mirandaw

The reputation of detroit being "as bad as it sounds" is founded largely on institutional racism and classism. I agree with StephanieJ. Detroit gets a bad rap. It's just as bad as any other major city, but it has felt the effects of an industrialized economy backsliding harder than most others. There are a lot of poor and street involved people in the city, and people equate these things with "bad." I've never felt particularly unsafe in Detroit, but every person has their own level of street awareness.

Campuses and the areas surrounding them tend to be little bubbles of student life and not always reflective of the city at large, as well.

There are a number of old (circa 2009) threads about pets, but I figured I'd start something new. I need a good distraction from the wait-and-see, so tell me about your pets! Post pictures if you have them!

This is a glamour shot of my chubby kitty Konstantine: http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/305076_2424883022576_1266510026_2897788_1650143544_n.jpg

*Thread hijack*

I find it quite ironic how you preface your assertion by stating a qualifier "I taught high school in an inner city district". You may have "taught" in an inner city district, but it seems to me you have failed to really teach yourself about your students and the circumstances of their surroundings outside of the confines of your classroom. To suggest a "big" part of the achievement gap is due to poor students making "bad" choices really ticks me off. No, a BIGGER part of the achievement gap is having privileged people come into inner cities, 8-5, leave the classroom and go across the tracks back to their respective green-lush suburbs without interacting with the actual environment that those who you've taught had to live in and thus, making authoritative commentary about how they know the BIGGEST problem which ails their academic success. Have you ever stopped to think that a "big" part of poorer students making "bad" choices are those choices based upon SURVIVAL and not just "bad advice" like their affluent counterparts? Have you ever known any of your students whose parents tell them to not come in the house until they have such and such money for rent, no matter if they have to steal, rob, etc.? Survival. An affluent teenager drinking or smoking dope? Bad choices. See the difference? Sure, we all to some extent know right from wrong, but how can you instill that moral depth in a 5 year old when they grow up in an environment where a human life isn't even valued? Where they can't play outside without fear of being shot? Take that contrast to an affluent 5 year old, who is taught to value the environment, the polar bears, the trees and other nature-oriented things? It's staunchly different worlds. Perhaps I'm being too harsh, but I see this "blame the victim" attitude all the time, as if poorer students are somehow incapable of making good choices. That is simply not true. A responsibility of privilege, like I was fortunate with, is daring to be uncomfortable with your surroundings. Want to know poverty and suffering? Try going to a minority-serving institution for college and living smack in the middle of the projects, as I've done and even others have done a lot longer than I have. Do that for a few years and I'm sure you will see how these kids arrive with their "bad choices".

Well, brokenrecord... You are in EXPOSURE science

Well, brokenrecord... You are in EXPOSURE science

Well, brokenrecord... You are in EXPOSURE science

Well, brokenrecord... You are in EXPOSURE science

Don't worry, icthere. I'm American and I've never watched an entire game of a professional sporting event, either. Every person is different and it's impossible to generalize or assume that each person with a shared overarching culture will have the same experiences, desires, interests, or otherwise. My best advice to you is have great conversations, be true to your interests, and be willing to try new things. Ask questions about things you don't know. If you have an interest in watching a basketball game and you come across someone who loves basketball, tell them you'd love to check out a game because you've never seen one. People love to share their interests with others.

Don't worry, icthere. I'm American and I've never watched an entire game of a professional sporting event, either. Every person is different and it's impossible to generalize or assume that each person with a shared overarching culture will have the same experiences, desires, interests, or otherwise. My best advice to you is have great conversations, be true to your interests, and be willing to try new things. Ask questions about things you don't know. If you have an interest in watching a basketball game and you come across someone who loves basketball, tell them you'd love to check out a game because you've never seen one. People love to share their interests with others.

As an American, I find that, on average, international students are more interesting to talk to than other strangers because there are more obvious things to talk about: Where are you from, how long have you been here, how long was your flight, what do you think of American food, etc. And then I can share things I know about the region with more confidence that it will be new information. Especially in science/engineering fields, international students are pretty common, as are international professors* so you might not stand out as much as you fear.

That being said, if I hear a group of students talking in another language, I assume they want to keep doing so, becuase I know how exhausting it can be to talk in a foreign lanugage (in their case, English) so I won't initiate conversation. If I'm not sure how proficient someone is in English, I also don't want to "pounce" on them by asking them questions in English when they aren't preparied.

So, I recommend that you initiate conversations. Even if it's little things like, "Do you know where the drinking fountain is?" or "Is this weather typical around here?" it can show that you are comfortable talking in English, and people are more likely to talk back to you. Since you'll be here a long time, if you want to strike up a conversation, an easy topic might be places you should see in the U.S. True, you won't have time to see the Grand Canyon during your studies, but this should be an easy topic for most Americans, and I always think it's fun to talk about travel.
I know in much of the world, learning British English is standard. Soime words in the US are different, and some euphamisms (nick names for impolite subjects) are very different. For instance, in the States you will never hear someone refer to a restroom as a "lou", and to get someone's attention we always say "excuse me," not "sorry." One important one: That thing on the end of a pencil that is used when you make a mistake is an eraser. (In the UK they call them rubbers, but in the U.S. "a rubber" means "a condom", so don't ask for one unless you really know what you're getting into.)

If you run into a situation where people are using a term that you suspect would be embarassing for them to explain, you can check out urbandictionary.com . Don't trust everything on the site, and I strongly discourage using any words on there, as they are mostly swear words or crass sexual references, but it can still be useful for knowing what others are talking about.

Also -- and I recommended this on another forum -- many campuses have Christian groups that deliberately try to help out international students. ("International Friends" is one I'm familiar with.) They do things like organize social events or help people get furniture, and you don't have to be a Christian to participate.

Oh, and one last thing: Coversations about George W. Bush -- or other U.S. foreign policy decisions -- rarely end well. Try to avoid them . :-)

Good luck!

Happy Monday folks!!!

Calm down Sigaba. You didn't write the word "minefield." I read what you wrote and interpreted it as being equivalent to seeing the world as a minefield, which I thought was pretty clear. To be more explicit, I thought your post suggested that there were hidden dangers everywhere, and that by engaging in dating with fellow grad or undergrad students, you would likely screw yourself without even knowing it. I think a minefield is an apt metaphor for that.

You also did not write the phrase "Do not get involved with undergraduates." However, your entire post led to this conclusion. Sort of like a limit on its way out to infinity! We all know where it's headed.

And you also did not use the term "one night stand." Instead you talked about "short term desires." That's a very diplomatic way of saying one night stand, in this context. Unless you meant two night stands, or one semester stands? If so, I stand corrected. However, my point that people find valuable, long-term relationships amongst fellow students stands.

So now that we've talked about my apparently objectionable use of metaphor and hypoerbole, I stand by what I said. Your post portrays school as a bad place to engage in relationships, where you're likely to mess up your academic career by doing so. I think this is a bad way to view it, since people can develop very meaningful relationships this way, and approaching it full of fear of unknown hazards is going to stymie any chances of that. Adhere to rules and ethics, and don't worry about every little invisible unknown hazard, because doing that tends to be paralyzing, and close social relationships aren't something you should simply discard for five years.

I respectfully disagree with this generalization. One can be in full compliance with the policies of one's academic institution and one's department but still make a professional gaffe. Tenured professors, not policies, are the guardians of the professions we want to join. They can help, hinder, and outright screw you a thousand ways to Sunday's roast chicken dinner without you ever learning how or why. Consider a hypothetical professor that has a specific vision of how graduate students should NOT fraternize with undergraduates. This vision could be rooted in tradition or theory or prejudice or bitterness or the wisdom of hard won experience. So while you might not be doing anything wrong--the relationship is within policy--such a professor could plant a seed in a departmental meeting that bears bittersweet fruit for you down the line. You will likely never know.

Consequently, I urge graduate students to manage carefully their risk when considering all social relationships with undergraduates (and, for that matter, with fellow graduate students as well as professors). Make sure you know your department's and your parent institution's policies as well as the underlying sensibilities--especially if you're attending a public institution in a state that takes an aggressive stance on issues of sexual harassment. (If you go through any harassment training, you'll get the sense that you basically can't say anything to anybody--not just because they might take exception, but a third party might as well.)

Figure out who (if anyone) in your department could make a stink about such a tryst. While sensibilities have changed greatly the last few decades, there are still professors who are "Old School." Moreover, there are a number of intellectual traditions that ask fundamental questions about the dynamics of power in all social relations.

Do what you can to see if there are any bodies buried in shallow graves so that you don't inadvertently unearth a corpse. Professors can get--surly--when things aren't going well at home, who is to stop a grumpy pumpkin from using you as a chew toy because your relationship reminds a professor of something/someone s/he doesn't like?

Also, please do your best to balance your short term desires with your over-the-horizon needs. You may find that more and more, you are what you're studying and that time is an increasingly valuable resource. When this realization hits, on which side of the divide would you want to be?

HTH.

I am "regularizing" with a Red Bull and Monster Drink regimen to compensate for my general lack of sleep. This along with pencil pushing, mental gymnastics, math exercises and occasional recreational sex.

Ah, Miranda, you see that The scale clearly shows the Fez (and his inner circle) count 110% !

Regardless of his interest as "controlling partner," if the contract dictates co-authorship, he has no right to breach the contract without both parties revising the original stipulations, regardless of his standing as advisor. It is extremely unethical, not to mention illegal. The advisor should have known when the contract was drawn up that 50% co authorship on a published work implies that the second author (student) did the work and should not have agreed to the arrangement in the first place. Semantics aside, there should be a formal meeting with the department head and board of ethics at the very least. It SHOULD hurt this advisor's career - they should have known better. (which is not to say you shouldn't tread these waters carefully. You also have a lot to lose here.)

This thread is a good illustration of why it is important to know the difference between having good intentions and having the expertise and experience to offer useful guidance.

Is this thread about a lawyer seeking legal advice from members of this BB who are not practicing attorneys specializing in contracts and/or intellectual property and/or publishing? Is this thread about a trained attorney asking for interpretation of a contract that only he or she has read? Or is this thread about a graduate student asking for suggestions on how to manage the political and professional aspects of a dilemma?


Why are those who are not jurists offering interpretations of contract law without (I) the proper training and/or (II) full knowledge of the specifics of the situation--including a copy of the executed contract--which might include clauses that exonerate the professor from any wrong doing?

Why are some who are not yet doctoral students advising a doctoral student on how he/she should manage his/her career or her/his relationship with her/his adviser?

I 100% admit that this is the reason I clicked on this thread...

This.

I don't understand how anyone could just dismiss it as research politics. This is way beyond simple politics, this is ILLEGAL. There is no self respecting department that wants plagiarism and theft on them. Of course, you don't want need to create a scene, but you definitely want to address this. As a lawyer, I definitely trust you would be able to handle this situation and get yourself a new adviser.

Also, I'm quite surprised by how many people are so complacent with this kind of scenario. I could never sit down and wave the white flag when all my hard work has been stolen from me. Even more so when the law is clearly on my side.

I just read the thread (because I really didn't believe the thread title), and you folks saying "Just get over it. . ." - F-That. Espcially if there is a contract. I would rather be "slightly uncomfortable" than be robbed of my contribution to your field, and that is exactly what is occuring right now. No way in hell I would let someone screw me like that.

Now maybe I have missed something but I haven't seen anything about where the OP actually addressed this with the advisor and if they have what the outcome was.

I just want to say, if you look at the thread title from the front page it says:

"my phd-advisor stole my man"

I have nothing else to contribute to this conversation.

I'm going a little crazy trying to pass the time until September. So, I plan on using this time to build a time machine of sorts to send me forward to the fall. Even if I spend my entire summer building it, and it doesn't work, it will still do what it was intended for.

This is Konstantine in the role Princess Pretty Paws

Can you people who keep posting here actually provide proper avenues or stop posting!!

This is Konstantine in the role Princess Pretty Paws