xunoname Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 My rejection letter to schools: Dear XX University: I regret that I am not unable to accept your admission at this time. Your school is very good, however I receive over 400 offers this year, most of which are from various departments of Harvard, Yale, MIT, and etc. The competition is very tough, so I have to reject many qualified schools. At first, I put you on my waitling list. However, president of Harvard keeps writing emails to me every hours, and I find that the professors there do have common research interest with me. Therefore, I have to decline your admission. Nontheless, if you can pay me 350,000,000 dollars a year (excluded bonus) , I can still consider your offer. I am sorry that I do not have a better outcome to report to you. I hope you could find other excellent students. Don't be discouraged! Yours, xunoname Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoberg Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Dear xunoname, We regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you admission to our mathematics PhD program at this time. Your application was the strongest we had ever seen, so we thought you deserves a huge offer: tuition waier+a stipend of $ 350,000,000/year. However, due to the current economic crisis, we really do not have so much money for you. You are so excellent that we will feel guity if we don't pay you $ 350,000,000/year, therefore we have no choice but to deny your application. If we can make enough money next year, we will try to have you here. We are so guilty. Your servant, xx So ideal. I want this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avidLayout Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Dear avidLayout, Congratulations! We were impressed by your tremendous application! You would be an ideal fit for our department, and, if anything, truly overqualified. Of course, we will not at this time be able to admit you into the department. We, the admissions board, took a bribe from another school's ultimate frisbee team. They wished us to prevent you from joining our university's team, and playing them at sectionals/regionals. They simply could not bear the utter destruction you surely would have wrought upon their team. You may judge us for this *ahem* irregular result of your application, but we'd like to reconcile by inviting you to the board's newly purchased cabin getaway (we have jet-skis!). Sincerely, Admissions Board University X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reinventing Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 , Page 4. Only thing to put a smile on my face yet today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
belowthree Posted April 11, 2009 Share Posted April 11, 2009 Dear belowthree, Unfortunately we weren't able to sneak your application by the pencil pushers that demand things like a GPA less frightening than a note in the mail from the selective service. However, let us know where you end up as just because we couldn't sneak you into our school doesn't mean we aren't interested in doing fabulous research with you in the future. See you around, ~Adcom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanutbutter Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Kid, Stop kidding yourself. Sincerely, Somebody Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dontuse Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Je*us that's gold peanutbutter. simply hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
washdc Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Dear djrg, We would like to make you know that our admission process is made in such a way to remove any possible bias from our professors. For this purpose, we have made our own algorithm based on randomness, similar to the work I think you would like to do. This is why, I regret to let you know that your application slipped-off my bed when I threw into the air, and since it fell into the ground, we are unable to offer you admission for this Fall. I would have to admit that I didn't even read your application and know your name and area of interest just thanks to the initial scan of the applications my secretary did in order to classify applications. That said, I will never know if you could have been my best student ever; however, we need to be fair and stick to our well-proven process. I wish you the best in your future endevours. Regards, Chair of Department University This made me laugh for five minutes straight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MDLee Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 My rejection letter to schools: Dear XX University: I regret that I am not unable to accept your admission at this time. Your school is very good, however I receive over 400 offers this year, most of which are from various departments of Harvard, Yale, MIT, and etc. The competition is very tough, so I have to reject many qualified schools. LOL!!!!!!!! Wouldn't THAT just be a perfect turnabout! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MDLee Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Dear all of the universities who rejected me: Who's laughing now? always, MDLee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dontuse Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Dear all of the universities who rejected me: Who's laughing now? always, MDLee Winner. :!: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snap Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 This particular letter came to me in a dream last week. " Dear Snap, We are sorry, unfortunately you are the only applicant we could not accept this year. Universtiy of Vermont. " The letter was painted (in huge letters) on the back of a Mini Cooper they send me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristela204 Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I'll take a rejection with a free mini cooper any day. That's awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snap Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Cooper or no coper, i was sad. I hear u though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zygote Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Dear Recessive Gene, We were sadly unable to admit you this reproductive cycle, due largely to random fluctuations in enzyme concentration. Please accept our best wishes for your future career! Warmest Regards, The Chromosome Admissions Committee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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