Trying to understand the PhD life in US

[dreamerr33]

Hey everyone,

I got admitted to one of the Social Sciences PhD programs I applied to, which was rather surprising for me as I didn't really expect to receive an offer.

So now, I am really confused and finding it hard to take a final decision. I am an International student and I would like to learn more about various aspects of the PhD life in USA.

So here are some questions, expecting to receive inputs from all, especially from current PhD students and graduated students. Help is highly appreciated

1) So while reading answers to a question about the challenges during a PhD on Quora, A specific portion of an answer surprised me, which says -

Low social status. You are at the bottom of the hierarchy of a decrepit, creaking guild system. Undergrads are happier and sexier (no matter how in-shape or good-looking you might be, because it's not about that) than you are. Do not try to be a part of their world; that is just pathetic. Graduate students in other disciplines will generally look down on you and your colleagues will look down on them. Professors you have no choice but to look up to, since they survived the atrocity of a job market that 80% of your colleagues won't.

So is it really true that it is considered as strange when Doctoral students talk to Masters students or undergrad students, or vice versa? Are friendships or relationships between these groups considered as weird?

2) How many hours do I need to work on weekdays? and the same for weekends?

I know the answer to this question would depend from program to program and also on the year of the PhD. However, it would be good to have an estimate for Social Science PhD students. I would also like to have a general idea of which of the five years is the best in terms of having free time?

3) What do PhD students do in Summer?

What is the duration of Winter vacation and summer vacation in US? Is funding for Social Science PhD students common?

I like to travel and explore new places. So would summer be the right time to do it?

4) Is it possible to finish a PhD in less than 5 years?

Lets say, If I take more than the actual number of prescribed courses in a Semester, or I complete my thesis in less time than expected. Would it be possible to complete the Program in 4 or 3 years?

Or are there any other means of completing a US PhD in less time?

5) How difficult is it to stay in the same city for 5 years? Could it get really boring at one point of time?

I ask that because I am still young(23) and I would like to explore new places during this phase of my life. So, to rephrase the question in a better way "How often do PhD students travel? How many times in an year on average?

6) What is it like to be a teaching assistant?

In general, I am a shy person and I am not sure if I will be able to teach a huge class. I have no prior teaching experience and my personality doesn't fit to that of a teacher, and I am more interested in research. Thus, I would prefer to be a research assistant rather than a teaching assistant. However, I feel that I will have no choice but to be a teaching assistant as it is a condition mentioned on my offer letter. Therefore, I would like to learn more about being a teaching assistant, what are the jobs of a teaching assistant and how are difficult are each of these jobs?

7) Would there be huge work pressure and lots of sleepless nights?

To break the question into parts, (A) Which of the 5 years will involve the highest amount of work pressure?

(B) How difficult is it to maintain a 3.5 GPA(which is what I need to secure continued funding)

(C) How difficult is the coursework?

(D) Is fourteen credits per semester too much workload?

(E) Which phase during a PhD is more challenging? The coursework phase or the final dissertation phase?

(F) From what I have read, a lot of students who enroll into a PhD program tend to leave it in between, so I would like to know in which phase or year of the program does that generally happen?

8) Since professor jobs in Academia are so competitive, what are some other nice options open for Social Science PhD graduates?

9) What motivates people to pursue a PhD? Is it only the love for research in the field? Or are there other reasons too?

When people finally take a decision to pursue a PhD, what other possible career options do they leave behind? (Although this is something which differs for each person, I would like to learn what is the motivation of people to enroll into a PhD program while denying Industry job offers they may have had or discontinuing their job to pursue a PhD)

Or is it also the because they have no other option in life except pursuing a PhD?

10) What are the average monthly savings of a typical PhD student in US?

I know it depends on the stipend, cost of living, and lifestyle of the student. However, I would like to have an estimate of savings per month, and I am also interested in knowing how does one spend one's remaining stipend after paying the rent and utility bills.

11) On average, how many conferences in an year does a PhD student attend? What are the conference funding provisions in general during a PhD in Social Sciences?

12) Do PhD students even have relationships in their university?

Is it possible for PhD students to have girlfriends or boyfriends? Or the high work pressure makes it impossible? Have there been instances of Social Science PhD students being in a relationship? (This question is in the context of Single PhD students only)

Inputs and responses to the above questions are highly appreciated. Thank you

[TMP]

I understand that  you are an international student.  I have to ask-- have you been in touch with the program you've been accepted to and introduced to some of their graduate students (especially international)?  Those graduate students will be your best resources for helping you making the transition from a reference point of your particular country or region.

Also a lot of these questions can be answered by using the search function, particularly for this "official grads" forum as well as "coursework, advising and exams".

[Levon3]

15 hours ago, dreamerr33 said:

is it really true that it is considered as strange when Doctoral students talk to Masters students or undergrad students, or vice versa? Are friendships or relationships between these groups considered as weird?

I would dispute this. I have several friends who are master's students. I had a friend who befriended undergrads through sports leagues, etc. I'm not close in age to the undergrads, so I didn't try to make friends with them, but I don't know anyone that judged my friend.

15 hours ago, dreamerr33 said:

2) How many hours do I need to work on weekdays? and the same for weekends?

I work a lot of hours--probably 50-60 hours per week (I am slow), but lots of people in my program work a more balanced life. 

15 hours ago, dreamerr33 said:

3) What do PhD students do in Summer?

I am in the social sciences and have summer funding (for part-time work). It is enough to survive on.

15 hours ago, dreamerr33 said:

4) Is it possible to finish a PhD in less than 5 years?

Depends on the program. some places it's encouraged; some it is discouraged. It may be unwise if you're funded, though, because another year to strengthen your cv and get publications can be very beneficial for your job prospects. 

15 hours ago, dreamerr33 said:

"How often do PhD students travel? How many times in an year on average?

Yes, the same city can be boring for 5 years. But this is the price we pay for the thing we want (PhD). I think travel varies greatly from school to school. I have generous travel funding for conferences, so I try to attend 3 or more conferences per year. 

 

That is all I have time for now. I second TMP in advising you to search the answers to these questions in other parts of the forum, as they've been answered in greater detail and with more nuance elsewhere. But I will try to come back and give more thoughts tomorrow. 

[Bleep_Bloop]

15 hours ago, dreamerr33 said:

1) So while reading answers to a question about the challenges during a PhD on Quora, A specific portion of an answer surprised me, which says -

Low social status. You are at the bottom of the hierarchy of a decrepit, creaking guild system. Undergrads are happier and sexier (no matter how in-shape or good-looking you might be, because it's not about that) than you are. Do not try to be a part of their world; that is just pathetic. Graduate students in other disciplines will generally look down on you and your colleagues will look down on them. Professors you have no choice but to look up to, since they survived the atrocity of a job market that 80% of your colleagues won't.

So is it really true that it is considered as strange when Doctoral students talk to Masters students or undergrad students, or vice versa? Are friendships or relationships between these groups considered as weird?

This depends on the culture of the university. At mine, there is a wide gap between undergraduate and graduate students. It would be strange for the two to mingle. There is not much of a divide between MA and PhD students. Graduate students are certainly at the bottom of the pecking order when it comes to resources at my university. Undergraduates are at the top of the hierarchy (they are the customers), then faculty, then graduate students. 

 

15 hours ago, dreamerr33 said:

2) How many hours do I need to work on weekdays? and the same for weekends?

I am nearing the end of my program. In the first 3 years I worked 60-70 hours between coursework, research, and teaching. Then in my fourth it dipped down to 50 because I was finished with coursework and teaching, and focused exclusively on writing. In the 5th year I went back to 60-70 because of job, fellowship, and grant applications balanced with dissertation writing.

 

16 hours ago, dreamerr33 said:

4) Is it possible to finish a PhD in less than 5 years?

It is very unlikely. The program is structured that way for a reason, the faulty are (usually) aware of our human limits. Taking more than the suggested amount of coursework is possible, though you will likely be overwhelmed and perform poorly. Likewise, you will only hurt yourself if you rush your dissertation. 

 

16 hours ago, dreamerr33 said:

5) How difficult is it to stay in the same city for 5 years? Could it get really boring at one point of time?

I ask that because I am still young(23) and I would like to explore new places during this phase of my life. So, to rephrase the question in a better way "How often do PhD students travel? How many times in an year on average?

Conferences and research stays (I am in an area studies program) permit me to travel quite a bit, both within the country and internationally. I spend at least 1-2 months in Latin America over the summer for research every year. Admittedly, I don't have much time to travel when it's not work related. Also, research-related travel is funded by grants. I would not be able to afford much international travel on my stipend alone. But that doesn't mean that I don't combine work and a bit of fun on all my research trips.  

 

16 hours ago, dreamerr33 said:

10) What are the average monthly savings of a typical PhD student in US?

This depends on your region and how generous the stipend is, in addition to spending habits. I live on the east coast in a major urban area and while the stipend is enough to live comfortably, I can only save a little each month. 

 

16 hours ago, dreamerr33 said:

11) On average, how many conferences in an year does a PhD student attend? What are the conference funding provisions in general during a PhD in Social Sciences?

I've presented at 5 this year, though that is high and due to the fact that I am on the job market and want exposure. I've also organized a conference this year to, and have done so once per year while in my program. I typically presented at 2-3 a year throughout the program.

 

16 hours ago, dreamerr33 said:

12) Do PhD students even have relationships in their university?

Of course. It can be challenging, depending on the institutional culture and the amount you are expected to work. But with some time management (and a very patient and understanding partner) it is definitely possible. 

[dreamerr33]

10 hours ago, TMP said:

I understand that  you are an international student.  I have to ask-- have you been in touch with the program you've been accepted to and introduced to some of their graduate students (especially international)?  Those graduate students will be your best resources for helping you making the transition from a reference point of your particular country or region.

Also a lot of these questions can be answered by using the search function, particularly for this "official grads" forum as well as "coursework, advising and exams".

Hey, Yes I did write to some of the current students, but I haven't yet received a reply from any of them yet.

Yes, I did use the search function and got an idea regarding some of my doubts, but I wanted to know things in more detail.

 

@Levon3 Thank you for your response. That helped

@Bleep_BloopThanks a lot, that does simplify things for me. Is 60-70 hours a week including Saturday and Sunday?

 

[Bleep_Bloop]

17 hours ago, dreamerr33 said:

@Bleep_BloopThanks a lot, that does simplify things for me. Is 60-70 hours a week including Saturday and Sunday?

Yes, I distribute that time over weekends and holidays. I will work every day, though the number of hours varies. Less on a Sunday, for example, when I need to run errands.

[rising_star]

@Bleep_Bloop, to me, that sounds like too much and a recipe for overwork/burn out. I wouldn't advise anyone to work that much, especially not if you want an academic position in the future.

[GreenEyedTrombonist]

On 3/11/2018 at 12:48 PM, dreamerr33 said:

1) So while reading answers to a question about the challenges during a PhD on Quora, A specific portion of an answer surprised me, which says -

Low social status. You are at the bottom of the hierarchy of a decrepit, creaking guild system. Undergrads are happier and sexier (no matter how in-shape or good-looking you might be, because it's not about that) than you are. Do not try to be a part of their world; that is just pathetic. Graduate students in other disciplines will generally look down on you and your colleagues will look down on them. Professors you have no choice but to look up to, since they survived the atrocity of a job market that 80% of your colleagues won't.

So is it really true that it is considered as strange when Doctoral students talk to Masters students or undergrad students, or vice versa? Are friendships or relationships between these groups considered as weird?

2

I also disagree with this. I know plenty of doctoral students who associate with master's students or undergrads, depending on common interests. Why limit your social network based on something as small as where you are in your educational progression?

On 3/11/2018 at 12:48 PM, dreamerr33 said:

2) How many hours do I need to work on weekdays? and the same for weekends?

I know the answer to this question would depend from program to program and also on the year of the PhD. However, it would be good to have an estimate for Social Science PhD students. I would also like to have a general idea of which of the five years is the best in terms of having free time?

One of the things I looked for when choosing a program was work-life balance. Do students have time to do other things, like a hobby? I hope to treat my degree program like a job and keep most of my work to weekdays. This might not be possible at certain times when the classes I take and teach both have major assignments due, but on average this is what I hope out of my workload. 

On 3/11/2018 at 12:48 PM, dreamerr33 said:

3) What do PhD students do in Summer?

What is the duration of Winter vacation and summer vacation in US? Is funding for Social Science PhD students common?

I like to travel and explore new places. So would summer be the right time to do it?

 

I'll most likely be working for some extra money, traveling/visiting family (my niece and my birthdays are in the summer), and working on what I can for my degree. Summer break normally starts somewhere in May (end of May, typically) and goes until sometime in August. Winter break is shorter, usually starting in December and ending end of January or beginning of February. If you have the funds and time to do so, summer can be great for travel and exploration.

On 3/11/2018 at 12:48 PM, dreamerr33 said:

4) Is it possible to finish a PhD in less than 5 years?

Lets say, If I take more than the actual number of prescribed courses in a Semester, or I complete my thesis in less time than expected. Would it be possible to complete the Program in 4 or 3 years?

Or are there any other means of completing a US PhD in less time?

Is it possible? Yes. Should you do it? Probably not. As long as your program is funded, the more time you spend there the more opportunities to attend conferences, get papers in for publication, gain teaching experience (if you want to go the professorship route), and do other things that will build your CV. In addition, it's already stressful taking a full courseload, teaching, and doing all the other things you need as part of your degree. Trying to take on more work when you don't need to is just not a great idea for your health, stress, or future job prospects. Now, you could do things over the summer and winter break to help speed up the process (do a directed study, prep IRB protocol, etc) but that will take away from travel time, so figure out if you want to travel now or get through faster, basically.

On 3/11/2018 at 12:48 PM, dreamerr33 said:

5) How difficult is it to stay in the same city for 5 years? Could it get really boring at one point of time?

I ask that because I am still young(23) and I would like to explore new places during this phase of my life. So, to rephrase the question in a better way "How often do PhD students travel? How many times in an year on average?

3

This depends on the city and your own mentality. Some cities are huge and give lots in the way of entertainment. Some are smaller, but close to amazing attractions. Travel seems to be important to you, so I'd consider saving what you can to do a trip in the summer. That might help offset the stir-craziness.

On 3/11/2018 at 12:48 PM, dreamerr33 said:

6) What is it like to be a teaching assistant?

In general, I am a shy person and I am not sure if I will be able to teach a huge class. I have no prior teaching experience and my personality doesn't fit to that of a teacher, and I am more interested in research. Thus, I would prefer to be a research assistant rather than a teaching assistant. However, I feel that I will have no choice but to be a teaching assistant as it is a condition mentioned on my offer letter. Therefore, I would like to learn more about being a teaching assistant, what are the jobs of a teaching assistant and how are difficult are each of these jobs?

2

Plenty of people have no prior teaching experience before their PhD. TAships can be anything from grader positions, instructor of record (usually when you're a more senior student), or working in an admin office. Really just depends on your program and their needs. If a TAship is specifically mentioned on your offer letter, you will be TAing for at least the first semester (and most likely first year). Try and explore RA opportunities that first year to hopefully land one your second year, if teaching really isn't your thing.

On 3/11/2018 at 12:48 PM, dreamerr33 said:

7) Would there be huge work pressure and lots of sleepless nights?

To break the question into parts, (A) Which of the 5 years will involve the highest amount of work pressure?

(B) How difficult is it to maintain a 3.5 GPA(which is what I need to secure continued funding)

(C) How difficult is the coursework?

(D) Is fourteen credits per semester too much workload?

(E) Which phase during a PhD is more challenging? The coursework phase or the final dissertation phase?

(F) From what I have read, a lot of students who enroll into a PhD program tend to leave it in between, so I would like to know in which phase or year of the program does that generally happen?

3

This also really really depends on your program and work-life balance. There are different work pressures each year. First year, you're getting used to teaching for the first time, taking doctoral classes, and adjusting to a new place. Second year, classes are more advanced, you're still teaching (and probably a new class) and you're gearing up for examinations and thinking about your research. Third year is either more courses and exams or exams and prepping your proposal plus more teaching. Fourth year you're probably ABD and basically working on your dissertation full time, though you may also teach or work another job at this time. Fifth year you're finishing the dissertation, prepping for your defense, and interviewing for a job. Throughout all of this you're probably also attending conferences, trying to get papers published, and maybe running small research projects (or working on larger research projects in a team). It shouldn't be too difficult to maintain a 3.5 GPA if you're doing your work on time and are engaged in your courses. 

Coursework difficulty varies widely, even from class to class. You'll probably be assigned more reading than you can handle. Part of this process is learning how to read quickly and still process the information. The difficulty most likely varies from professor to professor so just ask fellow students their experiences, attend office hours, and you'll probably be fine. Study groups can also be awesome. 

Don't take 14 credits. Just don't do it. I've done 12 as part of my MA, but I didn't have to TA or do much work for my RAship at the time, which made it a lot easier. And like I mentioned before, coursework and dissertation phases are both challenging, but in different ways. 

From my understanding (including knowing people who have left), some leave after the first year (and some restart at a different program that's a better cultural fit), while others master out (receive and MA/MS/etc for their work, but don't fulfill the requirements of the PhD). 

On 3/11/2018 at 12:48 PM, dreamerr33 said:

8) Since professor jobs in Academia are so competitive, what are some other nice options open for Social Science PhD graduates?

1

This one depends on your research interests, methodological training, and networking skills. A search of the social science section may help you get a clearer picture of non-academic positions available to you after your degree.

On 3/11/2018 at 12:48 PM, dreamerr33 said:

9) What motivates people to pursue a PhD? Is it only the love for research in the field? Or are there other reasons too?

When people finally take a decision to pursue a PhD, what other possible career options do they leave behind? (Although this is something which differs for each person, I would like to learn what is the motivation of people to enroll into a PhD program while denying Industry job offers they may have had or discontinuing their job to pursue a PhD)

Or is it also the because they have no other option in life except pursuing a PhD?

6

I've wanted a PhD for as long as I can remember. As I have matured, I have also discovered a love for discussing academic topics and teaching at the undergrad (and above) levels. When I start my PhD, I'll be leaving a job working as a Community Manager on a major social media platform. I love my job, but at the end of the day, I see myself growing more and experiencing more opportunities in a PhD-driven future. If your only reason to pursue a PhD is because you can't find work, a PhD might not be the right path for you. 

On 3/11/2018 at 12:48 PM, dreamerr33 said:

10) What are the average monthly savings of a typical PhD student in US?

I know it depends on the stipend, cost of living, and lifestyle of the student. However, I would like to have an estimate of savings per month, and I am also interested in knowing how does one spend one's remaining stipend after paying the rent and utility bills.

2

This one is just way too variable to answer in any meaningful way. If you want an estimate of savings per month, you'll need to calculate that for each of your potential programs. After rent and utilities, you also need to pay for food (groceries and eating out), if you have a vehicle, associated fees (car payment, insurance, gas, repairs, etc), healthcare if your's isn't 100% provided by your school (this could mean something as small as copays or as big as a percentage of your hospital bill), and additional expenses dependent on you, your needs, and your program/location. Since my student loan will be paid off before I start my degree, my payments should come down to rent, utilities, groceries, healthcare, vet bills, and incidentals like clothes. I'll also be saving for additional conference travel than my program provides and travel back home to visit family.

On 3/11/2018 at 12:48 PM, dreamerr33 said:

11) On average, how many conferences in an year does a PhD student attend? What are the conference funding provisions in general during a PhD in Social Sciences?

3

How many does your department/school fund? I expect to attend 1-3 depending on the year (potentially more when I start on the job market).The two programs I'm deciding between fund 1 or 2 with additional funds for conferences available through other means.

On 3/11/2018 at 12:48 PM, dreamerr33 said:

12) Do PhD students even have relationships in their university?

Is it possible for PhD students to have girlfriends or boyfriends? Or the high work pressure makes it impossible? Have there been instances of Social Science PhD students being in a relationship? (This question is in the context of Single PhD students only)

4

I've met plenty of PhD students that are in relationships. They make it work. I even met two recently that are getting married (not to each other, separate students in their own relationships). It can be hard, but it's definitely doable. 

[Bleep_Bloop]

13 hours ago, rising_star said:

@Bleep_Bloop, to me, that sounds like too much and a recipe for overwork/burn out. I wouldn't advise anyone to work that much, especially not if you want an academic position in the future.

I realize that this might seem excessive depending on personal habits and institutional culture, but I've been doing it for nearly 5 years and don't feel like my life is a hellscape. I have time to work out, cook, spend time with my partner, go out for a walk, and have a beer on a Friday night. A lot of people considering PhD programs ask me about hours worked, and I always feel weird answering, because I don't view (most of) what I'm doing as a job. For example, a lot of my weekend hours are spent reading and writing. I'm in a literature program, so reading theory and literature and jotting down my reflections would count as "work". But I would be doing this on any given weekend regardless, because it's what I enjoy. Whenever I'm reading I'm thinking about how I could teach this material, and start mapping out syllabi. That would also count as "work". Dropping by a conference on campus on a Saturday would also be considered "work". But I go, even if it means adding more to my schedule, because I love the intellectual dialogue. It's fun. So I don't feel burnt out, even though I'm technically "working" 8 hours on a Saturday or a holiday. Of course, there are things that definitely feel like work, such as answering e-mails, grading, organizing conferences, etc. That stuff I try to keep to what would be considered the "work week". I save the more pleasant tasks for the weekend so it doesn't feel like I'm constantly on the grind. 

When I started my PhD program I went in with the attitude that this was a job, and that I needed to keep track of my hours to prevent burnout. I tried to limit my work to 40 hours a week, as if it were a 9-5. This actually stressed me out more. I wasn't able to do everything in 40 hours, and my institution expects much more than what you can fit in between 9 and 5. When I was tallying up the hours it took me to finish everything, I was discouraged because the "hours worked" mindset led me to think that I was an employee clocking in 60 hours for slightly more than a subsistence stipend as "compensation". Meanwhile, I had friends working much less and making much more, spending their weekends traveling or going out. This was discouraging. After discussions with my adviser and other faculty members I changed my mindset and began to think of academia not as a job but as a lifestyle. At this point it's hard for me to differentiate between work and non-work. When I'm asked about hours worked, I try to put myself back into my original mindset (grad school is a job) so that I can give this person an honest answer. But I just don't care if I "work" that much...I don't need a hobby because reading and writing are my hobbies. And I'm happy with that. I was drawn to the PhD because I wanted to live an intellectual life, and that requires you to be constantly thinking, reading, and writing.   

[rising_star]

1 hour ago, Bleep_Bloop said:

...I wanted to live an intellectual life, and that requires you to be constantly thinking, reading, and writing.   

I just want to say that I honestly don't believe that's true. Or rather, that one can be thinking and reading about all sorts of things unrelated to their field and still live an intellectual life. I'll share a valuable piece of advice several junior TT faculty told me when I was about halfway through my PhD: the PhD is the easy part compared to a TT job at a research-intensive university. Rather than teaching one class, you'll be teaching two, in addition to having service (departmental and university level), advising, thesis/dissertation committee work, and the need to get grants and publish. In my field, you need a minimum of two peer-reviewed pubs in quality journals per year to be competitive for tenure, in addition to needing to show you can get major funding from a national funding agency. If you're already working 50-60 hours a week without doing those things, how many hours will you need to work in order to do them? Just something to consider.

My real concern is that prospective graduate students will read this and think they aren't working enough if they aren't putting in 50-60 hours a week. That may be the case for you but it is far from a universal truth.

[sc9an]

To follow up on the working hour discussion by @rising_starand to broadly touch on the questions raised by this post, I really think while there is some practical advice on navigating the graduate life that people generally follow, the specific choice is ultimately determined by the individual and the program. I have heard about both people working 40 hours  and 60+ hours  a week in graduate school, and it suggests nothing to me more than a possible range of hours I could see myself spend in my upcoming graduate life. Some of my friends go to lucrative investment banking and consulting jobs after undergrads and they have no choice but to follow the suit and work 60+ or even 70+ hours a week to keep the paychecks coming. The good thing is that in graduate school there is relatively more autonomy. So there is no set standard to follow.

This brings up my second point, that while OP is doing the right thing in looking out for helpful suggestions, OP might want to ultimately make a decision on his/her own, based on the specific program context. There is no stereotypical "PhD life in US." I see graduate school as the beginning of my career, an apprenticeship phase, where I have to decide my own path, including things like area interests, courses, work hours, travel or not. Questions like "why do you choose to do a PhD,“ "is it going to be stressful," "can I travel," and "what are some nice options after the graduate school" do not have a normative answer or a common trend to identify; these are to me choices to make, or trade-offs to handle, as I make the commitment to grad school, like many other things in my on-edge out-of-undergrad adult life. These are also in my opinion things to be mentally prepared ideally through research done before one even starts to apply for grad school. I know some of the non-academic outcomes the PhDs in my field have achieved in the past, and I think they are good. I know the scientific importance my field has to me and to my discipline, and that is why I chose my field. Again I think there is no set answers but only personal opinions to many of the questions in the original post, and it is likely an exaggeration that these opinions represent "PhD life in US."

It might appear that I am having opinions on the way OP raised these questions, and I apologize if it does. I am also an international student holding the F-1 visa and I am speaking out of my sincerity here.

[Bleep_Bloop]

1 hour ago, rising_star said:

My real concern is that prospective graduate students will read this and think they aren't working enough if they aren't putting in 50-60 hours a week. That may be the case for you but it is far from a universal truth.

I don't mean to suggest that anyone has to work that much. I can only share my experience and lifestyle. I can work that much and not burn out because I'm really, really into what I do. I have friends in my program who do the 9-5 thing and they're happy too. When I was an applicant reading these boards everyone insisted on limiting "work" to 40 hours a week. I tried that and it didn't work for me. I think prospective grad students should know that there are many types of grad students. I know I don't have to "work" as much as I do, but I really don't mind it. My project is interdisciplinary and so I need to cover bibliographies across fields. I want to take advantage of my time in the program to read as much as I can because I know that I won't have time to do that once I start the TT grind. That's my choice, not a requirement. I don't think anyone here is claiming universal truth.

1 hour ago, rising_star said:

I'll share a valuable piece of advice several junior TT faculty told me when I was about halfway through my PhD: the PhD is the easy part compared to a TT job at a research-intensive university. ... If you're already working 50-60 hours a week without doing those things, how many hours will you need to work in order to do them? Just something to consider.

It's good advice generally, but I'm not sure I agree with how it's framed. Obviously, being a professor is more demanding than being a student. But based on my conversations with faculty, I wouldn't consider the transition from PhD student to faculty as a sort of x+y in which you take all your responsibilities as a student and simply add the responsibilities of faculty. They're two different "jobs". It's not about just adding more work, but replacing some things I do now with others that are required of faculty. There are a lot of things you can do as a student that you just won't be able to do as a professor (which is why it's important to do them now). For example, reading as widely as possible (this is field dependent, of course. The bibliography will require much more time in the humanities than in the sciences because these are book and not article fields). 

Edited March 14, 2018 by Bleep_Bloop

[rising_star]

@Bleep_Bloop, what are some of the specific things that you are responsible for as a student that you are no longer responsible for as faculty? The only thing I can think of is that you no longer have to take courses (which of course you also don't do later in your PhD). Maybe I've been out of grad school too long but, from what I recall, I needed to read, write, do research, apply for funding, present at conferences, and teach as a graduate student. Am I forgetting something? (Asking in all honesty because, like I said, I've been TT faculty for the past several years.) I have all of those same responsibilities as a faculty member plus additional ones (e.g., service; supervising theses). I also go to way more meetings now than I ever did as a grad student. I miss the days with fewer meetings. (Also, FWIW, I still have time to read broadly because that's what I have to do in order to remain current in my focus area. There is definitely time to read in a faculty position, but only if you're sure to carve out that time for yourself.)

Of course there are many different ways to do work. Some people do 40 hours a week, some do more, some do less. The real key is making sure that you're hitting the targets and milestones you need to hit. I think the best answer to @dreamerr33's questions about work-life balance (and many of your other questions) will probably come from current students in the program you're interested in. If everyone in the department is telling you they have to work 50-60 hours to not fall behind, that will give you a good indication of what life is like in that department. Similarly, some advisors may not mind if their students travel home/away over winter or summer break while others will expect you to be in the lab/office working on projects. My own work involves fieldwork so my PhD advisor knew (and required) students to spend time in the field over the summer. We could do other travel but it had to fit around the fieldwork. 

As for some of your other questions, a lot of those are deeply personal. If you want to pursue a relationship in grad school, you can. If you don't want to, then don't. If you want to find ways to save money, then it's probably possible regardless of the stipend and where you live because you can do things like dumpster dive for food, live with lots of roommates to cut housing costs, take advantage of free events for entertainment, etc. 

Time to degree in the social sciences varies widely. Lots of people finish in 5 years or fewer, particularly those who come in having already earned a master's. Some of it will depend on your dissertation topic and the availability of data. It can take longer to finish if you have to collect the data yourself, though this isn't always the case. One of my friends did a qualitative social science PhD in three years. That is, they did coursework, data collection, analysis, wrote it all up, and defended in three academic years. This person did work a significant number of hours during the term and during the summer in order to make this possible but, it proves that it's possible. Of course not all advisors are willing to work with their students to finish so quickly since spending additional time in the program can help you gain more teaching experience and get out more publications. 

[Bleep_Bloop]

23 minutes ago, rising_star said:

@Bleep_Bloop, what are some of the specific things that you are responsible for as a student that you are no longer responsible for as faculty? The only thing I can think of is that you no longer have to take courses (which of course you also don't do later in your PhD). Maybe I've been out of grad school too long but, from what I recall, I needed to read, write, do research, apply for funding, present at conferences, and teach as a graduate student. Am I forgetting something? (Asking in all honesty because, like I said, I've been TT faculty for the past several years.) I have all of those same responsibilities as a faculty member plus additional ones (e.g., service; supervising theses). I also go to way more meetings now than I ever did as a grad student. I miss the days with fewer meetings. (Also, FWIW, I still have time to read broadly because that's what I have to do in order to remain current in my focus area. There is definitely time to read in a faculty position, but only if you're sure to carve out that time for yourself.)

Yes, both grad students and faculty read, write and teach. My point is that the scope and intensity of these activities is so different that to equate them makes little sense. But by introducing this distinction a few posts back, you took this thread off track from graduate student life to faculty life. We don't even know if OP is necessarily pursuing a career as a professor (they ask about alt-ac options in the social sciences, suggesting they very well may not), so this whole debate is pointless and I'll leave it there.

[dreamerr33]

@GreenEyedTrombonistThanks a lot for your answers. They have been helpful for me in my decision making process. Good luck for the journey ahead.

@schenarThank you for your insight

@rising_star That is really helpful and clears a lot of my concerns. Thanks. I am intrigued by the story of your friend having completed a US PhD in 3 years!

I received my second acceptance, so now it has become harder for me to decide. Hopefully will be able to take a final decision and accept one of the offers within a week.

Edited March 15, 2018 by dreamerr33
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