The wallowing in the pit of despair thread

[captiv8ed]

Post your sadness here, grab a virtual drink, pick a virtual fight, whatever.

I just got my first rejection. It really stings.

Stupid Princeton.

[taiwanadian]

Post your sadness here, grab a virtual drink, pick a virtual fight, whatever.

I just got my first rejection. It really stings.

Stupid Princeton.

Amen. I've been wallowing in self-pity all morning.. I got 2 rejections this morning. And am assuming rejections from 2 more schools that already sent out acceptances 2 weeks ago..

I know it's a little early to tell and self-destructive.. but I think I'm going to get rejected absolutely everywhere I apply to.. It's hard to remember not to take rejections personally.

[captiv8ed]

Starting to build the soundtrack

If you want to have a bit of an attitude:

Or if you are just wallowing in sadness

[captiv8ed]

That's where I am too, assuming they are all duds

[focused]

Hey captiv8ed - I'm really sorry to hear this news. I was really rooting for you because I knew Princeton was your top choice! I know it may not help much, but I think that if you can look back and know that you gave 110%, then you can rest a little more easily. All anyone can do is honestly give his or her all. I know that doesn't help much at first, but I think that after the initial sting wears off, you will find some solace in knowing you worked as hard as you could.

[socnerd]

I haven't heard anything yet at all, is that really bad? I didn't apply to top schools but some of the deadlines have passed already. I don't see anyone reporting responses from any of the schools I applied to, but very few people from here probably applied to the same ones. I'm not expecting much so I hopefully don't get too disappointed.

[hip2btriangle]

this is an amazing thread title, btw.

this is my 2nd year applying, and the rejections aren't any easier. 1 official rej, 2 i can sense are coming, and still waiting to hear on others. i really just want to skip to may so i can concentrate on other parts of life.

[luar de ouro]

I'm doing OK for someone who just got rejected by one of her top choices (Princeton). I'm almost anxious to get the rest of my rejections so I can start planning my Plan B for reapplication in the future....

[soc_leah]

it blows, y'all. they all suck.

[snorri]

I like this one:

[hip2btriangle]

I'm doing OK for someone who just got rejected by one of her top choices (Princeton). I'm almost anxious to get the rest of my rejections so I can start planning my Plan B for reapplication in the future....

ps, mulan is my favorite disney movie. (re: laur de oro's profile pic -- something cheery needs to grace this thread!)

Edited February 9, 2010 by hip2btriangle

[taiwanadian]

I'm doing OK for someone who just got rejected by one of her top choices (Princeton). I'm almost anxious to get the rest of my rejections so I can start planning my Plan B for reapplication in the future....

After 4 hours of wallowing, i'm starting to feel the same way

i noticed a number of weaknesses in my application and have thought of some pretty good plan bs.. Still just want to get in a phd program already!

Edited February 9, 2010 by taiwanadian

[maximus82]

I feel lucky because I have one acceptance already. However, I am still waiting to hear from 4 other schools. Normally I check this site (and my applications) obsessively. But since Saturday, I've been stuck at home because of the stupid snow storms in Maryland. The combination of being bored at home and waiting to hear from schools is not something I would recommend to anyone. It looks like I am going to be stuck in here for the rest of the week.

I should watch the Shining or something to feel good about my self. I hope no one else is in the same situation.

[maximus82]

all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy

All Work And No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy

all Work and NO play Makes jack a DUll boy

ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY

I wish I had a tennis ball to bounce against the wall!

[MashaMashaMasha]

I've been rejected from Berkeley, which was expected, but somehow still hurt like hell. Then wait-listed at UW, which felt like a victory, but I know it doesn't change my situation. And now that all the Michigan applicants have been notified, I'm expecting bad news from them as well, and that's my alma mater. It's so terrible to think that people who KNOW me actually went through my file and said no, not qualified. Now everything hinges on Oregon, and I'm having to face the very real possibility that I am not going to grad school this year. (and of course, because we are in the pit of despair, I'll add on my melodramatic "OR EVER.")

[socioanthro]

Could be that I'm the saddest case yet- rejected from 5 schools, 2 I haven't heard from but have already notified accepts, 1 in the process of notifying (and nada) and four others that I'm waiting on. My advisor is stumped- s/he says that there must be something "wrong" with my application as s/he thinks I should have gotten into the schools I was rejected from. So from her/his perspective all is lost (even with those I'm waiting on), which is really really depressing. I seriously don't know what I'm going to do with myself next year. I'm hoping that a string of rejections doesn't necessarily forecast gray skies ahead.

Keep your chins up everyone.

[hip2btriangle]

Could be that I'm the saddest case yet- rejected from 5 schools, 2 I haven't heard from but have already notified accepts, 1 in the process of notifying (and nada) and four others that I'm waiting on. My advisor is stumped- s/he says that there must be something "wrong" with my application as s/he thinks I should have gotten into the schools I was rejected from. So from her/his perspective all is lost (even with those I'm waiting on), which is really really depressing. I seriously don't know what I'm going to do with myself next year. I'm hoping that a string of rejections doesn't necessarily forecast gray skies ahead.

Keep your chins up everyone.

hey socioanthro,

not that this is necessarily a comfort, but know that there are people out there who apply much more widely than you have and are rejected by everyone. the people that announce all their successes here represent a very small minority of people here, and for most of us -- it's just about getting into one program so you can fulfill that dream. if it doesn't work out this year, talk about your application with as many people as you can who know something about the process, plan your year to enhance your application, and give it another go. if it's that important to you, you will succeed next time around and you will get in somewhere.

[St. Jude]

hey socioanthro,

not that this is necessarily a comfort, but know that there are people out there who apply much more widely than you have and are rejected by everyone. the people that announce all their successes here represent a very small minority of people here, and for most of us -- it's just about getting into one program so you can fulfill that dream. if it doesn't work out this year, talk about your application with as many people as you can who know something about the process, plan your year to enhance your application, and give it another go. if it's that important to you, you will succeed next time around and you will get in somewhere.

I second this. I applied to 10 schools last year and was rejected across the board. I just worked really hard with my professors to make my application be as strong as I could make it this time around. Keep your chin up and don't internalize the rejections as personal statement of your ability. The graduate school thing is such a crap shoot. Good luck to everyone!

[Milkman95th]

I only applied to two schools this year, figuring I would get into at least one (arrogance or confidence?) and I have so far been rejected by one and assuming the other will soon follow suit. One thing that I noticed is that having reread my personal statement after months of hiding, it really sucked. At the time of writing it I thought a Pulitzer was coming with my name on it, but in reality there was a lot of room for improvement. To learn from my mistakes, I would tell you to put a big gap between the time you write your personal statement(s) and send it off. Lastly, everyone who got in or was wait-listed, for the most part, seemed to have some sort of conversation going on with the schools they applied for during the application process. They were getting phone calls or emails from perspective advisors. I on the other hand, who waited by the phone like a sixteen year old girl, never got a call. Moral of that story, if you hear as much back from the school you applied to as your neighbor who works for the port authority, you probably did not get in.

P.S. I have been unemployed for over a year and half, plus I got rejected from grad school. Beat that for the pit of despair.

[socioanthro]

I second this. I applied to 10 schools last year and was rejected across the board. I just worked really hard with my professors to make my application be as strong as I could make it this time around. Keep your chin up and don't internalize the rejections as personal statement of your ability. The graduate school thing is such a crap shoot. Good luck to everyone!

St. Jude and Hip2triangle- thank you for your replies. Going for a Ph.D. is one of those few things in my life that I can point to and say, "THAT'S what I want." And frankly, the fact that it's not panning out after all the work that I (and all of us, I know...) have put into positioning myself favorably is just heartbreaking. And, as you said, St. Jude, it isn't a personal statement of ability and that is what, for me, makes it so hard. I believe in my heart of hearts that I can be a good scholar, that it is fitting for my skills and who I am, and this just makes this process seem socially Darwinist and random (I know that they don't go together, really, but we're in the pit of despair, right?)

Anyway, I'm trying to keep perspective, but it's still painful. I also feel like, as a woman who is approaching child-bearing years and wants to have kids, the longer you push this off, the longer the biological clock ticks...etc., etc., we're all acquainted with gender and workforce issues. Read between the lines.

[taiwanadian]

St. Jude and Hip2triangle- thank you for your replies. Going for a Ph.D. is one of those few things in my life that I can point to and say, "THAT'S what I want." And frankly, the fact that it's not panning out after all the work that I (and all of us, I know...) have put into positioning myself favorably is just heartbreaking. And, as you said, St. Jude, it isn't a personal statement of ability and that is what, for me, makes it so hard. I believe in my heart of hearts that I can be a good scholar, that it is fitting for my skills and who I am, and this just makes this process seem socially Darwinist and random (I know that they don't go together, really, but we're in the pit of despair, right?)

Anyway, I'm trying to keep perspective, but it's still painful. I also feel like, as a woman who is approaching child-bearing years and wants to have kids, the longer you push this off, the longer the biological clock ticks...etc., etc., we're all acquainted with gender and workforce issues. Read between the lines.

Hey Socioanthro, don't despair!

I've had 5 official rejections and 5 more to come. As you've said, we've all worked so hard, and sometimes our luck just works against us. One of my recommenders was sure that I would get into at least 1 or 2 of my top schools and at least 3 or 4 good offers overall.. and right now all I've got are rejections. I studied for the GRE intensively for 8 months and still ended up with a mediocre verbal score, and I've worked on my personal statement for months prior to submission.. But I don't want to say that it had all gone to waste. Remember that grad schools are looking for people who are committed, who are willing to take their feedback to improve their chances and reapply: it shows maturity and dedication. In addition, think of how much you have learned about yourself through the process, and just this alone can help your chances next year.

I feel like getting a PhD is an urgent matter for me.. but then i remind myself.. what's the hurry? Learning is a lifelong process. If i know that this is exactly what I want to do, what's another year or two of trying?

What I'm trying to say is don't give up, don't feel defeated. Just remember that they have such limited information about each applicant that they're reviewing, and it has no reflections on your potential to do well, or how well you've done. Find a plan b that you'll enjoy doing and will help your chances in reapplication.. and for now, relax for a few months (or year) before another round!

[socioanthro]

Hey Socioanthro, don't despair!

I've had 5 official rejections and 5 more to come. As you've said, we've all worked so hard, and sometimes our luck just works against us. One of my recommenders was sure that I would get into at least 1 or 2 of my top schools and at least 3 or 4 good offers overall.. and right now all I've got are rejections. I studied for the GRE intensively for 8 months and still ended up with a mediocre verbal score, and I've worked on my personal statement for months prior to submission.. But I don't want to say that it had all gone to waste. Remember that grad schools are looking for people who are committed, who are willing to take their feedback to improve their chances and reapply: it shows maturity and dedication. In addition, think of how much you have learned about yourself through the process, and just this alone can help your chances next year.

I feel like getting a PhD is an urgent matter for me.. but then i remind myself.. what's the hurry? Learning is a lifelong process. If i know that this is exactly what I want to do, what's another year or two of trying?

What I'm trying to say is don't give up, don't feel defeated. Just remember that they have such limited information about each applicant that they're reviewing, and it has no reflections on your potential to do well, or how well you've done. Find a plan b that you'll enjoy doing and will help your chances in reapplication.. and for now, relax for a few months (or year) before another round!

Taiwanadian, thank you very much.

I would like to invite others to write on rejections, frustrations, hopes, strategies, let's make this forum a place for a wider variety of voices than just those with multiple, fully-funded offers (congrats to them, no hard feelings!)

[Sparky]

St. Jude and Hip2triangle- thank you for your replies. Going for a Ph.D. is one of those few things in my life that I can point to and say, "THAT'S what I want." And frankly, the fact that it's not panning out after all the work that I (and all of us, I know...) have put into positioning myself favorably is just heartbreaking. And, as you said, St. Jude, it isn't a personal statement of ability and that is what, for me, makes it so hard. I believe in my heart of hearts that I can be a good scholar, that it is fitting for my skills and who I am, and this just makes this process seem socially Darwinist and random (I know that they don't go together, really, but we're in the pit of despair, right?)

Well, but it is Darwinist and random. At least, once you get to a certain point. Putting all my cards on the proverbial table, I have a fully-funded offer from my absolute dream school, which is tops in the field. The profs I've talked to there have all assumed I must have eighty zillion really fantastic offers, but I have squat else. In a recent e-mail, the DGS actually asked me flat out if I had been 'evading' when, at the interview, I didn't write down which other schools had already accepted me (I fully believed her that it would not have affected my chances of admission...but I didn't/don't have any other real offers!). So, random? Yes, definitely. You can be a stellar applicant in all ways, and be an outstanding fit with the school, and tailor your SOP to each individual program very carefully, and it still might come down to whether the adcomm member who reads your writing sample has a headache. That's the part that we, as applicants, don't control, and that's one part that largely sucks.

The 'Darwinist' (for want of a better term, I guess) aspect also sucks, but at least you have control over this part. This is the element where the process weeds out the people who aren't serious. Look around TGC, especially the history and literature fora. There are tons of people there with stories of having applied last year, or a couple of years ago, with absolutely no success. But they were committed, and applied again, and things worked out. Some of them changed their applications radically; others did little or nothing. The only difference between them and the other people who got all rejections last year (or whatever) is that they didn't give up. No, you don't get bonus points with an admissions committee for "persistence" or "dedication" if you're on your second round. But this is one way of determining who has the guts to go through with it.

You don't get to choose what happens to you, but you do get to choose how you respond.

[taiwanadian]

Well, but it is Darwinist and random. At least, once you get to a certain point. Putting all my cards on the proverbial table, I have a fully-funded offer from my absolute dream school, which is tops in the field. The profs I've talked to there have all assumed I must have eighty zillion really fantastic offers, but I have squat else. In a recent e-mail, the DGS actually asked me flat out if I had been 'evading' when, at the interview, I didn't write down which other schools had already accepted me (I fully believed her that it would not have affected my chances of admission...but I didn't/don't have any other real offers!). So, random? Yes, definitely. You can be a stellar applicant in all ways, and be an outstanding fit with the school, and tailor your SOP to each individual program very carefully, and it still might come down to whether the adcomm member who reads your writing sample has a headache. That's the part that we, as applicants, don't control, and that's one part that largely sucks.

The 'Darwinist' (for want of a better term, I guess) aspect also sucks, but at least you have control over this part. This is the element where the process weeds out the people who aren't serious. Look around TGC, especially the history and literature fora. There are tons of people there with stories of having applied last year, or a couple of years ago, with absolutely no success. But they were committed, and applied again, and things worked out. Some of them changed their applications radically; others did little or nothing. The only difference between them and the other people who got all rejections last year (or whatever) is that they didn't give up. No, you don't get bonus points with an admissions committee for "persistence" or "dedication" if you're on your second round. But this is one way of determining who has the guts to go through with it.

You don't get to choose what happens to you, but you do get to choose how you respond.

First off, a congrats to you for getting into your top choice!

I agree with you on the control aspects and also the darwinist aspect you were discussing.. but I do believe that showing dedication is important. Although many people are rejected solely on "luck" (eg.. number of spaces available, competition, funding available..etc), but if there is something glaringly lacking in your application.. say, in my case, it was complete inexperience in my field of interest.. I think it would be better (i wouldn't say as much as getting bonus points) to show that you have made an effort to address your weakness, which shows that you are committed to your field of interest. In addition, I agree with your point that anyone who reapplies beyond their first round shows this dedication (who has guts to go through with it).. For those who were rejected because of "luck," reapplication probably wouldn't require much change to their applications.. but for those of us (me) who were clearly lacking, reapplication would probably lead to the same result unless we've done something about it.

But in the end, you are right to say that we don't get to choose what happens to us, but just how to respond.. all we can do is try to improve our chances for the next round and then keep our fingers crossed!

[jacib]

Putting all my cards on the proverbial table, I have a fully-funded offer from my absolute dream school, which is tops in the field. The profs I've talked to there have all assumed I must have eighty zillion really fantastic offers, but I have squat else. In a recent e-mail, the DGS actually asked me flat out if I had been 'evading' when, at the interview, I didn't write down which other schools had already accepted me (I fully believed her that it would not have affected my chances of admission...but I didn't/don't have any other real offers!). So, random? Yes, definitely. You can be a stellar applicant in all ways, and be an outstanding fit with the school, and tailor your SOP to each individual program very carefully, and it still might come down to whether the adcomm member who reads your writing sample has a headache. That's the part that we, as applicants, don't control, and that's one part that largely sucks.

I am in the same situation. I got four rejections (some from lower ranked programs), but my top choice (which is probably also my best fit) did accept me and very heavily courted me. You only need one to come through in the end. At my visiting day, it seemed like maybe half of the other students hadn't really gotten any other offers. Only maybe 1/4 of the students admitted there really had several competitive offers from top schools.

Edited March 5, 2010 by jacib