Let advisor/dept. know you need counseling?

[SNPCracklePop]

Hi everyone.  After a lot of thought and struggle these last four years in grad school, I've decided to seek counseling.  Is this something I should share with my advisor or others in the department, or am I better off keeping this from them?  Anyone have personal experience with this either way?  Thanks for listening.

[rising_star]

Do NOT tell them.

 

Mental illness and needing counseling are highly stigmatized in America, even though it should be viewed as just as normal as going to the doctor for a physical or the dentist for a cleaning. But, that doesn't change how people view it. It's good that you're seeking counseling but you don't want to create a bad situation for yourself in your department by telling people if you don't have to. And that includes those who seem supportive.

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

I think rising_star is being a little over-dramatic. Sure, mental illness might be highly stigmatized (depending on what kind) but I wouldn't call needing to talk to someone being mentally ill. Some people just need someone to talk to and don't have anyone in their lives. Being in counseling does not make you mentally ill, though lots of people go to counseling to talk about their mental illness. That being said, I don't think it's anything you really need to share with anyone. It's definitely not a requirement to share. You'd probably be fine sharing it with someone you really trust. However, some people might consider it a weakness or a sign that you can't handle the pressures of grad school, so I'd be wary of sharing it with your advisers/professors. It's probably best just to keep it to yourself. But, back to my original point, you're not mentally ill if you need someone to talk to. 

Edited April 28, 2014 by Gnome Chomsky

[bsharpe269]

What would be your reason for sharing? Will you be missing important department events or something that you need an explanation for? If that is the case then I would be more generic and say that you have a medical appointment.

[rising_star]

Gnome,

 

My point was that as soon as you say you are talking to a counselor, people will assume that you have mental illness. And mental illness IS stigmatized in America. My advice is based on reading articles like this one and others over the years, fwiw.

[Lisa44201]

Do not disclose unless you absolutely have to (i.e., need to take time off).

[juilletmercredi]

I don't think rising_star is being "over-dramatic" at all.  Mental illness IS stigmatized in the U.S., and many people will assume that because you are seeking counseling that you are mentally ill.  They may then attach all kinds of stereotypes and assumptions to you and your work.  I agree with her that you need to be very careful who you share this information with.

In the middle of my graduate program I decided to seek counseling.  I did discuss with my advisor, but only because I trusted him and felt like he wouldn't discriminate against me because of it - and also only because it had gotten so bad that I was avoiding him and not turning in work.  If your issues aren't interfering with your work I see no reason to share; if they are, you can choose how much you want to share.  You could say that you have a health problem that you are seeking help with, that it was interfering with your work but you're being treated and it shouldn't be an issue.

[Queen of Kale]

I think one way to de-stigmatize counseling is to be honest about it.  It's pretty much accepted in my department that most students seek counseling at one point or another.  Not because they are weak or my department is particularly demanding; but because they are responsible and pro-active adults and the department culture has become tolerant of a certain level of openness about the topic.  I don't view going to counseling as different than going to get my teeth cleaned periodically - it's a form of self-care and personal maintenance that may be a luxury but helps you safe guard assets you hope to be life long.

 

And, since graduate school is a time when many of us have a higher quality of health care than we would otherwise it makes sense to avail yourself of it. Lastly, I know plenty of advisors who wish their students had more counseling or another sounding board but I can't imagine an advisor thinking - "I wish my student were just crying in their office waiting for shit to really hit the fan so they can bring it to me".

 

Now, it's all in the approach and I think there is a line between being honest and being overly vocal.  I periodically see a counselor and my advisor knows, but not because we had some incredible heart to heart, simply because before my first appointment I came to his office and said something along the lines of, "I might miss an hour here or there in the next few months because I've decided it would be beneficial to meet with a counselor periodically while I adjust to the city and to graduate school." That was it.  All he said was, "every graduate student I ever had that graduated went to counseling" and the conversation was over. In fact, one of the benefits of having a counselor/therapist is not building up emotionally to the point where you can't stop yourself from inappropriately over-sharing with your advisor or coworkers.

[Lisa44201]

I think one way to de-stigmatize counseling is to be honest about it.  It's pretty much accepted in my department that most students seek counseling at one point or another.  Not because they are weak or my department is particularly demanding; but because they are responsible and pro-active adults and the department culture has become tolerant of a certain level of openness about the topic.  I don't view going to counseling as different than going to get my teeth cleaned periodically - it's a form of self-care and personal maintenance that may be a luxury but helps you safe guard assets you hope to be life long.

 

And, since graduate school is a time when many of us have a higher quality of health care than we would otherwise it makes sense to avail yourself of it. Lastly, I know plenty of advisors who wish their students had more counseling or another sounding board but I can't imagine an advisor thinking - "I wish my student were just crying in their office waiting for shit to really hit the fan so they can bring it to me".

 

Now, it's all in the approach and I think there is a line between being honest and being overly vocal.  I periodically see a counselor and my advisor knows, but not because we had some incredible heart to heart, simply because before my first appointment I came to his office and said something along the lines of, "I might miss an hour here or there in the next few months because I've decided it would be beneficial to meet with a counselor periodically while I adjust to the city and to graduate school." That was it.  All he said was, "every graduate student I ever had that graduated went to counseling" and the conversation was over. In fact, one of the benefits of having a counselor/therapist is not building up emotionally to the point where you can't stop yourself from inappropriately over-sharing with your advisor or coworkers.

That's a great idea in theory, but in practice, many places will still stigmatize the student.

[bsharpe269]

OP, it sounds like you should feel out the vibe of your department. Are students usually open about this sort of stuff and is it accepted or do people not discuss it? You may want to just go with the department norm.

[danieleWrites]

While the stigma thing is important to consider, it still comes down to a cost-benefit.

If your problem is interfering with your academics, or you have a strong indication that it will likely interfere with your academics in the future, then you should bring it to the attention of relevant people and only relevant people. If you're having problems and need an incomplete, for example, your professor is more likely to think well of you if they know that you're having problems, are doing something to fix the problem, and have a specific plan in mind when asking for accommodation. Kind of a Hey, Dr. X, I've been having some problems with depression and I'm seeing a counselor about it, but it has interfered with my ability to turn in quality work. I'd like to revise my essay/project/report because I can do better, and will be doing better work in the future.

Otherwise, don't bring it up. It's not about stigma, so much as it's about the answer to one simple question: what do you want them to do with the information? If you don't have anything specific (such as help me find a way to solve the problem or adjust my academic plan), then they don't need to know. If you do have something in mind (other than keeping them informed), then tell them.

However, the best person to ask would be your therapist. S/he may not know the answer, but s/he can help you figure it out.

[themmases]

I have depression/anxiety and would love to see it be treated more like other illnesses. I don't share the details of other illnesses with people I don't know well.

 

Unless knowing that you are in counseling specifically would add to someone's ability to help or supervise you, there's no reason to share that detail any more than you would tell someone that you had the stomach flu last week rather than that you were "not feeling well".

 

When I was in counseling, I would often feel that having a set weekly appointment for something was a dead giveaway-- it's not. Or that people who asked "oh what's wrong" to be nice after I missed a day expected a specific answer-- they don't. Don't give out details about your personal health unless it helps you in some way. No one seriously expects you to do otherwise.