Starting to get Aggravated

[AnubisGate]

I know it's early to get upset, frustrated, or annoyed, but I've been thinking about how hard I've worked over the past few years -- mainly in attempts to get prepared for grad school. I've done research since 2012, given talks, won a $5000 grant, and applied for the NSF-GRFP.

Mainly, I'm unconcerned with my motivation, ability, and preparation for grad school. And I'm rather certain that my SOP and LORs were strong. However, my GPA is nothing special and neither are my GRE scores. I know admissions committees review applications wholistically, but this overwhelming feeling of doubt has recently set in. Like this newfound sense of insecurity. As admissions decisions continue to roll out, the frequency that I check my e-mail responds as an exponential function with respect to the time elapsed since application.

I just wanted to get it out there. I'd be really pissed off if I wasn't admitted anywhere. It's not that I feel like I deserve this more than others; it's that I've worked too hard to get denied.

Maybe my GRE scores would've been better if I had ever developed test-taking skills, or if I practiced more instead of working on the GRFP.

My ego has become a big part of this process. Can anyone offer some pacifying words?

Edited January 5, 2015 by AnubisGate

[beccamayworth]

It's way too early in the game to feel like this. I'm in a different field, but last year I heard of my first admission on Jan 25th. Be zen.

[jujubea]

Don't worry! Your preparation will not be all for naught, no matter what happens.

If you don't get in anywhere this round, that means you have another year (or 9-10 months anyways) to beef up your GRE scores, and bolster your package with other things - for instance finding a LOR writer who can speak to the fact that your uGPA does not accurately reflect you overall as a potential grad student.

[Hopeful678]

Hi man, this is my 3rd year applying and I already got notification I didn't make short list for one of my places. I don't even know what to say either, this is my dream i'm not going to give up on it, but honestly, how many years may I have to apply? 5? 6? Yea, it's depressing.

[peachypie]

I was with you until I read this: 

"I just wanted to get it out there. I'd be really pissed off if I wasn't admitted anywhere. It's not that I feel like I deserve this more than others; it's that I've worked too hard to get denied."

 

The only person you need to be pissed with is yourself if that is the case, I think part of this process is learning that you are the only one that can help or hurt yourself.  Then when you said "its not that I feel I deserve this more than others, its that I've worked too hard to get denied"...I realize that it may be difficult for you to put yourself in another's perspective but my answer to that is....so has a lot of other people.  You aren't the only one.  

There is a bit of your immaturity showing in all of this and maybe it will be good to gain some perspective outside of your own world.  

If you don't get in or struggle this year then fuel that "aggravation and anger/pissed off" into taking the gre again and crushing it so that you don't feel that you are uncertain of your next application cycle.  

Again as many others have noted, there is a lot of time yet.  I don't know your field precisely, physical chem? but I am in the sciences.  There are still plenty of interviews to go out yet, some of your schools may have sent some out and others within the next week or two would be my guess.  Just relax for now, what is done is done.  Game plan for both an interview and a rejection and that is where your energy should be at this time. 

[GeoDUDE!]

Feeling like you have worked hard and actually working hard are the same thing, but the definition of hard is completely relative, in science and in life.

Edited January 5, 2015 by GeoDUDE!

[jvitanza15]

I'm with you AnubisGate. Since 2011, I have worked harder than I have my entire life. Double major chem/ bio, 3.94 GPA, 2 research projects spanning 2 years, summer fellowship that led to a publishment. 

 

The bad is I was a terrible student for years and have hopped around to many schools. All that good stuff I just mentioned came from my last two years at a state school which was my 6th (Counting CCs)! I also didn't do stellar on the GRE. 67V, 80Q, 57W.

 

What's freaking me out is that many people have posted acceptances to two programs I applied to (WashU and Vanderbilt, both chemistry) while I still haven't heard anything. So I sit here and refresh my email roughly 34587 times a day. The anxiety is killing me.

[jazzimen]

This thread feels like home. I too am getting aggravated that my phone isn't ringing and my email is clear. I am going through all caps raging at times since I hate being out of control for the rest of my life.

Edited January 7, 2015 by jazzimen

[constant_wanderer]

Folks, think about it: what's the very worst thing that can happen? We're rejected from every single school we've applied to -- and even then, we're no worse off than we are now (OK, maybe a few grand poorer -- but everyone in North America is up to their ears in debt anyway…).

 

This is not an evaluation of our value as human beings; even if we get rejected, we will still go on living.

 

Besides, a grad degree doesn't even guarantee us a decent job these days -- from what I've heard from some of my employers, a doctorate can make you a less competitive candidate in some fields. It's definitely not a measure of our brilliance, and never was. We're just stressed out because it's completely out of our control: but so are most things in our lives. Our health, romantic and job prospects, our looks, our wealth and social status, even our personality -- over most of these factors we have limited control at best.

 

This waiting game is really a test of character, of how well do we bear uncertainty -- and we win it not by being accepted, but by realizing that our value as persons is not contingent on external measures of 'success' or 'failure'. 

 

(OK, rant over. I'm going off to get a cookie, and then head out into the -25C winter.)

[AnubisGate]

On 1/5/2015 at 9:54 AM, beccamayworth said:

It's way too early in the game to feel like this. I'm in a different field, but last year I heard of my first admission on Jan 25th. Be zen.

 

Yes! Zen!!! I need to not worry about it at all until at least halfway through February. Maybe even early March, but that's pushing it.

On 1/5/2015 at 1:41 PM, jvitanza15 said:

I'm with you AnubisGate. Since 2011, I have worked harder than I have my entire life. Double major chem/ bio, 3.94 GPA, 2 research projects spanning 2 years, summer fellowship that led to a publishment. 

 

The bad is I was a terrible student for years and have hopped around to many schools. All that good stuff I just mentioned came from my last two years at a state school which was my 6th (Counting CCs)! I also didn't do stellar on the GRE. 67V, 80Q, 57W.

 

What's freaking me out is that many people have posted acceptances to two programs I applied to (WashU and Vanderbilt, both chemistry) while I still haven't heard anything. So I sit here and refresh my email roughly 34587 times a day. The anxiety is killing me.

One school that I applied to (Northwestern) had a spot for overall GPA and one for Jr./Sr. year so that was one thing that made me feel more confident. Unfortunately, one program I really like sent out 4 acceptances to members here, but not me, so obviously my mind tends towards the self-defeating perspective.

On 1/7/2015 at 5:59 PM, constant_wanderer said:

Folks, think about it: what's the very worst thing that can happen? We're rejected from every single school we've applied to -- and even then, we're no worse off than we are now (OK, maybe a few grand poorer -- but everyone in North America is up to their ears in debt anyway…).

 

This is not an evaluation of our value as human beings; even if we get rejected, we will still go on living.

 

Besides, a grad degree doesn't even guarantee us a decent job these days -- from what I've heard from some of my employers, a doctorate can make you a less competitive candidate in some fields. It's definitely not a measure of our brilliance, and never was. We're just stressed out because it's completely out of our control: but so are most things in our lives. Our health, romantic and job prospects, our looks, our wealth and social status, even our personality -- over most of these factors we have limited control at best.

 

This waiting game is really a test of character, of how well do we bear uncertainty -- and we win it not by being accepted, but by realizing that our value as persons is not contingent on external measures of 'success' or 'failure'. 

 

(OK, rant over. I'm going off to get a cookie, and then head out into the -25C winter.)

Excellent words of wisdom here, they echoed the thoughts I've been having only I've been too dramatic to really acknowledge them. Thanks man

[smpalesh]

I would wager that everyone applying to grad school has worked their butt off for many years.  I know I have.  There are no guarantees in life and you are not owed anything.  If you don't get in it is because someone else was more qualified than you.  So work harder, beef up your application, and try again.

[Applemiu]

 If you don't get in it is because someone else was more qualified than you. 

 

I understand your point of view, but it is not applicable to all programs. In programs where research fit counts, hard work is important of course but there is also a lot of luck involved.

[Tez92]

In addition to the many other great advice that is being shared, I will add one more thing. Anxiety and worrying are very normal experiences for most people regarding the application process. You are not alone. As much as we want to act like it's not there, it is. It does have the potential to be unhealthy, but it can be chanelled into other arenas. During this period of waiting, I challenge you to find a hobby, read a few books, hit the gym, set a short term goal, ect. Do something to preoccupy yourself while you wait. The only catch is to have a short term goal attached to it. Set the goal to be met around the time you expect to receive communication from the grad programs. Do your best to meet the goal. Once the goal is met you have something you will be proud of. Regardless of the institutions' decisions you will know that you can achieve what you set your mind to. So if you are denied (I pray you are not) you can look back and say, I was able to meet this goal I can meet another one.