I hate grad school! How can I get out "clean"?

[mareli77]

This is my second quarter into a PhD program and I hate it. First of all English is not my first language and going straight from the bachelors level to a PhD program is pure horror. Although I am perfectly bilingual (that it is in regular English not graduate academia lexicon) I feel almost mute in class when I hear everyone speak in terms that are way higher than my vocab. I hate that in my classes almost everyone has already a masters, or they are in their 3rd year into the PhD, so how is that even fair for me? (in my undergrad I would always participate in all my classes all the time...but now I feel I can't compete with this people... how can I be placed in classes with people that have that much more experience on me literally? The reading pace is ridiculous (2 books a week per class, plus articles) and on top of that I just don't like my program.

I basically applied to grad school because I couldn't find a job and I knew they would want me in their department, but I am finding that I don't like anything about academia. I don't want to be a faculty member EVER or work in research if anything I would just like to try to put up with this long enough to get a masters and then leave.

My first quarter was a nightmare since I was going through divorce, and that's another thing my ex which is 3 years into their PhD program is still at the same school. Before we separated most people knew we were a couple and through our separation this person made it very public so now I feel like I almost don't ever want to be on campus, as according to this person I was the villain of the story.

So as you all can see I have more against that for the program...so how can I make a clean getaway? Or should I stay at least until I get a masters?

I am not kidding when I say I hate graduate school and everyone in it. I feel like if at least I would be studying what I like it might be different, but this is not what I want (heck I'm not even a feminist.).

Any suggestions? plans of attack?

Thank you all.

[eleanor]

Are you funded?

[kaykaykay]

Take a leave of absence , get some experience in work and if you find yourself happier outside never turn back. Grad school is not a prison and you should not waste your time on it. In my opinion the leave of absence will give the ease of your mind that you can continue if you really feel like it. Happy Happy Life!

[NinjaMermaid]

I'm with kalapocska on this. You definitely need a break, but you don't want to burn any bridges or be rash. Go for a leave of absence. I did it after my divorce and decided to come back in time for the next semester. (Although I did not have the experience that you are)

[StrangeLight]

yep.

tell your advisor and the director of graduate studies that you're not sure if academia is for you, that you're unhappy doing the work itself and, at least right now, you can't see your future in this field. then ask to take a year's leave of absence so you can reassess your situation. they will all say yes. they will understand. PhD programs have very high drop-out rates (somewhere around 50% of those that begin never finish) and the sooner you know you want out, the less time and money you waste there, the more easily they'll let you go with no hard feelings.

once you're out, i strongly recommend that you don't trash your program in any way that could get back to them (i.e. on facebook). if you do decide you want back in after a year (and you might), it'll be difficult if they know you bad-mouthed them.

also, let me say that there is nothing unfair about putting a first-year MA student in a classroom with PhD students. you're not expected to compete with them. NO ONE is comparing the 3rd year PhD to the first year MA. you're expected to learn from them. someday, you would be the 3rd year student and some first year student might feel the same way about you that you do about your peers. also, when a class assigns 2 books + articles per week, the professor doesn't expect you to read every word of every page. in order to survive the rest of the semester, i suggest that you read the articles in their entirety and the introduction and conclusions of the books VERY carefully. then read the first and last pages of each chapter. if you have time, try to read the chapters more thoroughly. if you don't, that's okay.

good luck on getting out. you should be fine.

Edited February 15, 2012 by StrangeLight

[Arcadian]

You shouldn't have applied to grad school simply because you couldn't get a job...but that's in retrospect. I guess you should start looking for jobs now, finish the semester, and then tell your adviser that you realized grad school isn't going to work for you (or some such vague reasoning, don't actually say you "hated" it).

I think it's obvious that you will never want to return because you don't like research or academia. So start planning for whatever it is that you do want, and then gradually shift your focus to that.

[DustSNK]

I'm so sorry you have to go uni with your soon to be ex-husband, and you are in the same social setting...... that is total MADNESS. I can't imagine being able to focus on a PhD with such a personal situation like that happening. Take a break, maybe go to another Uni if you can. Hope things get better.

[koolherc]

yeah, leave of absence, like everyone else said. and, if you need to, withdraw from the classes you're in currently. it happens. don't suffer for some sense of social shame and responsibility. good luck

[mareli77]

Thank you all for your opinions, you all have giving me some ideas that actually sound doable.