NavyMom

I have to say thank you to all the students who commented here, and the original OP for asking the question.  I am starting my first year of grad school myself.   I am an older woman, married, and my son is grown and on his own now, but I have to say I am blessed with the amount of support I have from my family going into this. 
I have already read the living syllabi for my classes, and I am mentally prepparing myself over the summer for the work I am about to engage in. 

I am not originally from Sacramento.  I am from Florida... only been here 6 years, so it's always been Sac State to me because they refer to themselves as such. 

Hey everyone! 

I am nearly halfway through my 3rd semester and all is well.     I got a new job starting in July and things have just taken off!  I am no longer in a support position (administrative assistant), but a Policy Analyst... which is exactly what I am studying in my masters degree.  Got one hell of a pay raise and good benefits.  Never imagined it would happen this early in the game. 

So far I haven't had any struggles with my professors or fellow students, although I am not going to be finishing with any "strong" or "close" friendships.  Most of the folks are a bit younger than I am, and well, they have formed their only little "click" that I am not included in... most likely because I am much older.
 
Anyways - hope everyone else is well. 

I've been hearing about that storm all weekend and I am in Cali!  I used to live in Manassass, VA though so I remember those days.  I don't envy you!  Are you able to talk to your advisor on what you need to do? 

Just got home from the first meeting of my second class, have several assignments to do over the weekend, and I am waiting for the Amazon fairy to deliver the books.

Thank god for the Amazon fairy.

Well I already started the thread "Older Students" which turned out to be a hot thread... never expected that. 
 
Here I am now about the subject of making new friends.  I am talking about close, life-long friends.
 
I am 39 years old, and I have moved around a bit for a while, until I settled here in Northern California 5 years ago.  I still have yet to connect with someone to create that wonderful friendship that I feel I have missed for so many years.  While I am married to a wonderful man, I still long for that best-girlfriend... 
Does that sound too weird?
 
I had a very close friend for many years... and after I moved out of state, it became apparent to me, that the friendship wasn't as close as I thought.  I attempted many times to connect, but over time she stopped putting the effort into it.  It hurt a lot, almost like a breakup I suppose.  
 
I am finding it fairly hard to make new friends where I live, and lasting ones at that.  As soon as I meet a person, they slowly disappear.  I know some of them have been due to differences in interests or beliefs and I am okay with that.  I wouldn't want someone to fake their interests to keep a friendship.  
 
I try to tell myself that I am very unique and not many women share the same interests or similar personalities with me.  Should I just leave it to that and accept that I will be mostly friendless into my older ages?
 
 

Welcome!!!! Glad to see you join the family!  I understand your anxiety...I went through that too.  i about to start my second semester now.  The good news, is that once you start, that fear goes away and yoi become more focused on work.,
 
Looking forward to talking more!

Oh hon, I am so sorry.  I can't imagine the rollercoaster you are on. My thoughts are with you.

Thank you for your kind words, it really is heartwarming to read them. 
Thank you also for the good wishes, and I will post as I get the information.

Hi GeoMex - Come on, the US is a great place to study, don't worry about keeping up, that won't be a problem. ¡No te hagas bolas con las ansiedades!

Hey fellow students...
 
If you all want to chat, they created an off-site chat room if you are interested.
 
Just go:
 
http://client00.chat.mibbit.com/
rizon[webirc]
username (create one)
#gradchat

Hey fellow students...
 
If you all want to chat, they created an off-site chat room if you are interested.
 
Just go:
 
http://client00.chat.mibbit.com/
rizon[webirc]
username (create one)
#gradchat

I agree with shrinkgirl... I believe your experience will be amazing.  In my own observations as an American, I have had nothing but respect and admiration for those who want to better themselves through academics, and work hard to achieve their goals.  I have friends of many different nationalities, and I love learning about their heritage and customs. I know there are others like me who only want to help you, and encourage you to succeed in whatever it is that you are doing.  
Good luck on getting acceptance letters, and keep us informed!

Thanks, Navy Mom! I'm adding you now.  
 
So glad to see others chiming in! Niffler: 32, 5 kids, and finishing up undergrad with plans for grad school--I'm in total awe of you. You're an amazing role model for your kids (something I try to tell myself when I feel overwhelmed, haha). 
 
And hola to GeoMex! Are you applying to US grad schools? I understand the trepidation about keeping pace as an international student. I moved to the US when I was 15, and it was a really tough adjustment, but everyone was extremely friendly. I've also more recently had family move to the US to do grad school and everyone has said that academia is one of the best places to be as an international person...people are generally very welcoming and helpful!

Hi Shrinkgirl!  Welcome!
 
I see you are in the mental health field.  Its the field I currently work in, myself.  Good luck on your first semester!!  Keep us posted on how you are doing!  Feel free to add me to your friends list, as well.

Ooh, an older students thread! It's nice to see so many people who understand the family/school/work/life struggle. I am 32, raising 5 kids between the ages of 5 and 13, and finishing up my senior year of undergrad at one of the Cal States. I am applying to an MSW program for next fall and am starting to really stress about it. I think my stats are pretty strong, but I only applied to one school so that's always a huge risk. Even if I get in there will be juggling the added stresses of school, field work, and trying not to completely neglect my kids during their teenage years. Anyway, best of luck to everyone in their academic and personal pursuits!     

Thank you!!!  I guess I just needed to hear that I am not alone in this... (meaning there is nothing wrong with me).  It has gotten harder, the older I get, to connect with others.  Hopefully I will have the chance to have some close friendships into late adulthood. 
 
Thank you everyone for your generous input and encouragement.  
 

Hi, everyone! Very excited to find a thread like this one. I'm a 30-something as well, and will be starting the first year of my counseling grad program this month. Eek! Hope to learn a lot from you "jugglers" here.

Not worried about that, full time employee of the university = free tuition for me (undergrad & grad) and my kids (undergrad only)  just need to pay the fees. It makes up for the fact that they pay about half of what I was earning the the real corporate world 10 years ago.

Yours isn't so uncommon a scenario, Navymom. Which might not be entirely consoling, though at least maybe it'll be comforting to you to know that you're not alone. :-) It's a common cry, especially (I think) among us females, who have the best-friends of grade school, high school, etc.

I don't have any magical answer for it. I'm a social butterfly, of sorts, but I don't really care for the Meetups I've went to, though they're fine enough for what they are. I think it's just a season-of-life thing that we all have to come to terms with: some people will come into our lives forever, some will be for just a moment. I'm still pretty young, so I don't have the "whole picture" view yet. But I have had the bad-breakup with a friend that was like what you described, and only recently came to terms with letting it go. I still have my 2 best girl friends from uni. years, so that gets me through the hard times. But I live in a city that I've yet to make quality friends like I've always been able to before, albeit on a lesser level than my ladies from college. I've heard married life is like that, having less and less personal friends, especially once you have kids (I don't yet), but both my husband and I are rather young and social, so we at least can keep married acquaintances. Though my mother has one or two close friends that's she's made, post-marriage and raising 6 young wild things! ;-)
 
All this rambling to say: if you're looking for a soul-mate girl friend, it's probably going to take some time, and there's the chance that relationships will come and go; things change all the time, unfortunately. But I doubt you'll be friendless forever. I've had friends who graduated and found it difficult to find a peer community like in college, and I've had others who have fit right into their post-graduate years. I myself went overseas and became best friends with a young lady in her 40s, and we're still friends, even though I'm "home" and she's in China. It's probably just one of those "seasons." It sucks, it's not comfortable, and no one likes it. But it happens to us all. You don't strike me as the kind of person that won't be unreceptive to possible new friendships, so I would just try to enjoy the other aspects of your life; relationships will happen. Focusing on the "other" may not be as special or desirous as finding a heart-mate friend. But, then, that kind of friendship wouldn't be so special for the having, if it came too readily or often. I suspect that kind of friend will come around where you least expect it. I certainly never expected to find another best friend overseas! Do try not to be too sad. You're definitely not alone in your longing. I hope you do find that special friend, sooner rather than later. Goodness knows many of us girls just need that good, social outlet! *^^*

Oh you are so lucky.  The only thing I have going for me is the fact that I will be working in public sectors... so once I start paying, I only have to for 10 years and I get forgiveness for the rest. Hopefully.

I'm back!!  
 
So I finished my first semester fairly strong.  An A- and a B.  To me, that's good due to the difficulty of the program.  (And hard-a$$ teachers).  I love it!!!  I have a strong cohort, and I found that a few students in my class are actually older than myself, while the rest are around 25-30 years old. 
 
Age never came up, and we all get along quite well.  At the end of the semester we all got together at a bar to slam down a shot in celebration of getting through it.  I am already registered for next semester and getting my books ready.

Anyone else?

I agree with proflorax that we (graduate students in general but also specifically the users of this board) need a safe space to vent. C&C did not post anything that would harm any other person. We might not always agree with the poster's point of view, but that doesn't mean we always have to criticize or react negatively to it.
 
Since there are no details that would identify any person and that C&C is not taking any actions that would harm our community here as well as the general "academic/grad student" community elsewhere, then I don't think there is any harm in a venting of frustration/stress like this.
 
I would say a post like this by C&C is far different from a lot of other posts that were "harmful" venting because they either specifically named programs or schools or people and/or they advocated for extremely unprofessional or dishonest behaviour. 
 
In addition, I would note that the original post asked for advice on how to proceed with asking the professor for a grade increase. The first few comments were responding to this question directly. I agree that it's helpful to advise C&C that perhaps 89.89 is just a coincidence, but we should keep in mind that 1) each poster might not share all the details of the situation and 2) for the sake of establishing a supportive community, we can recognize that sometimes some of us are more stressed out or feeling very frustrated and just need to vent their feelings without having their situation analyzed and criticized.
 
I know I sometimes give unsolicited advice so I'm guilty of this as well. GradCafe is an online, pseudo-anonymous forum that can be used for a lot of purposes. Sometimes, the poster wants advice and feedback on their actions; sometimes the poster just wants to vent and say unprofessional things behind the safety of the Internet, and sometimes, the poster just wants to ask one specific question without having to justify their past actions or motivations. Or sometimes a combination of the three. I think it is reasonable to say that for the latter two cases, it's not too much to put our highly analytical graduate student minds in the background and just be supportive when another colleague seems to need it.

I think it's problematic, though, that people on this forum think it's their job to teach other graduate students how to be proper graduate students. C&C had a moment of panic, came to what C&C thought was a safe space to vent, and has been attacked on a weirdly personal level since. C&C didn't name the professor or the program, didn't email the professor or the chair with accusations. There was no bad behavior exhibited by the OP.  I think the only thing posters here have taught C&C is that this isn't a safe space to vent. 
 
Also, C&C asked a fair question. What does one do if a grad student suspects an unfair grade? This is a legit problem in the humanities, especially when most or even all of our grade is based on one seminar paper turned in at the end of the semester. The conflict between C&C and the professor has been resolved, but this could have been an opportunity to discuss strategies and methods to discuss end-of-semester grades with difficult professors. But rather, people decided to detail how C&C is "unprofessional," paranoid, and overly confident. 

It's easy to come down on people who are stressed when you aren't stressed.