Things you hate about your school

[Mal83]

This is what the OP does though, starts a post about something intolerable just to see if anyone else out there will feed into it. I mean I need to vent and complain just as much as the next person and I do when I'm in the appropriate company, as in people who are going through the same thing or to friends and family who might be sympathetic enough to just listen and offer a little encouragement. But to come to a forum that's dedicated to all things grad school and whine about the most basic fundamentals of your institution and program is a little self defeating. There's not much sympathy for the "I didn't know how much this would cost, how long it would take to earn the degree, or what classes I'd have to take" thing. And the OP has yet to answer my question of "how could that be?" I don't really buy it. And what's even more off about this is that the poster has no intentions of changing a single thing about her situation, none whatsoever. There's no "hey, maybe I'll think about that or give this a try" every response from the poster is just another excuse as to why she can't do this that or the other. No matter what, someone somewhere is keeping her down. Her previous thread was brimming with support and empowerment but eventually it turned into frustration because like I said, every response from her was nothing more than, "I can't do that because..."

Just Me, if you're looking for nothing more than "oh yeah, I hate my program too" then this just isn't the forum for that. I'd say most of the users here really enjoy grad school and are happy to be doing what they're doing, hence the mostly positive atmosphere. But for those who feel like the program is not the right place for them or there is a major issue they're not sure how to handle, they come here seeking advice in order to change it for the better. Everyone in grad school is an adult and we all know that we are the only ones who will do the right thing for us. So at this point in your life you should not just be sticking it out with something you hate to the very core, especially since it seems like it won't even result in something you can really use. And since you've chosen to just keep going through life this way, it's not ok to go around pretending that your school is somehow the monster taking advantage of you or your greedy professors convincing you stay so they can squeeze every penny out of you. It's kind of insulting to those of us who dream about grad school and worked really hard to get in somewhere, at least to me it is. At some point you should realize that the only person who will come to your rescue is you.

[starmaker]

I even understand the thought process. I had a parent who pushed me to go to the major they wanted and walk on the path they wanted for me. Midway through sophmore year I realized how much I hated it (which clearly the poster has already done), and what did I do? I swtiched. Was my dad pissed? Yes. Did he get over it? Yes. Is he still a dick about it? Yes. But I'm happier and that's what matters.

It's not that simple for some people, though. Some people have abusive parents, or parents who are willing to disown them over something like choice of major. I've had a number of friends in that sort of situation (a couple were able to sort of rescue themselves financially, after their parents cut them off, by documenting abuse, and using that to get the school to declare them independent for financial aid purposes). There's pissed and then there's pissed. I think some people are a little too flip about this kind of thing.

The other side of that, of course, is that the terrible situation continues until you're able to buck it one way or another. In that sort of situation, it might be harder to break away, but arguably it's even more important to do so.

[kp12746]

It's not that simple for some people, though. Some people have abusive parents, or parents who are willing to disown them over something like choice of major. I've had a number of friends in that sort of situation (a couple were able to sort of rescue themselves financially, after their parents cut them off, by documenting abuse, and using that to get the school to declare them independent for financial aid purposes). There's pissed and then there's pissed. I think some people are a little too flip about this kind of thing.

The other side of that, of course, is that the terrible situation continues until you're able to buck it one way or another. In that sort of situation, it might be harder to break away, but arguably it's even more important to do so.

I still think people over think and over complicate these things. I from what I've read especially the post above you, I completely agree with that poster. It's not acceptable to be as old (or older) as we are and to be acting like that. Yes, life's hard, it sucks sometimes, but at some point you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it. Everyone's smart on this forum, and I'd bet this poster is too, she just needs to get it together.

***posted on my girlfriends account... thought I was logged in as myself... oooops

Edited July 15, 2011 by kp12746

[ZeeMore21]

It's not that simple for some people, though. Some people have abusive parents, or parents who are willing to disown them over something like choice of major. I've had a number of friends in that sort of situation (a couple were able to sort of rescue themselves financially, after their parents cut them off, by documenting abuse, and using that to get the school to declare them independent for financial aid purposes). There's pissed and then there's pissed. I think some people are a little too flip about this kind of thing.

The other side of that, of course, is that the terrible situation continues until you're able to buck it one way or another. In that sort of situation, it might be harder to break away, but arguably it's even more important to do so.

I certainly do agree with you here starmaker...parents can give you a hard time if you don't play by their rules. When I decided to switch my major from the sciences to the humanities, my immigrant parents were very upset, and it took time for them to realize that I loved what I was doing and was good at it. They never threatened to cut me off financially, but of course, them just being disappointed intitially with my decision was hard for me to deal with, I felt like a failure. But the thing is, I knew that I was making the right decision for me...once I was confident in myself, I was able to face the fact that my parents wouldn't be alright with my decision. However, at this point, both of my parents are very happy about all of my accomplishments and have said that they are proud of me...one of the happiest points in my life. I share this story because it points to the fact that there are times where you have to find the confidence in yourself to do what is the best thing for you. If you don't do the best thing for yourself and things don't go well, there is a certain point when it is your fault and no one elses.

I don't think posters have been flip with the OP....I disagree with you here. The OP created an earlier thread discussing her situation, and most of the same posters on this thread were very sympathetic when it came to her situation...I think one poster even offered to pick up the OP and take her to a housing shelter. There was a lot of advice given in the gentlest way possible. However, the OP refused to even digest the advice given to her.

I think what is bothering posters is that instead of the OP focusing on getting out of her situation, she has turned to tearing down the school she is attending, even going to the point of attacking professors for being greedy, money-seeking individuals who don't care about their students. I think that is a very unfair characterization of professors...no one seriously goes into the teaching profession to make money.

But to end my rambling, I think that if you look at the prior thread, you will see that no one is being flip about the OP's situation...it seems like a pretty serious situation, and I can kind of understand what is going on. However, how long do you think the OP can vent about this situation without ever finding the courage to deal with it? For how long can you go on in life blaming your mother? I think posters have been overly generous giving advice to this OP...out in the real world, especially in the job market, no one cares about your family issues...you are solely in charge of what is on your resume or CV. I seriously hope the OP isn't banking on blaming her mother in any future interviews if she does poorly in her MFA program...with the attitude she has right now, creating this her vs. the academic institution situation, I doubt she will succeed.

[Just me]

Well, I didn't intend for this topic to turn into another armchair psychologist/me-bashing topic...I was part gripingabout my own situation and part asking people what they don't like about their program or school. Which I think is a legitimate question.

The way I see my situation is kind of like how parents arrange their children's marriage sometimes (maybe not so much in America)...they do what they think is best for their kids (which may or may not actually BE the best) and force them to follow that choice. It might be a lousy choice and a useless one, but if you refuse, they just push and scream and do everything in their power to make you do things their way until it just simply is easier on your sanity to do things their way and get it over with. Personally, I have nowhere I can go (yes, I did check...no shelters within driving distance, no friends with space), no job, no money, no way to get on welfare for a short time to get on my feet. Basically, I got nothing, and it seems one of the requirements for living at home is to go to grad school. IMHO, those who feel it's just as easy as "get up and leave" have never ever dealt with abusive, controlling parents - it's far easier said than done. The more I fight, the worse I feel...because putting up a fight simply prolongs the abuse since, in the end, the result is the same as it would be if I just did what I was told. So yeah....pointless to try and live my own life at this particular moment in time.

But anyway, I will just have to assume that every single person in the world has a picture-perfect grad school with absolutely no problems whatsoever and no one has anything bad to say about it...not even about the workload, class time, tuition costs, writing a thesis, etc. I'm sure.

Even the director of my program said that a master's degree is not necessary to find a job in art...I may tell that to my mother. Not that it'd make a difference since she's right about everything (or so she thinks), but it's worth a try. Anyway, I think I will be abandoning this topic since people have chosen to focus their comments solely on something unrelated to my original question and I'd prefer to not be the verbal punching bag. I get that enough outside the internet.

[ZeeMore21]

Just Me...I do agree with you, perhaps it is better you quit this thread...and maybe quit posting all together. Again, I see no effort by you to make your situation better...again, you are just complaining. You get no sympathy for me now. Unless your mother held a gun up to your head and forced you to go to school, you have no right to be demanding sympathy from people. I am even kind of wondering if your mother is as terrible as you make her out to be...people who love playing the victim always have to create villains that they can blame their shortcomings on. I'm coming to this conclusion because of the unfair characterizations you are making of the employees at your institution, solely because you feel the need to blame someone else for your problems instead of yourself.

[Mal83]

Yes, abandoning the thread seems about right. No one is bashing you for your situation at home, if you glance back at your previous thread you'd see an outpouring of support from a bunch of strangers on the internet. But this one is different, I took issue with you complaining about the basic fundamentals of graduate school, I'd say you are bashing grad school, on a forum dedicated to being successful there. You just chose the wrong forum. Surely there are "we hate grad school" sites or blogs out there, find one of those and I'm sure you'll fit right in, you'll get lots of responses filled with complaints just like yours...or at least I guess so. But here, we're serious about our academic pursuits, which I think you must understand by now. So what you've posted is self-defeating, maybe you knew that going in, but trying to make us out to be the villains for taking offense to your post isn't helpful. You're not just venting about a single professor or a class that you don't like, your insulting the whole thing...the fact that you have to pay for it, the work, the curriculum, the grade requirements, and worst of all the "greedy pig professors." Again, wrong forum for that. The only redeeming quality you can find is the free coffee...that's sad. If you're going to bring up your mother and money troubles at every turn then how do you expect us to not become arm-chair psychologists? If you don't want that then leave it out of your posts...another idea is to find a forum dedicated to offering support for victims of emotional abuse, at the very least you'll talk to people who are actually going through what you're going through. I bet a quick Google search will provide lots of options...and if you say you've already done that and didn't find anything I'll know you're really gone...good luck to you.

[90sNickelodeon]

Just bizarre, petty people and unreliable administration.

[psycholinguist]

I'm starting to agree. I've been worrying about Just me for months - little money, few ways of escaping, dissatisfying graduate program, reportedly abusive mother, reportedly abusive stepfather, reportedly abusive former boss, reportedly abusive parents-of-partner - and although there have been a good dozen people who have rushed to provide her with as much kind, sympathetic, empowering advice as we can think of, apparently not a single word of it has had an effect. Abuse is a serious issue, and those who are subject to it are certainly often rendered powerless and very psychologically passive, but this is getting so extreme that it's almost beginning to strain credibility. Apparent contradictions (she lives with her mother and can't get out; oh, but she lives in campus housing and one year had a room of her own?) are not helping. She gives us just few enough details that we can't verify assertions such as there being no shelters within reasonable distance, and it all adds up to a lot of frustration for everyone who wants to believe her story and therefore wants to see her removed from a sickeningly toxic environment as soon as possible.

Call the police as soon as possible, tell them your location, wait for them to show up, and then get the hell out of there simply by going to sit in the backseat of a cop-car. Requires no money, no friends, no vehicle of your own, no open health-services building - just a pay-phone and 90 seconds. The police have connections to domestic-abuse shelters, they have cop-cars, they have resources across the state and the nation. There are still pay-phones all over every college campus in the U.S.; students have cellphones, but not all staff-members do, and besides, physical telephones need to be there for emergencies. Speaking of which, you don't even need a quarter in order to call 911 from one of them; clearly, if you can type a post on this board, you can spare 90 seconds. If things are as bad as you say they are, then several people will be facing charges - rightfully - and your mother in particular will be separated from you by force. Permanently. You can leave school, stop having to worry about taking art classes, look for a job you like the sound of, undergo counselling and re-establish a healthy emotional balance, and slowly, slowly rediscover a) free-will, and optimism. Your life will be your own. This is my final piece of advice.

[katerific]

The one thing that I really hate about my program is that it's in a region where soda fountains have Pepsi instead of Coke.

Thems fightin' words in the South.

[Sigaba]

The one thing that I really hate about my program is that it's in a region where soda fountains have Pepsi instead of Coke.

That was the one thing that really bothered me about my school--no Coca Cola to be found in any vending machine. And then, I discovered the wonders of a twenty ounce bottle of Mountain Dew and all was golden.

In regards to Just Me's grousing, for those of you who have not yet started grad school, she's offering some of you a look into your future. Eventually, the bloom will come off the rose and you'll see the elephant. The question will be: What are you going to do about it when it happens to you? (A hint--a little autoplasticity goes a long way. Learn how to look unflinchingly at yourself in the mirror and how to embrace the suck.)

FWIW, a primary reason why I don't socialize with grad students is that too many complain incessantly about everyone and everything--except for themselves--and don't try to work through issues with their professors.

[juilletmercredi]

I tend to think it's more like a wavering than a lopping off the bloom. I was in love with my area and grad school at first; then I fell out of love; then I fell back in love. You'll go back in and out; it will truly be a "love/hate" relationship with academia, research, your project, your advisor, etc.

I also agree. Sometimes I avoid socializing with my grad student friends because they are always complaining about school, even when we see each other outside of school. Sometimes it is nice to kvetch about school, but other times...

[CageFree]

I think that's true of every profession and career.

This could have been me straight out of my B.A. - I was burned out, the last thing I wanted to do was pick up another book, and I didn't have the maturity to go onto graduate school.

Sometimes (and I believe this is certainly the case in the OP's case), you need to do a little growing up, and become your own person, before you can continue past your B.A. - you're going to be devoting 3-6 years of your life to this new pursuit. If you are not sure who you are, or have the maturity to stand up to another adult and say, "I'm going to do what *I* want to do because *I* want to make *myself* happy, instead of making *you* happy," then grad school is always a bad idea. You have to be mature and grown up before you go. Otherwise, you'll be miserable, you will end up finding yourself doing something you are not cut out for (or you plain hate), and you'll have wasted everyone's time and sometimes, money.