Reject Something

[puddle]

Hey all. It's been a tough couple of months. A few grad cafe-ers were posting today about receiving 5 rejections today. That blows. For my part, I am really happy with the places that I have been accepted to but the grand majority of emails have started with the words "I regret to inform you...".

My response to all this negativity: silliness. I suggest that everyone who feels beat-down, down-and-out, out of their mind... etc. should take this opportunity to chose something in their life (really, it can be anything) and formally reject it. Try not to reject anything that will make other people feel worse (i.e. I am not going to "reject" any of the schools that have rejected me... this would be redundant... also, I am pretty excited for or jealous of the people who did not get rejected). Here is my example... feel free to chip in with your own rejection.

I reject wet socks.

Dear wet socks,

I regret to inform you that you will not be offered a place in my wardrobe this coming year. You lack the warmth and comfort that I associate with your peers (dry socks) and you make me miserable/uncomfortable. Yesterday I was forced to use the word "moist" to describe you. Please do not trouble me by applying again next year. I wish you no luck at infiltrating wardrobes in the future.

Regards,

meep

[abandoned]

I reject acceptance. Leave me alone already!

[Blue_Bee]

you should go something like this

Dear Princeton University,

Thank you for rejecting my application for the fall 2012 admission. While I assure you that your rejection letter was carefully reviewed by me, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me admission to your department.

This year, I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of programs rejecting me, it is impossible for me to accept all rejections.

My rejection decisions take into account not only the universities’ prestige, but also the suitability of the department’s program to my personal interest. Hence, despite your university's outstanding qualifications and previous experiences in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will join the ranks of graduate students in your department this fall. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,

Meep

[saltlakecity2012]

Love this. Here's mine:

Dear Winter,

I regret to inform you that your application to participate in the rest of my life has been rejected. Over the past several years the competition amongst the seasons for the limited number of slots available - only 4 per year - has grown fierce, and given your unreliable record in recent cycles, I find myself unable to offer you a permanent position. There were many strong elements to your application, such as fresh powdered snow and the wonderfully nostalgic scent of wood fires, but other applicants were better suited to the strengths of the program, which are: basking in the sun, not having to pay heat bills, wandering around outside without concern of hypothermia, etc.

I wish you all the best in your future endeavors. If your interest in the opportunity to take up a permanent position in someone's life remains strong, I would recommend you seek out a program better suited to your particular strengths. Perhaps the life of a snow leopard would be a more appropriate choice.

Sincerely,

-Frozen graduate program applicant

[somanytictoc]

I reject Reduced Fat Cheez-Its.

Dear Reduced Fat Cheez-Its,

I regret to inform you that your application to become a regular snack food in my diet has been denied. I have received an overwhelming number of similarly qualified applicants, and while you made the decision very difficult, I am unable to offer you admission into my belly.

After reading over your application, I would like to make the following suggestions for strengthening future applications: 1) add more fat to your resume. 2) the addition of other unique ingredients (for example, one applicant was very similar to your profile but added white cheddar cheese). 3) maybe working closely with other candidates, such as Goldfish or pretzels. 4) applying to other universities that may be a better fit; for example, Diet Soda University.

Best of luck in your endeavors.

[PoliSci27]

you should go something like this

Dear Princeton University,

Thank you for rejecting my application for the fall 2012 admission. While I assure you that your rejection letter was carefully reviewed by me, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me admission to your department.

This year, I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of programs rejecting me, it is impossible for me to accept all rejections.

My rejection decisions take into account not only the universities’ prestige, but also the suitability of the department’s program to my personal interest. Hence, despite your university's outstanding qualifications and previous experiences in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will join the ranks of graduate students in your department this fall. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,

Meep

Make sure to use at least three different fonts and get your secretary send it.

[kolja00]

Make sure to use at least three different fonts and get your secretary send it.

So this?

Dear Princeton University,

Thank you for rejecting my application for the fall 2012 admission. While I assure you that your rejection letter was carefully reviewed by me, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me admission to your department.

This year, I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of programs rejecting me, it is impossible for me to accept all rejections.

My rejection decisions take into account not only the universities’ prestige, but also the suitability of the department’s program to my personal interest. Hence, despite your university's outstanding qualifications and previous experiences in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will join the ranks of graduate students in your department this fall. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

[PoliSci27]

So this?

Dear Princeton University,

Thank you for rejecting my application for the fall 2012 admission. While I assure you that your rejection letter was carefully reviewed by me, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me admission to your department.

This year, I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of programs rejecting me, it is impossible for me to accept all rejections.

My rejection decisions take into account not only the universities’ prestige, but also the suitability of the department’s program to my personal interest. Hence, despite your university's outstanding qualifications and previous experiences in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will join the ranks of graduate students in your department this fall. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Perfect. I'm sending it now.

[Gradhorn]

I turned my rejections from last year into non-stop entertainment thanks to college sports. In my application season last year all nine of the schools were in the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. I was accepted by 2, rejected by 6, and wait listed by 1. I had 2 schools to root for, 6 to root against, and I was ambivalent on the last one. Even better, this football season all nine schools made bowl games. My two acceptance schools won their bowl games and the six that rejected me all lost their bowls.

I have had a few chances to watch my current school play some of my rejectors. Those are fun days.

[dreamcatcher]

you should go something like this

Dear Princeton University,

Thank you for rejecting my application for the fall 2012 admission. While I assure you that your rejection letter was carefully reviewed by me, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me admission to your department.

This year, I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of programs rejecting me, it is impossible for me to accept all rejections.

My rejection decisions take into account not only the universities’ prestige, but also the suitability of the department’s program to my personal interest. Hence, despite your university's outstanding qualifications and previous experiences in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will join the ranks of graduate students in your department this fall. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,

Meep

Absolutely hilarious and weirdly cathartic!