Dealing with stress in grad school

[NinjaMermaid]

What I mean by this post is not the normal school related stress that we all suffer through, but the life stress that didn't seem to realize we are under quite a bit of pressure already and could really use a break.

Since I started in fall, 2010 I have suffered the following:

1. A flooded basement (3 times - before shelling out 7 grand to keep it from flooding again),

2. A myriad of other house disasters (storm doors ripping off hinges, sink faucets busting, garage doors falling down, 50yr old windows needing to be replaced, cracks in the basement wall, etc etc etc)

3. The death of my 20 yr old cat

4. The death of my 18 yr old dog

5. Having my CC # stolen - probably from a local pizza place

6. My 65 yr old mother's appendix bursting suddenly and needing emergency surgery

7. My best friend's dad (and my second father) being diagnosed with terminal brain cancer

I'm sure that I am forgetting things but this is all the major stuff. Somehow I have managed to retain a 4.0 (I know.. I know.. grades don't matter), get a high pass on my qualifying exams, stay on track with my research, and serve as a prez for 2 large grad clubs.

There are days however, like today, in which I feel like screaming expletives and quitting. I manage to get through these days thanks to friends, my boyfriend, and a liberal amount of libations.

How do YOU manage?

[RNadine21]

Not even gonna lie, this is when I usually call my mom in tears. Lately she's switched tactics from the "You can't quit, you love what you're doing" to "OK, quit and come home then" to which I start yelling that I can't quit, I've come too far and accomplished too much to stop now.

She's a sneaky, sneaky, smart lady.

[bedalia]

It's been a stressful time for me as well, though different circumstances. But really, that's life. Right now I'm juggling the stresses of school and my personal life; several years ago, I was juggling the stresses of a career and my personal life. In another few years, that will be the case again. C'est la vie.

How to cope? I remind myself that everyone has different stressors at any given time in their life. Remember, THIS TOO SHALL PASS! Getting enough sleep makes a HUGE difference for me, as does getting enough exercise. Each difficulty faced makes me more capable and confident to face the next one (and there always IS, and WILL BE, a next one).

[rising_star]

I remind myself that my mom dealt with WAY more while getting her PhD and finished and has had a successful career. Or I go work out and try to forget about it. Or I indulge in one of my hobbies or grab a drink with friends.

[NinjaMermaid]

It's true that life can hand you lemons regardless of your station, but when i had a career it was so much easier for me to handle stress. I had 100 employees that looked to me to be a leader; showing stress simply was not an option. Here in grad school, all we have is ourselves to look after. Somehow I can excuse letting myself down, where I can't excuse letting others down. I'm pretty sure that keeping busy with our grad club was a big help in handeling all my recent stress.

I should add another trick I use to help myself -- I like to get dolled up the day after something terrible happens. It's difficult to be sad when you look cute.

[Bimmerman]

My coping mechanisms are going to the gym, working on my car, and/or going for a long drive on empty twisty mountain roads. It helps me... :shrug:

[far_to_go]

Having a strong social network REALLY helps. Tonight I had two different friends in my program call me, both crying (one's really sick, and one's going through a break-up- on top of the general stress of grad school, of course). I call on them when I need them, too. Don't know what I'd do without good friends.

[theregalrenegade]

If I have the time I wallow in sadness for a while - Watch tear-jerker movies, listen to sad songs - have a good cry. Sometimes just being able to bawl my eyes out for a couple minutes makes me feel better. Then I can move on and get back on track.

[ktel]

If I have the time I wallow in sadness for a while - Watch tear-jerker movies, listen to sad songs - have a good cry. Sometimes just being able to bawl my eyes out for a couple minutes makes me feel better. Then I can move on and get back on track.

I love a good cry it is so cathartic. I cry, talk to my boyfriend and don't take his advice, talk to my dad who says the same thing as my boyfriend and then take the advice. That's my general stress cycle.

[nehs]

I hear you! I'm dealing with the same thing now. But I must admit, my issues seem very small as compared to yours.

Here are some things that I do :

I usually walk down to my gym and do cardio for 20 minutes. This helps me burn fat and stress.

I start browisng the internet for some topics that I enjoy reading about, or I grad a book if I can go to my local library.

Some times, I do a a very funny thing - I sleep - Yes, it some how helps me wake up and deal better with stress.

[goldielocks]

Therapy. Many of the graduate students I know (and several of my professors) have a therapist. It's done wonders for my stress level. Most schools offer these services for free to current students. Maybe you could try out an appointment and see how you feel about it? You can learn stress management skills, or even just have someone to act as a sounding board on a regular basis. I can't reccommend this enough.

Alternatively, vodka. And chocolate. And my cuddly little dog. All of these things help with my stress/anxiety.

Finally, I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time. I hope you find some relief soon, and things start to look up for you.

[far_to_go]

I strongly second the therapy recommendation.

Also, to help the body deal with stress: here in our town there's a very good massage school where anyone affiliated with the university can get a 1-hour massage for $20. I go every few weeks and it's really helpful. Might be worth looking to see if there's something similar available where you are.

[Bimmerman]

alternatively, find a hobby that makes you use your hands. Part of the reason working on my car is stress relief for me is that I am fighting with my hands to take something apart, repair it, and put it back together again. The sense of accomplishment after doing so is a great feeling.

I used to do model ships and cars, they filled the same need with far less bloody knuckles and shouted expletives. Doesn't matter what really, I know people who do puzzles, who carve, who go shooting, who do all sorts of things that require hands over brain. Helps deal with stress greatly.

[ZeeMore21]

I recently joined an art class for the fun of it...I was starting to realize that school was taking up my entire life. It has been nice to have time set aside for developing hobbies and exploring things outside of the classroom.

[kotov]

A clear bottle with Cyrillic writing on it...

[UnlikelyGrad]

(1) Therapy.

(2) Phone calls with my sisters.

(3) Good friends.

(4) Going for walks in the beautiful outdoors. (SOOO glad I didn't pick a school in NYC or something)

(5) Putting on some dance music and moving!

(6) Hugging my kids.

(7) Singing at the top of my lungs.

(8) Doing very heavy manual labor, like hauling rocks around my front yard.

[quittingvalidator]

I would take the time you need to feel better and talk with people, even if that means taking time off from school. Just do whatever it takes to feel better and don't let anyone push you to keep going with school in spite of all the horrible stuff you have to deal with. Take time off and take care of yourself