euthuphron

That feeling of inadequacy, even if only temporary, is normal. I think everyone experiences this, even those students who came up those "brilliant" ideas and interpretations (and who knows, they probably weren't the ones to come up with it first). It can seem like an insurmountable task to bring yourself up to speed. But let's be honest, I think that only comes after years of research. I find keeping a separate reading list of books and articles that are of interest to me really helps, even if they happen to be outside my areas of research. And the thing about grammar and spelling. Who cares? Yes, obviously things like that need to be correct, but that's not what study at the graduate level is all about. Just be more careful and develop good writing habits. I'm sure your university has some sort of academic writing center that can help you. Ain't it the truth? I think too much organization is a bad thing. You obviously have more responsibilities than in undergrad, which requires better time management, but to plan which particular piece of work to do during which particular block of time for everything seems a bit excessive to me. Some people work better like that, but I don't. I find it helpful to keep a weekly schedule with regular events (courses, GAs, office hours, time allotted for specified reading or study (e.g. second language)) and events particular to that week (meetings, talks/defenses to attend, etc.). Since I'm in the office fairly regularly (treat it like a job, 9-5 kinda thing), the rest of the time is spent doing work. The priority of the work is determined by writing down a list of things I have to do for the next two weeks or so (or even longer, if it's long-term) in no particular order, then assigning priorities (1,2,3, etc.). Then, just do it and get it done. No scheduling for hours only to find your paper is due tomorrow. Then, just lather, rinse, and repeat. The rationale behind this method is that it abrogates the problems that arise when micromanaging everything. Instead of worrying about the optimal structure of how to get work done, you actually do the work and get it over with. Further, you don't feel obligated to do work in any particular way or at a particular time, which lifts that sense of burden and the procrastination that accompanies it. To be an expert in your field takes years. It's not going to happen overnight. Just hang in there. Work hard and manage your time well, but don't forget to smell the roses. Cheers.

From the research I've done, which is anything but comprehensive at this point, it depends on what area of philosophy you plan on studying. Although I'd advise having both under one's belt, proficiency in languages besides English is generally more useful in the continental/historical vein and competency in logic for the more analytical side of things. But then again this is a gross generalization and that whole analytic/continental distinction is getting blurrier and blurrier, if not already nonexistent. For languages, French and German, as the above poster mentioned, would be very useful. If you had to choose just one, I would choose the one most related to your research, obviously, but some knowledge of the other wouldn't hurt. I would also add Latin and Greek to the list, especially if your research interests happen to involve Greek and Roman philosophy. But then again, I would recommend learning those two languages regardless of what area you study since they are part of so much of English vocabulary.

I had to make this decision too about two years ago, but I ended getting a Thinkpad T410 over a MBP. I don't regret it. The main reason I considered the latter was mainly due to aesthetics. The Thinkpad was the more practical choice: it cost less (especially with the EPP website), had better specs (like eSATA for external HD, faster CPU), a better keyboard (it seems like an insignificant factor, but the keyboard is just wonderful for typing) and is built such that a klutz like myself doesn't destroy it by accidentally spilling something on it (there's a drainage hole under) or knocking it off my desk (magnesium chassis, zinc-alloy hinges, etc.). Another thing is that the Thinkpad is far more accessible for the tech savvy. Removing the keyboard to clean the fan and insides takes just two screws. Manuals and videos are available online. Macs are more difficult to access. The MBP at the time had better graphics options, probably better for multimedia, oh, and a better version of Scrivener, which is a really good program. As others said you can install Windows on Macs, but not t'other way 'round on laptops generally (which isn't strictly true, but a hackintosh on the T410 isn't worth it IMO). In the future I may buy a MBP, but mainly to use it at Starbucks to show everyone there that I'm working on something important.

I've had good experiences with bookdepository. Shipping is free worldwide, but there's no tracking unless you pay extra (I've ordered about 10+ times, all without tracking, without any hassle). They're based in Britain so books take longer to arrive. To Canada, about 1.5 to 2 weeks. If you purchase ahead and don't mind waiting I'd give them a try. Also, when looking through Amazon, they often list other sellers with varying conditions of the book. Sometimes you'll get lucky and get a book in near-perfect condition for a fraction of the original price. Check seller reviews though. For Abebooks, great for rarities, but you have to check the shipping costs. I found that it's not economical for me, as the shipping to Canada is often too high. It's also good to search for books online. I search on filestube (although with Megaupload's downfall this option's not so great anymore), torrent sites (sometimes you'll find big collections with the book you're looking for) and Scribd (which is not so good anymore either; you have to upload a document to download one). These are good methods too for finding those wonderfully expensive textbooks, for which publishers can suck it.

If, after much self-reflection, chats with those you trust and the counsel of strangers on online fora, you come to the conclusion that an academic life, or specifically, an academic career in science, is not for you, then your future self will be infinitely thankful that you didn't waste your time. But this is under the assumption that you really don't want to go down that path. This takes time to assess. After all, a PhD is a huge investment, in more ways than one, it's very taxing. If you can find idle work while sorting all this out, then, other than earning money, your body has something to do while your brain chews on it all. I used to think that doing what you love and career go hand in hand; that, for everyone, there was some optimum where your job simultaneously fulfilled you and put food on the table. But, this isn't true for everyone (and maybe, for most) because, sometimes, attaching what you love to do onto a career and its inescapable "conditions" eventually destroys all the passion. If you don't like research there is nothing stopping you from studying chemistry throughout your life while having a job in a different field or sector. You won't have a piece of paper to wave in front of people for confirmation of your erudition, but it's there nonetheless. Your job doesn't define you completely. For many it's a tolerable way to make money and that's all.

I'm a first generation/low-income student and come from an immigrant family. My mom did her degree in business, but of course, that was about 30 years ago and in another country so its professional value today is lacking. She's a cashier now and has been for some time and the funny thing is that she's content with it. Less stress for her, she tells me. My dad works in the automotive parts industry, but not for the Big 3 or anything. I know he dislikes his job and that the only reason why he continues to work there is so that my siblings and I don't have to in the future. From the posts I've read, some have shown displeasure and even resentment towards their parents and family for not taking an active role in what they study. Fair enough if they don't support your endeavors, accomplishments, etc. because they should support you. But to spend time, energy and tears on making your parents/family interested in what you study is... silly, especially when there are big disparities between cultures, generations, beliefs. I sometimes fantasize both my parents are professors and that we have lively dinnertime conversations on existential crises and the state of the world politics, but I know after 12 hours of work they'd rather watch a movie or sleep. (And who could blame them?) I use to get very upset and angry at them for not being interested in the things that interested me until I realized that that part of my life is best shared with my friends and professional relationships. It's unfair, but, given the circumstances, you have to deal with it. I consider myself lucky that my parents didn't have too traditionally Asian values in that they didn't put too much push me towards any specific study or profession. They certainly pushed me to work hard, but in the end their concern is my happiness, as that's what seems to give meaning to their jobs. Which is not to say they weren't a little shocked when I told them I'm going to study philosophy in grad school, as the job prospects are just so wonderful right now! Cheers.