What would Chuck Norris do?

[Langoustine]

This thread is awesome!!!!

[eklavya]

Gradcafe serves Chuck Norris a cup of coffee every morning.

[jsade]

why hasn't anyone posted new chuck norris things! I'm not clever enough to do one of my own haha...Chuck Norris intimidated my cleverness into jumping off a roof.

[DrPepper-olic]

Oh, I am a super nerd....

Chuck Norris decided to major in mathematics, He required that N be replaced by Norris in all proofs. As a result:

(a) Cauchy sequences no longer require an n > N, but are now examined as n > Norris. Because nothing is greater than Chuck Norris, Cauchy sequences cease to exist.

( b ) "n in N" is now "n in Norris", where Norris is the set of all numbers which support Chuck Norris's proofs.

The "Friedman Rule" of n% inflation was taken over by Chuck Norris over a decade ago. He'll lower inflation again when he feels like it.

In the long run, everyone is dead. Not because they were still waiting for prices to adjust, but because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked them.

Chuck Norris is a risk-loving rational actor. Unfortunately, the outcome of all of Chuck Norris's behavior is certain: he wins.

Chuck Norris knows the population parameters.

Chuck Norris doesn't send thank you notes. He only receives them.

Edited February 22, 2011 by DrPepper-olic

[jsade]

Oh, I am a super nerd....

Chuck Norris decided to major in mathematics, He required that N be replaced by Norris in all proofs. As a result:

(a) Cauchy sequences no longer require an n > N, but are now examined as n > Norris. Because nothing is greater than Chuck Norris, Cauchy sequences cease to exist.

( b ) "n in N" is now "n in Norris", where Norris is the set of all numbers which support Chuck Norris's proofs.

The "Friedman Rule" of n% inflation was taken over by Chuck Norris over a decade ago. He'll lower inflation again when he feels like it.

In the long run, everyone is dead. Not because they were still waiting for prices to adjust, but because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked them.

Chuck Norris is a risk-loving rational actor. Unfortunately, the outcome of all of Chuck Norris's behavior is certain: he wins.

Chuck Norris knows the population parameters.

Chuck Norris doesn't send thank you notes. He only receives them.

yay!

[emoleys]

Bruce Lee sends in a kick ass letter of recommendation for Chuck Norris...from the grave!

[eklavya]

Chuck Norris doesn't need a letter of recommendation. He is eternally recommended... by himself.

[musichistorygeek]

Chuck Norris doesn't take theory placement tests. Music departments adjust their curricula around his superior knowledge.

[psycholinguist]

Great thread!

Chuck Norris was once sent a form rejection-letter by a school we've never heard of; this is because Chuck Norris immediately went back in time and ensured that its two founders would never meet.

Chuck Norris can accept all of his offers simultaneously.

Chuck Norris can reduce any language to a small handful of synonyms for 'afraid'.

[MoJingly]

Chuck Norris's acceptance letter:

Dear Mr. Norris,

On behalf of the graduate admissions committee for University X (half of which is still recovering in the hospital from your interview) we are pleased (scared) to offer you a place in our 2011 entering class. By your (rather stern) request, we have not accepted any other applicants and will be combining these unused funds to award you one rather large stipend (although we are taking out $20K to help pay for the medical bills of our Dean since you put him in a coma). We were impressed (intimidated) by your application and feel you will offer a lot (please don't hurt us) to our community. Please let us know of your final decision by April 15th (we mean, if you can, no, really, no rush...) and we sincerely hope you give serious consideration to our offer (we are scared that you might actually accept).

Since you never provided us with an address, we hope this carrier pigeon was successful in locating you. Please accept this $10,000 check as a peace offering.

Cordially Yours,

the Admissions Committee

PS. The renovation project (which you initiated by tearing down the walls in our laboratories) will be finished by the time you matriculate.

[SimilarlyDifferent]

Chuck Norris doesn't apply to grad school, he just shows up.

On his GRE, Chuck Norris scored infinity ... to the infinite power.

For safety reasons, the postal service will not deliver a rejection letter to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop.

[NUcat72]

Chuck Norris doesn't apply to grad school, he just shows up.

On his GRE, Chuck Norris scored infinity ... to the infinite power.

For safety reasons, the postal service will not deliver a rejection letter to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop.

That's because it only takes Chuck Norris one lick to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop...

[MoJingly]

Chuck Norris doesn't need a letter of recommendation. He is eternally recommended... by himself.

haha, who voted that down?? have the trolls returned?!?!

I'm voting you back up, man.

Edited February 22, 2011 by MoJingly

[jblsmith]

From an economist...

1. The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

2. Chuck Norris holds both Absolute and Comparative Advantage...in everything.

3. Game Theory falls apart vis-a-vis Chuck Norris because the dominate strategy is to never challenge Chuck Norris to begin with. Realizing this Chuck Norris developed his own theory dubbed Norris Theory where Norris Equilibrium is achieved once he has taken all of your property and consumed your soul. Following this discovery the Riksbank renamed the Nobel Memorial Prize in Economics to the Norris Award for Unparalleld Awesomeness and awrded it to Chuck Norris for the next 1,000 years.

4. Markets are well-behaved because they are afraid of being punished by Chuck Norris.

5. Asset prices do not follow a random walk, they follow Chuck Norris.

6. When Chuck Norris walks down the street demanding compensation it's not because he's an asshole but because he is internalizing the postive externality you recieve from being in his presense.

7. The unobserved stochastic error term is not randomness, it's Chuck Norris fucking with you.

8. The market-clearing price is whatever Chuck Norris says it is.

9. The term "bubble" has come to describe the business cylce because it is literally the result of Chuck Norris blowing and popping bubbles while bathing. Similary, the Great Depression was a period of tremendous sadness after Chuck Norris accidentally roundhouse kicked his belloved horse, Buttercup, sending him into another dimension never to be seen again.

10. After reading Chuck Norris' dissertation (which was only a picture of Chuck Norris standing in a gi) both Adam Smith and John Maynard Keynes converted the Neo-Norris School of Economics.

My favorite Chuck Norris fact from Anonymous:

11. It is said that Chuck Norris sold his soul to the Devil for his unparalled marital arts ability. Following the transaction Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the Devil in the face and took his soul back. The Devil, realizing the irony, could not be mad and recognized defeat. They now play poker every first Wednesday of the month.

[eklavya]

I'm voting you back up, man.

not that i care (about the voting system), but thanks!! you're the best.

prolly trolls again.. damn them.

Edited February 23, 2011 by bhikhaari

[brok]

Chuck Norris doesn't need to learn Quantum Mechanics- he knows both the position and the velocity of an electron.

Chuck Norris once found the catalyst necessary to add to a beaker of water so that it would convert sunlight to harvestable energy with 100% efficiency. He called it roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris is such a badass chemist, he doesn't bother to wash his hands before peeing.

Kimwipes blow themselves on Chuck Norris' nose.

Chuck Norris did his Thesis Committee presentation using Microsoft NorrisPoint.

Sorry, I just did these off the top of my head.

[DrPepper-olic]

Chuck Norris is such a badass chemist, he doesn't bother to wash his hands before peeing.

I had to reread it. And then I remembered chem lab.

[eklavya]

During waiting it out, Chuck Norris doesn't fill the bracketology. All 18,446,744,073,709,551,616 possibilities present themselves to Chuck Norris.

It's called march madness because Chuck Norris is mad that each year, they take away his balls to play the games.

[MoJingly]

I have to revive this thread because I just found this website. I laughed out loud on a few.

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

[Mal83]

Thanks for reviving this, it's so great...

International Relations programs don't want Chuck Norris because they're afraid he'll want to be President of the World and therefore eliminate the need for international relations.

Chuck Norris is probably the only grad school intern who gets coffee served to him.

Since Chuck Norris bought the government there's now a new repayment plan option on student loans: A roundhouse kick to your bill every month along with the instruction: put on Chuck Norris' tab.

After receiving an acceptance from a school Chuck Norris adds it to his waitlist...and keeps them waiting...forever.

Chuck Norris is in more phD programs than James Franco.

After Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the computer in the next cubicle, the one he was actually taking the GRE on flashed 1600, after clenching his fist, it flashed 1700.

[Mal83]

No, its not. And 2004 just called to say this thread is out of date.

Its still early on Sat. evening. Maybe we should get back to work getting read for the Quant section of the GRE instead of poating in here, k? Still got a *few* mohr hours before its time to pretend we go out like the cool people.

And 2009 just called to say the phrase ".......just called to say" is so 2 years ago. Wow, studying for the GRE on a Saturday night huh? I wasn't sure at first but now I know I'm talking to the President of the Super Cool Kid Club. So Mr. President, what next? A practice test I hope, so psyched to dig into some quadrilaterals and probability problems....what do you mean that's not on tonight's agenda? Oh, I see, an old thread revolving around Chuck Norris is actually where you've decided to hold the meeting tonight...good call, see ya there...in a few hours.

Edited July 3, 2011 by Mal83

[eklavya]

Its still early on Sat. evening. Maybe we should get back to work getting read for the Quant section of the GRE instead of poating in here, k? Still got a *few* mohr hours before its time to pretend we go out like the cool people.

screw the quant section. your 'mohr' there suggests that you need to be memorizing some vocabs dude.

[jsade]

You melt really easy. And its obvious from your post that you're a no-talent hack and know it.

I mean, seriously man, you showed up on a Sat. night to melt because some jackass does a half-assed driveby on an old thread? And that's what you could come up with?

If your time is not more valuable than stopping by at ANY time and making an attempt to ruin someone's fun then...you need to evaluate your whole life situation. It's a forum for grad students...if you want the forum for jackalopes you'll need to google that. Otherwise, let us blow off steam and be silly and mildly creative as we please.

[psycholinguist]

One of the (many) things I love about being in graduate school is that by this point, the overwhelming majority of the remaining schoolyard bullies have found other places to be.

[Mal83]

You melt really easy. And its obvious from your post that you're a no-talent hack and know it.

I mean, seriously man, you showed up on a Sat. night to melt because some jackass does a half-assed driveby on an old thread? And that's what you could come up with?

You know what's so amusing about this? Is that really my response to you isn't all that different from your response to me in the first place, I mean it's right on your level so why am I the one with no talent? You tried really hard to come up with some half-witted almost smart ass response to me liking this thread 2 months ago. So I threw it back in your face and you clearly didn't like that...talk about melting...I'm not sure where you get off judging anyone who enjoys this thread, no one has posted here for 2 months and you come by and have to let everyone know how cool you are by posting how lame it is to post in this thread...you're right, that is awesome, and again you've proven that's why all the kids elected you president of their Super Cool Kid Club. Eventually if you dish it out enough you're going to get it right back. I'm not the kind of forum user that gets up on some soap box in an indignant manner wagging my finger to let you know how awful you are because you're being mean to the not cool kids, I'm really just going to sling your crap right back at you, which is what I did and calling it "bad game" is bad form in itself. Just consider yourself lucky that there's no spelling section on the GRE.

Edited July 3, 2011 by Mal83