Doing a PhD with a 2 year-old and a newborn...

[Postbib Yeshuist]

OK, I accepted a PhD offer last week, resigned from my job on Friday (effective June 7) and last night, my wife says "I might be pregnant." This morning, a pee test confirms it. Wow! Our first son is now 18 months, so will be two when our second baby is born. The PhD offer pays $16k/year and I think I get insurance (pretty sure I'll have to pay through the nose to cover my wife and child though). Anyone have experience with type of thing? lol

[africanhistoryphd]

My just turned two year old son sits my lap as I type this and my wife is 6 months pregnant. Starting a PhD program in September! Peas in a pod we are, as Yoda might say.

I'm just completing my MA, don't know if you've been in grad school while you had a child prior to the current job, but I will say this: it's not easy with a family, but it's super rewarding, and puts the whole process in perspective. Efficiency becomes the motto, and at least for me, family always comes first, even if that means my work isn't as excellent as it should be.

Money-wise, I think unless your wife is working you will have to take out loans to supplement your stipend. I'm getting around 20k, they're providing health insurance for the whole family, but I still am certain, after this last year, that I'll need to take out additional loans to stay afloat.

Anyway, keep in touch. We should start a support group called "Entering a PhD program with an infant and a 2 year old." We'd have millions of members!

By the way: CONGRATULATIONS!

Edited April 1, 2010 by africanhistoryphd

[Postbib Yeshuist]

Thanks for the response and the congratulations!

Yes, I've been working on an advanced master's (part time) while I worked full time and helped raise our son. It's been difficult, but nevertheless rewarding. The big difference between "now" and "then" will be the financial situation. I'll be taking the equivalent of a 2/3 pay cut. So yes, I foresee loans being a BIG part of our lives, lol

[wordslinger]

I can relate! My son is 7, which is much easier than a baby, but I am a single parent. My master's wasn't easy on my own, and I'm sure the PhD won't be easier. But at least now that he's in school, we can do our homework together.

Congratulations on the new baby!

[UnlikelyGrad]

My kids are older, but my dad started grad school with a 3 year-old and a baby...by the time he got his Ph.D. he was up to an 8-yo, a 5-yo, a 3-yo, and one on the way. My mom stayed home the whole time.

It's definitely possible!

[grammercie]

Check into state health insurance for children. Sometimes they'll cover parents as well. If your wife isn't working, there's a good chance you'll qualify while on your stipend. Here's a link in Texas:

http://www.chipmedicaid.org/

[pea-jay]

Check into state health insurance for children. Sometimes they'll cover parents as well. If your wife isn't working, there's a good chance you'll qualify while on your stipend. Here's a link in Texas:

http://www.chipmedicaid.org/

In CA they definitely cover pregnant moms.

Your income might be low enough to leave you in medicaid category, which is both a blessing and curse. Blessing for not having to pay so much but a curse because few docs like taking it.

[Postbib Yeshuist]

That's an EXCELLENT idea. I think my current employment probably disqualifies me, but I'll be unemployed come June and will stop drawing a paycheck after August 15.

[Francophile1]

Love this thread!

I have a now 4 year old while finishing my BA (and studying abroad with him now) It is all definitely possible!

I had my kid while studying at a community college, and now in about a year after we get back from studying abroad I will be graduating while simultaneously applying to PhD programs!

It is definitely very hard but also rewarding...

Those people that have 2+ kids..WOW...I am amazed! That's a great accomplishment!

i don't anticipate having another one until after my PhD ...but one never knows for sure!

[geochic]

Oh Congratulations!!! A new baby is always exciting!

I am a mother of two (almost 6 and almost 2) and I am in the second semester of an MS in geology. I'm considering transitioning to a PhD track next year (but right now that is a big MAYBE.) I make a decent stipend and I am still taking out some finaid but as a single mother I don't have a partner to help me with childcare coverage/cost and full-time daycare is not cheap. I try not to think about my student loan debt

That said, I'm doing fine. I had my second child during the second semester of my junior year. He was an infant was while I was finishing my undergrad thesis/classes and TAing three classes a semester. I managed to juggle the financial and family responsibilities and I continue to do so as a grad student.

I agree that my boys come first. I don't budge on that. I tend to keep school and the kids separate. That is, I do my work in the office Mon-Fri and my evenings and weekends are at home with my boys. Sometimes bringing it home is unavoidable but I just stay up late and sacrifice some sleep to get the job done. So far this has worked for me and since I almost done with my courseload and moving into exclusively research I don't foresee any change.

I will say this, and don't let this scare you...having two children is exponentially more difficult than having just one. I thought my second would be easier since I was a more experienced parent (and truth be told he is the easier child of the two) but I am pulled in two (or more) different directions all the time. One kid is throwing food, the other won't sit down at the table. Toys are everywhere--it can be a zoo. But I try not to sweat the small stuff and keep things in perspective.

It is worth all the stress to see your kids interact and grow together!!!! Daily I am struck by the awesome relationship my boys share!

You and your wife are a team in this so the transition will likely be easier.

State med coverage is definitely worth looking into. My kids qualify and I'm covered through my school insurance. I bet your wife will be covered as well through the pregnancy and postpartum as well.

[Lisa44201]

I have a 3/y/o and a 9/m/o. I'm finishing my BA now, looking at / waiting to hear from MS/MA/PhD programs for the fall. Something you might want to check is if your particular college offers daycare on site. Mine does, and it's a godsend. I get reduced rates because I'm here on student loans, and they gave me a discount when my second child was born. My 3/y/o loves telling people that she and her baby sister go to college with mommy.

Oh Congratulations!!! A new baby is always exciting!

I am a mother of two (almost 6 and almost 2) and I am in the second semester of an MS in geology. I'm considering transitioning to a PhD track next year (but right now that is a big MAYBE.) I make a decent stipend and I am still taking out some finaid but as a single mother I don't have a partner to help me with childcare coverage/cost and full-time daycare is not cheap. I try not to think about my student loan debt

That said, I'm doing fine. I had my second child during the second semester of my junior year. He was an infant was while I was finishing my undergrad thesis/classes and TAing three classes a semester. I managed to juggle the financial and family responsibilities and I continue to do so as a grad student.

I agree that my boys come first. I don't budge on that. I tend to keep school and the kids separate. That is, I do my work in the office Mon-Fri and my evenings and weekends are at home with my boys. Sometimes bringing it home is unavoidable but I just stay up late and sacrifice some sleep to get the job done. So far this has worked for me and since I almost done with my courseload and moving into exclusively research I don't foresee any change.

I will say this, and don't let this scare you...having two children is exponentially more difficult than having just one. I thought my second would be easier since I was a more experienced parent (and truth be told he is the easier child of the two) but I am pulled in two (or more) different directions all the time. One kid is throwing food, the other won't sit down at the table. Toys are everywhere--it can be a zoo. But I try not to sweat the small stuff and keep things in perspective.

It is worth all the stress to see your kids interact and grow together!!!! Daily I am struck by the awesome relationship my boys share!

You and your wife are a team in this so the transition will likely be easier.

State med coverage is definitely worth looking into. My kids qualify and I'm covered through my school insurance. I bet your wife will be covered as well through the pregnancy and postpartum as well.

[natsteel]

Congratulations, Postbib. I'll be starting a PhD program in the fall and have two boys, 4 and 3, born 1 year and 25 days apart. I know it was tough to get through my undergrad work while juggling family responsibilities but I imagine it will be even harder to do the PhD. I would think a stipend of 16k/yr is low enough to qualify you for Medicaid in most states. Definitely something to look into.

[HappyCat]

Any moms here? I'll be considering starting a family while doing a PhD--how do these things fare for mothers?

[aginath]

Any moms here? I'll be considering starting a family while doing a PhD--how do these things fare for mothers?

This isn't uncommon in my field. While some faculty frown upon it, others don't care or recommend having a baby towards the end of your degree (when you are working more on research hours and writing rather than juggling classes with it all). At least three graduate students in my department had babies in the last year. Some continue with the process and others take a semester leave of absence.

If my husband and I can swing it, I'd like to start trying in my last year. I'll have accomplished 85% of what I want at that point and will be mostly finished with my dissertation.

[poco_puffs]

This isn't uncommon in my field. While some faculty frown upon it, others don't care or recommend having a baby towards the end of your degree (when you are working more on research hours and writing rather than juggling classes with it all). At least three graduate students in my department had babies in the last year. Some continue with the process and others take a semester leave of absence.

If my husband and I can swing it, I'd like to start trying in my last year. I'll have accomplished 85% of what I want at that point and will be mostly finished with my dissertation.

I'm considering this myself. For years I've been telling myself that I'll start trying after I get my PhD, which is probably going to happen at 30 or 31. The thought of having a baby while on the job market, or of planning to have a baby soon after getting a job, makes me a bit nervous though. To be honest, I don't even know that much about the laws concerning maternity leave (or family leave for fathers) and I can't help but see that as being a potentially vulnerable position for a new (or aspiring) mother. I've only been at my program for a few months, so I don't even know all of the people in it, but I have already met at least a handful of people (men and women both) who had a baby with their partner right before or during their research years. They all seem to manage nicely, so I'm holding onto that as a piece of hope.

Edited January 30, 2011 by poco_puffs

[Medievalmaniac]

I'm considering this myself. For years I've been telling myself that I'll start trying after I get my PhD, which is probably going to happen at 30 or 31. The thought of having a baby while on the job market, or of planning to have a baby soon after getting a job, makes me a bit nervous though. To be honest, I don't even know that much about the laws concerning maternity leave (or family leave for fathers) and I can't help but see that as being a potentially vulnerable position for a new (or aspiring) mother. I've only been at my program for a few months, so I don't even know all of the people in it, but I have already met at least a handful of people (men and women both) who had a baby with their partner right before or during their research years. They all seem to manage nicely, so I'm holding onto that as a piece of hope.

I'm the mother of a 6 year old and a 3 year old, waiting to hear back from PhD programs. We already have a large student loan debt, are repaying my mother for paying off our credit cards, and have a mortgage, plus other expenses - so money is super-tight going in, and I can't really afford more debt. I only applied to programs within driving distance of where we are now, because my husband is in a career that is seeing major declining numbers and needs to stay put in his current position. I also have a very good paying job, and I have no intention of leaving it. I MAY, dependent upon how things play out, drop down to part time while I am completing coursework, but I will certainly plan to work full time once I am ABD. I asked specifically about this when I was checking into programs, and my finding is that a LOT of people hold down an outside job while completing the PhD, even those with TAships and fellowships. There are programs that make a big deal out of this, but I don't seem to have chosen those - the programs I applied to were completely nonplussed and even seemed to expect that I would be planning on working through the degree with a family.

I expect to be exhausted, but happy, if I end up getting an admit.

[wannaknow]

I am so glad to find this forum!! I am a single mother of a 3 year old boy (3 as of Jan 11th) and I just finished my BFA in Dec. and I will be starting my MFA (PHD equivelant for FIne Art) in August. There is no doubt it has been extremely difficult and will only get harder but I totally agree with the person that said it really puts the whole process in perspective. You learn to work around their schedules and involve them in your working process. My son was on our States medicaid program and will be in our new location as well, and it has worked out great for us!!!! I will have a stipend of aprox 1200 a month and I am hoping to also qualify ofr the same type of medicaid program. Good luck to everyone going through this process with children!!!! In the end what an accomplishment to share with your child (children) that will inspire in them the drive to acheive your dreams regardless of the hardships and challenges along the way. I honeslty believe that having my son through this has empowered me and given me a more focused directive than many of my peers!!!!!

[salome]

Thank you all so much for posting. I am considering whether or not to start a PhD program this fall. My husband and I would like to have a child in the near future, so school and baby would inevitably overlap. He also might be going back to school within this time frame as well. How do you get a sense of whether or not having a baby would be frowned upon by the dept without raising any eyebrows? I don't want to get off on the wrong foot and it seems a little awkward to bring up the topic with professors/an advisor/current students/etc. that I haven't even met yet...

[qbtacoma]

Thank you all so much for posting. I am considering whether or not to start a PhD program this fall. My husband and I would like to have a child in the near future, so school and baby would inevitably overlap. He also might be going back to school within this time frame as well. How do you get a sense of whether or not having a baby would be frowned upon by the dept without raising any eyebrows? I don't want to get off on the wrong foot and it seems a little awkward to bring up the topic with professors/an advisor/current students/etc. that I haven't even met yet...

Who cares if eyebrows are raised? I am genuinely curious. If I have a baby in grad school or before getting tenure I will cheerfully crush to a pulp anyone who questions me with "oh, but your career!" Withering stares and sarcastic references to 1968 will be heard. So, while I understand concerns about having babies from a logistical standpoint, I don't understand why some folks seem so concerned about colleague reaction. Pretty much they can't hold it against you in any open way without outing themselves as assholes, so what's the problem?

[mudlark]

I'm two years into my PhD and hoping to be pregnant by the end of the year. We'll start trying to conceive once I pass my candidacy exams at the end of this term. I wanted to hit that milestone partially in the hopes that clarifying my project through the exam prep process will up my odds of completing my PhD, and partially because I wanted to establish a good relationship with my supervisor before breaking the news. It's not that I expect him to be unsupportive, just that I want him thinking "Having a kid is hard, but mudlark NAILED her exams, so I'm sure she'll handle it", rather than "I don't really know this mudlark person... we'll see if she comes back from leave." I've had a lot of heartening conversations with women who had kids during their PhDs and pulled it off. Hopefully I can be passing along similarly optimistic advice in a few years!

[poco_puffs]

I guess that brings up a question I hadn't thought about... do student mothers in grad school generally get a term off of teaching as maternity leave?

[SNPCracklePop]

I guess that brings up a question I hadn't thought about... do student mothers in grad school generally get a term off of teaching as maternity leave?

Check into the program's and university's policies. I don't see why mothers wouldn't be eligible for maternity leave, but it may involve stipend cuts, or complete suspension of benefits.

Great thread here. Just wrapping my first year in a Ph.D. program with an eighteen month old and a one month old. Studying for finals in a birthing triage was an interesting experience

[DeepBlueEclipse]

Check into the program's and university's policies. I don't see why mothers wouldn't be eligible for maternity leave, but it may involve stipend cuts, or complete suspension of benefits.

Great thread here. Just wrapping my first year in a Ph.D. program with an eighteen month old and a one month old. Studying for finals in a birthing triage was an interesting experience

Very encouraging to see I am not the only person going full blast under these circumstances! I am due any moment and I have a 3 year old son at home currently. I also help to care for my father who is very ill, and am the only transportation for several family members to and from work over 20 miles away in opposite directions. Right now I am taking two summer PHD courses, am working part time for my program, and will finish my PHD coursework this Fall if all goes as planned. I really don't have the option to take any time off given financial concerns. That said, it has been difficult to stay afloat even without the newest addition to my family, but I have done quite well in managing. As others have noted, despite how challenging it can be, it is also very rewarding. Further, I think in some ways this unique situation is beneficial, at least in my situation- the workload is intense, but at least it is somewhat flexible each day. And to the last poster- studying for finals in the birthing triage? I'll be writing research proposals and completing my final week of classes in triage and recovery myself. Again, it is a relief to know that as crazy as it may seem to some, others are doing the very same thing.

[pshey54]

HI every one very nice topic I really enjoyed conversation...

could any one help me in my decision making?

Me and my wife are going to apply for 2 different phd programs in USA, although it was very hard few years ago but we have already achieved our master course in UK while growing up our children there. they are now 12 and 6 years old, we finished it nearly 3 years ago , was very hard that time believe me!

How do you think if we start to do phd in US with this kids now?

If we be able to find fully funded phd for each of us , do we still need a financial support ?

what the process of visa going to be ?

Is it going to be 2 x F1 visa and 2 x F2 visa?

I will be appreciate your comments and helps?

[Francophile1]

Yes it is possible however you must be aware of the following. A fully funded PhD usually involves either fellowship or teaching appointment. Each university is different but basically the concept is the same. Your tuition is waived, most of the time you are given health insurance. If you have a teaching appointment you will get a salary but you must remember that taxes will be taken out and it won't be a huge amount. I don't know what is your field but for humanities it is usually $10,000-$25,000/year. If you are lucky they will offer you a fellowship for the first 1-2 years, this means you will be paid a sort of salary as well (same amount usually as a TA).

Each university varies, but for example mine is like this:

 

Either: 1 year fellowship (tuition waived), insurance

4-5 years assistanship/ teach 1-2 courses/per semester

 

Or

Full 5 years Teaching.

 

You should also know that not all your MA will transfer, many universities here only allow to transfer 4-6 courses. So look into each program.

You won't usually know before being accepted their full financial package but you can expect something like I've described above.

 

I wanted to be thorough here because I have seen international students who come here expecting a good income but then realize that they are really short on money!

Remember you will most likely will have to pay for your own housing on/off campus and taxes will be taken out from your salary if you are teaching.

 

As far as visas, you will need a student visa but I am not sure if it is F1 or F2.

 

Domestic students can also get government loans here but YOU WILL NOT be able to. So if you decide to apply you will have to rely on your fellowship/TA job for income. And any savings that you may have.

 

If you have questions about anything else, feel free to ask or message me, will be glad to help!

 

P.S keep in mind also that probably as an international student you will not be permitted to work off campus and many universities only allow you to teach and to not hold another job while in grad school.

 

As far as kids, there are of course free schools everywhere, but you will need to look in the visa requirements (I know when I traveled abroad with my child) they wanted me to show them that I can support him while abroad).

 

Keep in mind also that most PhD classes are in the evening and if you teach it is during the day, so you scheduling will be tight and you will need to invest in extra help with the kids or daycare after school.

 

I know this was kinda long, but as I said earlier I traveled to europe to study with a child, so I know how important it is to know everything possible!

Good Luck!