So, I didn't get into my Ivy

[surprisecake]

I spent all of 2010 being convinced I am a perfect fit at my dream Ivy and got rejected yesterday. I was accepted by their rival with scholarship earlier this week, but I still haven't been able to stop crying because it did not occur to me that there was a chance I would be rejected by dream school and I was utterly unprepared for it (grad school applications have made me lose touch with reality).

Someone please give me an e-slap in the face and tell me to get it together and stop crying just because I can't announce to the world that i'm going to dreamschool (like i've been practicing for months)

[surprisecake]

I tried watching some episodes of Lost so that my problem seemed smaller in comparison to you know.... smoke monsters and time travel... but after watching half a season at a stretch, it just put me in an anxious, sadder mood and gave me a headache.

Ate too much pizza and it gave me a stomach ache.

My cats just had minor surgery and are wearing those ridiculous head cones so they're in no mood to spend time with me!

[qbtacoma]

What! You have cats in head cones with you!? You should be too busy giggling at them running into things to feel sad about your dream school.

Seriously, though, that is hard news to hear, especially when you are so invested in achieving your dream. Grieve a little - give yourself a few days to mope and eat delicious things, but then rev yourself up by looking at programs you were accepted at and remember why you liked those places enough to apply.

Not to give you a different torch to carry (but kinda sorta), you know there's always postdocs or even the possibility at working at Dream School in the future. So, the dream isn't totally gone forever - maybe it will look a little different.

Incidentally, I also happen to have a cat with a head cone at the moment. He keeps walking backwards like he thinks that will get it off his head.

[ikatticus]

That sucks to hear about your dream school. Just remember it sounds like you have been accepted by an awesome school (I assume so if it's their rival) so just be grateful for that and start focusing on looking forward to going there! I pretty much went to my last choice university at undergrad but it turned out to be the best decision I ever made. Life does that to you sometimes. Good Luck.

[Strangefox]

I spent all of 2010 being convinced I am a perfect fit at my dream Ivy and got rejected yesterday. I was accepted by their rival with scholarship earlier this week, but I still haven't been able to stop crying because it did not occur to me that there was a chance I would be rejected by dream school and I was utterly unprepared for it (grad school applications have made me lose touch with reality).

Someone please give me an e-slap in the face and tell me to get it together and stop crying just because I can't announce to the world that i'm going to dreamschool (like i've been practicing for months)

One thing that I've learned is that everything is for the better. You got into a good school, right? So congrats! The universe wanted you to end up in this school

So dry your tears and remember:

You can't always get what you want

You can't always get what you want

You can't always get what you want

But if you try sometimes you might find

You get what you need

[Poppet]

^^ That song never helps to put things into perspective for me, it just makes me feel petulant. Just another bad feeling to add to the list ... Good for those of you it works for though.

I'm sorry to hear that you didn't get into your dream school and that you're not handling it well. I agree with what was said above -- you are allowed time to grieve this decision, and if it takes a couple of days, then it takes a couple of days. Mourn, but try not to let it last more than 2-3 days. Don't eat too much pizza. Go outside and breathe the fresh air, go to the gym, drink lots of water, take a lot of deep breaths. After all that, try to remind yourself that the decision is not a personal one and is not a reflection of you as a candidate. Start making a list of the positive reasons for why you applied to the second program in the first place, and start to focus on those things. I think it's healthy for you to mourn this, but once your mourning time is up, you've got to push through the personal sadness of things that you can't change, and focus on the things that you can. In the meantime: ((Surprisecake))

[KreacherKeeper]

^^ That song never helps to put things into perspective for me, it just makes me feel petulant. Just another bad feeling to add to the list ... Good for those of you it works for though.

I'm sorry to hear that you didn't get into your dream school and that you're not handling it well. I agree with what was said above -- you are allowed time to grieve this decision, and if it takes a couple of days, then it takes a couple of days. Mourn, but try not to let it last more than 2-3 days. Don't eat too much pizza. Go outside and breathe the fresh air, go to the gym, drink lots of water, take a lot of deep breaths. After all that, try to remind yourself that the decision is not a personal one and is not a reflection of you as a candidate. Start making a list of the positive reasons for why you applied to the second program in the first place, and start to focus on those things. I think it's healthy for you to mourn this, but once your mourning time is up, you've got to push through the personal sadness of things that you can't change, and focus on the things that you can. In the meantime: ((Surprisecake))

Agreed and you are not alone. I got into my Ivy, but I did not get money to go. So sigh. I was upset, pouted, ate McDonald's french fries and then bought a sweatshirt for the other (back-up) school and wore it around the house with my pajamas.

Funny thing, the more I got to like the sweatshirt, the more I liked the school. In fact, it is nice cosy and I have it on today! Its ok to be upset. I felt like I was breaking up with my dream. Cheer up Charlie!

[adelashk]

Sorry to hear that surprisecake.. I had my share of shattered dreams last month. It took a bit of time to sink in and recalibrate my priorities/objectives.. remember it's not about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward

[The Lorax]

suck it up! *eslap* pull yourself together!! you got into duke and berkeley! Let your sorrow turn into jet-pack-fuel to produce and produce and produce, so in 5 years when they offer you a job you can tell them to suck it!

Also, I'm with qbtacoma on this one. Cone head cats = hilarious. I would take pictures and carry them around in my wallet as a conversation piece.

[The Lorax]

whoops, not Berkley, but UMich. Sorry bout that.

[roarie]

Hey, I feel you.

I spent the last four years wanting to go to a school. During the last two years of my undergrad and the two years since, I worked myself silly to get into this school. And as much as I told people that I would have been happy to attend anywhere that accepted me, I secretly felt that if I didn't get into the school I would have failed.

Acceptances came in, but not from that school. I was holding an acceptance letter from the highest ranked program in my field, but not that school's.

I felt stupid for some time. Stupid for not getting in, but also stupid for wanting to exchange all my acceptances for this one acceptance. I had one too many conversations with professors, peers, and friends who all said, "Look, I know you wanted to go to that school, but you got into a dream school. I think you're cutting yourself and that school short." I felt both guilty and painful envy as I exchanged messages with people on Grad Forum who had gotten into my dream school, but wanted to be in my position.

I spent a lot of time thinking. Some of it was spent hating and berating myself. But at some point, I realized that because I wanted to go to a school for four years, I wasn't being rational, but was instead being rather myopic. Don't get me wrong, the school that I wanted to attend for so long is a fantastic program and undoubtedly top tier. But, because I wanted to go so badly, I wasn't seriously weighing some rather heavy considerations, like funding, average time of graduation, geographic location, job placement, and attrition rate (the school admittedly has a notorious reputation for being an unhappy place). That is to say, I wanted a school so much that I stopped considering what other options were out there.

There are moments when I do wonder what would have happened if I had been accepted. But it doesn't really matter anymore, because I'm genuinely happy where I stand. I accepted an offer and had a celebration dinner with lots of champagne. We'll be okay. Why?

[deep loud blooming voice]

Because we're awesome and nothing can change that.

Hang in there.

[Gaijin Punch]

First off, sorry that you didn't get into the grad school that you wanted.

But

You sort of brought this depression on yourself by convincing yourself for an entire year that only one school was the right fit for you . You can't pin all your hopes and dreams to one school, one certain job, one of anything. Life doesn't always work the way we want it, but you have to roll with the punches. You should feel excited and lucky that there are schools out there that want to you enough to offer you a scholarship. And if you applied to these other schools, they obviously have programs that still interest you.

Like other posters said, things happen for a reason. Instead of moping around and crying, go to the gym and get out some frustration.

[surprisecake]

You guys are the best family a girl could have

Something happened that actually changed my view on everything that happened this year. It all started a year ago, when I started contacting people on gradcafe that got accepted to dreamschool's program. The 3 people I spoke to through the year were just like me- young, female, international, right out of undergrad. For reasons I cannot explain, i began to build a picture of their student body that looked like half of them were people like me. My newly found friends attending dreamschool were also convinced that I was a good fit and it went as far inviting me and my 3 cats to move in next fall. It looked like a done deal. I have an extremely strong profile for an undergrad so after a few months, despite myself, i started to wake up everyday, believing i'm going to go to dreamschool.

Then the rejection came- and disbelief from everyone. It felt like an engagement broken off the day before the wedding. Like they were being this mean, cruel excluder's club, excluding me just to be mean! I knew that it had to be some small but dire technicality that kept me from being admitted.. some fluke that denied me my ultimate happiness.

In the meanwhile, my friend at dreamschool had wondered aloud about why I didn't get in, and she told me all her friends thought it was because I had no work experience. "But half the class doesn't have work ex", i replied. And then...... she says to me.....

"No, only 10 students out of 140 are under 25"

!!!!!!!

Jesus!! I can make my peace with those odds!! Talk about not being in touch with reality. It was an instant switch from "WHY GOD, WHYYYY" to "Duh, that's why". Sun began to shine, birds began to chirp. Looks like all i needed to move on was an explanation. So thank you for your kindness everyone. Life is good again

[psycholinguist]

You guys are the best family a girl could have

Something happened that actually changed my view on everything that happened this year. It all started a year ago, when I started contacting people on gradcafe that got accepted to dreamschool's program. The 3 people I spoke to through the year were just like me- young, female, international, right out of undergrad. For reasons I cannot explain, i began to build a picture of their student body that looked like half of them were people like me. My newly found friends attending dreamschool were also convinced that I was a good fit and it went as far inviting me and my 3 cats to move in next fall. It looked like a done deal. I have an extremely strong profile for an undergrad so after a few months, despite myself, i started to wake up everyday, believing i'm going to go to dreamschool.

Then the rejection came- and disbelief from everyone. It felt like an engagement broken off the day before the wedding. Like they were being this mean, cruel excluder's club, excluding me just to be mean! I knew that it had to be some small but dire technicality that kept me from being admitted.. some fluke that denied me my ultimate happiness.

In the meanwhile, my friend at dreamschool had wondered aloud about why I didn't get in, and she told me all her friends thought it was because I had no work experience. "But half the class doesn't have work ex", i replied. And then...... she says to me.....

"No, only 10 students out of 140 are under 25"

!!!!!!!

Jesus!! I can make my peace with those odds!! Talk about not being in touch with reality. It was an instant switch from "WHY GOD, WHYYYY" to "Duh, that's why". Sun began to shine, birds began to chirp. Looks like all i needed to move on was an explanation. So thank you for your kindness everyone. Life is good again

Very interesting. I'm glad it ended up making a lot of sense!

[fifa0001]

ppl don't always get what you dream of. This is just how life is. So stop crying and move on. You didn't get in so what? Maybe that dream school of your is not a perfect fit for you after all. Cheer up alright. Think of those ppl who are suffering in Japan and those who got rejected by all of their dream schools. You are way better off than they are.

[surprisecake]

Heheh I'm sure red-faced, teary eyed potential grad school applicants around the world are being reminded of Japan by their friends and family. I got that line myself thrice

[seahawk2k]

<br />Heheh I'm sure red-faced, teary eyed potential grad school applicants around the world are being reminded of Japan by their friends and family. I got that line myself thrice <img src='http://forum.thegradcafe.com/public/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /><br />

<br /><br /><br />

If it makes you feel any better I did not even apply to Yale MEM because of the age thing

[thesnout]

I'll give you an e-hug instead. Take a week and get the emotions out and then move on. You got into their rival. That is a good thing. Right?...

You should feel good about beating out a lot of other applicants who didn't get into their dream school. You'll be fine and over it in a week. Things always work out the way they're supposed to. I'm sure you'll come to like the rival school. Or you can re-apply to other schools next year.

The rolling stones song made me kind of depressed for no reason lol. I turned it off.