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HELP ME!!!


TheDude

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Situation:

School A is my top choice and is interviewing me this week (tomorrow). I was told I am a finalist for a doctoral position... also was told they are making decisions, hopefully, by the end of this week.

All the above = HAPPY!

School B: Found departmental funds for me to fly down next week. I was hoping stalling a bit would get me through this week. They need flight information by tomorrow morning, this is when my interview is with school A.

If I get an offer from school A, or am told I will know by the weekend, I am not heading to School B.

I don't want to waste departmental money at School B because they aren't flying everybody down.

Getting an offer from School A would mean next week I don't need to loose 4 days of work and income just to head down to school B to save face.

Should I just be honest with POI at School B?

Does this make me a terrible person?

Will this ruin an offer from School B?

I just don't want them to waste their money.

Signed,

Help Me.

Oh, and I know some might think look at both offers. School A wins in landslide for intangible factors that School B can never have (close to home, friends, etc.). School A also has a pretty amazing reputation in the country, and especially in the area I want to work. The 2 offers couldn't be equal even if School B gave me more money.

Edited by musicforfun
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Go ahead with accepting the interviews next week at school B. You won't know for sure if you'll be accepted at school A in time to make a decision on where you'd be attending. If you do get an offer from school A before the weekend and you know that you won't be going to school B, then perhaps you could let them know then and they could re-route the funds to another applicant. You'd have to explain the situation that you just got into your top choice and you'd rather them have the ability to interview someone else if they desire. You really don't want to cut off school B at this point and end up not getting into school A.

Congrats on your success so far and best of luck in getting into school A!

PS. You're not a bad person. This is a business decision and you have to do what's best for you at this time, even though it might slightly inconvenience school B.

Edited by newms
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Definitely don't put all your eggs in one basket. Would you feel awful if you turned down School B and then didn't get into School A after all? Hopefully that won't be the case, though! Best of luck to you!

Just want to add that you are a finalist for a doctoral position, but have not been extended an offer yet. Definitely at least do the "go-see" at School B. Traveling is always a good idea, especially on someone else's dime. Your concern for the department's finances is commendable, though, and speaks highly of your integrity. Either program will clearly be lucky to have you!:)

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Your concern for the department's finances is commendable, though, and speaks highly of your integrity. Either program will clearly be lucky to have you!:)

Agreed. A lot can happen. Maybe school A won't get back to you when they say (who knows why - one of my schools is holding out on me, for example) or maybe the visits will make a big difference. The latter was certainly the case for me. Carry on now as originally planned. Plan for the visit with school B. Good luck!

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So you are saying have School B buy the ticket and then if I get a good offer from School A it is fine to tell School B Monday that I am not coming?

I just really hate for school B to drop 500$ on a ticket that might not get used.

Appreciate all the feedback... I just want to be fair to other applicants, the POI at school B and myself.

I guess there is no way to have your cake and eat it to.

I thought about just being honest with school B and telling them the situation and to hold off on booking until Monday. School A has a much bigger reputation and I don't think they'd blame me, but maybe they would?

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So you are saying have School B buy the ticket and then if I get a good offer from School A it is fine to tell School B Monday that I am not coming?

I just really hate for school B to drop 500$ on a ticket that might not get used.

I think people are saying to go to School B no matter what happens, and I agree. Go see it. You are not doing anything wrong in seeing it; not everyone else who comes to the accepted weekend will come, either. Even if you really want to attend the other school, I still think it is an extremely good idea to go see School B anyway. Why not just go along for the ride and see what you think of it?

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I am hearing everyone though.

Hypothetically if I received an offer from School A, might not happen, this weekend... no one would take it without seeing School B first... even though School A has better placement, is a better program and is in a way better part of the country?

It depends. Here's a hypothetical situation for English programs: if School A = Stanford and School B = South Dakota Eastern State University (I don't think it exists, but you know what I mean), then I would probably turn down the visit to School B. But if School B = Northwestern or Emory, I would take them up on the visit, even if I was "positive" I wanted to go to Stanford. (US News rankings are generally BS, but to clarify: Stanford is #2 and Northwestern and Emory are in the twenties). This is a huge decision and you want to be sure you've made the right one for you years down the road -- no regrets.

That said, I completely understand your worry about lost wages. I'm not sure what I can advise since I don't know your work situation or financial situation.

Edited by sarandipidy
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It's a tough situation, but also kind of a nice problem to have smile.gif I understand your enthusiasm for A, but the fact of the matter is you don't have a full acceptance from them just yet. And, if your interview is tomorrow (Thursday), it's very possible that they won't be able to give you a final answer less than two days later.

You haven't mentioned what kind of visit B is offering. Is this a recruitment event for admitted students, or are they interviewing you? If it's the latter, will not interviewing in person hurt your chances of getting in? My thought here is that the worst case scenario is:

1. You don't visit B because you're waiting on A

2. A waits until next week to tell you you're not admitted anyway

3. B doesn't admit you either because they figure you're not really interested

4. At least you didn't lose 4 days of pay?

It's not worth losing your rent money, but if you can take the hit to your paycheck I'd say go ahead and visit B next week. Keep A in your back pocket until you have a definite response from them.

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