Do you know anyone who didn't get in anywhere? (Warning: rant)

[Summit_Bid]

This is why I'm applying to 14-15 schools, I can't let this happen to me. It would be impossible for me to get a job in this economy and I don't know what I'd do with myself... I'm keeping my fingers crossed

Not to scare you or anything but but when I graduated in May 2008 I couldn't get a job for a year. I tempted while living in NYC I ran out of money and had to move back in with my folks since temping wasn't enough. A year to the day after I graduated I got a job as a receptionist. (I have a master's degree in Film and Dance from a top ranked school too! But ya know, dance and film is a bad thing to get a degree in anyways...). I'm hoping you will get into a school but should you not...Yyu will survive. You'll end up finding a job but it likely won't be something you like. We are all in that situation however. It's understandable and only temporary. You'll find something to do. Trust me. I did. I wish you good luck.

[Anita]

Since the theme is already "scaring people off", here's a horror story I read recently that's been helping me keep my nose to the grind, so to speak. And this is someone who actually made it.

There's just no justice in this world anymore.

[hamster]

Since the theme is already "scaring people off", here's a horror story I read recently that's been helping me keep my nose to the grind, so to speak. And this is someone who actually made it.

There's just no justice in this world anymore.

OUCH. and this is from 2002. I wonder if it has gotten worse!

Maybe not getting in will have an upside if this is the future.

[coyabean]

Since the theme is already "scaring people off", here's a horror story I read recently that's been helping me keep my nose to the grind, so to speak. And this is someone who actually made it.

There's just no justice in this world anymore.

So, what's the lesson here, if any? I'm not sure. Stories like this are scary because you only get one side of the story. I can't judge how I might potentially stack up against the adjunct's qualifications because they aren't detailed; but, I also cannot rule out becoming her.

I'm sure everyone is like me in thinking they are different.

We'll have to wait and see.

I know one thing: no way in hell I'm going to spend five years adjuncting. I'll go into the private sector or government after a year or so with no teaching job. I'm too old for that crap.

[glasses]

So, what's the lesson here, if any?

To me, it reads as though the lesson is: "Try (if you must), but know that you may not succeed; then try, try, again. And maybe fail, fail again. Repeat as needed, or until you pass out."

Which, honestly, is a lesson that applies to absolutely everything. I know that the academic job market is particularly grim; I also know that as a mere grad-school hopeful, I know nothing. But I do take comfort in the fact that I have never heard anyone say, about any job: "Oh, you want to be an ABC?! Great! If you do all of these things you will totally get an excellent, permanent gig immediately and your life will never be awful." These doom-and-gloom tales only serve to remind me that in applying to grad. school, I am applying for a job that will hopefully but not necessarily lead to another job -- a worthwhile reminder, but not the kind of thing that's going to stop me from trying for the job that could lead to the job or trying for the job that results after getting the job (etc.).

A pal of mine adjuncts at three universities and has for a while. Another pal is a newly-minted tenure-track professor. Similarly, I have a friend with great qualifications who can only get temp. gigs in her (non-academic) industry, and another friend who has risen up in the ranks of the same industry so fast that I get vertigo thinking about it. Who knows?

[mudlark]

I don't have a story of any one who applied four or more times and never got in. Everyone gets in at some point.

Actually, I know a couple of these people. One stretched his undergraduate degree out for ten (!) years because each term he was convinced that this one would finally be the one that would bring his average up enough to meet the minimum requirement for a handful of weak MA programs. He was absolutely convinced that if he could just make it to grad school, he would be a successful professor, even though he was constantly struggling through the classes that he believed he was born to teach. He got an education degree and is teaching middle school now, but is still planning his life around someday finding some loop hole that will get him in to grad school.

One got his MA, and kept applying to stay at the same school (not super competitive) for his PhD. He kept working as a TA at the school while they rejected him over, and over, and over. He kept seeing people come in after him move on to the PhD program he wanted while he was kept around as cheap labour, but never accepted to do more academic work. He now has a job at a for-profit ESL college with a fairly bad reputation. On the upside, now that he isn't putting everything off until after the PhD that will never happen, he's expecting his first child this month. Him and his wife are both forty.

I'm not trying to be a downer on a support thread. Both of these guys are bright and kind people, and both have good jobs. But because both of them clung to a goal without looking at the cost/benefit of following it, they ended up very bitter before their time. They also sacrificed the earning potential of their 30s pursuing something that didn't work out, and both seriously delayed personal milestones like moving out of their parents' house, becoming financially independent, and having kids. If either of them had been brave and humble enough to switch paths and look at education or ESL teaching as a goal in itself rather than a consolation prize, they might have been happier.

Pursuing your dreams is important, but rabidly clinging to a single dream can be incredibly damaging. Grad school involves serious, heavy opportunity costs, both financial and personal. I know it's easy for me to say because I'm already in. I just wanted to offer a counterpoint to the other posts on this thread and say that it absolutely can hurt you to persevere. Just like there are lots of relationships out there than can make you happy, there are lots of jobs that can make you happy. Doesn't it make more sense to come up with a good alternate path that will make the best use of your abilities rather than building your life around the same woman who keeps rejecting you?

Please excuse the mixed metaphor and the negativity. I just think it's important to go into this process being realistic about the long-term costs.

[LifeIsGood]

Mudlark, thanks for this post. I think it's something that we all need to keep in mind. There are other (perhaps easier) ways to have a happy and intellectually satisfying life.

[Summit_Bid]

[mudlark]

I suppose your above situation is a wake up call to many and something to think about since I have a feeling my situation is rare but I don't look back at my three years so far and regret the time or money I put into what I did. The excitement of what could have been (and I accept maybe never will be) was actually kind of fun for me. I'll do it until I get in and if I never do, well then fine the anticipation each year is such a high. Crazy I know but hey, I'm a go with the flow type.

What you say sounds perfectly sane and good. I'm decidedly NOT a go with the flow type, which probably colours my opinions on this. I definitely plan other parts of my life around my grad school plans. My husband and I just bought a house in my PhD city. We started house hunting once I had accepted an offer, and not a moment before. Our timeline for potential children is entirely dependent on when I start dissertation work. For me and for a lot of people, being in limbo about a PhD means being in limbo about a lot of other things.

If you can keep the applications cycle going and still love your life and accomplish other things, more power to you. But if it's seriously interfering with your emotional health or ability to pursue other goals, I think you need to be honest with yourself about that. ("You" being the general 'you', of course, and not any specific poster.)

[catilina]

As an old(er) person, I would like to give everyone some advice.

1. Some people have expressed anxiety about what to do for a year if they don't get into graduate school right out of undergrad. Trust me that, at that point in your life, a year or two off, where you aren't doing something directly resume building is no big deal. The important thing is to find something to do that you will someday look back on as a positive experience--something that you won't be able to do years down the road when you have a career, family etc. Some of this will be perception--i.e. you could say "that year when I was temping in New York and couldn't find any other job was so stressful and I wasted so much time when I could have been one year closer to my Ph.D.," or you could say "that year when I was temping in New York was so much fun because I met so many people, and went out every night and could travel whenever I wanted." Just make up your mind to create some good memories of that year and not stress out about your resume.

2. On rejection. I've noticed that very successful people are often very good at dealing with rejection. They can be persistent, they can focus on improving their chances, they don't spend a lot of mental effort taking it personally or getting depressed. In any highly career competitive field, rejection is going to be a reality no matter how talented you are. Learning to cope and soldier on is an important skill. (I'm not very good at this, and it is a lesson I wish I had learned a lot earlier.)

[APHI224]

1. Some people have expressed anxiety about what to do for a year if they don't get into graduate school right out of undergrad. Trust me that, at that point in your life, a year or two off, where you aren't doing something directly resume building is no big deal. The important thing is to find something to do that you will someday look back on as a positive experience--something that you won't be able to do years down the road when you have a career, family etc. Some of this will be perception--i.e. you could say "that year when I was temping in New York and couldn't find any other job was so stressful and I wasted so much time when I could have been one year closer to my Ph.D.," or you could say "that year when I was temping in New York was so much fun because I met so many people, and went out every night and could travel whenever I wanted." Just make up your mind to create some good memories of that year and not stress out about your resume.

Not everybody has this luxury. If you have no financial safety net or resources to just travel and screw around, not getting in can be really devastating. I understand the suggestion of trying to make rejection the best experience possible, but right now the economy is at a record low and there just isn't room to spend time doing things that won't lead to career advancements. At least I know that is how a lot of people my age feel right now, like things are so bad that there isn't time to waste and its going to be a long time before things like family come in anyway because of the years that have to be spent in school in order to have a shot at a decent job. In this economy there's a good chance you'd spend that entire year just looking for a job to support yourself in the meantime and not find anything... it can be terrifying to think about.

Edited January 6, 2010 by APHI224

[coyabean]

What you say sounds perfectly sane and good. I'm decidedly NOT a go with the flow type, which probably colours my opinions on this. I definitely plan other parts of my life around my grad school plans. My husband and I just bought a house in my PhD city. We started house hunting once I had accepted an offer, and not a moment before. Our timeline for potential children is entirely dependent on when I start dissertation work. For me and for a lot of people, being in limbo about a PhD means being in limbo about a lot of other things.

If you can keep the applications cycle going and still love your life and accomplish other things, more power to you. But if it's seriously interfering with your emotional health or ability to pursue other goals, I think you need to be honest with yourself about that. ("You" being the general 'you', of course, and not any specific poster.)

This.

It's both great and condescending to assume that everyone has your resources, goals, personality, needs, or life and can or even should experience rejection the same way you do. The individual as universal experience isn't a good research model. I also mean this universally.

Sure, I'll live if I don't get in this semester, but like you I have concerns about saving, a mortgage, aging parents and other things that will need to be managed.

I have a back-up plan, family support and a very high degree of resilience. But I will still be depressed if I don't make it this year and I will give it one more go-around before resigning myself to another life goal.

[catilina]

APH1224:

It is exactly the kind of feelings you are having now that I think you will have a different perspective on when you are my age. I graduated from college in the middle of a recession as well. (1990). Even though I had a phi beta kappa degree from a top university, it was in the humanities and I was not able to find any sort of "real" job. I had no financial resources, family connections, etc., and did have to actually temp in New York City for a year. I spent the year stressing and feeling depressed about the direction my life was taking. I wish now I had realized that it was just a blip in time, that it wasn't going to have any effect on my total career trajectory and that it would have been possible to enjoy the freedom. I think if I'd just had a different attitude, I would look back on that time as fun.

Also, I've lived through several economic cycles as an adult now, and it always seems like a long term, permanent downward trend, and it always gets better. We'll probably be back in boom times in a few years. But sadly, graduate admissions odds never seem to get better. There's a chronic oversupply regardless of the economy.

[LateAntique]

APH1224:

It is exactly the kind of feelings you are having now that I think you will have a different perspective on when you are my age. I graduated from college in the middle of a recession as well. (1990). Even though I had a phi beta kappa degree from a top university, it was in the humanities and I was not able to find any sort of "real" job. I had no financial resources, family connections, etc., and did have to actually temp in New York City for a year. I spent the year stressing and feeling depressed about the direction my life was taking. I wish now I had realized that it was just a blip in time, that it wasn't going to have any effect on my total career trajectory and that it would have been possible to enjoy the freedom. I think if I'd just had a different attitude, I would look back on that time as fun.

Also, I've lived through several economic cycles as an adult now, and it always seems like a long term, permanent downward trend, and it always gets better. We'll probably be back in boom times in a few years. But sadly, graduate admissions odds never seem to get better. There's a chronic oversupply regardless of the economy.

Not to hijack a thread, but I'm finishing up my BA in Religious Studies and Classics from a large, though not prestigious state school. If I don't get into grad school, I'm wondering what it is I can do with double majors in the humanities. I've seen a lot of people talk about temping in NYC - is this the usual route?

[Dr._Robotnik's_Shadow]

I've seen a lot of people talk about temping in NYC - is this the usual route?

I temped in NYC too. I don't think it's a usual route it's probably just pretty common since what else do you do if you don't have a job and are living in expensive NYC? It's a way to temporarily get by. For the most part it would not be enough to support you since temps don't make as much as perms do. There is some freedom with temping in a way and it's a good way to try different things so I think people in every city temp if they just graduated and don't know what to do yet.

[Anita]

I agree with catilina that this is the best time to do all the crazy stuff you've always wanted to do before you're weighed down by family and responsibility and whatnot. I've been harboring, for the last couple years, a plan where I basically pull a Walden, although it'll be in my home country, not Mass. as I would ideally like I have enough money to live for at least five years in my super-cheap Asian home country without working, and during that time I would like to read and learn everything I've ever wanted to learn. I'll work my way through the classics, teach (or re-teach) myself math, physics and computer science, all subjects I neglected in school but now miss desperately, digest the literature in the fields of psychology I'm now applying to grad school to study, polish my Chinese and French (hopefully can pick up a couple more languages, because I'm nuts about languages) and generally geek the hell out of life. It's honestly my biggest dream right now. It gives me goosebumps just to fantasize about it.

My hang-ups? First, how am I going to explain myself to parents, relatives, friends and all sorts of people who for one reason or another want to know what I'm up to? Will I be able to integrate back into society when I'm done? How am I going to find a romantic partner if I go into hiding? Second, I'm stuck with the Asian moral expectation of taking care of one's parents after one becomes self-sufficient. I really don't want to think what my extended family would say if I tell them I want to take a couple years (not days, not months, but years) off for my own self-actualization and whatnot, while it is time I help out the old folks with my own income and settle down so they can reap the rewards they worked for in raising me.

I wonder if anyone else has a similar fantasy. So far the people I've shared it with have mostly shrugged it off as a juvenile plan that I'll soon outgrow. I don't think so. On the contrary, I think most people get it wrong in spending their days trying to earn more material comfort, while it's intellectual satisfaction that's most lasting and fulfilling. But I'm getting on a soapbox here *steps off soapbox *

[Lauren the Librarian]

I wonder if anyone else has a similar fantasy.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

I actually did do a "Walden" a few years back for about 8 months. It was awesome. For a number of reasons I couldn't be in school. So with my savings I found a (subjectively) super cool apartment in a great sub-tropical beach location with a nearby library, aquarium, arts center and! a pizzeria with fabulous cheesecake. I sold my car, bought a bicycle and took everything real easy. I spent my days sitting on my back door stoop looking at trees and listening to birds. My only work was Saturday mornings at a famer's market where I got paid in vegetables. I taught myself basic Japanese (reading and writing) and read at least 5 books a week (checked out from the library) on Archaeology, Anthropology, History, Medicine and Biology. I tried Physics, but I discovered I need some guidance for that.

I finally got back to school when my situation changed a bit. I'm glad I went to school but that time I spent was one of the happiest in my life. I can truly say that I can do "nothing" and be perfectly happy. Of course, I'm not rich by any means, but this is why I think I'll be a good PhD student. I can spend all my time researching and get pittance for it, just enough to eat.

[Lauren35]

Yes. Yes. Yes.

I actually did do a "Walden" a few years back for about 8 months. It was awesome. For a number of reasons I couldn't be in school. So with my savings I found a (subjectively) super cool apartment in a great sub-tropical beach location with a nearby library, aquarium, arts center and! a pizzeria with fabulous cheesecake. I sold my car, bought a bicycle and took everything real easy. I spent my days sitting on my back door stoop looking at trees and listening to birds. My only work was Saturday mornings at a famer's market where I got paid in vegetables. I taught myself basic Japanese (reading and writing) and read at least 5 books a week (checked out from the library) on Archaeology, Anthropology, History, Medicine and Biology. I tried Physics, but I discovered I need some guidance for that.

I finally got back to school when my situation changed a bit. I'm glad I went to school but that time I spent was one of the happiest in my life. I can truly say that I can do "nothing" and be perfectly happy. Of course, I'm not rich by any means, but this is why I think I'll be a good PhD student. I can spend all my time researching and get pittance for it, just enough to eat.

It must be nice to be able to do nothing and get paid in vegetables, but for the rest of us living in the real world, that is not an option. I don't know about everyone else but I don't have the time to sit on the beach and do nothing with my life. I'm already drowning in debt and dreading my future if I don't get in anywhere. I hope graduate schools want people other than those who are just getting PhDs for kicks.

[LifeIsGood]

Lauren the Librarian, that sounds great and I'm happy for you that you found ways to make it work. Either you're a great planner or got super lucky! I'd add in a day of working at a local used bookstore so I could get big piles of novels for my back porch activities. I do think that it takes a lot of self-awareness to enjoy the quiet and solitude for an extended period of time. I'm not sure I have it in me.

[Lauren the Librarian]

It must be nice to be able to do nothing and get paid in vegetables, but for the rest of us living in the real world, that is not an option. I don't know about everyone else but I don't have the time to sit on the beach and do nothing with my life. I'm already drowning in debt and dreading my future if I don't get in anywhere. I hope graduate schools want people other than those who are just getting PhDs for kicks.

Wow. Did you register at thegradcafe just to respond to my post? I was going for inspirational; I didn't think it'd be inflammatory.

I do live in the real world. I have had a number of "hardships" I've had to endure. Maybe you'd like to hear the downside of it? My family was abusive (so I left). I had no support and was emotionally stressed to the point of crying every day and failing my high school (AP/honors) classes. I was bright but had no future, or a future only of mediocrity.

So I made the best choice I could: I joined the military. I volunteered to be SHOT by enemy combatants in a combat zone. I didn't fit in with the military mentality, but I gave my best to serve my country and get a little support. In return for my service, I got a pay check and money for college. Some of my non-college educated buddies spent thousands on strippers and alcohol, I saved my money because I knew no one was going to take care of me if I failed. I had no one to depend upon but myself. I toiled away being bitten by mosquitos and sleeping in a dirt hole for 7 years while all my smart friends went to grad school and now are faculty at top 10 universities. I tried not to beat myself up for being a failure and lagging so far behind everyone else. However, I was getting older every day, yet remained academically the same as a high school graduate.

So when I had the opportunity to take a break, 8 months, I took it! I used my savings from the military to get a cheap apartment in a good location and take a breather for the first time in my whole life. I sat and did nothing because for the first time in my life no one was screaming at me, I had a roof over my head, and food in the fridge.

When it was time, I took my college fund from the military and used it for community college. I worked my butt off, got straight A's then transferred to a state school. I then applied to another state school, a public ivy, where I will be getting my masters. I intend to apply at one of the original Ivies someday and get my PhD. I'll be past 40 by then, but I no longer care about being behind by peers or taking longer than all the smart people out there. Maybe I won't have as long of a list of publications as my high school buddies when I retire, but I'll still do my part and contribute to the academic literature. I did the best I've could what what I had and made a darn good life for myself.

I no longer dread the future because I've changed my outlook. Some people figure it out when they're younger, others need a bit more time and experience to see things clearly (like I did). I now understand that I only get one life, and I'm going to make sure every moment counts for something good, whether I get into an Ivy next year or never.

FWIW- There were plenty of my combat buddies that had advanced degrees such as JDs, PhDs, MAs, BAs, etc. They military was repaying their student loans -up to $60,000 at the time- in addition to their regular paycheck for their service. You might want to look in to that.

[Lauren35]

Wow. Did you register at thegradcafe just to respond to my post? I was going for inspirational; I didn't think it'd be inflammatory.

I do live in the real world. I have had a number of "hardships" I've had to endure. Maybe you'd like to hear the downside of it? My family was abusive (so I left). I had no support and was emotionally stressed to the point of crying every day and failing my high school (AP/honors) classes. I was bright but had no future, or a future only of mediocrity.

So I made the best choice I could: I joined the military. I volunteered to be SHOT by enemy combatants in a combat zone. I didn't fit in with the military mentality, but I gave my best to serve my country and get a little support. In return for my service, I got a pay check and money for college. Some of my non-college educated buddies spent thousands on strippers and alcohol, I saved my money because I knew no one was going to take care of me if I failed. I had no one to depend upon but myself. I toiled away being bitten by mosquitos and sleeping in a dirt hole for 7 years while all my smart friends went to grad school and now are faculty at top 10 universities. I tried not to beat myself up for being a failure and lagging so far behind everyone else. However, I was getting older every day, yet remained academically the same as a high school graduate.

So when I had the opportunity to take a break, 8 months, I took it! I used my savings from the military to get a cheap apartment in a good location and take a breather for the first time in my whole life. I sat and did nothing because for the first time in my life no one was screaming at me, I had a roof over my head, and food in the fridge.

When it was time, I took my college fund from the military and used it for community college. I worked my butt off, got straight A's then transferred to a state school. I then applied to another state school, a public ivy, where I will be getting my masters. I intend to apply at one of the original Ivies someday and get my PhD. I'll be past 40 by then, but I no longer care about being behind by peers or taking longer than all the smart people out there. Maybe I won't have as long of a list of publications as my high school buddies when I retire, but I'll still do my part and contribute to the academic literature. I did the best I've could what what I had and made a darn good life for myself.

I no longer dread the future because I've changed my outlook. Some people figure it out when they're younger, others need a bit more time and experience to see things clearly (like I did). I now understand that I only get one life, and I'm going to make sure every moment counts for something good, whether I get into an Ivy next year or never.

FWIW- There were plenty of my combat buddies that had advanced degrees such as JDs, PhDs, MAs, BAs, etc. They military was repaying their student loans -up to $60,000 at the time- in addition to their regular paycheck for their service. You might want to look in to that.

Sorry I didn't mean to be confrontational, I'm just feeling the stress of the application process and trying to survive in a terrible economy. I'd love to have the luxury to do what you did, I'm just scared that my own financial future is going to be scary if I can't make this school thing happen. Best Wishes.

Oh P.S. I could never ever do the military thing, not in very good shape lol

[piccgeek]

And one thing no one mentions is how hard it is when friends/other students are accepted somewhere.

This, for me, was the hardest part. My fiance, applying in a completely different field but to the same schools, got into 14 programs (he applied to both chemistry and computer science at all 7 schools we applied to. He's nauseatingly brilliant.) I didn't get rejected EVERYWHERE last year--I got into my undergrad school, which I KNEW I was going to be accepted to because I won their award for top graduating senior in English, and after a big departmental fight over waitlisting the top senior a couple years ago, there's basically an unwritten rule that if the top senior applies to the grad program, they get in. So even though I am getting to pursue my studies, that acceptance letter did very little to repair my shattered confidence after 6 rejection letters. My wonderful fiance tried really hard to comfort me, but the stack of acceptance letters and his paid-for visits to meet potential advisers rendered his good intentions somewhat hollow. I was super depressed, and everyone tried to cheer me up by reminding me that I was going to get to go to school, and that the rejections didn't mean I wasn't smart or anything, but I wasn't listening. I have another friend, very very brilliant, who applied to 7 or 8 programs in US History with absolutely stellar LORs (I overheard one of her profs at our honors undergrad conference describe her as the best student he'd ever had) and got rejected everywhere. She spent a summer studying abroad with a prof in India and has been on our campus doing research, taking a few grad courses, and is applying again this season. She was bummed, but she dusted herself off and just made her CV even stronger. So, moral of the story is...rejection sucks. A lot. It hits you where you live. It's like they're rejecting YOU, all of you, you as a human being, but that's not true. Hopefully you won't have to face the worst case scenario, but if you do, you will find a way to pick up the pieces and move on with your life, because really, what other choice do you have?

[natofone]

I struck out completely last year. It was actually a good thing because I would have had to defer anyway because of unexpected family financial obligations, so I wasn't too bummed out. I worked like crazy to help my kid brother with tuition. I also used my time to really dig into the literature of my field and develop a more focused research agenda. I'm much more excited about graduate school now that I've had a year to really figure out exactly what I'd like to study.

[hadunc]

I'm not in the same field as you, but this is my second time around applying to PhD programs after being totally rejected last year so I feel like I might be able to offer you some constructive advice. I won't lie, I was pretty devastated, though not as devastated as I initially thought I would be. I did get a lot of good things out of the experience. Looking back, I really didn't have a clue back then about this whole process, nor what I wanted to focus on in terms of specialization. The year in between applications gave me time to really figure out what my niche is in my field and the kind of work I can see myself doing in the long term. I also used my time constructively by engaging in independent research and presenting a paper at a conference, which gave me a great writing sample to use this time around. Now I feel like I'm a much more interesting and focused applicant than I was last year, so I am cautiously optimistic. But you never know, I may be back for another round next year!

In terms of the emotional toll, I do have a few suggestions for how to cope with it. Last year while I was waiting to hear back I spent all my free time obsessing over whether I got in or not, constantly checking and rechecking my application statuses and basically driving everyone around me insane. That was really unhealthy for me and led to an emotional downward spiral as the rejections started to come in. This year I made a resolution to focus on other areas of my life while waiting to hear back. I'm working on getting in better shape, learning to cook, spending time with my friends and family, planning my wedding, and devoting more time to meditation and spirituality. You have to realize that your whole life does not depend on whether or not you get into grad school this year. To be a whole person you need to devote attention to all areas of your life. Make that a priority while you are still waiting to find out. I have also been looking into various "plan Bs" in case I face across the board rejections again that might involve teaching English abroad for a few months, something I've always wanted to do anyway, so knowing that I have other options has also really decreased my anxiety.

Telling friends and family about my lack of success last year was probably the hardest part of the process, especially because a certain negative family member was all too quick to try and convince me of my inadequacy. You need to shut the negativity out as much as possible. This is your dream and you will make it come true in your own time. If it isn't meant to be at all, then there is something else out there in the world for you to do. I really believe that too many people get so hung up on this process like it's a life or death thing. In the end, it's really not. You have talents and you will find a way to utilize them.

I hope this helps you feel less stressed. I really do sympathize. Just keep in mind that rejection can be a positive growing experience if you allow it to be and you will be fine!

[peppermint.beatnik]

In terms of the emotional toll, I do have a few suggestions for how to cope with it. Last year while I was waiting to hear back I spent all my free time obsessing over whether I got in or not, constantly checking and rechecking my application statuses and basically driving everyone around me insane. That was really unhealthy for me and led to an emotional downward spiral as the rejections started to come in.

Are you sure you're not talking about me last year? exact same thing