Finding a roommate?

[LittleDarlings]

I am laughing so hard at the meeting people in cabs idea. I got into an argument with a man last night over trying to hail the same cab. Cabs make enemies, not friends.

Lol I haven't ever been in a cab so I wouldn't know I just see them on TV

[overworkedta]

This thread is some serious WTF.  You are either the best troll ever or the least self-aware person here.

 

I would suggest you live alone and also stop focusing all of your nervous energy on relationships in grad school.  You are in school to learn and to make a career.  SO's either start school with you and realize the importance of this or come along eventually and realize a part in this.  You don't start grad school to find a husband.  Yes, many people meet the person they will end up marrying in college or grad school but this is not why they go.  Grad school would be an incredibly awful place to get your M-R-S.  It's hellish, tiring, and really makes you regret not taking more time to smell the roses in u-grad.  You will love what you do if you end up liking grad school but you will be far too focused on your work for the first few semesters to focus on much else.  You will spend most of your time with your cohort, who you should generally refrain from dating unless you want drama (ask me how I know).  Eventually, you will get really good at it and start to have more free time.  However, you shouldn't go to school to find a husband.

[LittleDarlings]

This thread is some serious WTF. You are either the best troll ever or the least self-aware person here.

I would suggest you live alone and also stop focusing all of your nervous energy on relationships in grad school. You are in school to learn and to make a career. SO's either start school with you and realize the importance of this or come along eventually and realize a part in this. You don't start grad school to find a husband. Yes, many people meet the person they will end up marrying in college or grad school but this is not why they go. Grad school would be an incredibly awful place to get your M-R-S. It's hellish, tiring, and really makes you regret not taking more time to smell the roses in u-grad. You will love what you do if you end up liking grad school but you will be far too focused on your work for the first few semesters to focus on much else. You will spend most of your time with your cohort, who you should generally refrain from dating unless you want drama (ask me how I know). Eventually, you will get really good at it and start to have more free time. However, you shouldn't go to school to find a husband.

I'm not going to find a husband. I really want to go to grad school and pursue a career in the field. I do know that in a school setting there are tons of men (definitely not in social work programs though:/) but just around a campus. I know working there are not a lot of men. So I mean it is worth a try to meet someone now so I'm not 26 graduating single and still looking for a husband which can take God knows how long. I'm just exploring all opportunities. I feel like majority of people on here are in relationships so you can't fully get it. Not being in a relationship is not ok especially at 23.. Having NEVER had a serious relationship at 23 is bad and I don't want to go forever like that.

Anyways back to roommates I am starting to thinking living alone might be better for me. I'm just afraid I won't be as social as possible if I don't have a roommate. My therapist said people in grad school aren't as open to making friends as undergrads and that bums me out I just want to make friends.

Edited February 10, 2014 by CorruptedInnocence

[TakeruK]

Anyways back to roommates I am starting to thinking living alone might be better for me. I'm just afraid I won't be as social as possible if I don't have a roommate. My therapist said people in grad school aren't as open to making friends as undergrads and that bums me out I just want to make friends.

 

I don't think this is true. Both times when I started grad school, I made extra efforts to make new friends, especially within my cohort. In these first few months, I would attend way more social events to get to know my colleagues more. In fact, I think I was even more open to making new friends in grad school than undergrad, because I know I am spending the majority of my time at work with my friends. I feel like in undergrad, it takes longer to make friends because in the first few years at a big school, you might have very little overlapping classes and all of my close undergrad friends I made in the last couple of years as we decided on our major and started seeing each other more and more in the same classes. 

 

Of course, you can make friends outside of your classes too, but one nice thing about school is that it forces regular contact with people, which I think is an essential part of making friends. I think grad school actually does this better than undergrad! Grad students might be more likely to be in long term relationships/marriages and might be less likely to go out with friends so that might be where your therapist is coming from, but whenever I start at a new place, my spouse and I make an effort to spend more time meeting new people and making new friends. It's much easier to skip some social activities later on when you have an established social group that is the way you like.

[overworkedta]

I have made SO many friends in grad school.  We were all on our own (a lot of us for the first time) and we made friends quickly.  Yes, I am a social butterfly but I had a really, really antisocial cohort.  My first year, that cohort weeded out to almost nothing.  Despite that, I made friends with "older kids" and friends from other departments.  I dated someone and while that didn't work out, we remained friends and he actually introduced me to a ton more friends.  It wasn't hard.  And, yes, I have dated quite a bit but it wasn't until this past year (I was almost 26) that I found the person I consider my best friend and the closest thing to a soul mate you can ask for.  I wasn't even actively looking for anything similar but a friend and I decided to give online dating a go and it worked for me.  I'd gotten out of a long-term, failed relationship with someone who wasn't right for me.  It wasn't a waste, though, because I learned what I didn't want!

 

Give it time FFS!  You're a baby.  When I was your age, I had almost made the worst decision of my life.  I broke off an engagement to a terrible person and moved on.  I am so glad I did that now.  I thought then that he might be the only one who could deal with me but I've met some great people over the years - usually when I wasn't actively looking.

 

I think, based on your husband thread that I just read through part of (in which you menton WANTING to get an MRS clearly unaware of its negative connotation), you are really needing to go out and find yourself.  I think you are a bit immature and need time to grow.  I hope that if you choose to do your MSW, it really helps you find you first.

[LittleDarlings]

I have made SO many friends in grad school.  We were all on our own (a lot of us for the first time) and we made friends quickly.  Yes, I am a social butterfly but I had a really, really antisocial cohort.  My first year, that cohort weeded out to almost nothing.  Despite that, I made friends with "older kids" and friends from other departments.  I dated someone and while that didn't work out, we remained friends and he actually introduced me to a ton more friends.  It wasn't hard.  And, yes, I have dated quite a bit but it wasn't until this past year (I was almost 26) that I found the person I consider my best friend and the closest thing to a soul mate you can ask for.  I wasn't even actively looking for anything similar but a friend and I decided to give online dating a go and it worked for me.  I'd gotten out of a long-term, failed relationship with someone who wasn't right for me.  It wasn't a waste, though, because I learned what I didn't want!

 

Give it time FFS!  You're a baby.  When I was your age, I had almost made the worst decision of my life.  I broke off an engagement to a terrible person and moved on.  I am so glad I did that now.  I thought then that he might be the only one who could deal with me but I've met some great people over the years - usually when I wasn't actively looking.

 

I think, based on your husband thread that I just read through part of (in which you menton WANTING to get an MRS clearly unaware of its negative connotation), you are really needing to go out and find yourself.  I think you are a bit immature and need time to grow.  I hope that if you choose to do your MSW, it really helps you find you first.

That's really cool you met your guy online. I have been online dating a while and had some great potential guys but they don't work out for whatever reason. Mostly distance and work. Anyways I am really hoping to find myself in this program. I haven't ever been out on my own so I think that will help too.

[Lifesaver]

I don’t know how you function. You're so neurotic! Calm down and just go with the flow. Life isn't one big sorority mixer.

[LittleDarlings]

I don’t know how you function. You're so neurotic! Calm down and just go with the flow. Life isn't one big sorority mixer.

Haha you're like the 3rd person this week to tell me I am obsessive (well you said neurotic but pretty much the same thing). I can't help it I worry a lot, I like things planned out. Not being able to plan the most important thing to me really sucks. I don't know that I understand the sorority mixer comment? You mean everyone isn't friendly, or there aren't always guys around? Either way I totally understand what you're saying I just like things to go as planned and as of lately nothing is really going as planned.

[overworkedta]

If you really are legitimately panicky like this and not being hyperbolic, you might want to seek therapy when you get to school (or now, even, it's never a bad time).

 

I say this as someone who has OCD and bipolar II.  I was dx'ed with OCD well before school and dx'ed with bipolar in  my first semester of grad school.  Grad school is hard for you mentally.  Almost everyone I know has sought services.  They really, really help you out.

[LittleDarlings]

If you really are legitimately panicky like this and not being hyperbolic, you might want to seek therapy when you get to school (or now, even, it's never a bad time).

 

I say this as someone who has OCD and bipolar II.  I was dx'ed with OCD well before school and dx'ed with bipolar in  my first semester of grad school.  Grad school is hard for you mentally.  Almost everyone I know has sought services.  They really, really help you out.

I am legitimately very panicky.  My mind just wanders, I think about the absolute worst stuff.  Even after I was accepted into my top choice I panicked about living (hence this thread), a social life, writing papers, tests, minimum GPA.  I have already started looking up the LISW test (which I won't even be taking for another 4 years minimum) and I panicked about not being able to pass and then having wasted my time and money.  Those are just my academic worries, we have already talked about the personal life concerns like, being alone forever and never having kids and being 30 and single..  It is just a constant worry, nothing is ever stress free for me.  I'm surprised that I don't have a head of gray hair or an ulcer.  Anyways I am in therapy at the moment I have been for a few months.  I haven't been diagnosed with anything, as of now she just thinks I have a dependent personality.  I will for sure be continuing therapy in school though, I know I will need it most then probably.  

[ginagirl]

CorruptedInnocence, good for you for seeking help. I hope you find it useful to you and congrats on the acceptance! You should be proud (though I'm sure you are, just preoccupied  )

[LittleDarlings]

CorruptedInnocence, good for you for seeking help. I hope you find it useful to you and congrats on the acceptance! You should be proud (though I'm sure you are, just preoccupied  )

Thank you:) 

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

Have you tried weed? You should move to one of those liberal states and get your Snoop Dogg on every night after class. Girl, you a hot mess. 

[cloud9876]

I am legitimately very panicky.  My mind just wanders, I think about the absolute worst stuff.  Even after I was accepted into my top choice I panicked about living (hence this thread), a social life, writing papers, tests, minimum GPA.  I have already started looking up the LISW test (which I won't even be taking for another 4 years minimum) and I panicked about not being able to pass and then having wasted my time and money.  Those are just my academic worries, we have already talked about the personal life concerns like, being alone forever and never having kids and being 30 and single..  It is just a constant worry, nothing is ever stress free for me.  I'm surprised that I don't have a head of gray hair or an ulcer.  Anyways I am in therapy at the moment I have been for a few months.  I haven't been diagnosed with anything, as of now she just thinks I have a dependent personality.  I will for sure be continuing therapy in school though, I know I will need it most then probably.

Sounds a bit like generalized anxiety disorder, not that I have expertise to diagnose. Some of what you described reminds me of what I went through. I was always on edge, and even when everything was going well I was worried. But that way of thinking can be so exhausting...I ended up moving toward the other extreme--not worrying about too much of anything at all, which was not productive/healthy either. Now I'm moving toward a more healthy balance. I can't say that anything specific helped me except that, in retrospect, the things that I worried about always seemed to seem so small in the grand scheme of things.

[Lifesaver]

Seriously, how can you expect to attract a mate/be happy in a long term relationship when you're SO wound up?! Nobody wants to be with someone who is anxiety ridden and constantly freaking out over every last little detail of life.

 

Haven't you heard the old proverb? "Man plans and god laughs."

 

Put yourself on a good path (which it seems you already have) and follow it. Let everything fall into place as it may. You'll appreciate it later.

Edited February 12, 2014 by Lifesaver

[overworkedta]

Good for you for seeking help.

 

And yes, you will need it more in grad school than ever before.  It will get worse.  I promise that it will get better eventually if you stay the course, though.  Your first semester of grad school is TERRIBLE.  Most people say that.  But if you survive, it's all uphill and rewarding.

 

CBT works wonders for my OCD and anxiety.  If anyone rec's CBT, take the time to look into it.  It probably made my life 100 times better.