ZeChocMoose

I'd be careful about taking offense to ivy tower elitism while in the same breath insinuating that certain professions are below the one you aspire to.

Especially if you actually intend to "interact with society on a more fundamental level," don't be surprised if your pity is unappreciated.

@Sociolog86

I'm sure there are exceptions, but sociologists themselves find the prestige of a school matters a whole lot when being hired. All three of my letter of recommendation professors told me, with no uncertainty, that unless I could get into a Top 10 program with funding, they could not in good conscious recommend going to graduate school in sociology in the state it is in now. Thankfully, it worked out for me.

I want to have absolute freedom to do my research, write books, and publish articles, and for me, that means going to a top tier grad school, and being adequately prepared for the even tougher crapshoot that is the hiring process after graduate school. Idealism aside, I fully intend to make a career out of sociology, and I plan on doing everything I can to make that happen, within reason. Doing an unfunded masters at any level, and then doing an unfunded Phd is, to me, ludicrous. I love the research I do, but I would never go into crippling debt for it. As I have been told, if you can not get somebody to pay you to do something, then that is a clue it should remain a hobby.

I realize people have different aspirations, and every case is different, but I think many, many applicants need a healthy dose of realism when approaching the application process for graduate school in sociology. I am very glad I had professors who, early in my undergraduate career, told me what I needed to do to get into a top graduate school and explained what I should expect when approaching sociology as a profession

Your advice is sound for people who "just want to pursue graduate studies." For those who are interested in getting a job in academia and pursuing sociology professionally after graduation, please think twice about terminal degrees and non-ranked schools.

You should decline and possibly switch thesis advisors (if you think things will be uncomfortable) as mentioned above. This really cannot turn out well for your professional relationship/reputation. Even if you're a good researcher, it might come back to bite you by the university OR even in the future if it gets out that you dated him. Even if you know you have common interests/you're attracted to him, others might assume you're doing this for the wrong reasons--which might hurt your reputation when looking for jobs in your field.

If you do find him attractive and find it difficult to tell him no, tell him that if he's truly interested in you, he should back off. If he truly cares about you, he'll consider how this could hurt you. There's always the option of telling him that once you have your Ph.D/landed a position, you're open to the possibility of dating. Best luck in this situation..

I think its a very bad idea, of course it could end up great, but the chances of that are so very small, and the chances of it ending up incredibly awkward or worse are so great. I don't know if you have the kind of relationship with this adviser where you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts with him, but if you have doubts about dating him, then you should probably tell him rather than just going along and seeing how it turns out.

There are reprecussions to consider in case you get caught. He would be reprimanded and some action could be taken against him. I'm not sure you would be reprimanded but you still stand to lose a lot. You might be asked to switch advisors, in which case you might have to start over or change your thesis topic. Your joint work, or even your solo work that was done while he was your advisor could be suspected of being the product of his work, not yours. I've seen on a number of occasions the talent and dedication of younger (female) students be questioned and the results of their work ascribed to their senior (male) advisors. Similarly if the relationship becomes serious, you'll have to report it to university officials and it will become publicly known, in which case again the above outcomes are both likely.

If the relationship doesn't work out, regardless of whether or not you get caught, again you stand to lose more than him. If the working relationship becomes uncomfortable, you might be forced to leave or change advisors. If you stay and feel that he treats you unfairly, you'll have a hard time explaining why and finding someone to defend your rights. You won't be able to get a LOR from him in the future, which could seem suspicious to hiring committees.

I'm not saying not to go for it necessarily - I've seen some of these relationships work and make both parties very happy. But consider seriously the risks that are involved before you make a decision.

I see a lot of advice here about gathering "research experience", but I question the efficacy of doing so if you are pursuing a Masters in Higher Education, especially given your geographic restrictions. The three big questions to address in your SOP are:

1) How do your strenghts line up with those of the program to which you are applying? (Be explicit! Mention possible advisors by name...do your homework!)

2) How will your experiences contribute to the learning community? (Again, be explicit!)

3) How will you use your degree in, say, five to ten years? (If it's mostly administrative, then research experience won't really be applicable.)

Be safe, and good luck!

I left a well paying job to enter a PhD program. For your situation, you don't have enough information to make a decision because you haven't been accepted yet and you don't know the funding package that you are being offered. I say go to the interviews, check out the program, and wait to see what they say. You may decide the program isn't a good fit or the funding situation is not doable. You can always stay with your job and apply to programs in the future.

In the Bank section, there is a good discussion on how to live on a graduate assistantship salary. Basically, it comes down to living within your means and making sacrifices on some luxuries. Everyone chooses to do that a little differently so there really isn't a one size fits all answer. (I gave up TV and I eat out less especially lunches. When I worked full time, I always bought lunch.) It also helps if you don't have a lot of debt going into graduate school and have some savings.

People in your position will sometimes go to a temp agency and then get assigned office work. I am not sure whether it pays over minimum wage though but it is one avenue to look into...

On average, only 50% of people who start a PhD complete one-- so you are definitely not alone.

You seem overwhelmed and sorta lonely. I hope there is someone that you can talk to about this that can listen and understand. Transitions are hard and it can be even harder if you haven't had to move around a lot. Usually it takes me about a year or so to really feel comfortable in a new city/new job/etc.

And I agree that people with a lot of information can still make decisions that don't work out. I thought I wanted to be a number of different occupations before I hit on the right one. But the good news is you still have the power of choice. You can decide to stay in for the first year and reevaluate your feelings in a year -or- you can decide to leave.

Honestly, it is not about what anyone else says or really even thinks. You are the one that has to do the day-to-day of your life. As long as you are satisfied then I would call that a success.

TheSquirrel,

Why do you know each other's grades? Is that the norm in the department? Are they posted in a public place? If they are not posted, I would suggest not to disclose what you get to anyone. It is possible that you disclose it to someone else it could get back to him. If this person doesn't know how well you are doing relative to himself hopefully that will help alleviate some of the competition.

In general though, I would just behave neutrally i.e. be polite, but don't engage. It is a better political move and really it is futile trying to reason with someone who is not being logical or to help someone who doesn't want to be helped especially after how he has been acting. The exception to this would be if you feel physically threatened or are verbally harassed then you should go speak to someone. It is hard to tell in your posts the seriousness of his behavior although damaging your property is really not a good sign.

To be honest, since he is having academic struggles and you said the department is aware of his performance, I doubt he is going to be able to stick it out and complete the degree. I feel like classes are such a small part of being a successful doctoral student. My guess is that he is having trouble in other areas as well--i.e. research, teaching, relationship with professors, etc. Although the hope of him leaving is probably not that helpful to you in the short run.

Edit: Yes, I have had experience with people like this. I wouldn't ignore the person-- it gives him too much power. I would just talk to him about neutral topics and not discuss your successes. If asked, just be vague. When asked, "how did you do?" reply: "I did okay" or "I did alright" and then I would change the subject. Do not ask him how he did because that would be engaging him in the discussion on grades.

You have to make time for some type of friend outside of your classmates, you know normal folks. They help to keep you grounded and give you a sense of perspective that is lost in the lab grind by the rest of us. For instance, I used to drink beer with the night janitor while getting my MS. When 11pm rolled around, I'd stop what I'd be doing and we would walk the halls drinking Bud Lights in koozies, bullshitting, and I'd help him empty the trash. I'd tell him about my problems, he'd tell me his, I'd explain my project to him, and he would ask me why I was doing something. I still miss our evening constitutionals, where we discussed life, science, why the PI down the hall was such a bitch, and whose turn it was to buy beer.

Moral of the Story: Make some damn time for friends. You are never going to have balance all the time in your graduate career. At some points you will feel like you are spending too much time in the lab or too much time on your personal life. That's fine, just let it balance out in the long run. How many scientists were there 200 years ago? A shit ton son! How many can we name? Not too many. Science is not your life, its something you are passionate about and do to live your life. Enjoy the people around you and let them enjoy you.

Now get your ass out of the lab and make friends. Oh and study too.

TheSquirrel,

Why do you know each other's grades? Is that the norm in the department? Are they posted in a public place? If they are not posted, I would suggest not to disclose what you get to anyone. It is possible that you disclose it to someone else it could get back to him. If this person doesn't know how well you are doing relative to himself hopefully that will help alleviate some of the competition.

In general though, I would just behave neutrally i.e. be polite, but don't engage. It is a better political move and really it is futile trying to reason with someone who is not being logical or to help someone who doesn't want to be helped especially after how he has been acting. The exception to this would be if you feel physically threatened or are verbally harassed then you should go speak to someone. It is hard to tell in your posts the seriousness of his behavior although damaging your property is really not a good sign.

To be honest, since he is having academic struggles and you said the department is aware of his performance, I doubt he is going to be able to stick it out and complete the degree. I feel like classes are such a small part of being a successful doctoral student. My guess is that he is having trouble in other areas as well--i.e. research, teaching, relationship with professors, etc. Although the hope of him leaving is probably not that helpful to you in the short run.

Edit: Yes, I have had experience with people like this. I wouldn't ignore the person-- it gives him too much power. I would just talk to him about neutral topics and not discuss your successes. If asked, just be vague. When asked, "how did you do?" reply: "I did okay" or "I did alright" and then I would change the subject. Do not ask him how he did because that would be engaging him in the discussion on grades.

On average, only 50% of people who start a PhD complete one-- so you are definitely not alone.

You seem overwhelmed and sorta lonely. I hope there is someone that you can talk to about this that can listen and understand. Transitions are hard and it can be even harder if you haven't had to move around a lot. Usually it takes me about a year or so to really feel comfortable in a new city/new job/etc.

And I agree that people with a lot of information can still make decisions that don't work out. I thought I wanted to be a number of different occupations before I hit on the right one. But the good news is you still have the power of choice. You can decide to stay in for the first year and reevaluate your feelings in a year -or- you can decide to leave.

Honestly, it is not about what anyone else says or really even thinks. You are the one that has to do the day-to-day of your life. As long as you are satisfied then I would call that a success.

In my experience, you'll have naysayers on both sides of the fence (i.e. people who say you'll never get an academic job or people who say industry is the sub par choice) so I would just smile and if they say something really inappropriate-- I would just say, "wow." Nothing more and nothing else. It tends to make people not elaborate and stop throwing in their two cents.

I agree with you. I am not sure why people want to tell you that you haven't thought this out clearly when they may know nothing about you -or- even worse, just met you! It's rude, but I also find it funny because I have had it happen to me a couple times now. Sometimes their generalizations or statements of "fact" are so wacky that you have to laugh a bit or at least smile at their expense. I assume they are projecting their own negative experiences onto you. Don't let them.

Honestly at the end of the day, you'll have to live the day-to-day in whatever path you choose, not them. I think it is smart to keep your options open and explore all possibilities. Generally, industry jobs tend to be more plentiful and have better compensation (at least in my field) which is an added bonus. Since you have thought about this extensively, you'll be better prepared for your career options than the other folks who just want to parrot the masses. Good luck.

In no particular order:

1. The only clearinghouse that ranks public health programs is USNWR, which is a bit sketchy. I think you should pay attention to the overall reputation of the SPH within the field, but not the rank. Like, don't choose Columbia over Emory just because they're ranked one place higher, if Emory is the better fit for you.

2. Money. MPH graduates don't get paid that much. If you can get a scholarship, an assistantship or anything like that - all other things being equal, follow the money. Also, check if your local public university has a decent school of public health. CUNY Hunter College has an MPH program and for NYS residents, it's a steal. California, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Iowa, Texas, Alabama, Illinois, Florida, Arizona, North Carolina, Minnesota, Michigan, and Washington all have top-25 ranked MPH programs at public universities and those are great deals for residents of those states. (Actually, most MPH programs in general are at public schools.) Some of these states also have decent out of state tuition rates, too. Think about what your starting salary will be in the field of your choice and compare that to how much you plan to borrow for an MPH.

3. Research/professional interests. An MPH, despite being a professional degree, has a strong research component. You will learn how to do certain skills but those skills will be related to research, so look at what the faculty are doing in that department. For example, my university (Columbia) is known for sexuality research; we even have a whole track called Sexuality and Health. Michigan has quite a few people doing racial health disparities. Harvard is where it's at for broader social determinants of health and social epi, what with Krieger and Kawachi there. Johns Hopkins has a health communications concentration. Decide what your research and professional interests are, and look for that at these schools. That includes flipping through the course catalog online and seeing what courses are offered on a regular basis.

Prestige can only take you so far, and it's a locality dependent thing too. I mean, virtually anywhere will know about a Harvard degree, but in the Midwest a Michigan degree might take you almost as far - if not farther because of more extensive alumni networks (and Michigan alums are like glitter - they're everywhere!). The same may be true for Washington grads in the Pacific Northwest. I mean, if you want to work in New York a Columbia degree might be ideal, but a degree from Hunter College might work just as well. If you want to work in the South, an Emory degree is going to be where it's at because that school is the holy grail of public health down there. And so forth.

Are you only selecting NJIT because you have been to SC twice? To me that wouldn't be a good enough reason to attend NJIT esp. for a terminal degree and one that is longer in length than your previous degrees.

It seems like your PhD defines (in some way) or brands who you become as an academic at least in the beginning of your career. (What I mean by that is usually you know that x professor went to Z University for his PhD. People don't tend to mention where he earned his bachelor's or master's.)

I would say it is too early to know right now. Apply and see where the chips fall. You might discover that SC offers you an amazing funding package or NJIT has more opportunities in x and you really want to learn more about x. I would lean towards which program has the better overall fit than anything else.

I too had to decide whether to attend the PhD program at my alma mater (I received my master's there). There were a lot of reasons why I chose not to, but I won't be particularly concerned about being a double or triple alumnus . I think the concern about academic inbreeding is a bit exaggerated. There are many reasons why search committees don't like candidates. I would rather attend a program that is a better overall fit for me so I can do my best work than worry about how it will look to see the same university attached to all my degrees.

Are you only selecting NJIT because you have been to SC twice? To me that wouldn't be a good enough reason to attend NJIT esp. for a terminal degree and one that is longer in length than your previous degrees.

It seems like your PhD defines (in some way) or brands who you become as an academic at least in the beginning of your career. (What I mean by that is usually you know that x professor went to Z University for his PhD. People don't tend to mention where he earned his bachelor's or master's.)

I would say it is too early to know right now. Apply and see where the chips fall. You might discover that SC offers you an amazing funding package or NJIT has more opportunities in x and you really want to learn more about x. I would lean towards which program has the better overall fit than anything else.

I too had to decide whether to attend the PhD program at my alma mater (I received my master's there). There were a lot of reasons why I chose not to, but I won't be particularly concerned about being a double or triple alumnus . I think the concern about academic inbreeding is a bit exaggerated. There are many reasons why search committees don't like candidates. I would rather attend a program that is a better overall fit for me so I can do my best work than worry about how it will look to see the same university attached to all my degrees.

While I am reluctant to advise anyone to stay in an abusive situation any longer than absolutely necessary, I think it's important that you have a clear plan of action in case you choose to do that. Make arrangements to be away during the summers and start the process of becoming financially independent, as others have advised in this thread. Be sure you have the tools to leave whenever you feel that you need to, and plan to do that sooner rather than later. It sounds to me like you are doing well in school and you'll be alright, and I believe that the cost of freedom from abuse is greater than that of high grades so even if you would have to put your education on hold for a while until you get back on your feet, I think it's worth it. Grad school won't go away if you take another year or two to get there than you planned. On the other hand I can also see the benefits of apologizing and I respect your decision to do that, I just think it's important not to stay passive in the situation once you apologize - be active and prepare the ground for leaving.

Are you planning on pursuing a quantitative research agenda? If so, I agree with t_ruth. That score would really raise my eyebrows and I would be concerned that you would not be able to pass the required statistics classes. Have you taken any statistics courses? If so, how did you do?

If you plan to pursue a qualitative research agenda and an EdD maybe it is not as concerning. Typically those degrees are not as research/stats intensive and the people who pursue them are interested in more administrative pursuits than research. If this is your plan, perhaps the adcomm would argue that your leadership and professional experience are more important and this should offset your low Q score.

Pet peeve on mine but needs to be said. Math and writing skills are important for everyone regardless of what academic field they pursue. I am tired of people justifying lack of skill because they are not a "math-person" or not a "english-person" *especially* in people who pursue education as their field because they should know better and understand how valuable each field is. Blah.

Expensive doesn't always mean safer or better. Large complexes can be noisy and you may not want to live in a place where undergrads are partying until 3am every night of the week.

Honestly, you need to get in touch with current grad students in your department and ask them where they would live and where they would avoid. That will help you narrow the search done. If where you're moving is anything like where I live now, you can arrive in early to mid-August (school starts last week of August) and easily find a nice place before the start of classes. A lot of people let incoming grads crash with them for a few days until they find a place. TBH, I had better luck finding a good place where I live now in August than I did when I came out in mid-June to apartment hunt.

It takes time. I had 2 family friends and my father pass away within a week of one another about 7 years ago (2 friends were of cancer, father was suddenly during complications of surgery). A few words of wisdom:

Everyone grieves in their own way. What one person experiences isn't going to necessarily work for another. Expectations are unique. Please acknowledge this but seek someone to talk to. EVERYONE needs someone to talk to. Thankfully I had 2 friends that had lost their mothers around the same time and I was able to hash out anger with God and the raw pain with them.

Going along with that, it takes time to heal. It's taken me 5 years to really heal - my family still grieves to this day. You WILL have to continue to live; you are still alive and your life will go on. While it's healthy to grieve, people will continue to die around you - it's life. It's a part of life. Some of them will be long and you will be able to say good-bye. Some of them will be quick and painful. But it's inevitable. Love the people around you knowing this. Don't let it get you down, but celebrate it.

Take time off if you really think you want to quit something. Irrational decisions are made in the heat of the moment.

You are not a victim. Your grief will not overcome you. It will heal. This will not define you, it will be a blip in your life.

Talk to people. Express the difficulties you're having with the administration. Talk to your advisor about what you need. Talk to a counselor. Talk.

That's all I have right now. I'm truly sorry for you and your family; normally the Spanish apologize with "Lo siento" which directly means "I feel it" - I feel your pain and hope that you find someone to talk to about how you're feeling.

My dad passed away about 10 months ago. I was not in grad school though but instead in a full-time job. It can be really difficult managing your grief with all of your other responsibilities. Since you said your lost was unexpected, I am sure that is even more difficult since it came as a surprise. (My dad, on the other hand, had been sick for about a year or so before he passed away.)

People have told me that the first year just sucks. I would agree. Do you have a good support system where you are at? I found it helped a lot to talk with friends and family. I also second the recommendation to seek out counseling especially counselors who specialize in dealing with loss.

For this upcoming semester, could you take a reduced load course-wise? That might help you get back into the swing of things, but in a more manageable way. I also second the recommendation to speak with your advisor. He or she might have a lot of useful suggestions and recommendations that are university-specific.

It does get better though even though it might not seem like it. Time and having a good support system really helped me to ease my feelings of loss. I don't think the feelings will ever go away, but now I can talk about the funny memories that I had with my dad.

The other thing I realized is grief is so individualized. Don't feel like you have to jump right back into your daily life before your mom passed away. It might work better for you to do it incrementally and see how each step feels along the way. Also please feel free to PM me if there is anyway that I can help.

I'm not going to tell you to go with a cat because I'm just NOT a cat person. But, there are many, many things to consider. First, puppies (ie, dogs under 8 months) require more work in terms of training, have more energy (so more/longer walks), and have to be let out more frequently. Second, you'll need to consider the time/money for obedience school, kenneling the dog or paying for a petsitter when you're out of town (holidays, conferences, etc.), and that sort of thing. It adds up pretty quickly.

I know a lot of people are saying that you should adopt from a shelter. While shelters are great, your situation lends itself more to adopting from a rescue group, imo. Why? Because, and I'll admit this varies from one group to the next, rescues tend to have their dogs in foster homes. The advantage for you is that you can learn a lot more about the dog's personality and energy level and possibly get a dog that already has some basic training.

Personally, I wouldn't get a dog right away. Get settled, start classes, figure out your TA/RA, and see how much extra time you have and when that is (keep a time log for the first few weeks). Now, add in several hours of dog walking/playtime throughout the day. Will you be more stressed? If so, then it may not be a good idea. I'd wait until second semester or the second year to get a dog. By then, you have an idea of how taxing grad school will be and how a dog will fit into that lifestyle, both in terms of time and finances.

I have a dog, but I'm also married and during school when I am losing my mind, my husband is the one who walks her, takes her to vet appointments, and that sort of thing.

Honestly, I'm not sure if I'd get a dog alone in grad school, especially during the first year. It takes so much time and patience, which are both limited commodities during your first year. Crate training, house breaking, and all of that stuff takes a LOT of time.

Plus, not to sound like a nagging parent, but be sure to really consider the additional expenses incurred with owning a pet. Our dog has had stomach problems, which necessitates special (read: expensive) food, vet check-ups, and that sort of thing.

It's your decision, and I wouldn't trade my dog for anything, but I'm not sure I'd brave that.