SeriousSillyPutty

It sounds like you have some great experience! Do you submit a resume (CV) as part of the application? If so, then I wouldn't spend so much time going into the details of your internship in your SoP. See what other people have to say, but I think I would move the stuff from your last paragraph up toward the top, and then use the other information as proof that you have already begun positioning yourself to achieve these goals. Also, there are a few grammatical things that seemed awkward, if not actually incorrect. For instance, I would say, "graduate with *A* bachelor of science degree in civil engineering", and "As THE United States is facing many problems with its infrastructure [<-no s]. So, after you've completed your last draft, have someone read it over that can help it to sound a little more natural. (These little things shouldn't be distracting, but they are.) Good luck!

We all know it's dangerous to compare ourselves to others, but if half your cohort is struggling, it seems reasonable to say, "It's not you; it's the environment." I imagine most people in your program (and most people in general) are like you, and are used to being able to succeed if they put enough hard work into things. The first major experience of that not working is really jarring, especially when it's academically related and one's self-identity has been shaped by being successful in this field. (My first major experience with hard work not being enough happened in the workplace, but I think the feeling was the same... absolutely horrible.) If so many of you are going through that, and if everyone processes things differently, your fellow students may just be unfriendly because of their own stress and coping mechanism. After you get over the hurdles of this semester, they may turn back into real people, and be worth getting to know. The feeling does shake; I've gotten used to no longer being a super student, and have found self confidence/ self worth that does not depend on being the best at everything. (Not saying all of this applies to you and your classmates, just guessing some of it is pretty universal to the kind of folks who end up in grad school.) In the mean time, I'm glad you appreciate the need for a support system, even if they seem to be blowing it off. I second the idea to get involved in an group outside your cohort, or even outside the university. For me it's really important to interact with people whose lives haven't done a total shift in the past few months, and who are stable and in a position to be friendly. I got that through church, but others have made good recommendations about other options. I know you probably feel like you don't have any time, but volunteering a few hours a week can be a good way to be productive and do something valuable completely unrelated to school. Good luck!

Do you think it depends on how unusual your story is? Not only do the sciences tend to have a matter-of-fact writing style, but (I would argue) the reasons for wanting to pursue those fields are (generally) more matter of fact as well. If you love physics and you're applying to a physics department, you'd be preaching to the choir if you spent time talking about how amazing physics is, and they can probably figure out that you want to be a physicist. For me, I wanted to focus on an unusual sub-field, so I felt that I had to first make the case for why it was important at all. So I started with a quote (the one below in my signature), took two sentences explaining what was important about my current work as related to that, and then did the theses sentence, "I want to go to grad school to blah blah blah." Then the last few sentences of the SoP circled back around to this notion. But if one's goals are more obvious, such a narrative wouldn't be so necessary. At least that's my hypothesis.

Since there just looking for it as a writing sample, I wouldn't worry about the works cited pages. (In my program, you could even send an excerpt from something, in which case I don't think they'd worry about the works cited page at all.)

I thought the OP was more in the spirit of goofy what ifs, like these: http://what-if.xkcd.com/ (but with less math). Like perfectly good decent people may discuss the perfect murder, not because they want to kill someone, but because musing about doing bad things is a classic past time of well-behaved people. But of course, I agree with everything said that it would be a horrible -- let alone immoral -- idea.

Okay, I'm not the person to ask, but hopefully once one person replies others will think of more. 1) I never went to a formal dance in college, and I think it's a little different than prom/homecoming -- which I went to about a decade ago. Plus, I've found that such traditions vary region to region. (For instance, at my high school, the girls wore long poofy "princess dresses" to homecoming and the guys wore suits with color-coordinated ties, but at the school I worked at, the kids wore "clubbin' clothes" (shorter dresses) -- and then other schools have been in between.) The good news about this is that I do not think you have to give away your mysterious past in order to justify asking her for details about this particular event. Dress code wise, ask her if you should wear a black suit, or something else, like a sport coat or (if it's really fancy) a tux. It might be nice to ask if she wants you to do any color coordinating, though I'm guessing the answer is no. There may be a meal or there may not be, so check about that. If there's not, see if she wants to go somewhere for dinner before hand. For guys asking girls, the expectation is usually the guy pays for both tickets . Under these circumstances, I think you'd just pay for your own, but I'm not sure. If you go out for dinner you should pay. (It's a way to show you appreciate a beautiful woman spending her evening with you.) If there's not a meal, there will probably punch and/or snacks, and probably areas closer and farther from the dance floor, depending on if you want to talk more or dance more. 2) In my experience, formals aren't so different from the later part of a wedding reception. There's typically a DJ playing mostly current pop music, mixed in with older favorites. You don't need to know any ballroom dancing. I'd say it's totally acceptable for people to dance with people they didn't come with (except for maybe slow dances). For slow dancing, the hands-on-her waste shuffle will usually suffice. For fast dancing... sheesh. I can't dance, and don't really enjoy it, but at wedding receptions I find I have to fake it or else people think I'm a spoil-sport. Move all four limbs in time and hope for the best is all I can suggest. OH! I have one important tip: Often at these things they do the cha-cha slide, electric slide or another song where everyone lines up in a grid, does the same moves, then turns and repeats. A rookie mistakes is to stand in the back, which is problematic because after a few measures of rotating you end up in the very front. So, if possible, embed yourself in the middle. :-) I think it's much more socially acceptable for guys to not know how to dance, so as long as you're willing I'm guessing she'll be appreciative. 3) I have a friend who would go to dances for the express purpose of making out in the corner, but I don't think this is normal, and so I would plan on staying hands-off except for slow dancing. You can probably get away with a hand in the small of her back while walking. (I think handsy guys are a turnoff, so I wouldn't recommend more than this, but I guess I'm pretty conservative, too.) Since you're just getting to know her, you can ask the regular questions. Try to ask "open questions", as opposed to "closed questions" which can be answered with one or two words: What got you interested in your field of study? How does this town compare to your home town? (Or what do you miss?) When coursework isn't all-consuming, what kinds of hobbies/activities are you interested in? 4) My opinion is better to start chivalrous and adjust to more egalitarian than the other way around. Girls do these things so that they can feel like Cinderella, for the night, so compliment her. Plan on paying for things and opening doors, but if she thinks this is chauvinistic, stay flexible. If it's chilly, offer your jacket. Gum or mints never hurt to have on hand. If you're driving, clean out your car. Have some cash on hand, in case you have to tip a valet or bartender or something, though I don't think that will be an issue on campus. Be yourself, just be the version of yourself that is focused on her. 5) Can't think of any traditions. She may want to document the occasion, so offer to take a picture of her or of her and her friends, and be ready to get in a picture yourself. Again, nothing I said is based on a college dance, so get some other advice too. Good luck!

I'm still worried about timeline stuff. Could anyone share links to the kind of published papers that can derive from class stuff? Right now my course set-up is very much like undergrad and its hard for me to conceive of writing anything that doesn't seem like a re-hashing of what's been done before. I don't think the department has research teams, just pet projects that grad students sometimes get pulled in on -- but usually the more advanced students. I get the sense that I'll be behind if I'm only doing coursework, but right now I'm behind on coursework, so it's not like I have time for much else! Thoughts?

[Disclaimer: I'm a first year student myself, so what do I know?] I think the guidance is worth a lot, as it will help keep you from plateauing when you run into problems. For navigating PhD dissertation committees, I've heard the recommendation that you keep a paper trail of advisor recommendations. For instance, if he says, "In this chapter add some more about X's theory, and in that chapter make intro shorter", then you clarify that that's all that needs to be improved in those section, then send a follow-up email that says, "Per our conversation, I will do X,Y, and Z to complete chapters 1 and 2." If you can get a timeline set up now, and established the date he would need a completed draft in order for you to graduate on time (and hopefully some dates in between to break things down a bit) then maybe you'll have some leverage. Profs will always have the upper hand, of course, but getting clear expectations from the start could help. Good luck!

I'd like to go back to the world of science outreach. I think my dream job would be running the outreach education programs for one of the physics labs. That being said, since so much of being a grad student is being immersed in academia, I am considering that rout more than I used to. One of the concerns I have is that I'll finish grad school in my 30s with no managerial experience, which is a requirement for many jobs. Do you have any concerns about skills you're missing out on in grad school?

"I was born a poor black child.": http://youtu.be/LNJEAXYrJ38?t=21s

Now I'm curious: What does the "diversity test" ask? Is it a check box, or more involved? I heard a story about Asian-American undergrads not reporting their race (or emphasizing their white side, if biracial) because, since Asians are statistically "over-represented" they felt they were held to a higher admissions standard. So I guess moral of the story, if you're going to lie, lie wisely?

Kick out the pre-meds; that should solve your problems. But if you can't do that... Hm. The games and fictional stuff are what I would have tried. I was reminded of the game I made up for a biology friend's baby shower, where we had to match the name of the baby animal to the name of the species, but the species names were in Latin. (So we had to match the faun with the Odocoileus virginianus ... which was funny once you know it, b/c white tail seems to translate as virgin anus... but I digress.) What was interesting was that next to the mother-to-be, our astronomy friend did the best because so many of the names correspond to constellations/astronomy signs. But if the students are acting "too cool for school" it's hard to say. When I would teach after school classes for kids, there would be a few whose parents made them sign up, and they were bound and determined to be unhappy just to prove their parents wrong; it seems like these college kids are doing the same thing. How are they performing in class? Maybe you can channel their desire not to participate? I had a math teacher who would give us a quiz over stuff we hadn't done in class yet. If we got 100%, we didn't need to do the homework that night. Could you give them quizzes that aren't for grades, but are for a get-out-of-class free period? Like, if on Monday they can prove they already know the stuff you'll be working on all week, and if they don't care about extra credit and such, then they can skip class without any penalties or hard feelings. Maybe if they felt they had a choice, then they wouldn't feel so bound and determined to prove to you that they didn't want to be there. Alternatively: Jolly Ranchers. There's a whole book called "Punished by Rewards" about how you shouldn't incentivize learning with gimmicks, but I'm okay with it. One time at work someone organized a "Throw Back" lunch where we brought in all the classics from our childhoods in the 90s (Gushers fruit snacks, PB & Js, Lunchables, Capri Suns, fruit by the foot, etc.) and then played a game of Heads-Up-Seven-Up. We had officially allowed ourselves to be kids, so nobody was acting too cool to play along. If your students are trying to establish that they're too grown-up for games, maybe you can go all out into throw-back mode, have a time warp to 6th grade and winning Jolly Ranchers, and call it good. Sounds like a frustrating situation, especially since you know that what you're trying has worked before. Good luck!

If you can get them out before the craziness of finals starts, then they may have a chance to reply. (I'd say if you're applying to U.S. schools, get them out before our Thanksgiving (Nov. 22), because I imagine profs will be doing catch-up after that.) If you mention in your email that you've already looked into their work, then I think that would alleviate any concerns about it looking like after thought. Something like, "I read the abstract of your article on X, and found it interesting. Do you have any other recommendations about what I should look into before I apply to your program?" Good luck!

Haven't ever heard that. Don't know where you're applying from (or to) but this is the closest I've heard: In the U.S., public universities have different tuition rates for in state and out-of-state students, because schools are funded at the state level. I have heard of students applying to schools where they used to live (and perhaps still have family), and talking their way into offers of in-state tuition. (But there is a difference between paying less and getting paid, so I doubt this is what you're looking for.)

It's tricky because you don't want to waste the prof's time with questions that could be answered elsewhere, but do want to establish contact. Whatever you ask, double-check to make sure you couldn't find the answer on the website if you looked. In fact, if you can, frame things in the form of, "I looked over the department website, and I was wondering..." Here are some things that might be appropriate to ask the prof: - I read your article on X. Is that research ongoing? (Check b/c this may be on the website.) - Could you recommend a grad student from your group I could talk to who would give me some perspective on the program? - Are you accepting new students? - What book/article would give me the best foundation for the work you're doing? (Be careful, because if they reply, you best read said primer before your interview, just in case!) Good luck!

If she's willing to meet with you on the weekend, outside of work hours, I can understand not wanting to go into the office unnecessarily... especially since, depending on the location, you may need a key to get in the building, parking might be goofy, etc. etc. Plus, if you are traveling a far distance it will be harder to judge what time you'll get there, but if it's at her house you don't have to worry about inconveniencing her so much if you're running late. I don't think she'll be expecting you to know everything or make a sales pitch. I would recommend coming prepared with specific questions to ask. Maybe you won't need them, but you'll have them if she's not inclined to guide the conversation herself. In preparation for my official meeting/interview day (more formal than what you're doing), I got one of those little moleskin pocket notebooks and jotted down a few questions I could ask each of the people, just based on their department website bio, to try to find common ground. With this being a potential advisor, you probably have more specific questions, so come with those. Another advantage of having a little notebook (and pen) is that academics always have a book or article to recommend about what you express interest in or ask about. That way you can write it down and actually take up the suggestion. :-) Do others have thoughts on bringing food? Under other conditions when somebody invites me to their house semi-officially for the first time, I feel inclined to bring baked goods or something. It certainly wouldn't be required for a meeting, but since its in a home, would it be taken as a nice gesture, or would it be too personal? (I for one would never turn down a home-made cookie, but that's just me. )

I remember being baffled when I studied in Ireland that a 70% was an A, when at home it would be a C-. I would also say that it was about equally hard to get the letter grade in both places, but it was odd to think that I could be missing 30% of the material and still get an A... Of course there's a lot of curving at US schools too, so maybe it works out about the same? Or is the Irish/British strategy to set the bar way higher than they expect people to reach, so that the stellar few can stand out? Interesting to think about. But to second others opinions, I would avoid mentioning percents to US crowed. On our scale most say roughly 90% and up is an A, 80%+ a B, and so on down, and you would hate to negatively misrepresent yourself just because someone isn't familiar with this difference. (I remember when one of the Irish profs emailed a prof back home my grades and included the percent, and frantically emailing him to clarify that I wasn't a slacker!)

Ha, well that is the danger I suppose. But if you're like me, then I bet the time spent productively doing radio stuff would not have been spent productively doing school stuff, so I doubt you're losing that much actual work time. So I'm glad you have something positive in the midst of crappy school stuff. Hopefully others can chip in who have been in similar situations.

If you can, talk to your advisor about your concerns -- keeping options open, but expressing your issues. If you don't feel comfortable taking to him/her, you might try the career center on campus. That would be removed enough that nobody would be judging you, but the might be able to give a sense of what people would do with an MA, a PhD outside of academia, or give you a sense of the jobs you could apply for were you to leave the program. Either way, I would recommend getting something in your life other than school; that's helped me to decouple my self-worth from my academic performance, and after midterms, that was a real life saver. Even though the extras take time, it is good to have people in my life who see value in me that doesn't depend on performance at school, and it's good to remind me that my life is more than sum of my classes, which can get pretty dreary at times. Good luck!

My situation was a little different, but also I also failed my first midterm. Talk to your adviser (or at least more senior grad students), to find out what people tend to do. One of the grad students told me that if you're not going to do well (which is anything below a that it can be better to withdraw from the course. This seems silly to me, because a C may be a sign of unsatisfactory work, but if everyone getting a C withdraws, then a W means the same thing, but with less follow through on trying to finish out the course. I don't really get it. I know what you mean about being discouraged. In my case, I talked to the prof, who said I might as well stay in the class, because people tend to do better on the second exam and final once they know the test format. The course isn't required for my degree, but would be required for the strand I HOPED to be doing. I'm in the Ed department, and the official Science Ed strand requires taking upper-level science classes, in my case physics. It's a 400-level class that a number of the physics grad students take, and it's not easy for many of them either, but for them its more balancing it with all their grad-level classes. I knew I'd be rusty and have to catch up (b/c it's been 5 years since my last physics class) but I thought I'd be able to it -- I got A's in my physics classes senior year, so I used to know how to learn physics. Now I've come to accept that it's not just about catching up, it's the fact that I can't process the information fast enough to keep up, so I'm pretty much screwed. I emailed my advisor to let her know I probably have to withdraw from the class, which really bums me out. You probably don't have as much of an option about taking it, but hopefully others in the program can tell you more. Good luck!

"Getting What You Came For" is about graduate school (before, during, and after). The internet has made some of its information obsolete (newspaper classified ads? really?) but the advice about networking and such is good. So, not exactly what you're looking for, but I wish I had started reading it before applying, as it gave some good insights about the process.

Someone was telling me about a class they do, where they project a piece of work annonymously on the board for class discussion. It is work from someone in the class, so there is an understanding that everyone should be respectful and aware of feelings, but the potential for shame or personal attack is minimized. Or, could you frame it as, "What would make this argument stronger?" Then it's more clear it's about the logic involved, not people's beliefs? I read part of a book called, "College Teaching and the Development of Reasoning". It talks about how some people aren't developmentally at the formal reasoning stage yet when they enter college, and this is why things they do/say can seem so... well, illogical to those teaching them. Interesting book.

I'm guessing people that left for Wall Street aren't on this forum any more. I've heard other people recommend that those not sure they want to finish take a semester leave of absense. Could you do that this spring semester, see what you can do, and then come back to the PhD program next Fall if it's not lucrative enough for you? You might look into taking the exam for actuary science, too. If math majors qualify then you would, and I hear they make good money.

I realize that the OP was posted yesterday about a meeting today, but it's something a lot of people deal with, so I'll add this in case it helps in the future: Anxiety/depression are really hard to overcome, and ruts are hard to get out of. It’s especially frustrated when, objectively, you can see what’s going on and what would need to change, but you can’t will yourself to do it. You have my sympathy. And you are NOT an idiot. Athletes don’t stop being athletes just because they’ve pulled a muscle and aren’t currently able to perform; academics don’t stop being intelligent just because a mental muscle got pulled out of whack, either. I second Fuzzy's encouragement to talk to your adviser about your struggles. If you can, try bring something to the table to show you take this seriously and want to improve (because it's clear here that you do). To me, this would involve: - Arranging an appointment/finding a grad student support group time through the counseling or student health center. Moves and new jobs are two of the most stressful things people can do, and for many grad school involves both. Our nervous systems get fried, and it's good to try to get healthy again. Plus, when I was depressed, I felt like going to counseling was at least one (sometimes the only) productive thing I could make myself do. In a week of destructive decisions, counseling was a constructive one. (Plus, if you can tell your advisor you've looked into this, it's a sign you're trying to improve the situation.) - Coming prepared with questions/requests for your advisor. One of the worst things for me about being in a rut is that people wanted to help me, but I was too overwhelmed to know how they could help. Perhaps you could request that your advisor: - Break things down into smaller tasks, so you can get feedback early, without fear of doing a larger project wrong. - Give you some examples of past projects people have worked on, so you have a clearer sense of what you’re going for. - Make recommendations about strategies that have worked for others, and/or suggest a grad student in the department who has made it successfully through similar slumps. Just recently, I got stuck on a lit review project that really shouldn’t be too bad, so I told myself I’d work on it all day, and ended up staring at a blank screen all day. Now I wish I’d cut my losses and done some more passive work (such as reading for another class) so that I could have done something worthwhile. Do you have some easier but still productive things you could do? This may help you to build up some momentum. Good luck!

@Juliet- Sorry, I think I came off more hostile than I intended. Knee-jerk response to bad experience with TFA. But you're right; I too have known people who have been successful in TFA and then moved on to other things; that's certainly how TFA markets itself, and I actually agree that two years in an under-served classroom does influence one's worldview (in a good way) regardless of the field pursued after. I aslo know people who ended up sticking with it, and are into their fifth or sixth year teaching at the same school. To the extent that it exposes people such as myself, who grew up in a suburban bubble, to the real needs of our extended community, it's a good thing. To the extent it keeps kids from having a series of long-term subs, and often ends up "hooking" people into education who originally were interested in more prestigeous paths, these to are good things. But, the fact of the matter is that (based on the data) first and second year teachers are not that good, even if, like the TFAers, they're really smart and work really hard. And even the people who are so successful in TFA that they end up working for the organization say that TFA is THE most stressful two years of your life. So there are reasons to do Teach For America, but people should risk neither their own mental health nor the education of 150+ children just for the chance at a personal growth or a steady paycheck.