Commuting

[joan_was_quizzical]

Hi all,

I was wondering if there are any commuters out there who could tell me about their experiences. I'm starting a PhD in philosophy this fall (I hope), but am not sure yet what to do. My partner is doing his grad studies at a good university that I probably won't get in to (preparing for the worst here), but I've already been offered a great opportunity at another good university about 2 hours away. My partner isn't from this country (Canada), however, and so is more or less limited to staying at the university he's at (because of visa issues).

I've been thinking that I should just suck it up and do the 2 hour commute, seeing as the city my partner is now in is a great place, and is also where all my good friends are. It will cost a fortune, however, and will undoubtedly change my PhD experience drastically.

Has anyone done a PhD at such a long distance? Was it manageable, would you reccommend it, etc? Any input would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

[Sassytune]

I am also looking at an hour and half commute each way <Yikes!> starting this Fall, so cannot give you input on whether it is recommended or not. But I think, at least in the first year, it should be manageable, ask me a year later, and I could have some advice.

[socialcomm]

When my husband completed his PhD, he was 1.5 hours from the school. For the first year (or maybe it was just the first semester? I can't recall now.), he had an apartment near the school he stayed at a couple nights a week. After that time, he only went in a few days a week, driving there and back in one day. He was good at time management and didn't feel like he missed out by not being on campus all the time. I'll be commuting about an hour to my program. I'm also hoping I won't need to drive in every day, but I'll have to wait and see.

2 hours is certainly a long drive -- do you know how many days you'll need to be on campus? What hours you'll need to be on campus?

[joan_was_quizzical]

I wish I knew! I'm thinking it will be 2 - 3 days a week. I'd probably commute by bus or train, so at least I could use that time to get reading/writing done.

[chemdoc]

Hi all,

I was wondering if there are any commuters out there who could tell me about their experiences. I'm starting a PhD in philosophy this fall (I hope), but am not sure yet what to do. My partner is doing his grad studies at a good university that I probably won't get in to (preparing for the worst here), but I've already been offered a great opportunity at another good university about 2 hours away. My partner isn't from this country (Canada), however, and so is more or less limited to staying at the university he's at (because of visa issues).

I've been thinking that I should just suck it up and do the 2 hour commute, seeing as the city my partner is now in is a great place, and is also where all my good friends are. It will cost a fortune, however, and will undoubtedly change my PhD experience drastically.

Has anyone done a PhD at such a long distance? Was it manageable, would you reccommend it, etc? Any input would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

Currently my commute is 60-75 minutes each way. It's absolutely horrible. I lose 10-12 hours a week in the commute. I have to leave by 6:30am since I have class at 8am on Tuesday. I have lab on Tuesday evening and I don't get home till 10:30 pm.

The commute is extremely tiresome for me and I can't wait till I move out next year to my graduate school where I can have a short 5-10 min bus/bike ride.

[Gus]

I also am considering the feasibility of a commute. Depending upon where my husband is able to find a job, I will be looking between a 1 hour and 3 hour commute. There is the possibility for some or all of the commute to be via train (thus allowing reading time) and/or for me to rent a space in a commuter apartment on campus. I appreciate hearing from both sides of the spectrum. It sounds like the bottom line is - how committed are you to both living where you are / completing the program? For me, there's no way my husband could get a job in the cities where my program offers are, so I'm going to take the risk. I feel pretty confident about the 1-2 hour thing. If we went 3 hours it would potentially put us much closer to family / baby sitters, but would it be nuts for me? My hope is to only need to be on campus 2-3 days a week if the commute is much more than an hour each way.

[appmatharmy]

I've decided to get a place on/near campus to avoid a two hour commute, especially for my first semester/year (several years since undergrad). But I will have to go home a few nights a week when my wife is on call. I think it will be worth it, especially for the initial catch up.

[pea-jay]

My wife did the 90+ minute commute thing during a part of her UG. It sucked for her but having a new car that got 45+ mpg did make things bearable financially. The other option was to wait for the same courses to pop up at her campus, which would have dragged out the process even further.

[Nytusse]

It is rough. I've been doing it for the last two years, and it is exhausting. I think that the biggest problem is the lack of feeling like you are part of a community, because you never want to stay for any extra events when you know home is so far away. I know that I probably missed out on a lot of opportunities because I always had to worry about the commute and getting home.

[Summit_Bid]

It is rough. I've been doing it for the last two years, and it is exhausting. I think that the biggest problem is the lack of feeling like you are part of a community, because you never want to stay for any extra events when you know home is so far away. I know that I probably missed out on a lot of opportunities because I always had to worry about the commute and getting home.

I second this. Think about how much more you could be doing with your time if you are not driving. I suppose if you are on a commuter train you can check emails etc., but commuting anyway usually drains energy fast.

[daimiasue]

Is it possible for you guys to move half way between the schools so it will be less of commute for you?

[Medievalmaniac]

It all boils down to what you want, honestly. You could compromise and move somewhere between the schools. You can maintain separate residences during the term, or schedule classes so you're only gone 2-3 days a week, or (in some cases) you can even get graduate housing on campus during the term and avoid paying an extra rent - but in the end, do you want the degree, or do you not want the degree?

There are a number of academic couples who actually live extremely far distances from one another during the term. I know of one couple in which the husband teaches on the East Coast and the wife, in the Midwest. They are young, untenured, and that's where the jobs were. I know some tenured faculty who teach in separate states. Ultimately, you will have to go where the jobs are....so this might be a good testing ground for that.

As the daughter of a military soldier and a mom who refused to move every three years (we only moved 4 times, rather than the 8-10 ordinarily required of my dad's position; otherwise he just left and then came back when his deployment was over I have watched a "commuter marriage" be a very successful venture - but my mom knew when she signed on to the relationship that the Army meant a lot of traveling, and the compromise they came up with was that she and we would (mostly) stay put, and he would do the traveling. It was hard, but it also helped my sister and I become the independent and resourceful people we are today.

I have commuted as far as an hour and twenty minutes to and from work in former jobs - and yes, it can suck, you lose a lot of time. But if you are taking public transportation, it can also provide good reading time, and if you are driving, you can catch up on your world news, events, and current music fads on NPR. And ultimately, it will force you to be better about using your time wisely - which will make you a better academic.

So, unfortunately - no really good advice here, other than you have to weigh your priorities and the trust level of your relationship and make a decision accordingly. Good luck!!

[joan_was_quizzical]

Thanks so much for the input!

daimiasue - We've thought about living somewhere in the middle, but I'm afraid that will be a disaster (both doing horrible commutes, never seeing each other, no friends in a small city). At least if I'm the only one commuting a few days a week, the rest of the time I'll be in a cool place and maybe have a bit of a life.

As for living apart, that's what we're doing now and have been doing for the past year or so. After living together for a long time, doing the weekends-only thing for so long is really taking its toll. I absolutely hate it. So I feel like I'm stuck between either compromising our relationship, or compromising my PhD.

Again, thanks for the insights!