What should I do it a professor tells me to go out and have fun?

[InquilineKea]

As in, most people get the impression that I study too much and too hard. And that i don't have a life. Of course, being a very young-looking Asian male who carries textbooks everywhere with him doesn't really help either.

The truth is, that I do waste time and have lots of fun. It's just that I have lots of fun on the Internet. I have fun reading Wikipedia and various medical articles. I also waste loads of time reading history and journal articles on animal intelligence. God, medicine is so addicting. But should I say "well, I have fun reading medical journals?" Or Wikipedia? Will they believe that? I just don't know how to respond.

Edited January 19, 2011 by InquilineKea

[Strangefox]

The truth is, that I do waste time and have lots of fun. It's just that I have lots of fun on the Internet. I have fun reading Wikipedia and various medical articles. God, medicine is so addicting. But should I say "well, I have fun reading medical journals?" Or Wikipedia? Will they believe that?

I think they will

But they are also right - you need to go out more often! Browsing the internet and socializing with friends are two different kinds of fun and one does not substitute the other!!

[InquilineKea]

That's true, but I'm extremely introverted, and I do much prefer reading journal articles to hanging out with others. Maybe it could change, but during the few recent times where I did try to socialize with others - I just always end up staring at the clock, waiting for the event to end

Okay I do have an official diagnosis of Asperger's, but I'm batshit scared of disclosing it.

Edited January 19, 2011 by InquilineKea

[Strangefox]

during the few recent times where I did try to socialize with others - I just always end up staring at the clock, waiting for the event to end

You know, that happens to me sometimes - I am sitting and thinking that I could do something useful like reading a book right now. But I know that it is a wrong kind of thinking!

I spend a lot of time studying and if I don't make myself go out sometimes, I will just eventually go crazy I guess Ok, not crzy, but you must go out from time to time. I am sure there are people you like meeting and things you like doing apart from reading stuff.

[wanderlust07]

Re. your professors--I think it's perfectly acceptable to thank them politely for their concern and tell them that you do have plenty of outlets for relaxation (or some similar noncommittal remark that indicates it's none of their business while acknowledging they're trying to help). They are trying to keep you from burning out, but you are entitled to suggest, as politely as possible, that their concern is unwarranted or intrusive. They will generally allow the matter to drop without any fuss, in my experience.

That said, grad school is the realm of serious burnout, and knowing how to walk away from my desk is the only thing that keeps me (arguably) sane. Have you considered solitary activities that engage less of your brain (or at least less similar areas of your brain)? My attitude toward relaxing is that, if nothing else, I should be doing something that stimulates other senses and stretches other muscles than my academic studies. I also often don't like being in large crowds (sometimes for medical reasons), but I do find solitary exercises that don't necessarily involve reading. I like taking long walks, chilling with a mug of tea and a movie (anything from utterly brainless bad scifi to interesting foreign flicks), cooking, listening to music, and backpacking. If I want something more of a blend of academic and social, their are plenty of lectures + receptions or movie screenings + lectures/panels on campus that allow members of the community to sit and absorb and then engage with the material, presenter(s) and fellow students and faculty however much or little they wish.

[MoJingly]

Here's the only thing you need to ask yourself - Are you happy? I mean truly, deeply, happy in the cockles of your soul. If you are, then keep doing what is making you happy and you can thankfully decline your professor's suggestion. If you find after some introspection you find yourself unhappy, then change something.

[TheDude]

I had a professor tell me to play just as hard as I worked.

I've come to the realization that there is a lot about life I'm not going to learn from books. Sometimes you just need to play a hand and experience things.

[Golden Monkey]

The advice to "go out and have fun" is always well-intentioned, but... man, such an over-simplification. It seems that the person giving the advice is always thinking, "go out and have what I consider fun," instead of "go out and have fun." For example, my mother is the most outgoing, gregarious, people-person on the face of the planet, and for her "fun" always involves being around as many people as possible. And if other people don't consider forced, awkward, social situations to be "fun" like she does, then undoubtedly they are miserable people, living in their own version of purgatory or something.

If reading medical journals and wikis is what you consider fun, then I'd either tell the prof that you really are, or just politely say "okay, I will."

[UnlikelyGrad]

As in, most people get the impression that I study too much and too hard. And that i don't have a life. Of course, being a very young-looking Asian male who carries textbooks everywhere with him doesn't really help either.

The truth is, that I do waste time and have lots of fun. It's just that I have lots of fun on the Internet. I have fun reading Wikipedia and various medical articles. I also waste loads of time reading history and journal articles on animal intelligence. God, medicine is so addicting. But should I say "well, I have fun reading medical journals?" Or Wikipedia? Will they believe that? I just don't know how to respond.

I agree with the poster who says that you need to do something to keep from burning out in grad school.

With that said, given your personality, I recommend that you do something that doesn't involve other people. If you tell a professor, "I love to hike" he would not think that you didn't have fun. Ditto if you say you like to go skiing, biking, swimming...

Physical exercise is good for the brain. So choose a solo sport and get into it.

[qbtacoma]

On the other hand, if you want to give socializing with others a shot, here are two ways to make it low pressure: go out for coffee, because you can always say you have to go if it isn't going well, or inviting a small number of people over to your house for a late dinner, because you can tell them that you have to get up early to prevent after-dinner lingering.

I agree that your professor was just politely checking to see if you are doing okay and that you can tell her/him that you are, and that's fine.

[InquilineKea]

Aw okay thanks for all the responses! Yeah, it's definitely burnout that's the thing.

[shepardn7]

I don't think "getting out of the house" necessarily entails spending time with other people in a social setting. For one, you don't need a group; you can go out for a drink or coffee with one person and have an intellectual conversation. For two, you can go out alone. I often take long walks or hikes or even go shopping by myself if I'm feeling cooped up in the house. Staying inside on the computer all day isn't good for your mental or physical health, even if you are generally enjoying yourself.

[Golden Monkey]

I agree with the poster who says that you need to do something to keep from burning out in grad school.

With that said, given your personality, I recommend that you do something that doesn't involve other people. If you tell a professor, "I love to hike" he would not think that you didn't have fun. Ditto if you say you like to go skiing, biking, swimming...

Physical exercise is good for the brain. So choose a solo sport and get into it.

Yeah, good point. Are you an outdoorsy person? That's the best way to recharge for me.

And it's important NOT to take your laptop, smartphone, or iPad with you, IMO.

[communications13]

I hope your professor's comment to have some fun isn't making you feel down on yourself. I'm sure he or she has seen many students get burned out quickly and sees you as one he or she does not want to lose.

That said, when I was working ridiculous hours at my previous jobs I made it a point to do one thing a week just for me to have fun: I am consider myself an expert on this topic.Go to the movies by yourself: It's dark, quiet, entertaining and a group activity even if you dont know they other 100 people in the theater. Go to a popular hiking destination or park, one where there are a lot of people around (and go in the daytime, it's dangerous to go by yourself at dusk if you get hurt). Take a packed lunch and a bestseller book. I bet there are other people alone there to talk to also. Invite people over for board games. Go to a dog park, people are always willing to let people spend some time with thier loving pups there. Old school arcades can be fun too and museums often have free days. I don't know if your into anything artsy, but invest in a good camera and go on long walks taking photos or some canvas and paints, or take a community music class.

If you want to meet people and make some more friends, just because you're a grad student, don't over look the events your college puts on. They're free, often full of people and usually have food. Yes, most students will be undergrads, but thats okay. Your school probably has a gym with classes or a pool, probably the best way to meet people and burn some stress. Also, everytime I move to a new city I find a meetup group (meetup.com). It's not a dating site or anything, but a way to find large groups and go on large group outings of people with similar interests. I've found hiking groups, board game groups, gone to comedy clubs, coffee houses, kareoke with random people I don't know! It's so much fun. Oh yes, and bowling leauges. I love bowling.

I'm so sorry that was so long, but maybe it got your brain thinking of something appeals to you.

[warpspeed]

this is why i got a dog. he makes me get off the internet (either by crying to go outside or literally crawling in my lap and licking me in the face) and then i get distracted playing with him, walking him, etc. oh, did i mention this lap dog was a 70 lb great dane pit bull mix? he's dreamy

Edited January 22, 2011 by warpspeed

[Nurse Wretched]

That's true, but I'm extremely introverted, and I do much prefer reading journal articles to hanging out with others. Maybe it could change, but during the few recent times where I did try to socialize with others - I just always end up staring at the clock, waiting for the event to end

Okay I do have an official diagnosis of Asperger's, but I'm batshit scared of disclosing it.

You're in Redmond. Commune with your Aspie brotherhood down the road at MS.

Seriously, as the parent of an Aspie, I can tell you that there are worse places to be on the autism spectrum than the PNW. It seemed like every third person I met either was on the spectrum or had a kid on the spectrum.

Your comfort zone is in non-direct communication. That's fine. That's a neurological difference, not a flaw. That said, it's easier to be around neurotypicals if you can make a nod to the norms. Most of the time, one good hobby will do it. Hiking. Hiking is big in the Northwest, and has the benefit of being essentially a solo sport. Say you're a hiker, and people will leave you alone, unless they have REI memberships, in which case they'll want to talk. If you tell people you spend time at the dog park at Marymoor, no one will bat an eye.

You get the idea. Interpersonal communication is exhausting for most Aspies I know, including my son -- he says it's like speaking French all the time, except you don't get good at it very fast. NTs often do extrapolate from our experiences to everyone; it's one of the hazards of being in the majority. It's okay to spend time by yourself, it's okay to have solo hobbies, but there are benefits to being able to be yourself in a way that's understandable to NTs. We try. We're just a little dense sometimes. We don't get that there are people who really do enjoy time with little contact, that we're exhausting. I don't think that you MUST HAVE SOCIAL CONTACT to avoid burnout in grad school; that's a very NT-centric way to think. But I do know that life in and after grad school is easier if you can find ways to be yourself and still find a compromise with social norms.

Edited February 20, 2011 by Nurse Wretched