nohika

I think you're kind of stuck in the land of teenagers, where everything that happens to you is the absolute Worst and no one can Possibly Understand How You're Feeling. The rampant jealousy is part of that too. But guess what - you're going to have to learn to deal with it. You'll run into a lot of people that have what you want, and you need to be able to deal with it like a functional human being.
 
And Pinkster, one of the best adoptive parents I know was a single mother (who was, incidentally, a social worker). 
 
Going to graduate school to find a sense of purpose is not going to help. In fact, it will probably make it worse.

No kidding! I listed topics covered NOT "sections" to be filled out in the NSF application. Try to read more carefuly next time. What YOU need to do is STOP TWISTING MY WORDS and stop claiming that I said something that I never did. Go get your rocks off somewhere else!

Of course broader impact runs throughout. DUH!!! Thats why I didnt refer to them as "sections" but rather topics that need to be covered within and/or throughout depending on which youre talking about. Was that too abstract for you?
Is this you making assumptions again? Or no?

Take some advice: When in doubt, or when you do not concretely know something, ask more questions instead of speculating. Gather more info, don't spit clouds of assumptions about things you do not know, and read more carefully.

I never said that everybody at dais is a problem, nor did i say these issues all occurred at Davis.
 
Davis is one of the best schools about accommodations. However, there is a bad apple in every bunch no matter how good the system.
Theres new faculty that dont know the P&P's among other reasons. Some can be so caught up and stressed about funding 9since there job depends on it) that they overlook their responsibilities to provide a room and need reminded.

I do not mention any of these in my statements which you know nothing about. Have you read my stuff? NO!!!!
Do you know what I focus on? NO!!!!
Do you have any business making assumptionns about me? NO!!!!
 
Do you have any right to tell me WHY I got the grades I got? NO!!!
I have nearly all A's excluding courses I didnt get accommodations BITCH! HOW DARE YOU TELL ME WHY I GOT THE GRADES I DID!!!
DID I SAY I DID POORLY? NOOOOOO!!!!!
DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKEN CLUE WHAT I FOCUSED ON?  NOOOOO!!!!!!
DID I EVER SAY I MENTIONED IT IN THE MANNER THAT YOU ARE DESCRIBING? Do you know anything about what I DID fouc on? NOOOOO!!!!
 
The only thing you got right was that YOU ARE ASSUMING!!!
So shut the effin ASSuming up and ONLY SAY WHAT YOU CONCRETELY KNOW AND KEEP YOUR DAMN SPECULATIONS OUT.
 

GOT IT! now go crying, brb!
Okay back
its VG/E, E/E, E/E!!!!

I think your viewpoint here is a little naive. I don't actually know you but I feel like your statements are showing that you don't understand the nature of addiction. A person can be completely aware of their bad choices, and hate themselves for making them, but at the same time, cannot control their compulsion to do so. A lot of poor nutrition choices can also be linked to poor education and bad habits forming during childhood. 
 
You are right that people with these problems can seek help and do something about it. But the way you are saying it is unnecessarily harsh and would not actually help a person with these issues. And it's totally possible to feel bad for someone who is making bad life choices even if it is their "fault". I have relatives who smoke and it's hurting their health. Do I think "Hah! You deserve to get lung cancer and die because you are an idiot!!!!"? No! Even if they have made bad choices, I still care for them as a fellow human being and (in this case) as part of my family. I wouldn't enable their bad choices and I would still encourage them to think about their health in the future and help them quit if they want to. Having the attitude you express in the posts above would not help them get healthier and really would not do any good at all.

Well, the OP logged on asking for advice on which campuses might be more accommodating--not to be "concern-trolled" on how to lose weight. I'm sure that she knows where to find advice for weight loss. The internet is pretty big. And I've never met a fat person who was completely surprised by a) the fact that they were fat, or b. the fact that being fat isn't healthy. The world pretty much makes sure that they know this.

My school is weird and has five 8-week terms per year. I have 2 years of classes in 4 terms, and I just finished the 3rd term 2 weeks ago. I got the grades for it today, and I passed those classes! It was supposed to be the most difficult term. That puts me at ¾ of the way done with classes! I have 6 exams (for 3 classes) and a qualifying exam until candidacy. I should defend my qual in August or September.
 
I also joined a lab last term, the second student in my class to join. The other person had rotated during the summer, so they got to join earlier.
 
This term, the classes are supposed to be more fun. I'm excited because they're classes I'm interested in, plus I'm starting to dig into and plan my project!

You didn't answer the rest of Fuzzy's questions. Without that information, it makes it more difficult to advise you properly.

You didn't answer the rest of Fuzzy's questions. Without that information, it makes it more difficult to advise you properly.

There are a lot of details missing here. Is this a PhD program or an MA? How far along are you? Have you written (and defended) a thesis proposal/prospectus? How much writing have you done already? How long have you been working with your advisor? Is your advising relationship a formal one or have you been working with several people at the same time? Were you assigned to your advisor or did they explicitly agree to take you on as an advisee? Are there other professors in the department you could work with? Do you have a committee? Are you planning to stay in academia or leave once you get your degree? 
 
You make it sound like everything was going great, and then suddenly your advisor decided not to work with you anymore. That is not an impossible story, but it is somewhat improbable. Were there any warning signs before they decided not to work with you anymore? 
 
I think that contacting the department head is the logical next step, but I would advise against taking this issue out of the department and complaining elsewhere until some of the other questions I asked are answered. First figure things out and find a solution within your department, then you can think about taking other measures. Complaining may cause the department trouble and that may be what you want, but I wouldn't do that until I knew that my situation was solved (if at all) because causing them trouble is not going to make them want to help you. 

I think you're kind of stuck in the land of teenagers, where everything that happens to you is the absolute Worst and no one can Possibly Understand How You're Feeling. The rampant jealousy is part of that too. But guess what - you're going to have to learn to deal with it. You'll run into a lot of people that have what you want, and you need to be able to deal with it like a functional human being.
 
And Pinkster, one of the best adoptive parents I know was a single mother (who was, incidentally, a social worker). 
 
Going to graduate school to find a sense of purpose is not going to help. In fact, it will probably make it worse.

Let's be honest here.  To state the obvious, you have *many* things to work on as a person before any guy in his right mind is going to take you seriously as dating material.  If you find a guy who is into how you are right now and you have a kid...  good luck, it's going to be a disaster.  If you want to be happy, you need to learn to cope with your circumstances.  Graduate school will not make you happy.  A guy will not make you happy.  Even a baby will not make you happy.
 
You need to learn how to take the situation that you are in *right now* and enjoy the positive aspects of it while it is happening.  Live in the situation that you are in.  Not in the future.  There will always be people with "better lives" than you and people who have things you want.  You can be jealous your whole life if you want.  Slow down.  Relax.  Maybe you're from a more conservative place in Ohio or whatever, but you're still REALLY young.  You have plenty of time.  Enjoy not having a husband or a kid.  Because once you do... you will get no break.  Personally, I'd advise against entering a graduate program; it sounds like you've already got too much on your plate and this could just make you spiral out of control worse.
 
I'm 27 and applying to schools now.  I have absolutely "nothing to show for" my life since college, but so what?  It was great!  I was in relationships, single, traveled, met great friends, even if I didn't "go anywhere".  And it was all completely unpredictable.  That's just how things are.  Relax, and learn to embrace that and I promise you'll find what you're looking for.  Drop the timeline you have in your head.  I guarantee your life will not go as planned.  So stop trying so hard to plan it.  Focus on right now.

As for your question, I moved for undergrad ~4 hours from home, and then again for a job about 5 hours from home.  Both times it was a little tough at the start, but it forces you to come out of your shell.  You don’t have to fall back into the same social patterns you’re used to.  Be yourself and try to meet people no matter how awkward it seems and I guarantee you will meet a great community.  Maybe my honest advice would be to take a few years to move someplace absolutely new to you and just work for a while while you work on developing as an adult.  I am so glad I worked for 5 years before considering grad school.  And I have better defined goals now.  Peace Corps would be a good idea, but seriously consider what's involved first.... It might be a little much for what you're ready for living that far away if 2 hours is a big deal to you.  Good luck!

See, sweetie, what you need to understand is that your experiences do not generalize well to the rest of the world. That's how stereotypes are created and perpetuated. One of my close friends got pregnant while she was both on BC and using a condom. Gasp! She obviously is a terrible person, right? Not a good mother to an adorable 4-year-old. Oh, and she's not married!
 
Also, your comments about being 'married' and 'responsible' are adorable. Guess what! You can be married and the most irresponsible arsehat on the planet. Marriage does not make you responsible. In quite a few cases, getting married is the worst decision you can make. Staying married because of children can be an equally horrific decision.
 
You can have your opinions. You can have your way of planning your life, and your perceptions. THAT DOES NOT MAKE THEM MORE RIGHT/BETTER/SMARTER/etc THAN EVERYONE ELSE'S. Just because you wouldn't have kids before getting married DOES NOT make someone who does so irresponsible, uneducated, or liars. The OP seems to have a stable, loving relationship. Just because they don't have a piece of paper that claims them legally binded means nothing.
 
I kind of hope you never get into an MSW program and go into counseling because I think you would do a lot more harm than good with these kind of attitudes. Especially with the changes in society's population today.
 
To the OP, it's hard, yeah. But I know several people in my program with kids (two are pregnant with their second) and they're both doing well. The first two years of med school are actually better than the last two when it comes to having kids (I have quite a few med student friends), so that's something to take into consideration if you want more. Congrats and best of luck to you in the future.

You're always saying that you want to be married and pregnant by the time you take on clients, but have you really ever stopped to think of what happens if that DOES NOT happen for you? 2 years isn't a long time at all to meet someone, date, get engaged, and then married. Very few of my friends that ended up happy dated less than 2 years. I've known my boyfriend for almost 6 years, but we didn't date initially. It took 3 years for us to finally date, and that was after I stopped looking. I'm worried that with your shear desperation for someone, you're either going to be left alone in the dark or with someone who is horrible.
 
You need to take some time to write out the pros of being single in 2 years... because you have to realize it is a very real possibility. You have to prepare yourself for that and you have to find a way to be happy about that.
 
For example, I will be moving every 2-3 years after I graduate (at age 29) from my PhD program. A huge pro for me would be that I would be unattached and free to move as needed without having to worry about a significant other finding a job or finding a school for children. My likelihood of accruing extra debt is lower, and I'm a lot more free to be able to go out wherever and with whomever I want on a Friday night... or I can immerse myself in my lab work without worrying about someone being angry with me for being an hour late to come home. 
 
If you only ever look at the cons, you're never going to be happy in any situation, even with your grad degree. Yes, you learn a lot about yourself in graduate school, but it is not a place to find your whole self. I really think that you need to spend some time working on yourself before you spend a ton of money on a grad degree when you might find yourself mentally unable to handle the situations that will be presented to you on the job. These people that you're going to be working with need someone who will not judge them, who they can depend on to find ways to appropriately assist. How can someone who doesn't know themselves and only views one way of life as giving happiness provide that? The way you talk, if a girl like your friend came in, pregnant, scared, and not knowing what to do, you wouldn't be able to help them. This can be incredibly damaging to that person... and I know that I wouldn't be willing to even practice if I didn't have myself sorted out to the point where I could respect that lives of others do not have to fit this idea of "perfection" that you have in your mind.
 
To answer your initial post: I have been on my own since my MS, and moved 13 hours away for my PhD. Sometimes I am a little lonely, but I call a friend at home or we play games over IM, or I Skype my boyfriend. I spend most of my time at school (10-12 hours per day) and the rest of my day studying and reading papers. Some weekends, if I have time, I go shopping with some others from my program. Right now, we're prepping a welcome party for one of the guy's wives, so I get to shop for a party when I get back. Any time I am at school, I'm extremely happy. You just have to put on your big girl pants and go for it, be it single and happy, or married and happy. There's no other way to be.... because there are good things in nearly all situations.

So just some bits of advice, here. Yes, that's a troublesome situation. I have a friend who went through it and while I don't agree with her choices, she got married and seems to be happy. Will that mean a divorce in a year or two? Probably. Is that now? No. Being a parent is not as glamorous as you're making it out to be. Your baby? Guess what! They're a person, just like you, and they may not like you. You may not get along. My Mom and I mostly tolerate each other, but we are not good for each other, most times. Your kid is not supposed to be there for you - you're supposed to be there for your kid, and that's a lesson a lot of parents forget. And babydaddies do not always stick around. Especially not in these kind of situations.
 
Nope. Admittedly, most of the parents I know that adopted kids fostered to adopt, but there were quite a few single Moms and even a few single dads (and a couple gay couples), so really, there's no limits, at least where I grew up. You do need to have a stable job, though, and pass their inspections/tests/etc.
 
Pinkster, going into debt to /maybe/ find yourself is not worth it. Work a crappy job. Volunteer. Find out what you like, what you don't like. I know it's rough. Everyone wants to know what they want and who they are. But taking on loans is not a good way to do that. Especially not on a maybe chance. Once you know what you like and don't like, figure out what kind of job you might enjoy that will capitalize on what you like. It's hard.
 
I can't really help much with making friends, because I'm a rather antisocial person, but I've gotten to know quite a few classmates and my roommate (who is more social) through coursework and her lab has made several friends and is invited to parties, etc. She's even got a boyfriend (admittedly off of OKCupid) and they get along really well. So it can happen. Smile, be warm, be friendly, and you'll make friends.

I think you're kind of stuck in the land of teenagers, where everything that happens to you is the absolute Worst and no one can Possibly Understand How You're Feeling. The rampant jealousy is part of that too. But guess what - you're going to have to learn to deal with it. You'll run into a lot of people that have what you want, and you need to be able to deal with it like a functional human being.
 
And Pinkster, one of the best adoptive parents I know was a single mother (who was, incidentally, a social worker). 
 
Going to graduate school to find a sense of purpose is not going to help. In fact, it will probably make it worse.

So just some bits of advice, here. Yes, that's a troublesome situation. I have a friend who went through it and while I don't agree with her choices, she got married and seems to be happy. Will that mean a divorce in a year or two? Probably. Is that now? No. Being a parent is not as glamorous as you're making it out to be. Your baby? Guess what! They're a person, just like you, and they may not like you. You may not get along. My Mom and I mostly tolerate each other, but we are not good for each other, most times. Your kid is not supposed to be there for you - you're supposed to be there for your kid, and that's a lesson a lot of parents forget. And babydaddies do not always stick around. Especially not in these kind of situations.
 
Nope. Admittedly, most of the parents I know that adopted kids fostered to adopt, but there were quite a few single Moms and even a few single dads (and a couple gay couples), so really, there's no limits, at least where I grew up. You do need to have a stable job, though, and pass their inspections/tests/etc.
 
Pinkster, going into debt to /maybe/ find yourself is not worth it. Work a crappy job. Volunteer. Find out what you like, what you don't like. I know it's rough. Everyone wants to know what they want and who they are. But taking on loans is not a good way to do that. Especially not on a maybe chance. Once you know what you like and don't like, figure out what kind of job you might enjoy that will capitalize on what you like. It's hard.
 
I can't really help much with making friends, because I'm a rather antisocial person, but I've gotten to know quite a few classmates and my roommate (who is more social) through coursework and her lab has made several friends and is invited to parties, etc. She's even got a boyfriend (admittedly off of OKCupid) and they get along really well. So it can happen. Smile, be warm, be friendly, and you'll make friends.

I think you're kind of stuck in the land of teenagers, where everything that happens to you is the absolute Worst and no one can Possibly Understand How You're Feeling. The rampant jealousy is part of that too. But guess what - you're going to have to learn to deal with it. You'll run into a lot of people that have what you want, and you need to be able to deal with it like a functional human being.
 
And Pinkster, one of the best adoptive parents I know was a single mother (who was, incidentally, a social worker). 
 
Going to graduate school to find a sense of purpose is not going to help. In fact, it will probably make it worse.

I think you're kind of stuck in the land of teenagers, where everything that happens to you is the absolute Worst and no one can Possibly Understand How You're Feeling. The rampant jealousy is part of that too. But guess what - you're going to have to learn to deal with it. You'll run into a lot of people that have what you want, and you need to be able to deal with it like a functional human being.
 
And Pinkster, one of the best adoptive parents I know was a single mother (who was, incidentally, a social worker). 
 
Going to graduate school to find a sense of purpose is not going to help. In fact, it will probably make it worse.

Ain't this the finest example of misogynistic slut shaming I've seen on GC so far. Well done.
 
I do agree with the it-will-never-be-perfect argument. There's always going to be something that stops it from being a 'perfect' time.

You want to get an MSW in Social Work.
You have mentioned an interest in counselling.
The first thing you do when a forum member says "X has happened - I need advice." is to respond with "I can't believe you were so irresponsible as to let X happen!"
...Does anybody else notice a problem here?
 
Pinkster, if you want to last 5 minutes in a Social Work program, you need to accept a couple of things. 
When people tell you "X has happened (note the past tense) and I need help dealing with X" it is completely useless to berate them about how stupid they were for allowing X to happen. They can't turn back the clock. They can't undo what has already happened. For that reason alone it is horrible to condemn instead of assist them. In the course of your Social Work job, you will come across clients who have made TERRIBLE lifestyle decisions. This post is actually an example of the best-case scenario - somebody does everything right (use contraceptives, is in a steady relationship) and Thing X has happened anyway. In the course of your Social Work job you are going to come across clients who have consciously made a series AWFUL decisions: they've done everything wrong, their lifestyle choices have been ill-informed to the point where you have to suspend your disbelief that they actually did *that*. Their choices are based on principles you fundamentally disagree with from the core of your being. THESE PEOPLE NONETHELESS ARE COMING TO YOU FOR CONSTRUCTIVE, NON-JUDGEMENTAL ADVICE. If you cannot put aside your narrow-minded prejudices, inability to empathise or tone of moral superiority then you shouldn't be a Social Worker. Full stop.  
...I can't believe I even had to write this.

Ain't this the finest example of misogynistic slut shaming I've seen on GC so far. Well done.
 
I do agree with the it-will-never-be-perfect argument. There's always going to be something that stops it from being a 'perfect' time.

Haha so funny. Believe me I was having it... A lot (with the guy I was in a relationship with.. I'm not some slut)

Ain't this the finest example of misogynistic slut shaming I've seen on GC so far. Well done.
 
I do agree with the it-will-never-be-perfect argument. There's always going to be something that stops it from being a 'perfect' time.

Ain't this the finest example of misogynistic slut shaming I've seen on GC so far. Well done.
 
I do agree with the it-will-never-be-perfect argument. There's always going to be something that stops it from being a 'perfect' time.