imisscoffee

I'm 30, and I recently realized for the first time what lipstick means - it is a symbol, not actually an item to make you prettier. I used to never wear it because my lips are plenty pretty enough. However, that's not the point. The point is that lipstick says, "I'm paying attention to my appearance because I am in control and want to impress and/or smooch people." I used to think that appearance should reflect who we are, not what we want. After a breakup, many [OkCupid] dates and too many job interviews, I now know that appearance is a secret code. It relates everything from birth class to aspirations to sexuality. And of course, you are relating these things to yourself, too, as people above have mentioned - a given outfit that you really like can MAKE you more confident. I learned a lot from reading "Mythologies" by Barthes. I am no master of reading and playing with the codes embedded in our everyday lives. But I've finally started trying.

What is your field? Now I'm very curious.

Breakups can make you unmotivated about EVERYTHING. Give yourself time to get over the impact of the loss. Then you can find new muses (crushes) to motivate you! You'll need to social more than before, though, because you're no long in a relationship, and you'll have to find that social gratification elsewhere. If you are a "younger guy," find out where the other single younger grads are hanging out. You are not used to seeking out the singles, but this is where you'll find others who are not preoccupied with their partners/kids. Beyond work and more work, I agree with the person above who said to find a group to join.

I also agree with the JOINING!

PS - I also agree with Grind above. PPS - There IS someone for everyone. Just because you are a late bloomer (I am too) doesn't mean that you're not going to find someone to walk that life path with. And grad school is a great place to find intelligent, like-minded individuals. PPPS - I vote for asking the person out sooner rather than later, or "just friends" status will already be established. Also, OkCupid has a wide range of folks - go for it!

Hi. I want to say that for me, physical body type/face/weight has NOTHING to do with anything. It's about confidence, but even if you are low on that, there is an easy way to fake it: style. In all honesty, fashion IS important. It's part of your first impression. I am aware that it can seem insincere to dress a certain way that doesn't come naturally to you. But people do it all the time, and for the purpose of attracting certain others (namely, the people who would also dress in that style). I have guy friends who I am just not attracted to when they are wearing '90s pants and an old sweater. But put them in their one pair of skinny jeans and ruffle their hair, and DAMN! It's sad but true. I want to be friends with those I find mentally attractive, and lovers/partners ONLY with those I find mentally AND visually attractive. Give yourself that edge. You won't drive anyone away by trying, I'm sure. And as for fashion advice: I'm horrible with fashion but try really hard to dress in the style of the type of people I want to attract. Do some internet research and imitate, imitate, imitate. Get in there, mysterious quiet guy in the cool sunglasses reading about engineering in the cafe. Find a sweet non-drinking girl from the biology department to have long conversations with over ginger ale and cherries, and to court over a period of months! But give her that spark on first sight. First impressions are important. One more thing, and they say this in creative writing classes: show, don't tell. Show that you are an interesting guy by taking up a hobby/joining a club/becoming an expert in something. Don't just try to chat someone up, let her run into you while you are deeply involved in that chess game, and kicking your opponent's ass. Good luck.

I love notebooks. I have been using a sketchbook with a hardcover for the class I'm auditing right now. The grad class (at Berkeley) is about 60/40 notebooks/laptops. I find that I make much more eye contact with the professor than students using the laptops. Also - isn't a nice notebook so much more aesthetically pleasing? One hint for all notebooks - to keep your mind feeling clear and focused every time you open the notebook, always leave a few blank pages at the front of it. Learned this from an art student. A good pen makes me take better, neater notes, too!

khammond: Woo hoo! See you there? es0terick: I am from Binghamton (so is Rod Serling!) - the school has a lot of great faculty, and the campus has lovely walking trails. The rivers and hills are beautiful, as well as the architecture. It's slightly warmer and snowier than Buffalo, from what I can tell. The place has an interesting industrial history. I was but a young punk rock girl when I moved away from there, so I can't tell you too much about culture there these days. Have fun if you decide to go. tommy241: Going to send ya a quick PM...

If you take the benzo, you might have a clear enough head to feel comfortable declining wine should the supervisor order it for him/herself. You could always get something to match that is non-alcoholic, like a sparkling mineral water or a fancy soda. Surely, they let you into the program for a reason, and they are at least as interested in what you have to offer academically as your nervousness at a first meeting. I find it really helps me to wear clothes that I am really comfortable in, that I think I look good in. Hope things go great!

Kentucky, here I come! Who else? Also: Anyone looking for a roommate? I would like to live with other grad students, particularly those also studying some kind of social theory with a "conscious" perspective (I will be in the geography department).

So, I got into the geography MA program at Kentucky! So happy! It was the best one for me anyway, since I'm a social theory geek and the certificate in social theory looks rad. Very excited. However, still on the waiting list for funding. I'll survive somehow, though. I am looking for advice on where to live, whether I should try to visit before I move, if they will be sending me more of an introduction to the program and the area after April 15, etc. Thanks so much for all the encouragement, and I have my fingers crossed for everyone else.

As soon as I was wait listed, I wrote an email to the director of grad studies that I was psyched to hear from the school and would accept if admitted. Then I wrote about all the cool, academic-oriented things I've been doing this spring. Then... I got in! The email feels really fake, though, I have trouble believing it. It reads exactly like a spam email congratulating me on winning some money or something! I keep looking to make sure it's real. All I can say is, thank goodness. I was reject from 6 other programs, and I was sure I wasn't getting anywhere off this wait list, that it would be a symbolic gesture to help me have strength to reapply next year. Good luck to all, and thanks for all the support all this cra journey.

How do you think I could word a letter to a head of grad admissions prof asking about the status of my application? How can I sound confident but not entitled? Any thoughts? Any examples?

Rejected from U of A. Feeling bummed.

If I don't get in somewhere, I'll be madder than that one hare -- or was that a hatter? I think someone mentioned him above.