That point where you feel it's not happening...

[Loric]

That's where I am today. The mental state where getting accepted and going to the school I want to attend just doesn't seem plausible.

 

I haven't been rejected - as far as I know - but I'm mentally defeated. I had issues getting my application in due to transcript problems, my transcript has problems (grades for a semester i never attended!), and I was never a "great" student in the first place. For god know's what reason I applied for Spring 2014, probably because I didn't realize how admissions typically work being out of school for so long. It's rolling admissions, so there's a shot, but now I have, what? Three months to pack up and relocate assuming I get a decision soon?

 

I'll be lucky to get in, never mind funding. How can I figure out how to pay for everything in 3 months? I'm having issues paying for a minor out-patient surgery I've been putting off since November.

 

And I've kept tabs on people in my intended field/realm who went into this newly formed program. When you do a "which one of these is not like the others" line up with me against the group.. I'm the odd man out. My background, experience, etc.. is totally different. I come from theater, design, and a literary background. They're all graphic and fine artists.

 

I'm kind of amazed I fought as hard as I did to get the application in and completed to a level that it isn't a "bad" application. My portfolio is the best it could be (I think) and my SOP is.. not perfect.. but it's readable, entertaining/interesting, and clearly spells out what I want to do and why I think i'm qualified. I tried to write about how being different will be a good thing and how I'd add to the classroom by offering a new perspective and experience.

 

Now I'm having my doubts that is even true, and instead I'd just be seen as the crazy person because I have a different perspective. Lord knows that's the sort of response I typically get in life for it.

 

My first time in grad school, in an MFA theater design program, I had this terrible experience... I was giving a presentation on a design and my professor stopped me and said curtly "What...?" and I was confused.. and I repeated what I had said about drawing on the constraints of neoplasticism for my design. And she said, again, "What are you talking about..?" and the whole class was just sort of staring at me. I stumbled over the word, "Neo..plast..sti..cism...?"

 

"We don't use -isms here!" she scoffed at me and threw her precision bob back in this way that let you know it was over, beyond argument or appeal.

 

I stood there, lights on me and my little model of my design.. and fidgeted a bit, trying to think of ways to describe a piece based almost entirely on neoplasticism without using the term itself or even alluding to the fundamentals of the movement. That's when the proscenium on the front of my model fell off, because I had been up all night working on the set model and the glue hadn't dried properly in time. I was mortified.

 

"You know, when I was at Yale working with Ming, we'd sometimes see the student work from Harvard.. and they'd have these sad little sloppily constructed model boxes for their sets..."

 

She picked the piece of my box up off the floor and tossed it on the desk.

 

"..and we'd laugh. Obviously they just weren't doing something right over there. They... just didn't get it."

 

And with that my critique was over, and I even knew it back then, so was my career at that school.

 

So I've not had the best luck, so to speak, with coming in from an outside viewpoint and blending in. I know my ideas for the industry I want to go into are sort of radical and uncommon.. but I think they can be progressive and important in the big scheme.

 

I'm just stuck here telling myself not to dream too far though. I know I shouldn't and I should instead fight for what I believe in with every ounce of what I can give, but it just doesn't seem practical or plausible. Like I should have backup plans on top of backup plans for when the inevitable occurs. Either I don't get in, or I get in and end up screwed or trying to hash out funding. I'm really not sure which would be worse.

[GeoDUDE!]

That sucks. I was sure your book would get you in. Did you happen to show them your twitter? You always seemed like you were very confident.

[nugget]

I think it's great you took a chance and applied anyway. You may pleasantly surprise yourself but the only way to find out is to give yourself every chance you can by applying to all the schools that interest you. Ideally, you'll get a few different offers. Then you just need to make sure to choose the department that seems to be the most dynamic, liberal and open-minded to your original ideas. I think that's the sort of place where you'll thrive the most. Best of luck.

[Seeking]

Loric,

 

I am sorry to hear about all the struggles you've had.

 

Well, any school that treats its students like your last Grad school did is not worth going to. It was not your fault. It's not as if you didn't get it. It was just that your Grad program didn't get how to handle a student who thought differently - the professor's Yale degree not withstanding. As I said, I have seen enough Ivy Graduates who don't know how to be a good academic, but who flood the academia.

 

And any Grad program in Arts that doesn't talk about "isms" is not worth its salt.

 

So, I would say don't worry about your past record and don't get tensed thinking about what might happen now. Just relax. 

 

If you can afford it, apply to some more funded programs whose profiles look as though they will be a good fit for you and if a Professor there responds to your email positively.

 

In the worst event, you can explore job options, work and save money and get back to Grad school next year with more experience.

 

It's not the end of the world. So, think positive and who knows, you may get in with funding.

 

Feel free to pm me if you need any advice about Grad applications.

Edited December 31, 2013 by Seeking

[Loric]

The reason I didn't apply for more schools is because there's one school with the program I want to be in.

 

Theatrical design was a "make do" substitute analog for the area I actually wanted to go into. The program I want into didn't even begin until a few years after I quit my original MFA.

 

So if other schools were offering it, I'd be applying. They don't and I know I was unhappy in theatrical design trying to kludge together the knowledge/training I need for the industry.

[Loric]

I guess this is as good of a place to follow up as any..

 

If you read the other threads, you know the school sent me a b-day card which totally baffled me.

 

Today I wrote a "thanks!" for the bday card with a note saying i hope everything with my app is going ok. Tonight I got a phone call from the admissions adviser apologizing saying my app should not take this long to process and saying he had some feedback from the adcom.. Not good feedback.

 

They wanted to know if I had done all the work myself on my book. "Could you write a sentence or two stating that maybe? I'm not sure what they want exactly, I'll find out for you.." I did everything for that book myself. It's in my SOP and resume. I ended up emailing him after the call mentioning that, and how I'm at a loss how someone reviewing my file would ask that question if they read my SOP or resume. Heck, the portfolio part which includes the book sample even says that in the comment/descriptive box for the piece of work.

 

And part two, "the consensus is that Mr. Loric needs to show more of his drawing work in his portfolio.."

 

The heck?!?! The portfolio for he program specifically states it's multidisciplinary and will accept a whide variety of artwork - and writing samples - for a range of fields to satisfy the portfolio. Only include your best work. The emphasis on storytelling ability.

 

I included scenic model, scenic painting work, full show designs, drafting/CAD, book samples, and because my admissions adviser suggested it, samples of short plays I've written (storytelling).

 

And now they want to see some sort of hand drawing. I don't hand draw, I suck at it. Pencil to paper is not my forte.. I can do something kind of decent because of all the classes I've had.. but it's not my strong work, so it's not in my portfolio. I don't know what to do.

 

Also in the reply email I tried to explain how drawing doesn't fit into my design work. How I had a guest artist in undergrad who built little paper models on the fly and never drew anything. Ok, I said this, and i regret it already and I'm probably insane..

 

"Back to drawings - I'm trained as a scenic designer who worked mostly via models and draftings. I am also trained as a scenic painter. I have taken several classes with drawing but it has never been my strong point. At one point in my coursework, my university had Henry Muttoo as a guest artist. He did the scenic design for Moon Over a Rainbow Shawl. When he was in our class he talked to us about the overall design process and his own process. All the while, he was cutting little shapes out of a piece of white printer paper. He'd begin sticking these into a little model box of a theater that was in the classroom. As he talked and went along, clipping and snipping, he managed to create a whole, strange, fascinating little world within the box. A beautiful stream of consciousness in physical form - a landscape of the mind. That's the sort of thing I aspire to and I'd love to say I do it as well as him, but I'm still a student and that's why I want to return to an educational program. I'm not a great drawer though. If my whole application hinges on what on I can crank out in a week or find hidden in my old boxes of classwork - that's it. Stick a fork in me, I'm done."

 

omg why did I email that to him? I also mentioned multiple times how I'm horrified thinking the adcom doesn't think I wrote my book myself. Asking how I can prove it and what they want to see.

 

I don't know what to think. It's not "over" but it sure as heck feels over. The criteria I thought I was being judged on, I'm not. The SOP and Resume were completely useless. I'm not getting into this program if this is how the portfolio review is panning out.

 

Omg

[Loric]

Lol, no one is even going to read this to learn from my mistakes. Oh life, you're awful.

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

I don't know why they wouldn't believe you. Figured if you made it this far, they'd take your word for it. That's kinda insulting. 

[Loric]

Give it a few hours, I'll be drunk on the floor of "The Lobby" posting "Don't even bother with an SOP! They don't read it!!!!!"

[Loric]

Right now I'm all the full-emo stage.

 

"Don't dream too far, don't lose sight of who you are. Don't remember that rush of joy."

 

"Every so often we long to steal to Land-of-what-might-have-been.. but that doesn't soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in."

[TakeruK]

I guess this is a little strange. I would want to think that because this guy contacted you and asked you for extra details in your portfolio etc., it might mean that at least one person is trying to fight for you. If the whole committee wants to reject you, they would not have bothered to do this. But at the same time, a lot of the things they are citing sounds like made-up stuff that people bring up afterwards as generic reasons for rejection. Hope it works out!

[Loric]

Hehe. And this dumb school is supposed to be easy to get into in the first place.

 

It's like "we really want to take you and have you cuz we like students and making money from paid tuition.. but you're making it really hard for us by sucking so much."

[Loric]

The admissions adviser mentioned on the call that it's a small program and they don't get many applicants (it has existed less than 2 years).

 

I'm probably going to be the first person they reject. omg.

[Loric]

I'm mentally debating if/when I get rejected (or maybe accepted, who knows at this point) if i should post a detailed post-mortem.

 

Like all the when/why/how/what of it and post my SOP, resume - redacted a little of course - the stuff that's in the portfolio, the LOR i have a copy of, etc.. and let other people learn from what I attempted and what went wrong.

 

That feels like a good idea, but also slightly mortifying.

 

Thoughts..?

[TakeruK]

I'm mentally debating if/when I get rejected (or maybe accepted, who knows at this point) if i should post a detailed post-mortem.

 

Like all the when/why/how/what of it and post my SOP, resume - redacted a little of course - the stuff that's in the portfolio, the LOR i have a copy of, etc.. and let other people learn from what I attempted and what went wrong.

 

That feels like a good idea, but also slightly mortifying.

 

Thoughts..?

 

I think if you want to, it could be helpful people in your field. I don't remember it off the top of my head right now, but I saw a blog post by a PhD student that posted all of their NSF grant proposals. There were the first ones that didn't make it and the final one that did get awarded, I think. But for your own sake*, it might be better to wait until everything is all over. That is, wait until you are enrolled and started in a grad program (or if we're thinking negatively, once you are rejected everywhere and decided not to reapply in the future).

 

(*Note: Assuming that there is potential for bad side effects for you if your privacy is compromised. Maybe there isn't, or you're not worried!)

Edited January 14, 2014 by TakeruK

[Sarah Bee]

Right now I'm all the full-emo stage.

 

 

Ditto! 

[oceanlover]

got my first rejection today and totally in the same boat.  all my negative thinking is killing me

[Pol]

How did it go?