nohika

I got lucky and my mentor edited my SoPs for me. I'm the first in my family to apply to grad school so I have no idea what's going to happen and had no frame of reference for them. I've been lucky that she ended up in town enough (she's been hellaciously busy this semester) to help out. Ugh, the money part was horrible. I qualified for a GRE fee waiver but my idiot financial aid department here apparently doesn't have much of those and so had no idea what I was talking about. It took me...oh...three months? For one to come in the mail? I couldn't use it at that point because I had had to sign up and take the exam already because it was either take it or not get it there in time for apps.

I don't even know how you could manage 15 apps...I had to do five overall, and might do a sixth (to end up with four to five total programs applied to). It'd drive me crazy...

I kind of was thinking it was a good sign, because they probably wouldn't've passed my app on to the professors if they weren't seriously thinking about accepting me...and I know my mentor, who previously had been advocating applying to another safety school, decided to wait on this school first. She has another prof there who is a very good friend, and it partially makes me wonder if she knows something that I don't. Next step would be admit, btw - this school doesn't interview...unless this kind of counts. The waiting sucks even more now. Good luck to everyone, and sansao, I'm glad your interview went well and that you slept after!

Your cupcake avatar is adorable (and delicious-looking, too! ). Still not sleeping well, but was able to go back to sleep for a bit. The only admissions decision result thing from the University I'm waiting on right now is from three years ago, so I don't know how accurate it is... Does being contacted by a professor who wanted to talk about my application count as a mini-interview? One of the profs I adore (but not one of my letter writers) came up to me and said "So, I hear you had an interview." I wasn't sure whether or not that was correct, because technically we were talking about my application and about her research interests and mine... I hate not knowing, haha...

I'm like that right about now...sleep is still not coming easy. My mind just won't shut off. I'm not dreaming though, thankfully, so it could be worse...

I just wish I knew. Mentor is waiting to see when I'll hear back from one program this month before deciding whether or not to have me go ahead with an application for a "back-up" program (aka the program on the main campus). I'll have stellar LORs from profs in the department so it's definitely more of a "safety" school. She's less certain I'll have to apply there. I just don't know. I hate the uncertainty. So instead, I stalk the forums, ramble/comment about everything, and try to manage my anxiety. One of my LOR writers suggested meditation. I just don't know if I can sit still...

That's the hard thing about applying to a not-common program (HDFS)...there's only a handful of results to look at. Less to worry about, I guess?

I totally understand. I was put on academic probation my first semester working with my to-be mentor. She (and my department) has seen me go from a bumbling 20-year-old who knew nothing about research to someone one of my letter writers phrased as "extremely smart, street-savvy, and far above a bachelor's level scholar." I'm gaining graduate-level TA responsibilities under this professor because of her view of me. I don't get to talk much with my third writer (she's the interim head for one department and heads my current department), but she's best friends with my mentor and I'm sure she knows what's going on. I was abused for years as a child and have a severely damaged self-esteem and always wonder what others think of me, because I'm quite sure I'm incompetent in a variety of ways. To have her talk about me like I'm heads above the rest, like I can truly make it...just about had me in tears. I am so thankful for the professors I've had. One of them came up to me and said "So I hear you had an interview, huh?" She's teased me (playfully) and supported me since I started in the department. She's not an LOR writer (she's just got a masters, and mentor wanted tenured faculty to write for me), but she's an amazingly nice person and I've had her for three semesters now. It does squick me out a bit that they obviously talk about me, though. Because she had to hear of the mini-interview I had with the faculty that contacted me from my mentor, because she was the only one I talked to about it.

I'm doing a bit better as well, although we'll see how well I sleep tonight... Had an hour-long chat with one of my letter writers, who I'm TAing for this semester. Sweet lady and she totally gets where I'm coming from in terms of anxiety combined with the wait and gave me some tips to try and reduce it. Also hashed out my responsibilities when it comes to TA work! I get to GRADE THINGS! I feel so cool. Had this conversation with my mentor: Her: "Getting nervous [about grad school] yet?" Me: "Yeah. Just working myself into an anxiety attack all weekend." "Well, I'm adding to it. I'm talking about foster parenting in my parent-child class on April 15th and I want you to come in and guest lecture." (My independent research is on foster parents and transitions in their care) "Well, that doesn't scare me as much as I think it should." "Good. I'll put your name in the syllabus." "...that scares me." Then I realized the presentation was literally like two weeks before graduation, and if people don't like it, they can bite me because I'm awesome. So there. Oh, and I found out that at least one of the two students I can't stand was universally hated by the entire department. Apparently she told each professor to THEIR FACE that she didn't know how they kept their jobs [because they sucked so bad]. Then wondered why they hated her...

I guess I can use this for a thread where people have said good things...had a nice hour-ish long talk with one of the profs I'm TAing for this semester (there's two) and we outlined my responsibilities, etc, and she liked some of my ideas for assignments and whatnot and we talked about grad school and anxiety, etcetcetc. It was lovely and I'm so happy to have her on my side! She's not my mentor but one of my letter writers and has been so nice to me the past couple months (well, she has the entire time I've known her, but). It's so awesome to have someone who gets the anxiety and she even gave me some tips to look in to (meditation? dance?) to try to help calm it a bit while I wait. Mentor told me we're going to wait on the application for the back-up school until I hear from the two schools that are supposed to notify around this month.

Agreed. Told a friend and a professor that it'll either be the best semester ever...or the worst semester. Mentor just informed me she's having me come do a 20-min guest lecture for one of her parent-child lectures that deals with foster parents, since it's my current research area. ...yikes. Ironically...it's on April 15th.

I've heard (see? Hearsay! Yay!) that some graduate students (vet/med specifically) and the like will go to bars to celebrate the end of exams, etc. I haven't ever gone to a bar and don't plan to, either. Just not my thing. I don't drink, I don't want to, and I'd rather not be around drunk people. My idea of a party is a night home playing videogames and maybe eating popcorn or reading. Whoop! Part of the reason I picked ASU is that two of my LOR writers know professors there and say it's an extremely collegiate environment. The department I work in right now is unbelievably sweet and nice and just...overall awesome. I'm worried about leaving it for a more...uh, I guess the word is "traditional" academic environment which may not be as supportive, I guess?

I'm not sleeping well. :( Haven't been able to fall asleep for two+ hours the past couple nights (up to midnight or so), and I'm up at 6am or so. Trying to go back to sleep doesn't work much. Ugh, I just want this to be over. I almost wish I didn't care so much about this - it would make it soooo much easier to deal with.

I think my absolute favorite part about this website is finding out that I'm not the only one that does the absolutely crazy, neurotic insane grad-school-related things I do. It makes me feel much less crazy. I agree with whoever commented about not sleeping, though - I've had nasty trouble falling asleep the last couple nights, and I had a trainwreck of a day at work last night that I'm upset about still. Really gotta work on those professional boundaries, but there's something about a kid sobbing and the biological parent doing NOTHING about it that gets to my heart...especially in such a sweet child who's been through so much. Ugh. So I told one of my coworkers last night that I applied to Arizona State, and she smirked. "That's a party school." ...thanks? The sad thing was that I didn't know that until after I applied there, but I don't drink, don't go to bars, etc, and don't plan to...like ever. It'll limit my range of friends, but makes me feel better. Partying hasn't been a problem for me throughout undergrad (social life? What's that?), so I don't think it'll suddenly become a huge problem in graduate school when I have much more to lose.

Hah...I have quite eclectic tastes and have a little bit of a lot. Currently listening to "Run to you (Swing)" by LED Apple, a Kpop (Korean Pop) band.

That's one thing I haven't started yet, and am resisting...I currently work two jobs, one as a workstudy RA/TA, and one outside of school. I don't want to actively look for a job that would utilize my bachelors when I'm hopefully leaving in the summer. So I guess that's kind of...two-faced, in a way? I feel the nerves. I'm so afraid. It's killing me, and I'm afraid my mentor will notice.

Mine was the one that told me that the programs I'm applying to are competitive, and she was a bit worried. Apparently she talked enough to people that she's not worried at all and is seeming much more confident. I haven't talked to her about Plan Bs yet because I'm afraid of the stop-being-pessimistic spiel. I'm a pessimist! I have to plan for /something/, even if it's getting rejected and being a failure...

Sooooooo much. Mom is convinced programs will be fighting over me (despite a 3.2 GPA at my current Uni and a much worse (2.7) at my community college), mentor is pleased enough with the phone conversation I got and the programs I applied to that she's thinking I won't need my back-up school, etc. While I'm sitting here biting my nails and afraid of getting rejected because it'll tell all the people that supported me that I'm not good enough. Combined with an already existing huge anxiety problem, it's bad.

So I had previously applied to another University, but the head of their program had contacted me the day after I turned in the app (mid-December) to tell me that their website was wrong and that they didn't offer the combined program I needed. I ended up getting in contact with admissions (for graduate programs) and getting my app rescinded and the fee refunded. The lady contacted me again, because she had apparently not noted that she had done so and the University hadn't pulled my app yet apparently. Gave me a heart attack. Ugh.

Spent all day out on a mini-vacation with my sister and had a blast. Didn't even think about grad school. Too bad that mentality likely won't last another couple weeks...

Love this!! We'll rock it and be fine! Happy New Year to everyone!

I'm hoping to only apply once, but I have a low GPA (which is why I was asking about including my fall grades). Realistically I think I won't be accepted and that I'll have to re-apply. I'm a bit slow on the uptake when it comes to new things, and so it really didn't hit me that I was applying to graduate school until about October and then I had to hop on the bandwagon fast. I did ask my LOR writers literally like August/September, since I work in my department and it was easy to just pop my head in. Mentor has been life-saving in this whole process and helped me out each step in like what to expect, editing my SoPs, helping me choose schools, etc. She's done more than most would, I think. Fingers crossed!

I knew things were going to get worse as soon as January ticked around. I'm even more nervous!! Heck, I had a professor contact me over break (like two days after Christmas). I'm guessing now that campus is officially back open tomorrow, more might be contacting students, etc... Mine are straight admissions, primarily - only one of my four programs interviews...so I'm waiting on the final word...

I wasn't my current major when I started at my four-year University, and got hired under the prof that became my mentor. I liked what she did so much that that's how I got interested in a PhD in the first place. She's been my mentor ever since and I like to think we're like mother-daughter in a way (I'm the same age as her daughter - we graduated from high school together). I am soooo frickin' lucky to have her as a mentor. I'm a first-generation (potential) grad student and have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. She also edited my SoPs, wrote me a letter, helped me with apps, etc. Her research interests are different (some of them, anyways) than mine, but she's helped me get projects in my own area as well as having me help with both related and non-related projects of hers. Mentor is the one that's shown me/I've been exposed to through TAing a lot of the other student's opinions of PhDs - some of the quotes I've shared are from final papers of this seminar class she taught in which the last paper included a reflection on what kind of jobs people wanted to do. I wish. The only PhD in my area is offered at the main campus, and that's the one mentor is using as a back-up program in case I need it. It's a truly awesome environment - I've got to work for all of the professors but one, and am TAing for another (one of my letter writers) and the one I might do research with next year is the head of the department (who is my mentor's best friend).

I have a vague back-up plan in place...working, maybe re-taking the GREs (improve my quant score), seeing if I can TA/do research for a couple professors in my department...but my main mentor is going on Sabbatical next year (hopefully!), so that'll be interesting. I want to get her opinion on it, but I'm afraid to mention back-up plans to her because I don't want her to think me /too/ pessimistic. She took me shopping for Christmas for an interview outfit (we're close), so I know she's much more confident than I am. I'm guessing I'll be "taken care of" by my department (been working here three years) if I have to (I know the head of the department is working on a project next year that I'd love to be part of), but I'd rather not worry too much about it if I don't have to... I probably won't hear until late January...was hoping for mid for my first program. Feels like torture, regardless.