Starting over in a new place....

[Lisa44201]

I'm sorry if I did down vote you because I don't remember. I'm sure nothing you said was that bad compared to other things I have heard.   

 

Lisa: I am freaking out I mean it wouldn't be smart of me to really look at places yet though right? I don't even know that I got into schools? I have looked on zillow at places and I know the areas in each place that I want to live and the price ranges but I am really afraid of jinxing myself. 

I would get an idea of what's available (and lose the superstitious thinking; your looking at housing has no bearing on the AdComm's decision). I officially knew where I was going in February of last year; I drove out in March to look at housing. I got to the landlord's office shortly after 10AM; he had rented out eight places that morning; I looked at three places, decided on one of them, signed the lease, and handed him the security deposit - and this was for a move-in date of June 1. He has his tenants state in writing whether they plan to renew their lease in December. I live in a small college town (population: 48,000) with a large University (approximately 28,000 undergrads); due to personal circumstances, I am quite picky about housing (I have two small children, so local schools and quality of the neighborhood are more important than they would be to someone without kids; I also have two large dogs, so I need a full house, as opposed to an apartment); if I were in a larger city / didn't have the dogs, it would not have been as difficult.

 

I highly recommend www.hotpads.com for housing; I've used it for several moves. They also have an app.

[VioletAyame]

Thank you all very much for the advice and personal experiences. I will try to get it done before I leave, but it's encouraging to hear there are still plenty of options comes summer. I've been lurking around the city-specific threads to get a feel of my potential locations, but I guess now I should start looking seriously at housing options. Is there any other website/service you would recommend?

[rising_star]

VioletAyame, don't put the cart before the horse. There's no sense in seriously looking into housing until you have an offer and know exactly how much you'll be making and what school you will be attending.

[LittleDarlings]

What do you all think of schools that have on campus grad housing?

 

I started my FAFSA and it is asking about my housing situation, on campus or off, if I say off then obviously they won't consider funding for that but I could probably get funding for on campus housing (assuming the particular schools have on campus housing which I think 2 do 

Edited January 2, 2014 by CorruptedInnocence

[Loric]

I'm pretty sure you can put both options on the FAFSA, so you can see how the money/aid is different between the two options as well.

[LittleDarlings]

No it's a drop down and you have to choose for each school whether it is "on campus" "off campus" or "with parents" 

[Loric]

But you can select the same school again and choose the other.

 

Edit: As if you selecting it as a second school.

Edited January 2, 2014 by Loric

[LittleDarlings]

Oh! Thank you very much! 

 

Do I have to add the school to the list twice? I just selected on campus for the ones that have on campus housing then I hit next and it didn't send me back to select again.  Sorry I'm confused

Edited January 2, 2014 by CorruptedInnocence

[Loric]

What does everyone think of the on-campus housing for grads?

 

I'm.. suspect of it. I'm not sure it'd be the right atmosphere for actually learning and getting anything done study-wise. Other people can be a big hassle when it comes to being productive. I also hear it costs more than a decent apartment at most every school.

 

But it seems so convenient to just do it and have everything rolled together, like a package deal when you go on vacation.

[LittleDarlings]

It seems good to me just because it is a fully furnished apt, they have quiet hours, and it would go into my tuition.  It is really expensive though, the least expensive one I saw was like 780, which I assume seems right for apartments but in the town I have looked in they have some as low as 500 

[Loric]

I bring this up because I recall one of the most obnoxious things about my first-go-round with grad school was that the other student in my program/emphasis was a married mormon with a dutiful spouse.

 

When I didn't have the time to cook, I starved. His wife packed him lunch and had dinner waiting on the table when he got home. When I didn't have time to for laundry, I wore dirty clothes. His wife pressed his shirts.

 

I would think the on-campus aspect would in a way act as dutiful spouse.. by at least making those things convenient and easy.

[LittleDarlings]

I bring this up because I recall one of the most obnoxious things about my first-go-round with grad school was that the other student in my program/emphasis was a married mormon with a dutiful spouse.

 

When I didn't have the time to cook, I starved. His wife packed him lunch and had dinner waiting on the table when he got home. When I didn't have time to for laundry, I wore dirty clothes. His wife pressed his shirts.

 

I would think the on-campus aspect would in a way act as dutiful spouse.. by at least making those things convenient and easy.

You had to live with married people? That seems really awkward.

[Loric]

You had to live with married people? That seems really awkward.

 

No, I just knew what was going on from discussion.

 

Also about the laundry.. If you have a washer/dryer or hookup in an apartment: woot! But if you have to trudge across a complex to a laundry facility.. eww.. And worse, offsite!

 

Something to consider when looking at places to live. Stuff I didn't think about until the first time I was dealing with it. "Pretty" and "near trendy hotspots" quickly fall down the priority list one you have to trudge out in the torrential rain to get a clean towel and socks.

[LittleDarlings]

I think I figured it out, I just added the schools twice each except the 2 that I would definitely live at home or off campus 

[Lisa44201]

The grad student housing here is quite popular. It's not SoHo, but it's functional, and close to campus. They have their own laundry facilities, too.

[VioletAyame]

I bring this up because I recall one of the most obnoxious things about my first-go-round with grad school was that the other student in my program/emphasis was a married mormon with a dutiful spouse.

 

When I didn't have the time to cook, I starved. His wife packed him lunch and had dinner waiting on the table when he got home. When I didn't have time to for laundry, I wore dirty clothes. His wife pressed his shirts.

 

I would think the on-campus aspect would in a way act as dutiful spouse.. by at least making those things convenient and easy.

 

So... you're annoyed with a married man because he has a dutiful wife? Why exactly? I would think that's one of the least annoying things regarding other people.

 

VioletAyame, don't put the cart before the horse. There's no sense in seriously looking into housing until you have an offer and know exactly how much you'll be making and what school you will be attending.

 

Ah that's what I thought, but from what I just heard around here aren't I supposed to look around for availability? Not commit to anything just yet, but explore the options and the price ranges, yes?

 

Sorry Pinkster, I probably should stop asking questions here

[TakeruK]

What does everyone think of the on-campus housing for grads?

 

I'm.. suspect of it. I'm not sure it'd be the right atmosphere for actually learning and getting anything done study-wise. Other people can be a big hassle when it comes to being productive. I also hear it costs more than a decent apartment at most every school.

 

But it seems so convenient to just do it and have everything rolled together, like a package deal when you go on vacation.

 

At my school, the on-campus housing for grads is small and cramped, but cheap and convenient. I have never lived in it before (no pets allowed and would not be suitable for a married couple) but almost all of my friends spent some time in there. The one consistent thing they all said was that they never saw their roommates. Everyone worked in their office or lab and only came home to cook dinner, relax, or sleep. So, they all say that it is actually easy enough to get work done there (e.g. homework) if they wanted to, because everyone is either in their room or out. For some of my friends, they saw their roommates face-to-face so rarely that most of their conversations were by email.

[LittleDarlings]

So... you're annoyed with a married man because he has a dutiful wife? Why exactly? I would think that's one of the least annoying things regarding other people.

Ah that's what I thought, but from what I just heard around here aren't I supposed to look around for availability? Not commit to anything just yet, but explore the options and the price ranges, yes?

Sorry Pinkster, I probably should stop asking questions here

Lol no please keep going, it's helpful to me and I don't have to keep posting and asking Edited January 2, 2014 by CorruptedInnocence

[Loric]

So... you're annoyed with a married man because he has a dutiful wife? Why exactly? I would think that's one of the least annoying things regarding other people.

 

 

By itself, I couldn't care less, but as my faculty adviser was constantly comparing everything between the two of us it was obnoxious. For example, my adviser would mention some little thing that "might help" with a project that could only be purchased from a store 3 hours away. Dutiful wife would drive out for the other guy and buy it and he'd have it, use it, etc... I wasn't offered any such assistance, had no free time to drive 3 hours there and back, and just did the project without the non-necessity.

 

Come presentation time, my adviser would beam about how guy-with-wife took the advice, got the item, and used it so cleverly for the project. Worse? 'd get the third degree for having "ignored the advice" and would be belittled and told how much my work had suffered and how much easier things would have been for me if I had listened and taken the advice and gotten the handy-dandy-tool.

 

When things like that keep happening.. (Literally.. "Why isn't your shirt pressed? Guy-with-wife's shirt is pressed today..") you notice and pretty much end up being "over it."

 

In another thread about academic completion rates, the study I was reading said that the highest cited reason people complete grad programs, aside from motivation, is "non-financial family support."  It was legitimately becoming a burden to do everything myself in comparison to my peer who had his wife to do the basics and keep down the fort while the crap was hitting the fan.

[VioletAyame]

By itself, I couldn't care less, but as my faculty adviser was constantly comparing everything between the two of us it was obnoxious. For example, my adviser would mention some little thing that "might help" with a project that could only be purchased from a store 3 hours away. Dutiful wife would drive out for the other guy and buy it and he'd have it, use it, etc... I wasn't offered any such assistance, had no free time to drive 3 hours there and back, and just did the project without the non-necessity.

 

Come presentation time, my adviser would beam about how guy-with-wife took the advice, got the item, and used it so cleverly for the project. Worse? 'd get the third degree for having "ignored the advice" and would be belittled and told how much my work had suffered and how much easier things would have been for me if I had listened and taken the advice and gotten the handy-dandy-tool.

 

When things like that keep happening.. (Literally.. "Why isn't your shirt pressed? Guy-with-wife's shirt is pressed today..") you notice and pretty much end up being "over it."

 

In another thread about academic completion rates, the study I was reading said that the highest cited reason people complete grad programs, aside from motivation, is "non-financial family support."  It was legitimately becoming a burden to do everything myself in comparison to my peer who had his wife to do the basics and keep down the fort while the crap was hitting the fan.

 

Ah I see. That makes sense then. You're more annoyed at how people weren't treating you guys fairly than at the guy himself. I think it's more the fault of your old program's faculty than of your colleague, but I have to admit this detail did not cross my mind before. I'm gonna go through this alone as well, and I've heard a lot about how to manage things when you're in a relationship/ married/ having children and not enough (if not at all) about how tough it can be for single people. I've been reading the other thread too, and now I'm even more worried than I was before. But then again, while they do have spousal support, wouldn't married people also have more responsibility, more worries and their plans more likely to change in consideration of at least another person? It's all give and take in life I presume.

[rising_star]

I did my both of my degrees largely while single. At two different points, I was in long-term relationships. One of those made things easier because my partner enjoyed cooking and would often make dinner for both of us. In the other, I was the one doing most of the cooking, same as I did when single. The main thing is meal planning. I suck at it so my solution was to get a crockpot (slow cooker), identify easy recipes, and make one of those each week. Sometimes I'd do soup/stew/chili, other times casserole, a few times I even did pot roast. I have a 4 qt cooker so I easily make enough food for 4-6 meals when I use it. The other thing I did was figure out a variety of simple lunches that were more than just dinner leftovers. I'd make big bowls of pasta or bean salad on the weekend and then dish up some of that into a container to take with me to campus for lunch, along with some carrot or celery sticks, and a piece or two of fruit. I kept other snacks in my office, like nuts, rice cakes, a jar of peanut butter, etc., so that I'd always have something handy. This all took very little time and saved me loads of money on eating out.

[i.am.me]

I am also a single person in a PhD program (and also in my MA) and have actually found it helpful to cook in a large batch, separate into single or double serving sizes, and freeze and reheat later.

 

I wouldn't mind having a dutiful spouse if they are like Loric's colleague's lol but that type of relationship, dedication,and communication of needs takes a long time to build. 

[TakeruK]

Ah I see. That makes sense then. You're more annoyed at how people weren't treating you guys fairly than at the guy himself. I think it's more the fault of your old program's faculty than of your colleague, but I have to admit this detail did not cross my mind before. I'm gonna go through this alone as well, and I've heard a lot about how to manage things when you're in a relationship/ married/ having children and not enough (if not at all) about how tough it can be for single people. I've been reading the other thread too, and now I'm even more worried than I was before. But then again, while they do have spousal support, wouldn't married people also have more responsibility, more worries and their plans more likely to change in consideration of at least another person? It's all give and take in life I presume.

 

I've been married/engaged the entire time I have been in grad school and I think it's definitely "give and take" as you said. Obviously it would depend on the nature of the relationship, being in an unhealthy one can cause a lot of extra stress and drain on your ability to work well. Also, I would think that Loric's "guy-with-wife" relationship is pretty abnormal and it sounds one-sided (but then again we are only hearing one side of it). I don't think it would be a healthy relationship if one person is the "dutiful spouse" whose sole purpose is to help the other person achieve things.

 

I think that there is more than one path to happiness/productiveness and I don't think there is necessary an advantage that married people have over single people. I am happy with my current situation and I am not trying to show off nor complain about it, but here are some thoughts in case people are thinking it's all sunshine and roses in married-people-land. 

 

Here are some pros, in my opinion, in no particular order:

1. Sense of purpose. I feel like I am working on my career for more than just myself, and it's a good motivator.

2. Reduced cost. As one person says it, "Automatic 50% discount on everything" (such as rent* [but see below], car payments whatever)

3. Reduced housework because we share the chores

4. Comfort/emotional support. I always feel like I have someone supporting me and on my side. 

5. Guaranteed awesome "roommate" / never have to worry about finding a compatible one again.

 

Here are some cons, again in no particular order:

1. More responsibility -- there's more laundry to do, more food to cook, more meals to plan (and more diverse tastes to account for), more cleaning to be done, more schedules to meet (spouse's work schedule, your schedule, doctor/dentist appointments)

2. Extra costs -- even with two incomes, the cost for a single bedroom place might still be higher per person than what you normally would have to pay if you were a single student sharing a big house with 3 others, for example [but then you'll have to share with 3 others]. Also, grad programs will pay for your health care costs, but normally not your spouse's and that can be a lot for international students.

3. Finding work/things to do for your spouse -- He/She might have moved to the school with you and it might take awhile for them to find a career/job equivalent to what they left behind. This can lead to some (hopefully temporary) stress when there are extra costs but not extra income.

4. Two people to schedule for. e.g. you might work best after 11pm, but your spouse might have to get up early for work, so it's not fair for you to work all night and disrupt your spouse's schedule. Or, your chore may be cooking dinner, so with two people, that has to happened at the agreed upon time. Single students might have more freedom to choose to give up sleep, or have a late dinner, or end up working late and just choose to eat pizza that night, but with two people, you need to be considerate of the others' preferences too!

 

I think in Loric's case, the advisor is being very unfair because guy-with-wife is able to do all of the things the advisor wants but Loric cannot and the advisor is not recognizing that. But, an advisor could in theory be just as unfair to a married student. The advisor could say something like "student-without-spouse" works late into the night and gives up sleep/dinner in order to meet this deadline, why didn't you? 

[Loric]

The reality in my situation was "student-without-spouse can be here at all hours, so that student-with-family can go home."

 

Seriously, it was unfair.

 

It's nice to get some recognition that my adviser was, really, unfair in the decisions she made. In the past on this forum i've been told i was somehow an awful person for choosing to leave the program.

[LittleDarlings]

I would rather be the student in the relationship lol I see no cons to that that's just me