SeriousSillyPutty

Yeah, real friendships are trickier, to be sure. As an undergrad, when I spent a year Ireland, it was easier to make friends with the other international students (French, German, Japanese) than with the native students, even though there was no language barrier with the Irish. I think a lot of that was that we met each other right away (at the international orientation day) and that most of the native students didn't need new friends because they'd been attending that university for multiple years and already knew people. (Even so, I did get to know a few Irish people well, and I picked their brains frequently for cultural insights.) Hopefully with you, though, everyone in your cohort will be new and looking to meet people, so I think it should be easier for you. If it does end up being easier to meet other internationals, maybe try to meet some from other countries, so that you're speaking in English, so you can invite Americans to join in without them "imposing" language restrictions? Ooh! I know! Find some Canadians. They can be your "gateway friends" that help connect you to the broader North American culture, including U.S. folks. :-)

As an American, I find that, on average, international students are more interesting to talk to than other strangers because there are more obvious things to talk about: Where are you from, how long have you been here, how long was your flight, what do you think of American food, etc. And then I can share things I know about the region with more confidence that it will be new information. Especially in science/engineering fields, international students are pretty common, as are international professors* so you might not stand out as much as you fear. That being said, if I hear a group of students talking in another language, I assume they want to keep doing so, becuase I know how exhausting it can be to talk in a foreign lanugage (in their case, English) so I won't initiate conversation. If I'm not sure how proficient someone is in English, I also don't want to "pounce" on them by asking them questions in English when they aren't preparied. So, I recommend that you initiate conversations. Even if it's little things like, "Do you know where the drinking fountain is?" or "Is this weather typical around here?" it can show that you are comfortable talking in English, and people are more likely to talk back to you. Since you'll be here a long time, if you want to strike up a conversation, an easy topic might be places you should see in the U.S. True, you won't have time to see the Grand Canyon during your studies, but this should be an easy topic for most Americans, and I always think it's fun to talk about travel. I know in much of the world, learning British English is standard. Soime words in the US are different, and some euphamisms (nick names for impolite subjects) are very different. For instance, in the States you will never hear someone refer to a restroom as a "lou", and to get someone's attention we always say "excuse me," not "sorry." One important one: That thing on the end of a pencil that is used when you make a mistake is an eraser. (In the UK they call them rubbers, but in the U.S. "a rubber" means "a condom", so don't ask for one unless you really know what you're getting into.) If you run into a situation where people are using a term that you suspect would be embarassing for them to explain, you can check out urbandictionary.com . Don't trust everything on the site, and I strongly discourage using any words on there, as they are mostly swear words or crass sexual references, but it can still be useful for knowing what others are talking about. Also -- and I recommended this on another forum -- many campuses have Christian groups that deliberately try to help out international students. ("International Friends" is one I'm familiar with.) They do things like organize social events or help people get furniture, and you don't have to be a Christian to participate. Oh, and one last thing: Coversations about George W. Bush -- or other U.S. foreign policy decisions -- rarely end well. Try to avoid them . :-) Good luck!

Thanks for the info!

The original post made reference to being "the different one" in a department, however that may be manifest. This is a bit of a tangent, but I really like this video because it tries to talk about this phenomena in the most general of terms, referring to what it's like to be an O in a environment of Xs. The video is old, and the music is painful, but I think it at least addresses issues without making anyone out to be an enemy. Worth a watch, in my opinion: I don't think it has any remedies, but sometimes just putting a name to things makes me feel better -- it's confirmation I'm not imagining things. Oh, and in addition to the low production value, it cuts out on the last minute. If anyone has a better recording of this, I'd love to have the link.

As a science undergrad, it seemed the grad students in the department would spend their first semester/year as a TA, then find an RA for later years, eventually switching into dissertation mode. Now I'll be going into a PhD in Education program. The timeline seems to be... Year 1: Just classes (fellowship provided so no need to TA for stipend) Summer: Uhh... read stuff? Year 2: Classes & TA Summer: Uhh.... Year 3: Finish classes & TA, then switch to dissertation Summer: Dissertation? Year 4 & Beyond: Dissertation. This doesn't seem to make a lot of sense to me. I get that in education there isn't as much need to be part of big projects like there is in physics, but how do we get our research "sea legs" if not helping with projects? Now, I should know more once I start and am interacting with the current students, and that should clarify things more, but in the mean time, could others share what the timeline looks like at their schools?

Well said! People should call out offensive comments when they hear them. I just mean that I susspect there is no need to be intimidated/ fear retribution or scorn from those in present.

This is in no way a justification for what they did, but: Though connected, there is often a difference between homophobia and ignorance/rudeness. One of the kindest, most conscientious, accepting people I know will refer to herself as "retarded" when she does something stupid. She is in no way hostile to those with special needs (quite the opposite, in fact) but this term is still part of her vocabulary because it was considered an innocent term "back in the day", even though it now offends most people. Someone also did a good blog responding to hipster notions of being "ironically racist". ("I'm not racist so I can say things that sound racist as a social commentary on how ridiculous racism is.") It's stupid, but not intentionally hateful. I don't know the context, of course, but perhaps the comment at the meeting was made and supported by people who have no ill feelings toward the LGBT community, but who simply watched too many episodes of "Will and Grace" for their own good. Even those who laughed may be completely supportive of you. (And most supportive people would understand a desire for discretion when dealing with the other school.) Of course, ignorance (without hostility) can still create a pretty aweful environment, and you deserve to be in a good environment, so nobody would begrudge you leaving. Good luck!

Yep! Here it is: I agree; Sheldon doesn't offer much guidance. Howard is the stylish one, so you better take his lead and stock up on tight pants and loud belt buckles. The nice thing with the sciences (well, from my experience as a physics undergrad, at least) is that the people who look like they don't care about fashion aren't making a statement -- they really do not care about fashion. So if you're dressed a bit nicer than they are, I don't think they'll care. The profs might notice, but at my school the young assistant profs wore ties, even in the land of physics where socks, sandals, jeans, and a Pink Floyd shirt make up a perfectly acceptable outfit for the tenured -- so I think it can only help to reflect your relative maturity (in a positive way) to those that matter. (Just my 2 cents.)

The funny thing is grad school is causing me to already look forward to next summer, because (while I will be doing something productive, I'm sure) it will be the first time I have some sort of summer vacation since I started working 5 years ago. I know what you mean about feeling like a slacker though. On prof has been gracious enough to meet with me mutiple times this summer related to a book he recommended, and twice now I've been finishing the reading last minute. :-/

I think it's important to look at specific schools and professors. It's not uncommon for people to enter education programs without an undergrad degree (or coursework) in education. I think (and this is from limited personal experience) they're looking for some sort of experience that has shaped your awareness of issues in education, but I don't think it would have to be teaching experience; your research experience seems just as useful. When I was feeling out programs, I got the best response when I found a prof whose interests seemed to align with mine, and sent an email asking, "I am interested in x, and I have some questions about your program. Should I ask you, or can you please direct me to the person I should talk to?" I also found that emailing current grad students helped. I'm in a really small program and they seem really open to students "customizing" their education to fit specific interests. Don't know if that's a trend, but maybe something to look into?

Many schools have Christian groups that try to reach out to internationals and help them adjust. I recommend taking them up on the help, even if you are also up-front with them about not being open to changes in your religious views. They're not doing it as a gimmick; they really do want to help because that's part of the Christian world view. It can be an easy way to meet locals who are being intentional about meeting new people, and who can help you navigate the new culture. Best of luck!

Because I couldn't afford a master's degree. Seriously, that was what started it -- although that's a horrible reason to do a PhD. I really love the field I'm working in, and had no way of getting professional development. It was so frustrating that schools will invest in PhDs to the point of paying them to go to school, while at the same time masters degrees were prohibitively expensive, and wouldn't bump me up in the payscale at work. Finally I decided I didn't just want professional development, I wanted to be in a position to effect systemic changes that would make it easier for others to do my work well. That and the prospect of a poofy hat. Love the hats.

You may want to post this on the Ann Arbor city guide forum, too: I can't help with housing, but make sure you check out Zingerman's Deli in Ann Arbor. If you don't remember the name, just ask someone about "that one deli everyone tells me to check out" and they will point you in the right direction. It's too expensive to be everyday fair, but wow! what a treat.

I second strategic use of the email carbon copy. It can seem passive aggressive to bring other people into a personal battle, but with proper pretext it can hold people accountable. (At my work the girl who books the rooms for special events never replies to emails... UNLESS you CC somebody -- anybody -- else, then she replies.) Maybe you could email your adviser and say, "Hey, I know you don't have time for my thesis right now, so I'm thinking about picking the brains of my research supervisor here (or Prof So-and-So back home). Do you have any problems with me doing that and copying you on the emails?" Then you could communicate with the people who are helpful, but prove to her that, based on the assessments of others, you are making progress. Alternately, you could email your questions to her with a comment of, "I'm copy Dr. X on this in case he has time to answer, too." Good luck!

I'm not going to Vandy or Harvard, so take what I say with a grain of salt. TeachGirl- As you probably know, people in education have mixed views about TFA, because its starting premise is that it can teach in five weeks what these departments teach in four years (at least, that's the skeptics' point of view). The fact is that you taught for six years, so TFA giving you a foot in the door is at worst trivial, and at best gave you a good overview of current movements in education. Definitely no reason to be apologetic/defensive in your application, just be ready in an interview to address the strengths and weaknesses of the program, as EVERYONE has an opinion on it (informed or otherwise). (In my very small department, there are multiple TFA alums or dropouts -- myself included -- so you'd be in good company.) And to both of you- The advice the grad adviser in my department gave before I applied was to make sure my application communicated not just why I was a good candidate, but why the program and I were a good fit for each other. With the extra time, you may be able to email a few professors, express general interest in their work, and ask for one recommendation on a paper to read to get a better sense of things. Or, the department websites probably give a list of PhD students, and you could email a few to pick their brains to get an inside scoop on what the department puts the most emphasis on.

The grad student adviser for our department is so sweet. She seems to be aware that watching out for mental health with help with the retention rate, so she's trying to arrange for me and the other student to have a few classes together, even though we're in very different sub disciplines, because she wants to give us space to get to know each other. Isn't that nice?

Another thread recommended the book, Getting What You Came For: The Smart Student's Guide to Earning an M.A. or a Ph.D. by Robert L. Peters. It's old (ignore the part about technology) but the narrative it told about the different parts of the PhD process were quite insightful, I thought. Reading it was a good way to channel restless energy I was having toward grad school. (Unfortunately, now my restless energy has to be channeled into learning statistical physics, which is not quite as easy or engaging a read.)

It seems like the more heads up you can give your adviser, the less hurt he'll be and the more comfortable you'll be in the long run using him as a reference. Would it be honest to say that you care about the success of the lab projects, but have also seen enough to know it's not a long-term career you're interested in? If your skills in the lab are needed (as it seems they are), I'd imagine they'd support you in finishing that last class needed for your master's while you helped out with the lab. Older students in the department may be able to give you some feedback on how they've treated other people who change their mind on the PhD path. Even if you don't feel you tell your adviser, it will probably make it easier to soften the blow if you at least let on that you're reevaluating things.

I agree with others, including the assessment that by late July should should know what's going on for Fall. One strategy I have for asking questions is phrasing them, "I was wondering about x. Where should I look or who should I talk to who would be able to answer that?" That gives the profs space to answer if they know, but also a way for them to point you to a more efficient source of information without it looking like they're blowing you off -- and helps you to get a handle on how information is spread in the department. For instance, I asked my adviser about working on the side, and she said the department administrator (who has been super helpful) would know.

Really close to my UG school there was a private apartment building for grad students only. (I got in my senior year b/c my roommate had graduated a year ahead of me). That meant there weren't the shenanigans of undergrads in the building, which was nice for more serious students. Anyway, I like the idea of getting leads from your university, but another possibility might be contacting grad apartments and seeing if they know anyone who needs a roommate. OregonGirl -- is it possible your roommate to be is gone for the summer? Sometimes when I'm out of my usual schedule, I have time to read occasional emails but not time to properly reply, then I forget to reply to emails I read a week ago. So, I personally would not be offended if you sent me another follow-up email. Maybe if you explained the situation, the school would give you the email for the exiting tenant, so you could contact her about buying furniture?

Funny you should mention this. I don't watch much TV, but I got hooked on "Bones" two seasons ago. Like, really hooked on it. But then they went on hiatus, and when they came back it didn't work with my schedule, and I never finished the season, even though I'm sure it's available online. Since right now I'm in a "meh" phase, I'm thinking I should keep it that way and not watch the rest, so that I don't get hooked again and can take it out of my schedule for this fall. (But I feel like a bit of a traitor!) TV is a funny thing.

FWIW, my school also asked for all post-high school transcripts. It's also worth taking to your math/physics adviser at the university (if you haven't yet) before re-taking classes. I had some classes that couldn't officially transfer for credit hours, but that my adviser still could look at to say, "okay, you met this requirement." That can be especially true for getting out of prereqs.

The physics prof I worked for (in psychoacoustics of all things) started out in electrical engineering. Of course, he got his PhD in physics as a Rhodes Scholar, so he's probably not a typical case, but if you can get into Oxford (and then some!) with an engineering background, I'd imagine you have good options.

I really truly love the people I work with, and I thoroughly enjoy what I do, so beside the financial necessity, I wanted to work as long as possible. One of my biggest concerns about grad school is that I would be leaving such a supportive, emotionally-healthy environment for one that was bound to be more stressful. BUT, this summer, policies and politics in our over-all organization are driving me CRAZY. I don't know if the ridiculousness in the organization is making me happier to be leaving, or if the fact that I'm leaving gives me the luxury of being more pessimistic about how insane it all is. Either way, I'm kind of surprised by my attitude. Friends outside of work -- who know how much I love it there-- ask if I'm sad about leaving. Never thought it'd be so easy to say, "Nope. I'd miss the people, but I can keep in touch with them." ... Of course, in three months, after I have my first grad school break down, I probably WILL miss the comforts of my work "home". All part of the growing process, I guess.

Thanks for all the feedback! Whelp; I bit the bullet and ordered my computer tonight. Based on another thread, I decided that a 14-inch computer would be the best compromise for bike commuting and writing million-page papers. I was debating between the Dell Inspiron 14z Ultrabook, which has a CD drive, and the Lenovo IdeaPad U410, which doesn't but is a little lighter. I don't know if .4 pounds will make a difference, but I decided to go with the IdeaPad anyway. (Oh, it's supposed to have slightly long battery life, too.) They came to about the same price, though the IdeaPad was more heavily discounted, IF you can trust that the MSRP wasn't inflated to begin with. Gulp. I don't like spending money, so I'm already having a bit of buyer's remorse. (I currently own a Dell, so maybe accessories would have been compatible between them?) Really though, I think either would work out for me just fine; I just need to stop obsessing over it! Best of luck to others and their purchases!