rising_star

Ummm... are you working without a contract? Because, in all likelihood, if you're under contract and TAing this semester, they aren't going to dismiss you because they cannot easily replace you (and/or it may be a violation of your contract to do so).

Can your partner easily find a job in Seattle to supplement your grad student stipend? If so, that would rule out the financial concerns... NSF IGERTs are both prestigious and not at the same time. I realize that sounds weird but, that's because they're not as much based on the promise of your research as they are the promise of an interdisciplinary team of PIs at the institution (I've helped my advisor work on an IGERT proposal that didn't get funded ultimately so I have a very good idea of what goes into one). You've already been at UW-Madison so I wouldn't bother with that one. You've got other schools you're waiting to hear from so it's really between those, if they come with funding, and Seattle, imo.

I'm closer to julliet on this. My advisor is definitely eccentric. He's also incredibly well-known in the discipline, which means he's super busy and has a boatload of external commitments. I knew this going in and went with it anyway. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice, but that's only because I had good connections with other POIs back when I was applying. I might actually be friends with them if I were their student. My advisor and I have a policy of not discussing our personal lives unless it's absolutely necessary (as in, major personal life crisis infringing upon my work time and forcing me to move deadlines kind of necessary). Anyway, there are lots of people in my department that can't imagine working for my advisor and I totally get that. It really is a very, very personal decision.

I would focus on the advisor and the research fit. Nothing you've written says anything about that, so I don't know whether School X, Y, or Z makes the most sense in that regard. FWIW, I decided not to go to a school where I got a similar vibe from the students as what you got from School Y and ended up going to a school that I didn't have the opportunity to visit (but I'd previously met the POI so that was not a problem).

I'm going to be different about this maybe. I'm at the way other end of all this and, to be honest, it's not like the distance/two-body issue is easier to work out from this end. In fact, it's harder, imo. Were it me, I'd go with the time together now, when you can guarantee it, rather than waiting for a future potential of time together. The big qualifier for that sentence, of course, is that the school you attend gives you the opportunity to pursue your career in the ways you want and, potentially, in ways you haven't thought of that might also be nice. The school has to have the facilities (labs, libraries, workspace) you need, an advisor that can propel your career, and the ability for you to do the research you both want and need to do. If the lower-ranked (lesser in your terms) school has that, then I'd go there and keep the relationship in tact. The difference between #5 and #8 is not that big in most fields, you know?

Yes, I've driven cross-country four(?) times, including the last time with a dog. There are lots of petfriendly hotels and a website dedicated to traveling with pets (petfriendly.com, I think). When in doubt, you can always stay at a Motel 6 for no pet fee. Avoid driving on I-10 all the way through Texas if you can. There are definitely more scenic routes (really, anything is more scenic than that!). I noticed that some of the welcome centers when you cross into a new state have designated off-leash, fenced areas for dogs, which can be nice to let your pup out. I tried to limit my driving to 8-9 hours a day, for both my sanity and my dog's. When it was just me, I think the longest I drove was... 11 hours in one day, but that was related to driving 9 hours, not finding any available hotel rooms under $200/night, and then driving 2 more hours to get to the next town (why yes, I do loathe I-10 in West Texas). A few times, I would get out of the car for a meal. Pre-dog, that meant actually going into and sitting down in a restaurant, just for a change of scenery. With the dog, that meant ordering a sandwich (fast food or deli) then eating it in a park where the dog could sit out in the sun (leashed to the table). I also stopped once during a long-ish day of driving (~10 hours) at a dog park to let my dog run for a few hours. She loved it and I actually met some cool people there who were disappointed that I was only stopping through! So definitely use the internet to see if there are any dog parks relatively near your route (this one was maybe 7 min off the interstate so not very out of the way) if your dog is into those. Or, if not, look for parks or open spaces where you can take your dog on a walk. As for not going insane, it's a combination of things. I've abused the free weekend minutes and speakerphone on my cell phone to use the drive to catch up with old friends. I've also caught up on months of podcasts, listened to mix CDs dating back to my long ago undergrad days (you know, back when people gave you a mix CD as a birthday present) and laughed because I have no clue what's on them anymore, and also used the time to sort of zone out and just think about life, the universe, and everything. I actually came to like the alone time. Also, since my dog sleeps the whole time, driving with her in the back is pretty much like driving alone. I will say that I had a foster dog that I never could've taken on a road trip but that's because she is scared of cars and literally peed every time she got in the car. Driving her across the country would've been hellacious. With my dog though, it's easy. Hopefully it will be for you too, AwesomeBird!

There actually is a movement toward teaching-only positions in several systems. SUNY and the University System of Georgia come to mind. While they don't use the term "professor", they do have permanent, full-time lecturer positions, with the possibility of promotion to Senior Lecturer. They have a higher teaching load than traditional TT positions, with much more emphasis on teaching, evaluations, and excelling at teaching. I see nothing wrong with these positions in general because they are FT, come with benefits, and offer the possibility of promotion. The devil, of course, is in the details. From what I know of the plans at one SUNY campus, the offer was 5/5 with the requirement of service and advising and for not much more pay than adjuncts currently make by teaching that many courses. That is a shoddy deal, to say the least. A friend on this SUNY campus told me that all of his department's current adjuncts declined to apply for these lecturer positions because they knew it would be more work for the same amount (or less potentially) of money.

I worked in a theater box office during my master's program. I mostly worked during the day, so ticket sales were sporadic. In an average 4.5 hour shift, I'd have about 3-3.5 hours to do whatever I wanted, like surf the web, read for class, catch up on emails, etc. I often used the time to re-read my notes since I was at the writing stage and plan out what I'd write once I got home or I'd edit what I'd already written. At any rate, it was a pretty ideal job except that we had to dress on the border of business casual and business formal every day, so I would look overdressed if I went to something in my department immediately before or after work.

Think of it this way: How long will it take you to pay off that $90K? What job will you get that allows you to service that debt? Difficult, right? Go with the funding.

You should be fine but the right thing to do is to formally ask your second choice school if you can rescind your acceptance and go to another school. Although, if there's no funding from either school involved, you should be fine...

St. Andrews, I had that idea at one point but then realized it was way too time-consuming to scan all the pages I needed. I'm lucky in that there aren't loads of figures/diagrams that I needed. My notetaking strategy from books depends on whether they're in the university library, borrowed from a friend, or accessed via interlibrary loan. I take the most detailed notes on ILL books, sometimes typed into Zotero/EndNote and sometimes handwritten (depends on the weather and where I'm working). Books I borrow I take less detailed notes on, making sure I get all the main points and any quotations that I might want to directly cite later. For books from the library, I tend to hoard these (I've had some of the same ones for 2+ years) and take less detailed notes since I know I'll have them on hand to look up exactly what I need later.

FYI- there's a bill in the works to cap the government loan forgiveness at $57,500... Something to keep in mind. And Canis, while it's nice to be able to say that you could do okay as an adjunct, it's important to realize that that isn't the reality for many people. Adjunct pay (my current institution pays adjuncts ~$2000 per 3 credit hour course) and the lack of medical benefits isn't feasible for many people, unless they want to join the ranks of adjuncts living in homeless shelters or have outside financial support (trust fund, large inheritance, spousal support). The thought of having to teach 8-9 courses a year to approximate my graduate student income for years in the future is just *not* appealing. I like the idea that it should be about sharing my knowledge but not the idea that I must live in poverty for decades to do so.

Sorry, I meant post-master's. Are you planning to work for a nonprofit, do lobbying work, get a research-focused position, work for government, or something else?

It really depends on what your post-PhD plans are...

I list dollar values for everything, including travel grants. I realize that not everyone does because some are small awards but, I've also combined three awards to get fully paid trips to conferences... This is field dependent and, once I'm a few years post-PhD, I'll probably drop the travel grants altogether to be honest.

Investigate 0% interest credit cards with 12-18 month repayment periods?

Man, I haven't thought that far ahead! There will definitely be post-graduation beers and dinner with my family, because they're coming to town for it. I'll probably celebrate with friends earlier in the week, before my family gets to town. I was hoping to have the money to go on a post-graduation international trip, ideally to Central America or Southeast Asia but, it's just not going to happen.

Simple-ish really: I moved outside the USA to a place where I didn't have fast enough internet for or access to Netflix, so that broke the addiction. Then, when I came back, I realized I could get most of what I wanted via the local public library system (and, even better, could check out a whole season of a TV show at once and get to watch the extras!). I have cable with DVR and a Hulu Plus subscription, so I guess that's sorta like having Netflix even though I don't.

You all make me wish I had Netflix!

TakeruK, depending on the wording of the policy, there is no "guilt" to prove. If, as the OP said, there is a policy requiring disclosure then there isn't much to prove there... Also, I'm not sure what you mean by "guilt". Yes, people can act professionally. But consider all the conversations you have with your SO about work, which in the case of TAs also often means complaining about students and/or their work. If your SO is also a student in that class, that is a huge conflict of interest, even if there are no grading improprieties. If there are exams, the student in the relationship may have access that no one else has. Whether or not they use it may not even be the question. The fact that they have access to materials that are unavailable to the rest of the class and that would get them labeled as cheaters if they had and used them is unethical, at best. This is why universities have disclosure policies. Not because they believe the TA/professor will automatically give their partner an A but because they have to protect everyone in the situation, including the class as a whole. I feel like that point is getting lost in all of this. There are very, very real FERPA concerns when you're living with someone that could have access to your grades, course materials, etc. and thus information they aren't supposed to have. Since we're so into examples, I'll give another one from my PhD University. There's some sort of policy there (this was years ago so I can't remember all the details) that basically involves not doing any grading where a student might have access. This came up because I had roommates who were undergrads and one was enrolled in a class in my department. Had I been the TA for that class, university policy would've required that I not bring any of my grading home, that I not give ze extra "office hours" that were inaccessible to the class writ large, etc. Luckily, ze didn't take the class I was TAing so I could bring papers home (I still kept them away from prying eyes mind you). I imagine that the policy exists largely due to FERPA concerns and the potential for the appearance of impropriety, though I'm not higher education expert.

Take the funding!

I'm going to disagree with you on this, TakeruK. It is not the OP's responsibility to collect evidence and then turn that over. In fact, most institutions would still have to do their own investigation so there's no reason for the OP to be sneaking around trying to collect evidence. At my PhD University, no one is supposed to grade for someone they are in a romantic relationship with. TAs are told this during their orientation (run by the university and mandatory to receive your paycheck). There are lots of responsibilities covered for TAs. If there are concerns, the first step, at least here, is to either go to the DGS in your department or to the university teaching center. They can and will look into these sorts of things because no one wants a situation where the students feel like their grading was unequal based on their (lack of a) personal relationship with the TA. I know our teaching center has been involved in mediating these sorts of issues in the past. The action typically taken is to ensure that the TA has no grading authority for the student whatsoever. The other is to ensure that the TA does NOT do any grading or answer student emails or anything that might be a FERPA violation if the partner is around. That is to protect the other students' privacy and is an issue even when the TA is no longer grading their partner. The potential FERPA violations are a chief reason why my university requires disclosure and also why the OP should bring this up to someone. Your example of grad students TAing/grading for other grad students is actually quite different. Graduate course grading is done differently and the entire class knows one another. I don't think anyone is saying that you can't be friends with a TA or take a class your friend is teaching. But questions will be raised if you are romantically involved with that person, in no small part because of the potential for sexual harassment allegations to arise.

Hmmm... I'd just skip the university ceremony. Not sure how things are at your university, but doctoral students at mine rarely go to the big commencement. We do the handshake, get hooded, and photo thing at the college graduation the day before, so that's the only part I'm planning to attend.

I gained a bunch of weight in grad school. Some of it was just from being more sedentary, some from getting older I think. I didn't have the time for most of grad school to work out for 2-3 hours a day, 4-5 days a week, which is what I did in high school. I found more time to work out later in grad school, especially one I realized how important it is for my sanity. But, I have a body type that makes it incredibly hard to lose weight so I focus more on how clothes fit, measurements, and basically how I look in the mirror. Avoiding snacking is a nice idea but impractical for many. The trick is having healthy snacks on hand. Prepare snack bags of baby carrots and 1oz hummus at the beginning of the week to take as snacks with you to campus. Keep fresh fruit and nuts around to snack on. And, it's important enough to bear mentioning, remember to eat breakfast!

This hasn't happened to me but it has happened to someone I know. I think that PI is a sadistic person though.