Let's talk about the stress of trying to pick between/ among schools

[whatislife69]

I have had some not-so-good visits with schools that were among my top choices. Now with only a couple of visits left, I don't really know what to do anymore.

[arbie]

I hear this! What I’m trying to do is separate what might be challenges that’ll be present regardless where I go vs institution-specific challenges. I think it’s also tricky because even if a place looks perfect initially, there are surely things that’ll come up once you get there. I’d rather know the challenges up front then decide which flaws I’m okay dealing with. 

[whatislife69]

1 hour ago, arbie said:

I hear this! What I’m trying to do is separate what might be challenges that’ll be present regardless where I go vs institution-specific challenges. I think it’s also tricky because even if a place looks perfect initially, there are surely things that’ll come up once you get there. I’d rather know the challenges up front then decide which flaws I’m okay dealing with. 

and also whether my not-so-good experience was just a bad day/ coincidence or is it representative of the place??? 

[arbie]

I will also admit that I’m putting a great deal on the city I want to live in for the next six years. I live in a city I hate now and am trying real hard not to replicate that decision. 

[cyborg213]

Can anyone give examples of things going not-so-good during campus visits? I'm curious. 

[whatislife69]

41 minutes ago, cyborg213 said:

Can anyone give examples of things going not-so-good during campus visits? I'm curious. 

i.e. you don't seem to like (as in you don't see yourself being able to work with) your POIs, or cohort, or you just hate the town, or some racist/sexist/homophobic/etc things happened, etc

anything that raises red flag really 

[havemybloodchild]

I’ll say my convos with grad students have really helped. I’ve also reached out to a recent grad to ask about their experience in school and on the job market. 

My main stressor besides my waitlist sitch at BU is that my folks, who bless them but they don’t know jack about my field, how grad school works in the humanities, what the job market is like, etc, keep bugging me to make the decision they want me to. They even talked to my little brother about it to try to get him to persuade me. Dude. I’m 31. W T F. It’s so frustrating to have the additional pressure. Also it’s kind of taking the joy out of my offers for me. I don’t want to have to justify my feelings or explain things-this is my life. Worse still (because apparently some part of my is 14 years old), the decision they want me to make is the one I’m leaning to anyway. But the petulant teen in me doesn’t want to acquiesce to their BS, haha. Regardless I think I know what I’m going to do, which is great. 

I didn’t know how stressful this part would be. I think once I do accept an offer though, I’ll start to feel the excitement.