hating grad school

[LittleDarlings]

I thought we're way past this issue with Gnome on this thread; why are you guys suddenly bringing it back and now he's here defending himself again? He's made some good comments and given some good advice to OP, so it's not as negative as people made it out to be. And about the bad childhood thing, the way I see it is this: Gnome is saying a bad childhood does not justify your negative behavior, which you may or may not agree with. To him it is not a valid excuse, which the OP was using as a reason for her outlook towards life and her inability to control her negative feelings. To back that up, his anecdotal evidence is that he himself had a bad, or potentially worse, childhood, and he does not have problem controlling his negative feelings. I don't see it as bragging or measuring bad experiences at all but as an "your argument is invalid because of this exception" type of thing, and also because it would be insensitive and invalid if he said that without having experienced a rough childhood himself.

There was no need to bring it up at all. Maybe the OP feels like her mental state is holding her back and is the reason and she's entitled to that, she doesn't need someone saying "oh well my who family died but look at me I'm fine" it just isn't needed.

[VioletAyame]

There was no need to bring it up at all. Maybe the OP feels like her mental state is holding her back and is the reason and she's entitled to that, she doesn't need someone saying "oh well my who family died but look at me I'm fine" it just isn't needed.

If she is entitled to feel the way she does, he is entitled to the way he feels too. As I said, unfortunately his opinion is that she is not entitled, which you may or may not agree with, but I don't fault him for wanting to back that opinion up. Now this part is my opinion: it might not be the most helpful thing in this thread but there's a grain of truth in it which I agree with. I will refrain from commenting on the effects of a bad childhood because I was lucky enough not to have a crappy one, but I will say that I believe you can control your feelings and your attitude in life. Now hypothetically the OP might say, well you did not have a horrible childhood like I did, what do you know? Now this is where the "I went through the same thing" person comes in. I do realize the face that every personal experience is, well, personal, so we can't really compare them, and even different people go through ge same experience differently. But if they can't relate to each other at all, why are there support groups? I think the "I suffered too but I got better" argument can be a double-edged sword. It can be helpful and inspiring, or it can be used to shame people. I'm not saying that was Gnome's intention; he can be blunt sometimes and that might be the way people perceived it. But what he said, at least to me, definitely has its values for the reasons above.

[LittleDarlings]

If she is entitled to feel the way she does, he is entitled to the way he feels too. As I said, unfortunately his opinion is that she is not entitled, which you may or may not agree with, but I don't fault him for wanting to back that opinion up. Now this part is my opinion: it might not be the most helpful thing in this thread but there's a grain of truth in it which I agree with. I will refrain from commenting on the effects of a bad childhood because I was lucky enough not to have a crappy one, but I will say that I believe you can control your feelings and your attitude in life. Now hypothetically the OP might say, well you did not have a horrible childhood like I did, what do you know? Now this is where the "I went through the same thing" person comes in. I do realize the face that every personal experience is, well, personal, so we can't really compare them, and even different people go through ge same experience differently. But if they can't relate to each other at all, why are there support groups? I think the "I suffered too but I got better" argument can be a double-edged sword. It can be helpful and inspiring, or it can be used to shame people. I'm not saying that was Gnome's intention; he can be blunt sometimes and that might be the way people perceived it. But what he said, at least to me, definitely has its values for the reasons above.

That may be true. I just don't think he presented it well at all. Maybe the point was "if I can handle this so can you" but the presentation was awful. It was like "well I had this happen to me... This trumps your situation so ha" and that's not cool. Had the presentation been better maybe people wouldn't have had such a bad reaction.

Edited March 7, 2014 by LittleDarlings

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

That may be true. I just don't think he presented it well at all. Maybe the point was "if I can handle this so can you" but the presentation was awful. It was like "well I had this happen to me... This trumps your situation so ha" and that's not cool. Had the presentation been better maybe people wouldn't have had such a bad reaction.

If you haven't noticed by now, presentation isn't my priority.

[LittleDarlings]

If you haven't noticed by now, presentation isn't my priority.

... Definitely noticed.

[DropTheBase]

I don't really like when people assume they've had the hardest life. I don't know what happened to you and I don't want you to tell me (this isn't a contest), but my parents were both drug addicts who died when I was young and I slept on the New York City trains as a kid. So when you come around here saying things that other people did to you when you were growing up justifies your negativity is a bit insulting. 

 

A suffering student comes here for help and you feel insulted? If anything, your upbringing explains why all your posts reflect a teenager full of angst. 

 

+1 to SunDevil22's first reply.

[VioletAyame]

Ah I give up. Gnome, you're on your own.

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

Ah I give up. Gnome, you're on your own.

Don't worry. DropTheBase has been stalking me for a while.