2nd Thoughts/Cold Feet

[Fiz]

Let's be honest...idk if it is just me or I am having a break down or what, but does anyone ever get cold feet or have second thoughts about going into graduate school, especially when you would have to relocate and give up...everything. Idk...I'm breaking down man. I read an article discussing reasons TO go to grad school and reasons NOT to go. One of those reasons centered on location, stating that relocating should be a CONSEQUENCE of graduate school, not a reason to attend. And I'm definitely feeling this consequence now. I got into a good program with a really great offer, and I have a passion and thirst and hunger for this subject and topic. I want to keep learning and maximize every ounce of potential I have. I want to write....and I want to do this for me. I'm not going to grad school in an attempt to stick some elitist badge on myself, to make money, to advance myself, or any of that. If I never secured a tt job and worked at Mcdonalds for the rest of my life, I wouldnt consider myself a failure. I had one life to live, and I lived the experience of graduate school, of learning, of immersing myself in subjects I wanted to learn so much about. I'd be content.

 

But I would have to give up so much to do it. I'd have to leave home, say goodbye to everything, to my significant other--the best person I have ever known. Idk if it is worth it. I recall sitting in a cafe, drinking coffee with my 70 year old professor and discussing this very same subject with him. The one thing he told me was that he made a lot of mistakes in his long life, and a lot of those mistakes have been choosing business over personal pleasures. I can't help but think I'm going to make the same mistake. 

 

If I were to never attend and just stay home and work, I could be happy. I'd have Sportscenter, a cheeseburger, a dog, a book, and my home, and I'd be content. Sure, I'd never get the experience I'm striving for, but I could be happy. 

 

I keep equating it to walking down the aisle. I've dreamed of this day, but now that it is finally here, it is like, "Holy shit. Am I really about to do this?" Im scared right now and stressing like crazy. If only I didn't have to leave home and say goodbye to so much. Idk...does anyone else feel like this? Is it just me?? 

Edited February 20, 2014 by Fiz

[NowMoreSerious]

Let's be honest...idk if it is just me or I am having a break down or what, but does anyone ever get cold feet or have second thoughts about going into graduate school, especially when you would have to relocate and give up...everything. Idk...I'm breaking down man. I read an article discussing reasons TO go to grad school and reasons NOT to go. One of those reasons centered on location, stating that relocating should be a CONSEQUENCE of graduate school, not a reason to attend. And I'm definitely feeling this consequence now. I got into a good program with a really great offer, and I have a passion and thirst and hunger for this subject and topic. I want to keep learning and maximize every ounce of potential I have. I want to write....and I want to do this for me. I'm not going to grad school in an attempt to stick some elitist badge on myself, to make money, to advance myself, or any of that. If I never secured a tt job and worked at Mcdonalds for the rest of my life, I wouldnt consider myself a failure. I had one life to live, and I lived the experience of graduate school, of learning, of immersing myself in subjects I wanted to learn so much about. I'd be content.

 

But I would have to give up so much to do it. I'd have to leave home, say goodbye to everything, to my significant other--the best person I have ever known. Idk if it is worth it. I recall sitting in a cafe, drinking coffee with my 70 year old professor and discussing this very same subject with him. The one thing he told me was that he made a lot of mistakes in his long life, and a lot of those mistakes have been choosing business over personal pleasures. I can't help but think I'm going to make the same mistake. 

 

If I were to never attend and just stay home and work, I could be happy. I'd have Sportscenter, a cheeseburger, a dog, a book, and my home, and I'd be content. Sure, I'd never get experience I'm striving for, but I could be happy. 

 

I keep equating it to walking down the aisle. I've dreamed of this day, but now that it is finally here, it is like, "Holy shit. Am I really about to do this?" Im scared right now and stressing like crazy. If only I didn't have to leave home and say goodbye to so much. Idk...does anyone else feel like this? Is it just me?? 

 

Where have you been accepted to?

[school_of_caliban]

Fiz, I want to buy you a beer. I feel you, but it's just cold feet. I wanted to say something in the other thread when you mentioned that you feel that you don't deserve your fellowship and/or place in the program. We've worked hard to get here. I, for sure, feel like I shouldn't be here. It would kill my middle and high school teachers to know that that young Chicano punk who always cut up in class, who, while it was clear he was an avid reader, couldn't be bothered to do any of the course work, has been accepted to several graduate programs. I could be happy doing something else, and I was too for several years. However, there was always a nagging doubt in mind, and it was visible to others too, the way that I lit up when I talked about theory and my area of literature. So, I'm going to try it out, and see how it works. That's all I can do cause I'll always regret it if I at least don't try.

Edited February 20, 2014 by school_of_caliban

[hashslinger]

I went through this in the worst way. I made the choice to leave a really bustling, exciting city to move to a remote area, and this was just for my MA--I didn't even have a guarantee of PhD acceptance down the line--my MA was at a crappy school and I'd been turned down by all PhD programs so I didn't even know if I was PhD "material." I had a feeling I wasn't very talented.

 

It took me a month to pack my apartment. I'd put two things in a box and then have a panic attack. It was the worst. The day I quit my job was also bad. Every fiber of my body was screaming that I didn't want to move. Every night I'd be on the phone with my mother, and she'd say, "You don't sound excited about this. Are you sure that moving to Remote Backwoods Area is a good idea?"

 

Two days before I left my car broke down and I dropped $1400 to get it fixed. By that, I mean that I put $1400 on my Visa where it accumulated the most horrible kind of interest fees. The rest of my money was all tied up in moving.

 

But now, weirdly, I look back on all of that kind of fondly. In my memory it's an adventure, even though I know it was hell to live through at the time. I guess it's because of what happened afterwards: I really enjoyed my MA ... and phew, got accepted to a PhD program. In this weird way, I actually think it was funny I had cold feet because the entire move turned out to be not a big deal--and the fact that I expected the worst meant that I was pleasantly surprised.

 

If I were to never attend and just stay home and work, I could be happy. I'd have Sportscenter, a cheeseburger, a dog, a book, and my home, and I'd be content. Sure, I'd never get experience I'm striving for, but I could be happy.

 

This is true ... but try to picture yourself in 5 years. Would you be happy with the same job, same place, all that stuff? Would you instead regret not taking this chance?

[Brisingamen]

Fiz, I wish I could buy your a beer or coffee or make you some tea (pick your poison). I have cold feet just the way you do. In my case, it's compounded by the fact that I have to move to a totally different continent, to a way of life I don't know, and that even though my spouse is moving, he's not moving *with* me -- he'll most likely be living somewhere else. I am very excited at the possibility of what grad school has to offer, intellectually -- but I'm not so happy about the personal changes and about the fact that I will have to put off having kids for at least a couple of years now. 

 

I don't know, my instinct is to cut and run back to the comforts of the way things are, but there's a bit of me that says "You can't have everything, but you need to take opportunities when you get them." That's all I can share. 

[Fiz]

Fiz, I want to buy you a beer. I feel you, but it's just cold feet. I wanted to say something in the other thread when you mentioned that you feel that you don't deserve your fellowship and/or place in the program. We've worked hard to get here. I, for sure, feel like I shouldn't be here. It would kill my middle and high school teachers to know that that young Chicano punk who always cut up in class, who, while it was clear he was an avid reader, couldn't be bothered to do any of the course work, has been accepted to several graduate programs. I could be happy doing something else, and I was too for several years. However, there was always a nagging doubt in mind, and it was visible to others too, the way that I lit up when I talked about theory and my area of literature. So, I'm going to try it out, and see how it works. That's all I can do cause I'll always regret it if I at least don't try.

Ha! This brought a smile to my face, particularly cuz my memories are so alike. No one ever thought we'd get here. Hell, I barely even graduated high school--graduated with a 1.6 gpa. I spent four years in community college and almost dropped out. And now, Im here?? Pff. Idk about you, but the other matter is that I always feel as if I have to "prove" myself. All these pretentious douche bags walk around talking about how they went to such and such place and have done such and such and had a such and such gpa. They're people who have been groomed and bred to do this since a very young age--2nd and 3rd generation college students. Im a freaking 1st generation HIGH SCHOOL graduate, and BARELY! To sit at the graduate table, I feel as if I have to prove that I belong with them, that Im not trespassing. And it's not just academically; I'm not even of that culture. I'm ghetto as hell; my dialect is off compared to them. And that's part of the challenge of jumping into graduate school as well. When I was pipe dreaming it didnt matter. I didnt care. I was ready to have to constantly prove that I belonged and just didnt get in becuz Im Chicano. But now I mean.....what for?

 

Ayyyy the decisions. I swear dude Im dragging this shit out till April 15th. Anyways, I hope you do well and succeed in where you decide to go. Im pulling for you, buddy.

Edited February 20, 2014 by Fiz

[Graditude]

Let's be honest...idk if it is just me or I am having a break down or what, but does anyone ever get cold feet or have second thoughts about going into graduate school, especially when you would have to relocate and give up...everything. Idk...I'm breaking down man. I read an article discussing reasons TO go to grad school and reasons NOT to go. One of those reasons centered on location, stating that relocating should be a CONSEQUENCE of graduate school, not a reason to attend. And I'm definitely feeling this consequence now. I got into a good program with a really great offer, and I have a passion and thirst and hunger for this subject and topic. I want to keep learning and maximize every ounce of potential I have. I want to write....and I want to do this for me. I'm not going to grad school in an attempt to stick some elitist badge on myself, to make money, to advance myself, or any of that. If I never secured a tt job and worked at Mcdonalds for the rest of my life, I wouldnt consider myself a failure. I had one life to live, and I lived the experience of graduate school, of learning, of immersing myself in subjects I wanted to learn so much about. I'd be content.

 

But I would have to give up so much to do it. I'd have to leave home, say goodbye to everything, to my significant other--the best person I have ever known. Idk if it is worth it. I recall sitting in a cafe, drinking coffee with my 70 year old professor and discussing this very same subject with him. The one thing he told me was that he made a lot of mistakes in his long life, and a lot of those mistakes have been choosing business over personal pleasures. I can't help but think I'm going to make the same mistake. 

 

If I were to never attend and just stay home and work, I could be happy. I'd have Sportscenter, a cheeseburger, a dog, a book, and my home, and I'd be content. Sure, I'd never get the experience I'm striving for, but I could be happy. 

 

I keep equating it to walking down the aisle. I've dreamed of this day, but now that it is finally here, it is like, "Holy shit. Am I really about to do this?" Im scared right now and stressing like crazy. If only I didn't have to leave home and say goodbye to so much. Idk...does anyone else feel like this? Is it just me?? 

 

This is the first really interesting and honest post I've read on this entire forum. There is no easy answer, but thank you for sharing this. No eres el único y te deseo lo mejor con cualquier decisión que tomes.

[Fiz]

 

This is true ... but try to picture yourself in 5 years. Would you be happy with the same job, same place, all that stuff? Would you instead regret not taking this chance?

 

Id probably would regret it, but at least Id have my home and my life. idk..i just hope i can look back on my move the way you look back on yours if i decide to go--minus the terrible panic attacks and broken cars of course.

 

Im glad you've made it into a phd program, though. It is promising to hear things like that.

[Fiz]

This is the first really interesting and honest post I've read on this entire forum. There is no easy answer, but thank you for sharing this. No eres el único y te deseo lo mejor con cualquier decisión que tomes.

Thanks, Graditude. Glad to know Im not the only one who felt/is feeling this. I almost didnt post for fear I would be royally chewed out about how I shouldnt be going to grad school. Im glad I did though. Im already feeling better by all your guys' replies. Buena suerte!

[Fiz]

Fiz, I wish I could buy your a beer or coffee or make you some tea (pick your poison). I have cold feet just the way you do. In my case, it's compounded by the fact that I have to move to a totally different continent, to a way of life I don't know, and that even though my spouse is moving, he's not moving *with* me -- he'll most likely be living somewhere else. I am very excited at the possibility of what grad school has to offer, intellectually -- but I'm not so happy about the personal changes and about the fact that I will have to put off having kids for at least a couple of years now. 

 

I don't know, my instinct is to cut and run back to the comforts of the way things are, but there's a bit of me that says "You can't have everything, but you need to take opportunities when you get them." That's all I can share. 

Well you just shit all over my post and made me look like a giant sissy lol. I coudnt even imagine having to do what you are. I just wish we could all bypass the geography and have a beer or...tea fest I guess! Are you from Europe? You guys have tea over there??

[elisewin]

I have similar feelings too--come from a small European town, almost dropped from high school... And then I decided I had to prove I was good and made the biggest effort during my BA. I've been dreaming of going to America for my PhD for almost ten years now, and I got rejected last year and it almost killed me. But now, even though I won't have a job soon, I just don't wanna leave London and my boyfriend. I panic all the time because of this... So hey, here's a virtual hug. Decidas lo que decidas, todo irá bien.

[Nyctophile]

Fiz, no you're not alone, not at all. I'm not sure how old you are but I did that thing before, stayed with what would make me "content".

 

I came from a no-where place, having teachers telling me and my cousins that we would never amount to anything because we were of Mexican descent, the same teachers that said those same things to my father and his brothers. I got married young, choosing family and love and what was safe and familiar over what was terrifying, kept my dreams for "later" and "next year". I ended up completely unhappy. I settled before and I will never do it again. It took me 10 years to realize that the thing that I always felt like I had to do wasn't just a pipe dream...I had that feeling because it was really what I was meant to do. I got my credential and went back to that shitty school and worked my ass off for four years to help students from my community get somewhere. The problems were too big so I quit and went back to school for my master's and now I'm on my way to a PhD. Sometimes I feel like I don't belong, like it's a fluke, but I think of the change I might be able to make in the world and the people I might be able to help (in addition to myself) thanks to my education and it calms the qualms. I'll be leaving a family I'm incredibly close to and a significant other who is beyond anything I could have hoped for, and a group of friends that are amazing. It's terrifying but I have to do it.

 

I can understand if you truly decide that home and the life you have now is really what would make you happy but don't let doubt and fear be the reason for that decision. I regret every minute that I delayed beginning on this journey...I can never get that time or the experiences that I might have had back. Even though I hope no one else ever has to feel that level of regret, I totally understand the panic.

[Nyctophile]

Fiz, I want to buy you a beer. I feel you, but it's just cold feet. I wanted to say something in the other thread when you mentioned that you feel that you don't deserve your fellowship and/or place in the program. We've worked hard to get here. I, for sure, feel like I shouldn't be here. It would kill my middle and high school teachers to know that that young Chicano punk who always cut up in class, who, while it was clear he was an avid reader, couldn't be bothered to do any of the course work, has been accepted to several graduate programs. I could be happy doing something else, and I was too for several years. However, there was always a nagging doubt in mind, and it was visible to others too, the way that I lit up when I talked about theory and my area of literature. So, I'm going to try it out, and see how it works. That's all I can do cause I'll always regret it if I at least don't try.

And just for the record, the super smarty pants troublemakers were always some of my favorites when I was teaching.  

[cbttcher]

You DESERVE this! You worked hard and you got in. That's all that matters. Believe me, I know the thought of moving and giving everything up is terrifying. I went to get my MA in the US last year and I was a wreck. I didn't know anyone. When I got there, I called my sister and my parents and I was literally crying, telling them I made a mistake and that I wanted to go home again. And now I'm like "What the hell were you thinking?! This was the best experience of your life."

 

In the fall, I'm going to start my PhD in the US and I have the same feelings again. But I know that it's going to be an amazing experience no matter what I think beforehand.

[purpleperson]

I have cold feet, too, and I haven't even gotten fully accepted.  (I have one acceptance so far to a last choice school, in a last choice small town, and am absolutely not assured funding).  I think my feet would be less cold if/when I get into a city I'm more keen on moving to.  That said, the cold feet exist despite my boyfriend happily, voluntarily, and even enthusiastically going with me.  I'm bucking for a Chicago-area acceptance, also, in the hopes of getting my mom and brother to go with me.  (My brother already works for a company in Chicago -- he flies there often and works half time there and half time here in the city where we live -- I think it would be easy, if I get into a place in Chicago, to convince him to let's just all move there (he, my mom, and I are kind of a "single people" trio (well, for me, unmarried) -- my sisters are married and have families.)

 

In other words, I'm trying to take my life with me to graduate school, if I get to go.  

 

I think, in fact, it's the ONLY reason I could get myself to apply (because I had the assurance, as I was applying, that the boyfriend would go with me.  He approved places based on location, etc.  I had thought of applying in 2012 (for fall 2013), but ultimately ditched it because I could not imagine leaving my life and going alone.  (I was with my S.O. then, but we'd only been together for about four months at that point; the relationship wasn't settled enough to be a "let's move together for me..." thing.)

 

That being said, I think you should take the plunge.  Change is painful and hard, but in life you have to propel yourself forward.  Later you'll look back on it and find that, more often than not, it was worth it, and the way you grew and evolved was worth it.

 

Fiz, are you and your signif. other planning to do long distance?

 

I'm glad you made this thread because I've been very curious as to how people's personal lives are going to change (or might change) if they go to graduate school.

Edited February 20, 2014 by purpleperson

[elisewin]

My boyfriend is also willing to come with me, but we are terrified about it. Being Europeans, it's really complicated for him, and he doesn't wanna get married just because of the visa system. He'd rather get it on his own and if we get married, do it proper and beautifully. I will end up going on my own first and hoping and praying for him to actually find a job wherever I end up, something that he can love, so he can actually come. I find this very stressful regarding housing, etc. It's so difficult to plan!

[ComeBackZinc]

I get yelled at, when I bring up the job market, so I'll brief: I don't think most people understand how bad it is, even if they are reasonably educated, and I don't think people understand how much worse it has been since 2008, and it was really bad before 2008. It is terribly, terribly bleak, and we're graduating literally thousands of unemployed PhDs in English. If you can think of literally anything else that you'd be happy to do with your life, do that.

 

Flame on.

[ke6904]

Let's be honest...idk if it is just me or I am having a break down or what, but does anyone ever get cold feet or have second thoughts about going into graduate school, especially when you would have to relocate and give up...everything. Idk...I'm breaking down man. I read an article discussing reasons TO go to grad school and reasons NOT to go. One of those reasons centered on location, stating that relocating should be a CONSEQUENCE of graduate school, not a reason to attend. And I'm definitely feeling this consequence now. I got into a good program with a really great offer, and I have a passion and thirst and hunger for this subject and topic. I want to keep learning and maximize every ounce of potential I have. I want to write....and I want to do this for me. I'm not going to grad school in an attempt to stick some elitist badge on myself, to make money, to advance myself, or any of that. If I never secured a tt job and worked at Mcdonalds for the rest of my life, I wouldnt consider myself a failure. I had one life to live, and I lived the experience of graduate school, of learning, of immersing myself in subjects I wanted to learn so much about. I'd be content.

 

But I would have to give up so much to do it. I'd have to leave home, say goodbye to everything, to my significant other--the best person I have ever known. Idk if it is worth it. I recall sitting in a cafe, drinking coffee with my 70 year old professor and discussing this very same subject with him. The one thing he told me was that he made a lot of mistakes in his long life, and a lot of those mistakes have been choosing business over personal pleasures. I can't help but think I'm going to make the same mistake. 

 

If I were to never attend and just stay home and work, I could be happy. I'd have Sportscenter, a cheeseburger, a dog, a book, and my home, and I'd be content. Sure, I'd never get the experience I'm striving for, but I could be happy. 

 

I keep equating it to walking down the aisle. I've dreamed of this day, but now that it is finally here, it is like, "Holy shit. Am I really about to do this?" Im scared right now and stressing like crazy. If only I didn't have to leave home and say goodbye to so much. Idk...does anyone else feel like this? Is it just me?? 

This describes my life lately. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I don't know what your current situation is, but everytime I have cold feet I just think "Not only will this university PAY for your graduate education, they will PAY YOU to do it."

 

For me, coming out of undergrad with an English degree, I think it would be stupid to not accept an offer, even if it means relocating and being separated with my significant other.

[Graditude]

I get yelled at, when I bring up the job market, so I'll brief: I don't think most people understand how bad it is, even if they are reasonably educated, and I don't think people understand how much worse it has been since 2008, and it was really bad before 2008. It is terribly, terribly bleak, and we're graduating literally thousands of unemployed PhDs in English. If you can think of literally anything else that you'd be happy to do with your life, do that.

 

Flame on.

 

No flame. Your advice is reasonable and seems well-intentioned. You may be overlooking one thing: the enormous symbolic value and satisfaction of finishing third-level studies for people who don't fit the predominant middle-class Anglo background. I wasn't going to offer actual advice until I read your advice (which, again, makes excellent sense in some cases), but now I will: Fiz, hombre, go to grad school and kick ass. Even if you never get the tenure track job that people have been first-world whining about on here for months, you will certainly be able to use your skills to help others -- maybe by teaching at community college, maybe by writing. How can you know until you try? You're obviously smart and put-together enough to get a fellowship, so now I order you to make the most of it. Read a lot, write a lot, think a lot, make contacts and find a way to give back. No digo más, no vayan a pensar que soy un pesado.

[purpleperson]

No flame. Your advice is reasonable and seems well-intentioned. You may be overlooking one thing: the enormous symbolic value and satisfaction of finishing third-level studies for people who don't fit the predominant middle-class Anglo background. I wasn't going to offer actual advice until I read your advice (which, again, makes excellent sense in some cases), but now I will: Fiz, hombre, go to grad school and kick ass. Even if you never get the tenure track job that people have been first-world whining about on here for months, you will certainly be able to use your skills to help others -- maybe by teaching at community college, maybe by writing. How can you know until you try? You're obviously smart and put-together enough to get a fellowship, so now I order you to make the most of it. Read a lot, write a lot, think a lot, make contacts and find a way to give back. No digo más, no vayan a pensar que soy un pesado.

 

I agree wholeheartedly.

[Phoebecaulfield]

Fiz, you could always take a year off and next year apply to some programs that are closer to home. I know that technically you are supposed to pick schools based on fit, but you can't completely discount location. If being close to your significant other and your home will help you be happy, then I don't think you should force yourself to leave, if you can find a way to compromise. 

[ComeBackZinc]

I'm cool with the advice that says to go if you want to go without an expectation of getting a TT job. That's fine by me. Just go with the understanding that you are far more likely not to get a TT job than you are to get one. That's not an insult; that's just the numbers. If you go with your eyes open in that way, great! And enjoy.

[Strong Flat White]

You may be overlooking one thing: the enormous symbolic value and satisfaction of finishing third-level studies for people who don't fit the predominant middle-class Anglo background.

 

...Or even for people who do fit that background.

[CommPhD20]

No flame. Your advice is reasonable and seems well-intentioned. You may be overlooking one thing: the enormous symbolic value and satisfaction of finishing third-level studies for people who don't fit the predominant middle-class Anglo background. I wasn't going to offer actual advice until I read your advice (which, again, makes excellent sense in some cases), but now I will: Fiz, hombre, go to grad school and kick ass. Even if you never get the tenure track job that people have been first-world whining about on here for months, you will certainly be able to use your skills to help others -- maybe by teaching at community college, maybe by writing. How can you know until you try? You're obviously smart and put-together enough to get a fellowship, so now I order you to make the most of it. Read a lot, write a lot, think a lot, make contacts and find a way to give back. No digo más, no vayan a pensar que soy un pesado.

 

I'd like to add to this, since it is good that we don't simply respond to the bummer that is the job market by bowing out.

 

The above advice works, but just like you have to fully embrace being a grad student as well as your subject matter before entering grad school, you have to really embrace these outcomes. You can't just say that you're okay with these non-TT outcomes just to alleviate your worry. It must be something that is totally okay. The system tends to make you feel like whether or not you get a tenured position in academia is the absolute verdict on your entire value. Don't tie your self-worth to that career outcome while paying lip service to being open to other possibilities. You need to consider what your life will be like if you get the PhD and don't get the good professorship. Are you okay with the life of the adjunct? Do you know what that life is like? Are you okay with the idea of spending nearly a decade studying literature and going on to a career that is quite a large departure from your studies?

 

It is okay if you say yes to these questions, but don't go through the motions as you consider them. 

[ComeBackZinc]

I'd like to add to this, since it is good that we don't simply respond to the bummer that is the job market by bowing out.

 

The above advice works, but just like you have to fully embrace being a grad student as well as your subject matter before entering grad school, you have to really embrace these outcomes. You can't just say that you're okay with these non-TT outcomes just to alleviate your worry. It must be something that is totally okay. The system tends to make you feel like whether or not you get a tenured position in academia is the absolute verdict on your entire value. Don't tie your self-worth to that career outcome while paying lip service to being open to other possibilities. You need to consider what your life will be like if you get the PhD and don't get the good professorship. Are you okay with the life of the adjunct? Do you know what that life is like? Are you okay with the idea of spending nearly a decade studying literature and going on to a career that is quite a large departure from your studies?

 

It is okay if you say yes to these questions, but don't go through the motions as you consider them. 

 

I can't endorse this post strongly enough. It's your life; it's your decisions. You all have every right to take the chances you want to take and to decide what is in your own best interests. I just hope that you guys never become the ones who are shocked if it doesn't work out, have no backup plan, can't handle it emotionally.... Because that has been so devastating for so many people. If you know yourself and know the odds and are frank with yourself about the possibilities ahead, then whatever decision you make will be the correct one. I don't write any of this to discourage. I write it because so many people write essays saying that no one told them. If you decide to go to grad school, I'm happy for you. Even a little jealous that you get to start at the beginning.