Hogwarts; culture; awkward?

[no thanks]

I have a question about grad school culture that I'm hoping those wiser and more experienced than myself can answer. Here's the situation:

I applied to 14 phd programs, and got a resounding "NO THANKS" from 13. They were all fantastic programs, and all "we regret to inform you...'s". But THEN, I got accepted to a place which, for the sake of anonymity, we'll call Hogwarts. THE Hogwarts. The HOLY CRAP an OWL just brought me a LETTER HOGWARTS. The Hogwarts where all the young Aurors graduate and get jobs, even though they aren't scientist and doctors, and there probably aren't any more dark wizards anyways, because Voldemort is toast. You get the picture. I was the happiest, most grateful no-longer-a-muggle on planet earth.

Here's the question:

I imagine that the majority of the other admits will probably be considering--and in many cases turning down-- several other offers before starting in the fall. Like Beauxbatons, for example. Is there a weird graduate school thing about sizing each other up r.e. other offers, etc? Should I be prepared for awkward moments when asked the where-else-did-you-get-in question? Has anyone ever been made to feel like second-class citizens for sneaking through the app process with a single, albeit glorious, offer? Should I be preparing myself for awkward moments?

Thanks in advance for sharing any experiences.

[Bukharan]

First of all, there is absolutely nothing shameful in telling people that you got rejected from somewhere. Absolutely nothing! Besides, you will be telling this to someone in the same programme as you - you are on the same level, got into the same school, chose the same school, absolutely 'equal' (if this is what bothers you).

Secondly, if you do want to avoid 'confessing', just say that you only applied to one programme - the one you got accepted to. Very cool, risky, self-confident and somewhat arrogant, no?

Huge congratulations on your offer! Fear nothing and be deservedly proud of your accomplishment!

[aginath]

I applied to 3 schools and was accepted by all 3. You know how many times I've been asked "how many schools did you get in to?" Not once. In conversation, I have said I applied to NC State and Indiana, but never has anyone asked me about it or asked me to elaborate.

In the words of Steve Miller...go on, take the money and run.

[BassAZ]

What would it matter? All your classmates chose to go to your school as well. Best advice I can give? Don't compare yourself to anyone any more. You are competing with yourself as to how good you can be and how far you can go. It doesn't matter if your classmates graduate in 4 years or 10 years, get that coveted journal article or don't publish at all; from here-on-in celebrate with your classmates on a job well done let all the comparison fall by the wayside.

[repatriate]

It's come up in conversation among my cohort. Since we were all fresh from the process, people discussed interviews, who they met where, how exhausting the process was, etc. I didn't get the sense that people were sizing each other up, though.

[fuzzylogician]

It sometimes comes up in the context of where we visited before making a decision and who we met while on our visit. I don't think anyone has ever asked me how many schools I applied to or how many schools accepted me. In fact, this issue only comes up during admissions cycles, when prospective students are visiting and asking questions about the department and how to make their decision. It never came up when I just started grad school -- it just wasn't relevant then. In any event, being rejected from other schools is NOTHING to be ashamed of. In the end you and your cohort were all made the same offer and you all chose to accept it, and that's all that matters. There's no reason why anyone should feel superior just because they turned down other offers. Anyone who would feel superior will not be someone you would want as a friend anyway.

[Gelpfrat the Bold]

By the time you're all there, most people won't be so obsessed with competing in grad school admissions. Once you've decided where you'll be going, it's easy to forget most of the stress, anxiety and self-doubt brought on by the application process, and instead to be excited about your new program. People will be more focused on making friends and getting to know you and about your research interests. In my own personal experience, the annoying competitive people never bothered asking me about my own achievements or failures, so I never had to answer potentially embarrassing questions. They just naturally assumed (or wanted desperately to believe) that they were smarter or more qualified than me and others, so launched into spiels about how great and smart they were without bothering to ask about anyone else. People who do that are just acting on their own insecurities, so there's no need to worry about what they might think about your problems. Just be patient with them and change the subject. Chances are everyone else in the cohort will find their competitive attitude annoying as well, and no one will think any less of you for overhearing that you didn't get in to X University.

[db2290]

I've had a similar experience, getting rejected or waitlisted for some lesser schools but getting an acceptance to a top top 'Hogwarts' school! Although this didn't easy my fretting that I got in by mistake, I was pretty sure why. I knew that my research interests just matched better at the top school. I wouldn't worry about it. It would be strange if the program wasn't for you or anything but I'm sure it can be explained by how well you fit into the incoming cohort and match with profs.

[meche]

Re: "Hogwarts; culture; awkward?"

yeah, your post about Hogwarts and culture is pretty awkward. I would worry less about the specific problem of answering where you've been accepted, and more about being social in a new situation in general and making first impressions. For one, laying off on the Harry Potter analogies is a good first step.

[qbtacoma]

Re: "Hogwarts; culture; awkward?"

yeah, your post about Hogwarts and culture is pretty awkward. I would worry less about the specific problem of answering where you've been accepted, and more about being social in a new situation in general and making first impressions. For one, laying off on the Harry Potter analogies is a good first step.

I dunno. I'm inclined to give lots of points to folks to reference Harry Potter. I dressed up for the seventh book release and all that jazz.

[Sparky]

Re: "Hogwarts; culture; awkward?"

yeah, your post about Hogwarts and culture is pretty awkward. I would worry less about the specific problem of answering where you've been accepted, and more about being social in a new situation in general and making first impressions. For one, laying off on the Harry Potter analogies is a good first step.

Not being paternalistic and condescending, especially when you have no idea what you're talking about, is an even better first step.

Edited March 11, 2011 by Sparky

[meche]

I dunno. I'm inclined to give lots of points to folks to reference Harry Potter. I dressed up for the seventh book release and all that jazz.

*sigh*. already I'm having second thoughts about going to grad school.

Not being paternalistic and condescending, especially when you have no idea what you're talking about, is an even better first step.

yep. pretty much. but this is the internets, after all. Also I totally know what I'm talking about - I'm quite well versed in making bad first impressions, case in point.

[qbtacoma]

*sigh*. already I'm having second thoughts about going to grad school.

yep. pretty much. but this is the internets, after all. Also I totally know what I'm talking about - I'm quite well versed in making bad first impressions, case in point.

Touche.

[MadameNon]

Look, maybe you are the Neville Longbottom of graduate applicants, but you'll get your chance in the last year when it really counts. So you were practically a squib your first year. You'll patiently take a back seat to the Boys Who Lived, take a few for the team, and bag a Horcrux to save the situation. Then become a super-famous professor at Hogwarts. It could be worse!

Remember, it isn't that you couldn't have been the boy from the prophesy, it's just that tons of circumstances outside your control made them pick the other one.

And for what it's worth, I'm currently quite anti-social in my current MA program, and yet I've managed to be the only one going on to a PhD. So I think Harry Potter references aren't a deal breaker.

[no thanks]

Thanks everyone for sharing, especially those of you who have experienced this situation and have survived to tell the tale! A smorgasbord of good advice. Also,

Look, maybe you are the Neville Longbottom of graduate applicants, but you'll get your chance in the last year when it really counts. So you were practically a squib your first year. You'll patiently take a back seat to the Boys Who Lived, take a few for the team, and bag a Horcrux to save the situation. Then become a super-famous professor at Hogwarts. It could be worse!

Remember, it isn't that you couldn't have been the boy from the prophesy, it's just that tons of circumstances outside your control made them pick the other one.

MadameNon, *so many points* for the fantastic metaphor extension. How perfectly crafted. I'm glad that using HP references to lighten the occasionally gloomy gradcafe mood is an idea that you can get behind, too.

[rising_star]

Here's the question:

I imagine that the majority of the other admits will probably be considering--and in many cases turning down-- several other offers before starting in the fall. Like Beauxbatons, for example. Is there a weird graduate school thing about sizing each other up r.e. other offers, etc? Should I be prepared for awkward moments when asked the where-else-did-you-get-in question? Has anyone ever been made to feel like second-class citizens for sneaking through the app process with a single, albeit glorious, offer? Should I be preparing myself for awkward moments?

There might be a couple of awkward moments, honestly. I have been asked, on numerous occasions, what other programs I applied to and/or where else I considered going. I don't think there's a single friend in my program that doesn't know what my 2nd and 3rd choices were. Since I didn't have just one offer, I can't answer that part of your question. I can say that there are a bunch of people in my program that didn't apply anywhere else and say that when they are asked. Plus, those questions really only happen in the first couple of weeks of the school year when people are trying to get to know one another.

[psycholinguist]

If anyone asks you where else you applied, just say, "Way too many places! Something like fourteen. Glad that's over. How about you?"

[IRdreams]

Like others have said, you might be asked, but you really shouldn't worry about it so much. I can tell you that since the big H said yes you belong in a top program, despite what other programs may have said. In fact, the quality of your application may explain, paradoxically, why you had few admits. Many programs are concerned about their yield and will turn down students who they expect will get substantially better offers and "would never come to ---fill in the blank--- anyways." The actual Hogwarts probably doesn't have to worry about this since they seem to have a monopoly in the British Isles but in the muggle world there is lots of competition between schools for the best candidates. Schools spend a substantial amount of money cajoling admits. For example, we get 50USDpp to take visiting students out as well as the travel funds they are given in my program. So if an AdComm can predict that someone will likely say no, why would they risk program resources?

Edited March 20, 2011 by IRdreams

[closetgeek]

Can I add that I clicked on this post expecting (and hoping for) a thread about "real" Hogwarts' culture! LOL ehh.. what's happened to me...