How to deal with this anxiety?

[eternalwait]

I guess next week the Admission Committees are on holidays everywhere, so there will be no news.

[fadedfigures]

2 hours ago, eternalwait said:

I guess next week the Admission Committees are on holidays everywhere, so there will be no news.

Maybe it'll be an opportunity for us all to breathe, take a step back, and enjoy the holiday season with our close friends and family members. 

...oh, who am I kidding. Back to refreshing my email. 

[stereopticons]

19 minutes ago, fadedfigures said:

Maybe it'll be an opportunity for us all to breathe, take a step back, and enjoy the holiday season with our close friends and family members. 

...oh, who am I kidding. Back to refreshing my email. 

I was reading this like, "yeah right like that's going to happen" then read the last line. Sad, but true. I'm not even going home for the holidays, so I don't even have family drama to keep me distracted. 

[GeorgeC07]

4 hours ago, stereopticons said:

I was reading this like, "yeah right like that's going to happen" then read the last line. Sad, but true. I'm not even going home for the holidays, so I don't even have family drama to keep me distracted. 

Nah. Contacts with family will help with the anxiety. I'm not talking about how they gonna comfort me. I'm talking about the food my mom's gonna use to tempt me. Besides, I'm an international student so being away from home is gonna be my life in the next few years.

[PhDorBUST]

23 hours ago, Yanaka said:

Yup, I'm with you on that one too. "Don't worry you'll be fine!!" is probably all they have to say because they don't know what else to say to make me feel better--but it's super frustrating. It diminishes what you're going through, and entertains dumb positivity  I think I just want people to ask me about alternative options, and it actually really helps when I am reminded that not getting in won't mean that I'm stupid or worthless. 

Honestly, I'm very worried about the effect it would have on me if I were to be rejected from everywhere. It's dumb to say, but I feel like I'm "running out of time" (I'm 26 and finishing my B.A.), and for that reason as well as for a few others, it would be a huge disappointment not to get into a program. I feel like I don't want to keep waiting for the next step anymore...

 

21 hours ago, stereopticons said:

This. I've been through this before. I know what it feels like to be rejected from every single program. But I'm 28 now. It seems like everyone around me has their lives together and I'm just treading water. I'm tired of waiting to start my career. 

I'm a grad student right now, I'm a 29 year old female, and I'm Italian/Portuguese catholic (family wise). Translation; I was supposed to just find a man, pop out some cute babies, run the house, and keep said man happy. They indulged my undergrad (times are changing, good place to meet someone), hesitantly accepted the master's program, and are now passive aggressively dangling heteronormative societal explanations at me like sweetie you don't wanna make more than your husband, you're starting to get too old for kids and who knows how long I'll be alive...,do you really want this? Are you suuuure??? Or this is the best me: hey guess what I was awarded a fellowship and scholarship! Family: how nice! Cousin SO and so is getting married and I think other cousin is having another baby!!!!!

??

This IS  my career path and I'm going to kill it, but it will for sure be satisfying to make my family address me as doctor or introduce me as such mwahahahahaha.

The 29 yr old abomination wants an education and career and feels "meh" about marriage! It makes family soooo uncomfortable at holiday gatherings and I kinda love it. That's what's motivating me through the anxiety, and knowing NOTHING is going to happen with apps until after the new year.

[GeorgeC07]

5 minutes ago, PhDorBUST said:

 

I'm a grad student right now, I'm a 29 year old female, and I'm Italian/Portuguese catholic (family wise). Translation; I was supposed to just find a man, pop out some cute babies, run the house, and keep said man happy. They indulged my undergrad (times are changing, good place to meet someone), hesitantly accepted the master's program, and are now passive aggressively dangling heteronormative societal explanations at me like sweetie you don't wanna make more than your husband, you're starting to get too old for kids and who knows how long I'll be alive...,do you really want this? Are you suuuure??? Or this is the best me: hey guess what I was awarded a fellowship and scholarship! Family: how nice! Cousin SO and so is getting married and I think other cousin is having another baby!!!!!

??

This IS  my career path and I'm going to kill it, but it will for sure be satisfying to make my family address me as doctor or introduce me as such mwahahahahaha.

The 29 yr old abomination wants an education and career and feels "meh" about marriage! It makes family soooo uncomfortable at holiday gatherings and I kinda love it. That's what's motivating me through the anxiety, and knowing NOTHING is going to happen with apps until after the new year.

My dear sister is also 29. She has just quitted her job to enter the graduate school of medical. Before that she worked for about four years and have taken the graduate entrance exam four times(In China you can enter graduate school through an exam for the whole country). She's got a well-paid job and an apartment 200 meters away from the hospital where she worked, but she still wanted to continue her education. My parents were like yours in some sense and even introduced some dates to her, but they began to support her full heartedly after she passed the exam last year and never mentioned getting married again,  at least not in front of her. Funny that our parents think I'm the more reasonable kid at home and usually discuss things with me instead of her. Anyway, you should just keep moving on the path you choose. Your family loves you and they'll come around. 

[eternalwait]

4 hours ago, PhDorBUST said:

 

That's what's motivating me through the anxiety, and knowing NOTHING is going to happen with apps until after the new year.

I think the same, I'll be much more relaxed during the next few days. 

I'll help with the cooking today, that will help me to "wait it out".

[fadedfigures]

That's why I am enjoying being with family these days. They are taking up so much of my time that I don't have the idle time to sit by my phone and wait. Thankfully, with today being Christmas and all, they should have enough activities planned to keep me from checking my phone. 

I'm still going to check anyway. But maybe fewer times. 

[eternalwait]

I just checked aall the websites...  just to continue the daily routine

[GeorgeC07]

10 hours ago, eternalwait said:

I just checked aall the websites...  just to continue the daily routine

Forget about the websites. Keep refreshing your emails. From what I've heard from Gatech and my friends, many schools have sent interview invitations and first round of admissions. At this time the notifications should go straight to your email, not the websites.

[unitstructures]

How I know this anxiety is real:

Anytime someone asks how the applications are going, I start shaking physically.

How I'm dealing with it:

Laughing. Actually, this torture is kind of fun! I don't think I've seen myself so desperately full of desire. 

Desire is a good thing, no?

 

 

[FeetInTheSky]

I've spent the time working on a back-up plan. It's a word document that lists, in order, what opportunities I'm going to look for and what I'm going to cancel if I don't get in anywhere. This way, if I strike out, I'll have a plan intact and won't feel this wash of directionlessness. The productivity feels good. 

[kinseyd]

Has anyone got any news yet? My UMN app has switched to "under final review". Do they do a final review of all applications or just ones that are considered strong candidates? It's so nerve-wracking knowing that my top school will be sending a decision soon.  But, I guess it's good that I haven't been out-right rejected yet!

[hopefulPhD2017]

11 minutes ago, JeremyWrites said:

I've spent the time working on a back-up plan. It's a word document that lists, in order, what opportunities I'm going to look for and what I'm going to cancel if I don't get in anywhere. This way, if I strike out, I'll have a plan intact and won't feel this wash of directionlessness. The productivity feels good. 

What a good idea @JeremyWrites! Love this. 

I have been researching tips for incoming PhD students, I applied to present at two upcoming conferences on areas related to my doctoral research question, and I swear I'm going to get back to the novel I stopped writing when application season fired up this last summer. 

In conversation I just act nonchalant and shrug my shoulders like, "Meh, we'll see if I get in anywhere and how much funding is provided, and then I'll decide. Maybe I'll even stay at my current job! Who knows?"

I don't feel that cool and calm inside though. On the inside I'm questioning my ability to get in anywhere at all, totally regretting the SOP wording in my Harvard app, and roiling from the radio silence from two POI's. 

[VoidInColor]

Being with family this season actually stressed me out more and is why I actually went back to my apartment a week an a half before break was over. All my relatives kept asking me was where are you going, what do you want to do, which program is your favorite? I don't know dad, I have to visit them, that's what interview weekends are for. Stop hounding me and making me freak out about it. I'm not "going" anywhere yet, since nowhere has accepted me yet.

[hopefulPhD2017]

13 minutes ago, kinseyd said:

Has anyone got any news yet? My UMN app has switched to "under final review". Do they do a final review of all applications or just ones that are considered strong candidates? It's so nerve-wracking knowing that my top school will be sending a decision soon.  But, I guess it's good that I haven't been out-right rejected yet!

Both the blessing and curse of this site is the sfarung of bee information and areas for concern, and out of a multitude of racing thoughts, I had never considered this possibility. Eek!

Several of mine also say "under review" and I just assumed everyone's said that once it was released to the AdComm. Now I'm wondering. Can any pals on here illuminate?

[hopefulPhD2017]

21 minutes ago, VoidInColor said:

Being with family this season actually stressed me out more and is why I actually went back to my apartment a week an a half before break was over. All my relatives kept asking me was where are you going, what do you want to do, which program is your favorite? I don't know dad, I have to visit them, that's what interview weekends are for. Stop hounding me and making me freak out about it. I'm not "going" anywhere yet, since nowhere has accepted me yet.

I know exactly what you mean. No one seems to understand the process. Also, don't know if anyone else has gotten this reaction, but nearly everyone I know thinks I'm nuts and cannot understand why I'd want to go back to school. ?

[Yanaka]

Thats true too: even though my mom is super understanding and nervous about the process, she keeps saying stuff like "we'll see where you go next year", "your dad will buy you a car", "when are you leaving your apartment, again?". It's fine to ask those questions in theory, but it comes from a place where she's convinced I'm going to be admitted somewhere. And I'm trying not to get my hopes up... 

[eternalwait]

10 hours ago, unitstructures said:

Anytime someone asks how the applications are going, I start shaking physically... Desire is a good thing, no?

Ask Gollum about it.

No, seriously: I'm incredibly nervous too, it's a decision that's going to change our lives.

5 hours ago, VoidInColor said:

which program is your favorite?... I don't know dad. I'm not "going" anywhere yet, since nowhere has accepted me yet.

I get this a lot! And I try not to think about this until I receive at least two acceptances. If I receive only one, there's no much to think about.

4 hours ago, Yanaka said:

I'm trying not to get my hopes up... 

Me neither. I haven't told anyone where I'm applying (except my parents and recommenders): I don't want everyone to know I'm applying to X, Y and Z and then, when they ask, tell them I got rejected in all of them. :S

5 hours ago, kinseyd said:

Has anyone got any news yet? ... It's so nerve-wracking knowing that my top school will be sending a decision soon. 

In my case, I'll start receiving notices starting around 20-something of January, according to last year's results, so it's like being the calm before the storm. 

Edited December 28, 2016 by eternalwait

[GeorgeC07]

6 hours ago, kinseyd said:

Has anyone got any news yet? My UMN app has switched to "under final review". Do they do a final review of all applications or just ones that are considered strong candidates? It's so nerve-wracking knowing that my top school will be sending a decision soon.  But, I guess it's good that I haven't been out-right rejected yet!

I guess every institute has its own process and there won't be any reply until the winter break is over. I'm already trying to take my mind off it now, only refreshing emails 20 times a day hahaha.

52 minutes ago, eternalwait said:

In my case, I'll start receiving notices starting around 20-something of January, according to last year's results, so it's like being the calm before the storm. 

Same here. But I anticipate a few rejections first just to keep my expectations in the right place. I figure we'll have some sort of results, and it's only a matter of satisfaction. 

[OldJoe]

same anxiety here. 

don't know what to do after sumbitting all my applications, only to check all the application sites.

I cannot reread my SOP, cannot remind myself of my mediocre GRE scores and TOEFL scores....these things drive me mad...

ps: when will the Christmas holidays end? 

As a 28-year-old old unmarried youth, the only thing I could do, if I am rejected by all the schools, is to ....get...married....[laughing cry]

[GeorgeC07]

32 minutes ago, OldJoe said:

same anxiety here. 

don't know what to do after sumbitting all my applications, only to check all the application sites.

I cannot reread my SOP, cannot remind myself of my mediocre GRE scores and TOEFL scores....these things drive me mad...

ps: when will the Christmas holidays end? 

As a 28-year-old old unmarried youth, the only thing I could do, if I am rejected by all the schools, is to ....get...married....[laughing cry]

Ah the winter break's gonna last till early January, maybe January 5th. I just found a silly mistake in my sop yesterday, but there's nothing I can do about it anyway. 

So you think 28 is late for marriage, too? I guess it's the same around the world then. My parents' been bugging my sister, also 28, to get married for a few years and she just quitted her job to join medical graduate school this September. =。=Now only god knows when she'll marry, since she's aiming at Ph.D.

[OldJoe]

6 minutes ago, GeorgeC07 said:

Ah the winter break's gonna last till early January, maybe January 5th. I just found a silly mistake in my sop yesterday, but there's nothing I can do about it anyway. 

So you think 28 is late for marriage, too? I guess it's the same around the world then. My parents' been bugging my sister, also 28, to get married for a few years and she just quitted her job to join medical graduate school this September. =。=Now only god knows when she'll marry, since she's aiming at Ph.D.

Actually  I don't think getting married at 28 is late, but my parents do think so...because people at the same age with me here are almost married..and many of them have got 2 kids...what a terrifying world!!

Anyway, I'm aiming at PhD, and I also quitted my job this June for it~ 

[GeorgeC07]

1 hour ago, OldJoe said:

Actually  I don't think getting married at 28 is late, but my parents do think so...because people at the same age with me here are almost married..and many of them have got 2 kids...what a terrifying world!!

Anyway, I'm aiming at PhD, and I also quitted my job this June for it~ 

Haha that's a good thought.  Never too old to learn. Love and marriage will come.

[VoidInColor]

Waiting for responses is frustrating. What's almost worse are the schools that have Jan. 1 deadlines. Because of course the schools are closed for winter break leading up to the deadline, so it's impossible to contact anyone if you have any problems