Ethics of delaying accepting an offer?

[CJ90]

First off, this is a good problem to have  . I was accepted to a school at the top of my list, and I'm absolutely delighted. I made it known during the interview that I thought the program would be ideal for me. However, I'm still waiting to hear back from another school I interviewed at, which is also very strong. Given the money I've put into applying, as well as the time spent on both sides of the table, I feel like I should wait to hear what the other school has to say before accepting the present offer (even though I'm pretty certain what my decision is).

I don't want to come off as disingenuous by telling my POI the above, given that I did make it known how thrilled I would be to receive an offer from her. I will likely end up working with her, and don't want to make a bad impression here. Perhaps I'm over-thinking this. Thoughts?

[sparrowbirdie]

I had done the same thing and then ended up accepting at the school that gave me a later offer, so I'm curious as to what would make you consider accepting the offer from the other school (if there is the possibility of it). You said you want to wait to hear back even though you're pretty certain about your decision, but what might be the factor(s) that might make you decide on the other school?

[CJ90]

I had done the same thing and then ended up accepting at the school that gave me a later offer, so I'm curious as to what would make you consider accepting the offer from the other school (if there is the possibility of it). You said you want to wait to hear back even though you're pretty certain about your decision, but what might be the factor(s) that might make you decide on the other school?

The other school is very prestigious, and before I completely shut down the thought of accepting, I'd want to at least get the details of their potential offer. I'm also waiting to speak with a grad student at the school about her experiences. I suppose I'm afraid of being honest, and then the school I received an offer from saying "wait, I thought we were your top choice. Forget it, then." It's just a huge decision, and I don't want to make a knee-jerk reaction, even if I am 90% sure it's the right one.

[ginagirl]

Given the money I've put into applying, as well as the time spent on both sides of the table, I feel like I should wait to hear what the other school has to say before accepting the present offer

In my opinion, and if it were me, I feel that this is a solid, respectful thing to say to your current school of interest (if they are indeed asking for an immediate response from you). It would be crazy for them to revoke your offer simply because you want to make sure you understand all of your options. It sounds as if you are still very interested in the program and your POI, and they should respect you for wanting to make an informed decision.

 

I think it would be fine to say something to the effect of "I feel that I want a bit more time to be sure this is the correct option for me", and not necessarily to mention you're waiting on a specific school's response. If you have any more questions about the current school of interest that you can ask your POI, that may further reinforce your interest. Also as a note, they are required to give you until Apr 15 (or is it the 1st?) to decide, so don't feel pressured or guilty about "misleading" them.

Congrats!

Edited February 10, 2014 by ginagirl

[Psykir]

Well officially you have time till 15 of April (at most of the Schools). I thing they understand that there is kind a 'tradition' to apply more than the one program

[TakeruK]

All schools know that their students will probably have more than one offer to consider. In applying to Canadian (MSc) and American (PhD) programs, I have never encountered an offer that required an immediate reply. In fact, it's pretty common for schools to ask about other offers you might have when you are visiting and/or meeting with profs from the department. Canadian schools don't always have the "April 15" thing but no school gave me less than 4 weeks to decide. 

 

In my Masters applications, the first school that got back to me gave me a deadline of something like Feb 25 but one school I was applying to had a deadline of March 1! So, I asked the first school to give me a few more weeks and they did.

 

I don't think any school really expects all their applicants to have it as their "first choice" right away and they will not take back your offer because you want to consider other options first. In the end, it's best for everyone if you go to where you are the most happy, and it's normal (in some fields) for schools to offer to fly students out to visit the campus and city and help "woo" their successful applicants!

 

So, in your shoes, I would thank them very much for the acceptance and maybe even ask if you can visit (if they haven't already invited you). I would also let them know that I can't decide right now and that I planned on making a decision as soon as I have visited all of the schools that accepted me. If they are asking for an earlier decision, try to figure out when the other schools are going to decide (send a polite email asking about timelines) and then ask for an extension with these timelines in mind.

Edited February 10, 2014 by TakeruK

[lewin]

Just to chime in, it's polite to decline quickly if you know with certainty that you won't attend somewhere because they might be able to offer the spot to somebody else. One recommended process is whenever you have three offers, decide which is the worst and decline that one ASAP. That way you can still think about the top two, but the third could go to someone else.

 

Otherwise, I agree with everybody else that it's perfectly fine to say that you had planned to wait until you hear back from the places where you interviewed before replying definitely.

[CJ90]

Thanks everyone for the replies (and the congrats). I'm definitely down to two schools and won't be accepting any more interviews. It sounds like my fear of having an offer withdrawn is misplaced!

[ginagirl]

As I see it, they deal with this every year. Not everyone they give an offer to will accept right away, and I would venture to guess only a small fraction accept immediately. I know it feels weird from this side (and I may be in this situation too) but just remember they are used to this. The best thing you can do is maintain contact, ask questions, and let them know as soon as you have decided!

[bathingintheneon]

I'm in the exact same boat. I have an offer from Delaware with a great PI. The psychology department even offered me a Cognitive Scholars Award which will increase the amount of my stipend. I have finished interviews at UC Davis and UC San Diego, and I have two more interviews next week at Maryland and Washington. So far the two California schools didn't really feel right, and I'm not super excited about Maryland. Washington is really the only school that might give Delaware a run for their money.

 

I'm thinking that as soon as I'm done with my interviews, I'll weigh my options and decide. I don't have to anyone know until April 15, but it seems silly to wait that long, especially if I know which school I want to go to.

 

At the same time, I'm interested to see what other schools give me offers, but that's more of my competitive, "wanting to win" side showing through. At the end of the day, it probably won't matter, and going to UD is more or less a done deal at this point.

 

Yay! I'm going to grad school!

[ratlab]

I'm in the exact same boat. I have an offer from Delaware with a great PI. The psychology department even offered me a Cognitive Scholars Award which will increase the amount of my stipend. I have finished interviews at UC Davis and UC San Diego, and I have two more interviews next week at Maryland and Washington. So far the two California schools didn't really feel right, and I'm not super excited about Maryland. Washington is really the only school that might give Delaware a run for their money.

 

I'm thinking that as soon as I'm done with my interviews, I'll weigh my options and decide. I don't have to anyone know until April 15, but it seems silly to wait that long, especially if I know which school I want to go to.

 

At the same time, I'm interested to see what other schools give me offers, but that's more of my competitive, "wanting to win" side showing through. At the end of the day, it probably won't matter, and going to UD is more or less a done deal at this point.

 

Yay! I'm going to grad school!

Congratulations! I'm in the exact same boat. Just got my offer, but I'm in behavioral neuro

[baunlee]

Dear XYZ:

 

Thank you for the admissions offer to [school]. I am still highly considering [school], but I did not anticipate having to make a choice so soon. Given the amount of time and money that I have already spent on hotels and flight for interviews, I feel like I should wait until I have at least visited all of the schools.  I anticipate I would need until [date]. Please let me know if this option is possible.

 

Sincerely,

Allie Gator

[beccamayworth]

I think it's completely understandable that you would want to have all the information you can possibly have before making a decision that will affect greatly the next five years of your life. I believe Professors understand this too. I don't even think one has to mention time/money; it's an important decision, and you will let them know as soon as you know for sure.

[PsychGradHopeful14]

I have heard a bit about this subject, and even some faculty have talked about this at the end of interview days.  An important thing to remember is that for each offer you have, someone else is waiting to hear from the school who may be able to be offered admission if you make your decision to attend somewhere else (the school you turn down could be their top choice, or even only chance at an offer).  Of course, I think it is important to hang on to an offer if you are still more interested in another program, but when having more than one and holding out for a third school, you may need to go ahead and make decisions in the meantime.

 

In other words, if you get offers from school B and C, but really want to go to school A and are waiting to hear back, you can and probably should sit down and decide between B and C should A not work out, and let the one you are least interested in know you are declining the offer.  Additionally, if you have a D, E, and F school that you are less interested in than the offer you have but have not heard back, you can go ahead and withdraw yourself from consideration at those places.  I think it would be appreciated by the program to expedite their admissions process and other candidates who are eagerly waiting for updates on their status.  I have even heard faculty suggest to only hang on to one offer at a time that would be your "top offer" should it be the best you get, but don't leave other schools on the line who could instead be reaching out to their alternates.

 

Of course, it is best to finish your interviews before making such decisions as that part of the process can be very taxing and you never know how your "rankings" may change as you wrap up the last couple you have.  I think at the end of the day, programs who offer you admission understand you applied to other schools and need to figure it out and as long as you are in contact with them as you make decisions they should understand; it's a big decision.

Edited February 27, 2014 by PsychGradHopeful14

[rukiao]

This is why the wait-list is sluggishly slow and has a shelf-life of 2 months.

 

Everyone waits to see their offers.

[psychedout11]

 An important thing to remember is that for each offer you have, someone else is waiting to hear from the school who may be able to be offered admission if you make your decision to attend somewhere else (the school you turn down could be their top choice, or even only chance at an offer). 

 

This isn't necessarily always true.  My department gives out all offers with no wait-list.  So some programs may have a wait-list and some may not.