Dal PhDer

I don't know...I completely understand about the professional attitude you set off when you talk poorly about your supervisor...but I think it depends on your audience. I see gradcafe a place for students to come, interact, and converse about their experiences in gradschool- their problems, the ups, the downs..etc. Your supervisor determines about 80% of your gradschool experience, and people should be able to openly discuss their relationships on here without feeling like they are looked upon as unprofessional. I think this an outlet for a lot of students who might not have the social networks to fall back on...sometimes you need to 'bitch' it out, so that you can go back the next day and handle it all...I also think it's important to hear other people who might be having a hard time, so you know you're not alone. As for my relationship with my advisor...(for the OP)...it's goes on a day to day basis. I try really really hard to look at the bigger picture, but it can be hard. I also try really hard to remember that, while my degree and him are the center of my life right now, I am just one little letter in his big bowl of alphabet soup...but that doesn't mean he doesn't do things that frustrates me or that I think are lacking...it's just important to know that they're human- just like us! Also, most advisor-student relationships are dysfunctional!

I have to disagree with Gneiss about experience being a bad thing. I think there are various kinds of 'experience' in the relationship area...we could be talking about relationship experience, dating experience, sexual experience...regardless, experience allows an individual to grow and further develop an understanding of what they are looking for in a partner. Yes, some people carry baggage from these experiences, but a lot of people look at them as good points in their lives that taught them a lot. For the OP, I am under the philosophy not to hide who I am, where I've been, and what I've done- for me, I am at a point in my life where I want a partner to take me for who I am...I am willing to wait until I find someone who accepts me, rather than compromise some things- neither is right or wrong, just personal preference. My biggest piece of advice is to take it slow and don't rush it. It can take people awhile to develop feelings or see someone as datable. You may want to rush in, jump feet first, and confess everything to someone so they can instantly connect with you...but it's not always the right situation. Seek out friends, and if you connect and have interests on a friend level, then you at least know you're probably compatible for more! Also, dating is like fishing..it really is...you are going to have to cast your line out a few times before you get a nibble, and you might have to get a few nibbles before you get a catch! Be open to new people, new experiences, and new situations- be yourself, love yourself, and you'll find yourself meeting someone who is right for you!

Hi there, I have several suggestions to build on from others' post. First, try not to get into any situation with the idea that this might be the one. When you meet a girl, if you click or are interested, just say "hey, would you like to grab a coffee sometime?". You don't want to appear overly aggressive, but girls like to see a guy that takes charge and makes the first move. Second, your first year of your PhD will be a busy one- so while being with someone and having a partner might be essential to you, do realize that your degree is like your new girlfriend! Third, join...join join join join! Meet new people through social events! Put yourself out there! You can't expect to meet people if you don't take changes to be involved in situations with strangers (that sounded creepy and totally against everything my mother taught me!)....I would suggest being involve in departmental outings, building relationships with your lab mates, and joining clubs! I can't stress to you how important it is...if you meet a new friend, you will then meet more people through them! The best way to meet a new person to date is through friends of friends! Try joining a co-ed recreational sports league! Or joining a group of something that interests you...but you have to put yourself out there and meet new people. And approach it in a way that your not out there to meet a new love interest, your just out there to meet new people and new friends...once you get to know them, maybe there's something more! But honestly, the best relationships start as friendships! Lastly, to get over the hump and to just 'practice' dating and meeting girls in a romantic way, go to an online dating site like eharmony! Lots of people have success with this, and it's a great way to put yourself out there without having to risk a whole lot! You can start getting comfortable with meeting girls, talking to them, and get a handle of dating! --- Honestly, this doesn't just go for you! I was out of the dating scene for 5 years, and that's how I tried to make myself more comfortable with meeting people...if you do it a few times, it isn't as intimidating! Good luck! Have confidence in yourself, and know that when the time is right, the right person will find you!

Poutine! Wine! Chocolate! I don't think I am missing anything, am I?

I think a lot of programs are like that...the others offer really great advice! I would contact the secretary for the department and just say "Hello" and check to see if you need to be doing anything to get everything in order. Contact the graduate coordinator and see if there are any scholarships they can recommend you apply for, and get in touch with your advisor and to see if you can discuss courses for the fall, potential collaborations/research work, and to talk about your thesis work (if you have one). I wouldn't worry about it! But I am the type of person that would worry about it, and I would send out quick non-bothersome emails to a few key people just to keep in touch and make sure all my ducks are in a row!

I hate public speaking and in the past have really sucked at it. Regardless of how prepared I am, I tend to go bright red, sweat A LOT, speak at the speed of listening, and get dizzy. It's weird, the question period to date hasn't been a problem for me speaking- I can speak candidly comfortable (in class, for my defense, at presentations)...it's just when i get up to do a very rehearsed presentation. Also, when I teach it doesn't bother me at all... When I get nervous about speaking to large crowds, I generally remind myself that 80% of them are either on their laptop, phone or sleeping and paying no attention to me, 15% are actually listening to me and hoping I do well, and 5% are listening to me and trying to come up with questions to watch me fail. Also, I have used the drug Propranolol and have had great success with it. It reduced my physiological symptoms that I got which calmed me down (because sweats, dizzy, and increase heart rate creates a freak out), and still left me clear headed. If you do get some for a presentation, I would recommend trying it out before hand!

Sugar and caffeine are two important food groups when you're in grad school!

Teaching fellows sounds like a great experience...it bridges the gap of going from a TA to a course instructor. I wish my department had this!

I have scanned through this thread many times trying to figure out what to say...I think my perception of the relationship i have with my current supervisor depends on the events at hand. Right now this best describes it:

I am like MyNamesNotRick. I am at the gym 3-4 times a week doing cardio and weights, I play recreational soccer one night a week, and then I try my best to eat healthy (lots of veggies, good protein, and moderate portion sizes) ... this has allowed me to lose my MA weight (and more!) - a total of 30+lbs to date and going for more! The biggest thing is to not make it something you 'have' to do, like it's work...make it part of your regular routine- like brushing your teeth! Also, I highly HIGHLY recommend joining a co-ed rec sports league for the summer! A lot of cities have these and it's a great way to get outdoors, exercise and meet people...it's the social highlight of my week! Exercise is really great to help focus you and restore your attention, not to mention it can reduce stress, improve your immune system, and help you maintain a good sleep pattern- these are all essential things for when you are in grad school! I would start making it part of your lifestyle! And you'll enjoy it and it won't seem like work!

Here are a few suggestions for conferences: - Did you do an undergraduate honours thesis? If so, submit to several local conferences. I would first try for an oral and then a poster. - Have you worked on any research projects or have the opportunity for paid RA work? often this work will require you to present (in either poster or oral form) some stage of the work - Approach your supervisor and say you're looking for opportunities to gain experience presenting at conferences. Sometimes they will send you to a conference to present a poster of their work, or will give you some data to analyze for a poster or oral presentation - Do you have a proposal for your Masters thesis? Present this work at an in-house conference through your department, university, or even another university/student run conference...with these conferences you are almost always able to snag an oral spot. I would also apply for a poster presentation at large conferences. Conference attendance often depends on where you're located. If you are at a university in a large city (in Canada this is normally TO, Montreal, Ottawa..etc) you will probably have access to more local conferences without minimal cost. If you have to travel, you can often apply to your department/university for travel awards (each graduate student at my university has $500 allocated to them for travel cost...minimal, but it does help)....also, if your supervisor is in a position to afford to send you, and you are presenting their work, it's a win-win for them...I would suggest going to your supervisor ASAP with a list of conferences you have found that you would like to apply for, and either suggest you submit some of your current/previous work, or ask if they have anything you could present.

Wow!! A 1-year research based program.... I am agaga about that! Holy! That's intense!! It took me 1.5 years to defend my thesis proposal, ethics, data collection, analysis, write up, and then defend! I can't imagine doing that in 1 year plus a full course load....I give you guys kudos, because that's amazing!! I think Surefire gave really great advice. And as nicole mentioned, putting together your PhD app and applying for scholarships can be quite a substantial piece of work...I will say that to my knowledge you can only apply for CIHR and SSHRC AFTER you are excepted to a PhD program, so these massive applications are normally done during the first year of your PhD...that doesn't mean you shouldn't be applying for other scholarships outside of those! It sounds like you are pretty motivated...I think there is something to be said about having time between degrees, or at least enough time during the degrees to slow down a bit- you don't want to be burnt out...on the otherside, if you're on a roll- that's awesome! Would your PhD be outside of your MA work? To me, the most logical thing to do would be change your 1-year MA to a combined MA/PhD program (if you can). Good luck!

A one year MA program, is it not project/research based? Do you need to do a big independent research project? Or is it mostly course base? Why do you want to do a PhD? Have you had a lot of experience doing research? Either independently or as an RA? I don't know a whole lot about fast tracking, but I might consider looking into a combined MA/PhD program at your current school. I know a few students who have done this, and I think it's a great approach. You cut down on time, you get to expand on your MA/MSc work, and it's a really quick and easy transition. On a side note, I know a few students who went into their Master's 100% sure that they wanted to do their PhD. Unfortunately, after they experienced graduate school and research, they decided that it wasn't for them. So to make sure you're fully going to enjoy (as much as anyone can!) a PhD, I would make sure you experience grad school and more importantly- doing research.

I admit- I chuckled at this! My 'fuzzy' PhD is more credible here than in my lab...they tell me I have a 'scientology' degree....! :)

That seems like a different situation - one that they handled well! I just think that if you start dating a student while you teach them, you could send mixed signals and it could be a whole bag of trouble. Like if a student who does poorly on an exam knows you've just started dating another student, they could easily take that to a higher power and say you're being bias towards the student your dating. I know that's a vague example, but for me, I wouldn't even want to have that hassle....if feel like there could be a lot of issues around if you're being fair...and if this turns out to be a big problem, then you could be labelled with something you don't want and then be restricted with TA jobs....I dunno....I just see it as an epic catastrophe, much like a zombie apocalypse ....run...run far away! Each to their own!

Sigaba mentioned perseverance. I applied for a national grant that asked students to outline a situation in which they used perseverance. I was like, "wtf??!"...I think this is a perfect example that you could word/phase in a way that gave strength to your personality, motivation, experience and desire for graduate school. I might not focus my whole application around it, but I would certainly mention it, and not hide from it. You have clearly learned a lot from that situation, and if anything it has made you clearly see what you desire to pursue and work on for your career. I don't think it's something you should gloss over or be ashamed of...every experience is a situation you can learn from, and what you learn and how you react to that experience determines a lot of who you are. Write it as a strength! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Like crazygirl, I have heard (and witnessed) some crazy cray stuff happen between TAs/students....like naked photos being sent to the TA, or sexual notes being placed in their assignments. I've been in a situation where my close friends where in the class I TA'd for. If I ever felt that I couldn't mark them fairly, I would give them to another TA or to the professor. As for dating- I think you're getting into a really sticky situation. As others have said- EVERYONE WILL KNOW!! Don't think that they won't...they will...trust me...TRUST ME! And as someone who is in a department with students who are trying to pretend 'not to date'...you will be talked about constantly! It might not bother you, but I would worry about how it might impact others' opinion of my credibility and or professional capacity...not to mention, it could be a huge liability for you for future work in the department. I TA a lot, and I always am really careful at how students and other professors see me interact with the students I teach...I always meet in areas where there are lots of people and always have a history of our communication. I would never want to be in a situation where a student approached the department and said that they felt their mark in the class was tainted by our interactions/relationships. So dating an UG in a class I had would be completely off limits.... I might try thinking about the big potential picture rather than the short term 'randy' picture

IMO, all we can do is give advice based on personal opinion and experience (no one should think that it's anything more than this). I think there has been a lot of great advice here and the reader has clearly expressed their thanks for it...but it seems that there may be an issue with some that we were not given the full facts and that the OP may have (in the heat of the moment), accidentally swayed the tone/fact/etc to be more in favour of their position. I think we all know we don't come on here for anything but peer opinion and support. I think we also all know that sometimes when an OP posts they are in the moment and may be upset and misconstrue the situation/facts/etc- intentionally or unintentionally. I think the important thing is that we all want to give helpful guidance/advice and have it reflect the reality of the situation. I think this is a very important topic, that a lot of students experience. I hope Bones keeps us in the loop and lets us know the course of action they took and what happens...students could learn a lot from the situation.

I know! So scary!! It's really amazing what some people can do...it seems like there are more and more dangerous people out there! It's said, 99% of roommates are perfectly fine...it's the 1% that makes you cringe!

That sounds AWESOME!!! Totally jealous! I am hoping for some sun, my deck, a nice bottle of wine, and a good book! ooo..any maybe indulge in some much needed gaming with Diablo III and Amnesia!

Agree. I know some that don't even teach at all. I think it's important to be really sure about what you want your career to be. A PhD in academia normally means you'll be on the TT, and will have to actively engage in applying for grants, getting money to support your research, publishing original research, etc. You will be required to support your research - much like during your PhD when you apply for grants/scholarships to fund yourself. You will also (depending on where you stand in the department), have to teach a course or two. I know several 'new' faculty that have to teach 2-3 courses (the ones senior faculty don't like) plus do TT. This varies between departments. You will also have to take on students and mentor them. For some, the teaching aspect is what draws them into academics, rather than the TT, for others it's opposite. During your PhD you will be mostly taught the skills to go through the TT experience, and much less on the 'teaching' experience. You may have the opportunity to be a TA or even teach a class...I would suggest that if you want to be a professor, take these opportunities- they are great learning experiences and will be significantly valuable to your CV/resume if you want to apply for a faculty position. Outside of academics, there are a wide range of jobs for a PhD through gov't, NGO, etc. Here your PhD will allow you to apply for high-level positions, get you a pay raise, and will allow you to do research without the pressure of tenure. These positions ARE attainable with a masters in most cases, but a masters will limit you a bit, and PhDs are not becoming more desirable. Master's is a great stepping stone for many job opportunities. You will be able to apply for lots of higher-level RA work (in general $30/hr) and will be able to do a lot of work in various fields. My experience is that an MA can take you to a broad range of disciplines, while a PhD will make you a bit more of an 'expert' with more of a focus. But, this is based on my experience in the job field of health and health promotion. This will vary depending on discipline.

It's Friday again!! Wahooo!!!!!! What are everyone's plans!?!

I am scared to try internet dating....you all should write a "how to" for us wimps!! You can be our "internet dating mentors"!

I think you are feeling what most people would feel in this situation. Tall Chai Latte has framed it really well. I think it's an emotional and stressful situation, and you are probably feeling the blow back from all those emotions! I get like that during situations like this, once I finally go through it, I feel exhausted and drained. Also, I think the dynamics between student/supervisor are at play here..you probably didn't want to upset/disappoint/anger your supervisor and you know, her just feeling a little sad is going to impact you. It sounds like the situation went well, and everyone will just need a little time to move past it. In no time she will be happy and rooting for you. All supervisors want to see their students succeed!

I think this is a great idea! it's really important to have a source of support during your degree that you can rant with, bounce ideas off of, and wallow together! You might want to organize a biweekly drink/dinner out! That's what we use to do!