Paralyzed by indecision. Help!

[Janie M.]

Hello, all. It has been my dream for the last several years to return to school to get a master's in a writing and/or publishing-related field. I have been out of the academic world for over ten years. I did work in the journalism field for several years after my undergrad (I have my bachelor's degree in journalism), but realized I was looking for more. Anyway, it's a long story, but I ended up waiting tables in upscale restaurants for way longer than I ever intended. I greatly enjoy being in an academic environment and since I couldn't find work with just my bachelor's, after quite some time, I made it my goal to return to school. In the past several years, I have worked extremely hard to build up my resume in this field. I have even worked on a few projects without any financial compensation, because I desperately needed recent professional experience to put on my resume.

 

I am proud to say that my diligent work did eventually pay off, as I was recently accepted to both the grad programs that I applied to for next year. Even though this is my dream, I am close to potentially destroying this opportunity completely because I simply cannot decide which option to choose. Since I'm in my mid-thirties, I feel very pressured to make the absolute right decision because I don't have much time to make professional mistakes or choose the wrong path. I feel like I am a character in a Camus or Kafka story.  

 

Here's my dilemma: Both programs are the same in name (M.A. Writing and Publishing), but opposite in nature and at very different schools. Part of the issue is that I don't exactly know what I would like to do after graduation. On one hand, I want to improve my writing in the nonfiction genre to professionally write for a magazine, as I am talented with this style of writing. I would also like the option of taking more practical publishing courses, as I can see myself one day editing or working in a publishing house in some capacity. I do have experience in the latter sphere and am skilled in it, although there are many things I still need to learn in order to be qualified in this realm. Since I don't know exactly what I want to do, a broad program would be best for me.

 

School A:

 

Pros:

 

-- Much higher than the other in terms of academic ranking.

-- Smaller, somewhat elite college. Kind of known for being alternative or unconventional (in a good way).

-- Produces nationally known and applauded literary magazines, which I would have the opportunity to work on

-- Very recognizable name, especially in the communication/writing fields

-- Cool exchange program possibilities (both national and international)

-- No religious affiliation (this is a positive quality for me)

-- The name of this school on my resume (and the education received here) might be much more likely to land me an actual job out of school

-- Semester system (more time to really get into and learn from the classes)

-- The administration in all supportive offices are very organized and responsive to students

-- In general I think I would fit in with the unconventional (although driven) atmosphere and mission of this school

-- Some people would kill to get into this school and would think I was crazy for turning down the opportunity here

 

 

Cons:

 

-- I don't know if the program itself is the right fit for me. It is more based on learning to be a publishing professional rather than improving one's writing skills in various genres. I might be bitter if I end up working in a field where I promote OTHERS' writing instead of pursuing my own writing passion.

-- Students need to choose a publishing concentration as a focus of their studies. I don't like the idea of having to choose a specific genre (it seems like this could be potentially professionally limiting).

-- I don't know if I would have much in common with the head of this department (who would most likely be my advisor). She is an expert in the design/electronic realm of publishing instead of the literary aspects of it. I feel like I wouldn't connect with her. I am a literature nerd, whereas it seems that she is more into design and the really technical side of publishing.

-- I have not had any contact with this faculty head. I did not receive a welcome letter from her upon my admission (like I did with the chair of the other school's department).

-- I don't think there will be many students in my age group here. From what I've seen on Facebook, most are fresh out of undergrad and in their early twenties. This factor could be very alienating for me.

-- I live (and am from) an area only a few hours away from this school. I am honestly kind of sick of the small town vibe in this location (even though it is located in a city, just a small one) and could use a drastic change of scenery for my personal growth.

 

School B:

 

Pros:

 

-- A much broader and more writing-focused program. Students can choose courses in multiple writing genres, but do not have to declare any official concentration. Additonally, students can take more practical publishing electives.

-- I think that I would really like the dept. chair and feel that she would be an amazing mentor. I have been communicating with her via email and like the interaction I have had with her so far. Although I haven't actually met her yet, she seems very approachable and interested/concerned with her student's goals and ideas. She is also a very established writer.

-- Most of the faculty here are reputable writers who attended the Iowa Writers Workshops (which are VERY respected in the industry). In addition to wanting to work with the head of the dept., there are several other respectable writers that I would love to learn from here

-- It would be more acceptable in this program to not exactly know what I want to do professionally, since it is a much more expansive program compared to the other school

-- From what I have seen from Facebook activity of this department, I think there would be more students in my age group in this department (and even just the school in general).

-- Located in a much larger city, one of the biggest cities in the country. Even though the department may not give me stellar connections/opportunities, I would have much greater internship/job possibilities in this city during school than in the city School A is located in.

-- On a related note, I will be single and this city would give me a better chance to meet someone in my age group than the smaller city.

 

Cons:

 -- A much larger, religiously-affiliated Midwestern university (I am just not really into supporting Catholicism as an institution, don't care if other people like it)

-- Not super well ranked in terms of academics. It isn't terrible in terms of ratings and it does have a recognizable name (but the latter is somewhat due to the school's athletic teams rather than academics)

-- On a quarter system. I'm afraid the classes will feel rushed and I won't have time to really learn about the subject.

-- The administration hasn't been super friendly, detailed, or helpful (although the department chair, like I said, has been very friendly and helpful). For example, the department doesn't even have a student ambassador in admissions that I can ask questions of. There is no way for me to network with current/prospective students here to find out their perspective of the program.

-- I am worried about my ability to land a decent job after graduation here, since, like I said, the name of the school isn't as known in the writing/publishing industry.

 

 

Okay, this post is becoming insanely long! I need to make my decision by April 15. I am going to visit each school within the next few weeks, sit in on classes and meet with some professors. I feel like I am doing something very morally wrong though. Each school is under the impression that I will be attending their program next fall.

 

I have only officially enrolled at School B, which I kind of did unintentionally. I didn't really understand the enrollment process at this time (this was the first school I was accepted into). They sent me an acceptance letter via email, with a link to enroll. I technically enrolled (at the time I thought this meant I would lose my spot if I didn't respond immediately), but I never sent any sort of deposit, since this is not required here. However, things seem more laid back at this university.

 

School A, on the other hand, seems much more official with policies and such. I am assuming I have until April 15 to enroll, since this is when the deposit is due. They are not requiring that students do anything, such as register for classes, before this point. However, I have been invited to a dinner at a swanky hotel with the department and other students that will take place before April 15.

 

I will feel horribly guilty for turning either school down after wasting so much of their time. However, I wasn't expecting for both schools to accept me and for things to turn so official as quickly as they have. At long last, which do people think is more important: General school ranking/reputation or the fit of the particular program?? I have not heard about funding from either school yet, so I can always use this factor as the final determination of choice. I feel like I can't make the wrong choice or else I will be obsessed  with it for the rest of my life.

 

Thank you! Sorry this is so long.

Edited March 21, 2013 by Janie M.

[selecttext]

it seems odd to me that your options would be so diametrically opposed. usually people would use their educational objectives and career goals in determining which schools to apply to and not simply role the dice.  Maybe you should re-read your SOPs to remind yourself of why you applied for graduate school. Obviously no one can make this decision for you and I can't even appreciate how one might be of service.

[Janie M.]

@Selectext: Your reply is not very polite or helpful at all. It took me a long time to write this and I would appreciate it if someone would be a little less rude .

I stated that I have multiple career goals within this industry. There are only 5 or 6 programs for this field in the entire country. I don't have many options as far as where to attend school. Also, I wasn't expecting each program to be so drastically different. Just don't even reply at all if you are going to be so curt!

[Janie M.]

@Select - I wasn't "simply roll(ing) the dice," FYI. I have spent the last couple YEARS in the application process/deliberating my options. Like I said, there are very few schools that have this program in the country. Learn how to be more polite! To quote "Sideways," I really don't need your neg-head bullshit. People are here for POSITIVE support and respectful constructive criticism.

Edited March 21, 2013 by Janie M.

[selecttext]

Your decision is difficult because you do not have any clear academic objectives, only a vague notion of working in the publishing industry afterwards. I think that if you were to refocus on specific objectives, rather than trying to do everything, your program choice will become self-evident. A lot of your pros and cons are superficial and of secondary concern. I am sorry it came across as harsh but I am trying to help you be a bit more pragmatic.

[Janie M.]

Okay. Thanks for you respose. I do have some clear objectives and specific job ideas. I didn't go into them simply because my post had become so incredibly long before I got to explaining that part, that I simply ran out of steam.

 

I like both writing and also helping others with their writing in some sort of editing capacity. I was hoping for a program that would let me explore both these avenues. As I explained above, School B would allow me to delve into both these areas. My problem is, School B isn't as well respected as School A, but I like B's program better because it is more acceptable to not have a definite career goal here. I know I must seem very indecisive, but since this is a humanities-related field, instead of the sciences (where I would imagine students would be expected to have a much clearer career objective), I don't think it's that unacceptable that I can't seem to choose one specific career to pursue at this point.

 

Some specific careers I am interested in within the publishing industry: Book editing, literary scouting, writing promotional material for soon-to-be published works. However, I don't want to totally neglect my own writing. It would be ideal if I could either start out as a freelance writer and then end up having a more reliable publising job. Or, I would be satisfied if I worked as an editor or some other publishing professional, but pursued my more creative passions with freelance writing.

 

That being said, maybe School B is the best option for me because it is much more broad. I wouldn't have to choose a specialization here and I'm sure once I began my studies, I would have a better understanding of what I would eventually like to do. This is all just kind of hard to explain to those that may not be familiar with this industry. I tried searching for Writing/Publishing within the subjects domain of this site, but there isn't a forum for this area. I didn't know where to post this.

 

It's easy to misunderstand people via text/internet. Thanks.

[Janie M.]

Please excuse any typos. I've had very bad insomnia because I am so stressed out about this decision.

[selecttext]

If you believe that the name of the university is that important, as it may very well be in publishing - i have heard a number of anecdotes confirming this as well as for other top literary jobs - then that should be your main concern. It sounds like your own academic interests are malleable enough that you could fit in fine at either place. Personally, I would never in a million years go to a school that is affiliated with a religion.

[Janie M.]

What you said about the name is a concern for me. Since I want to eventually end up in NYC to work, School A might have better connections to industries in this location. I have been trying to tell myself to go with my gut and choose the right program, but this is a very cut-throat industry and the school name may be more crucial than in other fields.

The idea of going to a Catholic school is very unappealing to me. I was concerned with a possible freedom of speech issue at this school, but I have a good friend who went here for his undergrad and he said that the religion thing basically doesn't matter. I don't like the idea of giving the institution of Catholicism my money, but if they were to offer me a fellowship, I guess I would have to swallow my personal views/ideals. I can ignore the religion aspect as long as it does not affect my academics in any way. I still don't really like the idea though.

I guess the best thing for me to do is to visit each school and see what kind of vibe I get, wait for my financial aid package from each school, continue to reseach, and draw some more definitive goals for myself.

Thanks!

[mrmolecularbiology]

The best way to become a better writer is through reading and writing in the style/genre (try to emulate good writing). A masters in writing would be more of a self development (as opposed to an instructed style of learning) I'd go with A and learn publishing skills but then again This is beyond my realm of knowledge.

[Lulubelle]

In publishing, you do really need connections to get a job. Also some sort of experience. Have you worked in journalism beyond your degree? You're probably going to want to go to a program that will give you a lot of opportunities for hands-on experience -- internships, practicums, etc. Even with a master's degree, you may find it difficult to compete with people who have experience, even people with only a bachelor's.

 

Even if the one program makes you choose a concentration, I doubt it would be that limiting. You don't have to play up the concentration when looking for jobs, and it wouldn't change the name of the degree, right? In terms of freelance writing, I don't think it will matter one way or the other as long as you come out with writing samples. Having the journalism degree is enough for that, educationwise, I think. But I'd agree with the others that if you want a job, then learning about publishing is probably more useful.

[TeaGirl]

I'd go with school A. Having a concentration shouldn't be limiting, especially as you state that your two choices of career are either something in the publishing industry for which A is great, or something in writing for which it seems B isn't necessarily better. I'd only pick B if going to A means you can't work on/develop your writing which I really doubt is the case. It is an M.A. in Writing and Publishing after all. Surely there would be writing related courses going on.

[Janie M.]

Thanks for responding. @Mr. Molecular, I totally understand what you are saying as far as avid reading and better writing being highly connected. Maybe I didn't explain things thoroughly enough, but School B would actually give me more of an opportunity to take literature and literature theory courses. I have more English electives in this program in which to take these kind of classes. School A seems very technically-oriented as far as types of classes. I am confused as to how students are supposed to become publishing professionals here when it doesn't seem like the program offers the broad foundation in literature/writing studies that would be necessary for one to either develop their own writing skills or to help others do the same. I guess I could email the head of the department and politely inquire about this concern.

 

Lulubelle, I do have some experience in the writing/publishing realm. I was an editorial assistant/contributing writer at a daily newspaper for several years. Here I gained basic editing experience and newswriting skills. A few years ago I interned at a selective literary agency and had the opportunity to work one-on-one with the owner/head agent. This experience landed me a few freelance book editing gigs. I have also started writing feature articles/reviews for a website based in my area. All of these endeavors have not been enough to score me a real job, however. This is why I decided I need to go back to school. Also, I really just love being in an academic environment and around other stimulating, intellectual people. As far as one connection, the literary agent that I had the opportunity to work with is himself a big name in the industry. He actually wrote me recommendations to each school, we are still on a friendly basis, and he would be more than happy to provide a job reference for me. But, I understand I need more experiences and connections as well.

 

You are right that both names on the degree will be the same and I doubt future employers are really going to ask what exactly my curriculum consisted of. I guess my concern is what I WANT to learn. If I do end up going to A and am super bummed out that I didn't get to take more writing electives, this school does also offer an M.F.A. in Creative Writing with a nonfiction concentration. I know that would be two more years in school, but if I could get a fellowship, I might do this as well instead of pursuing a PhD. I don't think someone can even get a doctorate in any publishing field, so why not two masters, since I like being in school?

 

I'm also concerned that I might not understand the real technical publishing courses required in A. I do not want to do poorly in my academics. I would NOT be very good with computer design programs. I can't even figure out Quark, which is the basic newspaper and other media layout system. It's just not the way my mind works. I'm not really into some electronic publishing (I refuse to even use a Nook). I like old fashioned tangible books. I guess there's only one required class that I have to take in electronic publishing, but I don't know how much emphasis electronic publishing plays into the other classes. I could try to broach this concern with the head of this department. Obviously I know that in order to get a job in this field, I do need to have an acceptance and basic understanding of the electronic side. I just don't want to pursue this genre any further than necessary.

 

Maybe I'm just crazy. Thanks for listening. I need to get my priorities straight!

[Tuck]

It sounds like your choice really comes down to whether you want to go into publishing or be a writer. I would be asking questions about what each program's students do after graduation - industries, salaries, job placement, etc.; I would also be asking about internships and opportunities for professional development. Then I would be thinking about whether any debt you might incur for these programs could be paid off with the types of jobs you are likely to be eligible for.

 

I think the age thing is irrelevant. Plenty of grad students are older. You're not there to make friends.

 

An aside on topic of "Not Here To Make Friends" (or "N.H.T.M.F.", as they called it on an episode of This American Life?

[Janie M.]

TeaGirl, thanks. I am afraid from what I see looking at the curriculum, that there wouldn't be a huge option for me to explore my own writing at School A. I just wrote above that this school does also offer a MFA in Creative Writing, with the option to choose nonfiction as a concentration. If I go here and discover that I'm not permitted to really take a lot of writing classes, maybe I can audit more creative writing classes in this other department or possibly even get a dual master's. I don't know if that would be totally crazy of me to do this. I might be willing to get the entire MFA after the M.A. in W/P if I am not satisfied with what I learned in the latter and if I can somehow score a fellowship.

[Janie M.]

Tuck, thanks. I'm afraid to say what school it actually is because you never know who looks at these sites. I'm a bit paranoid about things like that. I am tolerant of others' views as long as it isn't imposed on me in any way. Basically, as long as it doesn't affect my writing/studies in any way, I don't really care.

I guess I secretly want to be a writer, but I feel on some level that this is an impractical career choice. B's program appeals to me more because I would get to explore both sides: creative and practical.

I know I'm not there to make friends, but it would be more welcoming if there were some students in my dept. around my age group. I guess these days people are going back to school at all ages though.

Yes, I do need to research what people are doing after graduation. I am almost positive that most graduates from A are doing very well after graduation. I am not sure about B; I'll have to do more research on this. However, the fact that I live so far away from B at the moment is partly why I don't hear much about it. But, like I said, when one does hear its name, it is more associated with athletics than with academics. I do really like the way the department looks though.