Poll - family and romance

[fenderpete]

So, those other singletons... How are you planning to go on the prowl over the coming years? I'm imagining we'll all be sizing up the other new doctoral candidates (and for the youngsters amongst us the MA students). I'm just not sure what it'll be like working all day on my own research, I think it might inhibit interaction with other grad students a bit.

[ridgey]

So, those other singletons... How are you planning to go on the prowl over the coming years? I'm imagining we'll all be sizing up the other new doctoral candidates (and for the youngsters amongst us the MA students). I'm just not sure what it'll be like working all day on my own research, I think it might inhibit interaction with other grad students a bit.

I'm thinking it's not a good idea to be on the prowl in your own department. Personally, I'm hoping to find a Prince Charming who isn't a student at all. That would necessiate getting a life, of course, which isn't seeming particularly likely!

[Phonologist]

I decided long ago that I'm only going to date outside of academia. Not only because of the feasibility aspects (two-body problem, etc.), I just don't want to come home at night and talk about advisor drama, dissertations, or whatever. Plus being close to someone who isn't involved in higher education has a way of keeping you grounded, I think.

[Astaroth]

As single as it possibly gets. This sounds like I'm making excuses for myself but I really think it would be stupid of me to distract myself with that right now, in such a transitional period of my life. 6 months from now... bring 'em on.

[Victory]

I've been doing the casual dating thing for about the last 3-4 months with a girl who moved to town a few days before I met her. She doesn't want anything too serious, so it seemsto be working out. To be honest though, I'm looking forward to being in a place where I can be open to possible serious relationships. I'll be 27 when I start my MA program.

[skinkididoo]

My boyfriend lives and works 2 hours away, but plans on moving with me wherever I go. My first choice school will be great for both of us because he can transfer within his company and we can actually live in the same place.

[StudyMom]

Hi pregasauraus,

I'm married with 3 kids (3, 9, 10) and pets. My husband followed my dreams to the PhD but he has yet to find job so we are living on my student stipend (yikes!). The economy is pretty bad and being in a large college town there are lots of highly qualified partners of people looking for work. Still, we are hopeful and in the meantime we don't have to pay for daycare and after school care which is pretty pricey. Good thing I am good at planning 2 weeks of meals at a time and grocery shopping twice a month with short runs for bread and milk. Peanut butter is the nutritional glue in our family! Best of luck.

StudyMom

[illinoisellie]

I would think it strange to date someone who is in your same graduate department.... :|

I'm perfectly happy that I'm single now, because I don't have to worry about leaving anyone behind when I go for the top(well, higher than I am now, anyways)!

I do hope to make some long-lasting friendships with people in the department... Maybe other new students will need a roomie to rent an apartment with??

[psycholinguist]

I'm thinking it's not a good idea to be on the prowl in your own department. Personally, I'm hoping to find a Prince Charming who isn't a student at all. That would necessiate getting a life, of course, which isn't seeming particularly likely!

Getting 'a life'? What's that? How would one go about obtaining one of those? * grins *

I'm perfectly happy that I'm single now, because I don't have to worry about leaving anyone behind when I go for the top(well, higher than I am now, anyways)!

Same here! I wasn't so happy about it after the last break-up I went through, of course, but now I'm grateful for it. Gives me the freedom to move anywhere I might want to go. Except maybe the moon.

[missashley]

One of my schools admits about 70 a year to all of its programs, and 5 or 6 within my department. One of the students that I got to visit with told me that "we all pretty much date and are only friends with other people from the department" Also they all hang out at the same bar (yes, just one bar)

The school has class 6 days a week, with 40 hours a week required service hours in addition to classroom time..

What if i get there and think they are a bunch of weirdos? i will be trapped!

hopefully my dream husband is among the 30-35 men in my school

(ps this school has a 6% acceptance rate, so i don't think this will actually be a real problem for me)

[guenevere01]

Lol, missashley - sounds like "Grey's Anatomy"! Everyone goes to this one bar, everyone dates within the program...

[Genghis]

I'm getting married on May 30 this year. I envy some of you single guys, as I might end up at UT-Austin or comparable schools with some of the most gorgeous undergrads in the country! I never had that American college experience I see in all the movies. I hope I can resist the temptation. Of course, it shouldn't be that hard as I am terribly unattractive.

[Phonologist]

I never had that American college experience I see in all the movies.

You don't want it.

[pregasauraus]

Hi pregasauraus,

I'm married with 3 kids (3, 9, 10) and pets. My husband followed my dreams to the PhD but he has yet to find job so we are living on my student stipend (yikes!). The economy is pretty bad and being in a large college town there are lots of highly qualified partners of people looking for work. Still, we are hopeful and in the meantime we don't have to pay for daycare and after school care which is pretty pricey. Good thing I am good at planning 2 weeks of meals at a time and grocery shopping twice a month with short runs for bread and milk. Peanut butter is the nutritional glue in our family! Best of luck.

StudyMom

Thanks, StudyMom. I'm very impressed with you and your family's devotion to your PhD pursuit. I hope your husband finds a job soon.

[StudyMom]

Good luck with your baby pregasaurus,

They grow so fast! It seems like just yesterday my youngest was being rocked at 11 p.m. with her bottle and being so cute and sleepy and cuddly. Now she whizzes around on her trikes and scooters and tells me to be quiet because she is talking! Enjoy!

[unspeakable]

Now she whizzes around on her trikes and scooters and tells me to be quiet because she is talking!

Heh - mine has started to do that too, but when he stops to tell us to stop talking, he loses track of what he was saying and trails off. It's usually really funny, although the waiting is making me less patient than I normally am.

[SweeneyAmong]

The second single parent has arrived!

I'm nervous about moving away from my established support network but I know that a new city (that's not in the midwest) would totally rock!

I was warned by more than one faculty member to NEVER mention that I'm a single mom whether in my SOP or any potential interviews.

[deianira]

The second single parent has arrived!

I'm nervous about moving away from my established support network but I know that a new city (that's not in the midwest) would totally rock!

I was warned by more than one faculty member to NEVER mention that I'm a single mom whether in my SOP or any potential interviews.

Well, that's just wrong, not to mention discriminatory. It's a pretty important factor in your life, and not necessarily a negative one for being a grad student. I just had my first round of interviews at Hopkins, and several people had asked about my son and were very encouraging and supportive about my being a single mom.

[Tonights]

I was warned by more than one faculty member to NEVER mention that I'm a single mom whether in my SOP or any potential interviews.

What, seriously? Well, that's bewildering.

[pregasauraus]

What, seriously? Well, that's bewildering.

Right, that seems like a life-shaping event that testifies to your strength and perseverance. Why hide that?

[socialpsych]

Right, that seems like a life-shaping event that testifies to your strength and perseverance. Why hide that?

I am guessing faculty might be worried that it would undermine her dedication to research and academia?

Sad, but some people think that way...I know of one (female!) prof who is explicit in dismissing female academics with kids as not serious and dedicated.

[Tonights]

It is very sad how some women are desperate to put down other women's achievements like that.

[unspeakable]

I am guessing faculty might be worried that it would undermine her dedication to research and academia?

That's exactly what I was told; several people told me not to let on about having a child until after everything was signed. I've also heard that it's different for men - they can afford to be a lot more open about having children. Some days it really seems that we haven't come very far at all, doesn't it?

[deianira]

anyone who has children, single parent or not, would know that leaving a steady job for a low grad student stipend for 5+ years is not a decision made lightly when you have kids. I would say it actually shows more seriousness and dedication to be a parent enrolling in school than a single person, because you are sacrificing a lot more.

[socialpsych]

anyone who has children, single parent or not, would know that leaving a steady job for a low grad student stipend for 5+ years is not a decision made lightly when you have kids. I would say it actually shows more seriousness and dedication to be a parent enrolling in school than a single person, because you are sacrificing a lot more.

I think you are preaching to the choir here...the point is that not everybody feels that way, so it can be wise in terms of the admissions process to hide info about family until one is accepted.