

I agree--be more forthright. I did just this (was in town for a conference) and made appointments to talk to people about their research. One of those appointments turned into a grilling about why I had so many issues with my application (I was a less-than-stellar applicant on paper), but I defended myself well and the guy ended up being very impressed by me. (He railroaded my application through the adcomm and offered me a summer job to boot.) So I would tell you to go for it.

Read completely brainless novels. I go through about a dozen per week.

You're a dinosaur? Really? I graduated in 1993 (should have been 1992).

You aren't alone. My thoughts when I started the process: http://unlikelygrad.wordpress.com/2009/01/13/go-back-to-school-girl/ Now, I'm glad I'm older: http://unlikelygrad.wordpress.com/2009/11/23/the-difference-between-an-old-grad-student-and-a-young-one/

Yup. Had a student who cheated. This was his second offense; he was suspended from school. (He was also an international student FWIW) http://unlikelygrad.wordpress.com/2009/11/04/why-cheating-doesnt-pay/

LOL. If I get a fellowship this year I will be the single sunbeam, I will be glowing so much. And if I get across-the-board rejections, I will rage through the house like a thunderstorm. Don't believe me? Ask my husband.

This was my experience too. All four of my acceptances started with an email. (They might have tried to call, but I'm notoriously hard to get a hold of over the phone.) In two cases, the email included a PDF of the actual acceptance letter which was later sent in the mail. Any time a letter showed up without previous notification, it was a rejection.

Mine is 2x monthly, which just goes to show that there really isn't a universally accepted protocol.

Not really. I think I'm doing pretty well...mostly. The exception is my mineralogy class. (I'm a chemist trying to metamorphose into a geochemist.) I am taking this class with a bunch of sophomores so I should be doing better. Actually the lecture material is very easy--I understand it far better than my classmates thanks to my knowledge of chemistry--but I really stink in lab, which is half of the grade for the course. It's pretty depressing! How can I be having more trouble in a sophomore-level class than my grad classes?!

I'm an aberration--someone who took time off between undergrad and grad specifically to have kids. But my sister had two children during grad school and it worked out well. She said that, as tiring as grad school was, it was good that she did it then instead of after starting a tenure-track position.

It's unclear whether you're going for a pre-admission interview or a post-admission visit where they are trying to convince you to accept their offer. For the former case, it doesn't matter whether the prof is a potential advisor--he might be on the adcomm! It's not as obvious why you should talk to the guy in the latter case, so let me try to explain. First of all, it's pretty normal, when you go for a visit, to talk to every professor in your subfield, even if your interests don't match. If you don't have commonalities in your research interests, talk about the program instead. Or what it's like to live in the city. Show genuine interest in them as a person. Let me illustrate with a story. When I visited this school I spent an hour or so with every professor in the (interdisciplinary) program. One was an older professor nearing retirement. I walked in, and the first thing he said was, "I'm not taking new students, so there's really no point in talking to me. Who's next on your schedule? I'll take you there and see if he's free." I said fine, we could do that in a bit, but could I ask him one quick question? I'd noticed from something in his office that we shared a mutual interest, and I wondered what the facilities for that were like in the area...well, we started talking, first about the mutual interest, then about living in the area in general, then about the program (he'd been here for over 30 years and was a wealth of information)...next thing you know, our allotted time was past! My student host was amazed that he'd said anything to me at all...he is notorious for not talking to students. Well, I ended up coming here, of course, and guess who teaches two of the required classes for my program? He is still pretty reticent with most people, but he does come up to talk to me about things, even outside of class time. So remember, just because a professor won't be your advisor doesn't mean you will never interact with him. It's good to have friends and allies amongst the faculty...who knows, they might even end up on your thesis committee.

I have to say, I find this thread extremely amusing. As long as you don't ask what evaluators of fellowship apps are saying about my futile submissions, I can read this and laugh.

Yeah, they do. This can work to your advantage, or your disadvantage. When I was a non-degree student, before I started the application process, I had a really awesome professor the first semester (with whom I ended up doing research). He asked me what classes I was going to take the following semester and I said I didn't know...after all, I had to wait until the first day of classes to find out. (Non-degree students weren't allowed to register in advance. So I could only take classes in which there was an opening.) He told me...look, just tell me what classes you want, and you will get in them. Even if there seems to be no room. Then he told me that professors love nothing more than to gab about their students...at least the extreme ones. (Griping about the bad, delighting in the good.) And that everyone in the department therefore knew that I was an awesome student they'd love to have in their class. I don't think I believed him at first. But a few weeks later, we went up to the department office to fill out a key request form and ran into several professors on the way. Embarrassingly, he introduced me to them as "UnlikelyGrad, the superstar PChem student I told you about"--and they all knew exactly who he meant!! *blush* I'm not sure I want to know what happens to the students that professors don't like as well!

Hahahaha! The last guy I worked for was just like this. It was always a bit freaky when he did shave--I'd come in and think, "What's different about him?" You know, the way you do when someone you know gets a haircut. I personally thought he looked way better about 1 week after shaving, but I didn't dare tell him so--it isn't really kosher for a married woman to tell a married man (who's not her husband) that he looks hotter with facial hair.

I agree that it's best to wait a bit to see how other schools respond. However, I have a somewhat different view of rankings than you. See, rankings fluctuate over time. So the #1 ranked school right now (Caltech, I believe) may not be #1 next time the rankings are done. Of course, it will probably be in the top 5. Generally speaking, schools tend not to go up or down too much over time, but they do go up or down. This matters because hiring committees are more likely to consider the ranking of your Ph.D. school at the time you look for your job--not the ranking the school had when you started. I guess what I'm trying to say is this: consider any schools in the top 10 to have approximately the same ranking. Below the top 10, any schools within 15 of each other are probably about the same. Given that, I would put UW on the same par as Penn, maybe slightly below UNC. With that said, go where you will feel the most comfortable: fit for research topics, environment of the city around you, etc. (Seattle is MUCH more diverse, esp. in terms of various Asian populations, than most of the other areas you're considering.) I think UW is a fantastic school, but then I'm biased.* I know a number of exceptions too. I think the best way to "move up" is to get a post doc somewhere more prestigious than your Ph.D. school. *Both my dad (BS, organic chem) and my oldest sister (BS ME, interdisciplinary PhD) are UW alums. So take my advice with a grain of salt.

I can see how it might not be good to have people able to Google you during the admissions process. On the other hand, once you're trying to make a name for yourself, it is nice for people to be able to find you. I have a fairly common name. At least two people who share my name are politically active in various causes. Thus, if you try to Google me you might find a reference to the actual UnlikelyGrad on page 12 or 13. Even when I was active in speaking at events nationwide I never did better than page 3. Of course during this time I was actively trying to increase my web presence so that people could find me and get me to speak--didn't work too well! I feel even sorrier for the guy I worked for before grad school--he once lamented that there were 9 million other people with his name, and given his name (only slightly less common than 'John Smith') I think he may actually be right.

I'm a die-hard gardener. In California, I gardened year-round. Here in Colorado, unfortunately, you can't plant until April at the earliest. So I haven't planted anything yet. I did carrots in a container one year. I think I should have always done them that way. Carrots like loose soil, so they grow a lot more nicely in potting soil than in real ground. But you either need to have a very deep pot or else buy the mini-carrot seeds.

I got an acceptance on a Sunday last year. The acceptances for this school are done personally, by professors. Evidently that was the time this professor had free to contact me.