merollam

Personally, I just can't wait 5+ years to get married! 

I think this is more true with professional programs than research based PhD programs. At the schools I've been to, a BEd. (the degree all public school teachers in BC must get after their undergrad degree) is a 12 month program and they explicitly require you to not take any time off for weddings or children. However, at the same school, for the research programs, you get vacation days like any other job. You also get up to 1 year leave for each child you have. And some of that leave is paid. 
 
In my opinion, I would say that if you are a full time PhD researcher, you plan your academics around your life, not the other way around. If I need to be somewhere for a wedding, I make sure I rearrange my academics to make that long weekend work. If I was TAing, I might trade a shift with a colleague. If I was taking a class, I'd probably ask a friend to take notes for me and/or arrange for an alternate exam date if necessary. If I had a research deadline (e.g. abstract due date), I would make sure I started work on it earlier so that everything would be submitted prior to leaving. When you are in this for the long haul (whether it's just a PhD or staying in academia longer), you can't always make work your #1 priority. There needs to be a balance!

And, for what it's worth:  I belonged to some "women in science/medicine" groups, where women had legitimate strategies planned for like, the MONTH they would get pregnant during which year of grad school/med school and so forth, and the experienced mentor/professor women totally agreed and encouraged it.
If you want the best of both worlds, there's a way to make it happen.  Long story short, weddings and grad school DO mix.  If you're lucky, you'll have a good PI with a good mind who realizes the importance of it.  I currently work for a graduate program, and the PI groans about "why do all the grad students think it's time to get married/pregnant/etc" but he secretly loves and totally understands it.  Gives the parents-to-be weeks off work, etc.
 
Additionally, I recently read the handbook for one program I am interviewing at, and it had a section all about the structure for time off for weddings/babies and how many times you can "use" it while you're in school.  Thought that was pretty neat.  I respect the recognition from academia, that personal lives matter, finally.

I am getting married on 3/14 and had to do the real meat and potatoes of planning during my final semester as an undergrad. It has been pretty stressful but if you ask for help and delegate you can make it work no matter what  
 
Last but not least, Congratulations!!!! Make sure you try and bask in the engagement afterglow for a bit!

I am happy to commiserate with you via PM. And share wedding ideas. Even pinterest boards
 
Engaged August 2013, original wedding date was September 2014, new wedding date is May 2015. You want to know about postponing a wedding, I'm your gal. 
 
Granted, I will not be IN grad school when the wedding happens, but, I was transitioning from overseas back to US, moving in with a new family, leaving a full safety net and awesome job, starting a new business, dealing with multiple hospitalized (Critical) family members, preparing grad applications/researching grad programs, and planning for my Fall wedding at the same time.
 
Then something else happened that tipped it over the edge, and I was like, you know, why don't we wait until things are little CALMER.  
 
By May, we will know which school and city we're moving to, our house will be up on the market, the kids will be out of school, the weather will be nicer, and my family will be healthier (ojala!).  
 
I can also tell you this - the less controlling of a person you are, the less stressful it will be. If you want EXACT kinds of flowers, EXACT colors, EXACT times, places, placements, smells, etc... Then you're going to be super freaking out. IF you're like "I want something in the purple-ish zone of color, and my bridesmaids should this general kind of bouquet, and the centerpieces should be basically like this..." you're going to be resting much easier.
 
Just remind yourself what the big picture is, what the wedding is really all about, and don't get too down in the weeds about it. In the words of Elsa, let it go....

Don't feed the trolls, people.
 
Anyway, I got married right before the beginning of my fifth year of my PhD program!  I had a bit of nontraditional planning period - my mother-in-law is a wedding planner and it was all planned very quickly.  Honestly, looking back - I would do it the same way again.  Well, maybe I would give myself a little more time, but...wedding planning is only as stressful as you make it.  Popular culture says that you need to start at least a year in advance and get a big venue and invite 100+ people with a fancy gown et al...and if you really want a wedding like that, go for it!  But you don't have to have it that way.  The more you detach yourself from the things that no one will remember or care about, the better.  What those are depends on you and your circle.  Like, I know none of my friends and family would care about centerpieces (or flowers in general).  I don't even remember what the centerpieces were at my own wedding - I think we used candles on mirrors with pretty glass beads and flower petals or something.  Why spend $1200 on flowers if you don't care about them?  And the reverse is true - if flowers are really important to you, then make them a priority, but de-prioritize whatever it is that doesn't matter (like shoes or matching bridesmaids dresses or whatever).
 
Whether your program will discourage you taking time off to get married really depends on the individual program and your advisors, but quite frankly, screw 'em.  If you have to miss classes, the proper way to handle it is just to notify the professor ahead of time that you are going to miss X class on Y date.  You don't have to explain why.  Then just make sure that you make up the work.  As long as you only miss one class that semester (barring emergencies) it shouldn't be a problem; I've never had a professor have a problem.  (In fact, I had a professor tell me to miss class for an event - namely, two presidential candidates came to campus to speak and I wanted to hear them.)
 
I do encourage waiting on the honeymoon until a break, though.  Winter break is an excellent time to take a honeymoon because you'll be at least a bit burned out and it may be bitterly cold wherever you are, so if you go someplace warm and sunny that might bring up your spirits.  Spring break is another good time to honeymoon.  My husband and I still haven't taken our honeymoon; it'll probably end up being an anniversary trip lol.

It's not stupid to give advice on what I Know I don't know this girls life (nor do I give a crap) do what you want why bother coming here to ask? And don't worry I don't go on cheap dates ever sweetie

Maybe because not all programs are the same, and you gave advice pertinent to a MSW program to someone in a BMS PhD program?
 
One lasts ~18-24 months, the other lasts 5-7 years? One has coursework throughout, the other has a year of coursework and then full time research?
 
One has breaks between semesters, the other one works through breaks and summers?
 
I can see where these differences are very relevant to the advice given. Advising someone to postpone marriage 18 months until the finish is one thing, suggesting they postpone marriage 7 years so they don't take time off during a PhD program? It's such bad advice it's kinda laughable. It's like saying not to take vacation time from a job to get married.
 
PhD programs in the bench sciences especially are like jobs- you work 40-80 hours during the week, you get a few given holidays off through the year, and you have vacation time you can use when is convenient. 

You understand what YOUR life is about, which is great. You wouldn't miss class for a wedding, at least in theory based on the information and feelings you currently have. That's your prerogative and no one should demand you do otherwise. Doesn't mean you understand what OP's life is about. She didn't ask us to understand her life (I have an urge to shout "you don't know my life!" Haha) she just asked us for advice on how to make a wedding while in grad school work.

Considering you haven't planned your wedding while in grad school, I'm not sure how your advice would be particularly useful to her?

Good luck OP!

You can care about grad school and still have a personal life. It's not like OP is blowing off class for date after date--and who cares if that's the case?? Not our business to judge!

I'm GLAD to hear OP values her personal life. Grad school can consume you, and that isn't healthy or productive. I don't have statistics (I'm an historian, and not a quantitative one!) but I know from personal experience and observation that the students who have a good work-life balance do the best in grad school--as in, aren't overly obsessed with one or the other...the levels of dedication to each will fluctuate depending on the person and the circumstance. Everyone's work-life balance is weighted differently, but completely eliminating one is the wrong approach. Life is about finding your balance.

Has anyone here attempted the daunting task of planning a wedding during grad school?

I have just graduated from undergrad, gotten engaged, and I am waiting to hear back from grad programs. I would like to get married in Fall of 2016, but haven't set anything in stone yet (venues, vendors, etc.)

Do grad programs discourage taking time off to have a wedding (and possibly honeymoon)? I will only be in my 3rd semester by then, so missing classes would be an issue I suppose..

Any input would be greatly appreciated!

Personally, I just can't wait 5+ years to get married! 

Thanks for the input everyone!

To clarify: I guess I didn't mean "taking time off," but more like taking a long weekend to have the ceremony. Having a winter break honeymoon is a great idea shadowclaw! Luckily, my cousin is a wedding planner and could take care of any details for me if I end up attending a school away from home (where I'd like the wedding to be).

Has anyone here attempted the daunting task of planning a wedding during grad school?

I have just graduated from undergrad, gotten engaged, and I am waiting to hear back from grad programs. I would like to get married in Fall of 2016, but haven't set anything in stone yet (venues, vendors, etc.)

Do grad programs discourage taking time off to have a wedding (and possibly honeymoon)? I will only be in my 3rd semester by then, so missing classes would be an issue I suppose..

Any input would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks for the input everyone!

To clarify: I guess I didn't mean "taking time off," but more like taking a long weekend to have the ceremony. Having a winter break honeymoon is a great idea shadowclaw! Luckily, my cousin is a wedding planner and could take care of any details for me if I end up attending a school away from home (where I'd like the wedding to be).

Has anyone here attempted the daunting task of planning a wedding during grad school?

I have just graduated from undergrad, gotten engaged, and I am waiting to hear back from grad programs. I would like to get married in Fall of 2016, but haven't set anything in stone yet (venues, vendors, etc.)

Do grad programs discourage taking time off to have a wedding (and possibly honeymoon)? I will only be in my 3rd semester by then, so missing classes would be an issue I suppose..

Any input would be greatly appreciated!

Personally, I just can't wait 5+ years to get married! 

Personally, I just can't wait 5+ years to get married!