Friends who are not going to Grad School

[KreacherKeeper]

So, to be clear, I am not sure where I am going yet. There is a chance it won't be anywhere. But I am beginning to get excited that grad school might work out then...

My friend suddenly has stopped talking to me. She won't even acknowledge me in our class. I am wondering if it has something to do with the fact I am happy about grad school and she is not yet graduating, although I have not really talked to her much about it (either the fact I am graduating or my grad school plans).

Has anyone else had relationship issues? Any advice?

[mechengr2000]

People are very sensitive. She may be feeling very down, even though you havent done anything to remind her of her hard situation. I would just try to be supportive, and I would try to understand that any anti-social behavior coming from her is not who she really is - its just coming from the difficulty circumstances shes in right now. She's feeling a lot of self-doubt.

[KreacherKeeper]

People are very sensitive. She may be feeling very down, even though you havent done anything to remind her of her hard situation. I would just try to be supportive, and I would try to understand that any anti-social behavior coming from her is not who she really is - its just coming from the difficulty circumstances shes in right now. She's feeling a lot of self-doubt.

Thanks:)

[MoJingly]

I've experienced the same thing with my roommate. I got into a great school with full funding, and now I am buying a house. Things don't seem to be going as well for her. It can be tough, but ultimately, you just keep modestly moving forward and focusing on the excitement to come.

[KreacherKeeper]

I've experienced the same thing with my roommate. I got into a great school with full funding, and now I am buying a house. Things don't seem to be going as well for her. It can be tough, but ultimately, you just keep modestly moving forward and focusing on the excitement to come.

Sorry about your roommate. I agree modesty is important, but it is hard when you are excited!

[csychology]

It is okay to give her space. It was awkward with my friends too when I got my acceptance, and my conversations with those friends have decreased since then. It will pass over time. What I have found is that it is best not to talk about the grad school issue at all. Friends who got rejected at schools... well, I did not even have to ask whether or not they got accepted or rejected because you can tell by the way they act that they already were rejected. The only ones go around posting and talking about things are the ones who got accepted because they are excited about it. I found it was better not to ask the accept/reject question at all when it was obvious what had happened. It was clear that a lot of people feel embarrassed about being rejected and do not want to talk about it.

[Owlie]

Of my friends applying to grad schools, two have been universally rejected--and one of those because ETS screwed up and never send his GRE scores! While we've mentioned it, we don't really talk about it in-depth. We're in different fields, so it removes a certain element of awkwardness.

[rainbowworrier]

I have a similar issue, but luckily it is seeming less awkward. A friend and I both made it to the interview process for a program. I was offered a spot, and she was essentially wait-listed (alternate candidate was the term). We both really wanted this program, and I felt a little guilty accepting, but I also know that I can't always make choices for my life based on what might make somebody else happier. I am still hoping she gets in off the waitlist, or at the other program she applied to. She says she isn't mad, but I still feel a teeny bit icky inside.

[neuropsych76]

Similar situation for me. I live with 3 other roommates. 2 of the other roommates and I will be going to grad school, one isn't and didn't apply.

The one who isn't going to grad school has always been a bit... egocentric to put it lightly. So, he often likes to bring up how much money he will be making right out of college, how he couldn't imagine being in school any longer, about his wedding, ect. (things that are sensitive issues for grad students, my SO will be 600 miles away from me so the wedding talk is vexing). Additionally, he has been even more overall grumpy during this last semester.

To say the least, it is very annoying and he is one person I will be glad to not see after undergrad

/rant

[KreacherKeeper]

Similar situation for me. I live with 3 other roommates. 2 of the other roommates and I will be going to grad school, one isn't and didn't apply.

The one who isn't going to grad school has always been a bit... egocentric to put it lightly. So, he often likes to bring up how much money he will be making right out of college, how he couldn't imagine being in school any longer, about his wedding, ect. (things that are sensitive issues for grad students, my SO will be 600 miles away from me so the wedding talk is vexing). Additionally, he has been even more overall grumpy during this last semester.

To say the least, it is very annoying and he is one person I will be glad to not see after undergrad

/rant

Glad to know I am not alone. My friend is not actually graduating this year, although our class is. She talks about how she will get into all the great grad schools (and I hope she does), but when I told her I found the process was really tough (and draining) she basically said she knew all that, and that she was a better candidate. After that, we just don't talk about grad school at all! But the last few weeks this has become let's not talk at all, and it is sad. Thanks for allowing me to vent!