MidwesternAloha

That's a really good point. Honestly, it never dawned on me that if it's too much, I can reevaluate a year from now. I currently work outside my field of interest and have been for almost 3 years. I don't dislike my job but it's unrelated to my career goals. I like cancer biology, but I'm currently working with plant biology, so it's gratifying to have been accepted into a highly respected CB program based on my publications at my last job. I've spent the last 3 years following around my husband while we achieved something stable so I could finally apply to grad school. The local program that is still considering/pursuing me is for a PhD program in plant biology. So, I'd be sacrificing what I really want to do. More and more, it looks like I have already made my decision, I'm just nervous. Thank you again. You all have really helped me sort myself out.

I wish he had a chance of being transferred, but his job is very stable. I is only offered at this specific base. He has and will be here for his entire career. But I appreciate the support - I need to go to the program I like, no the program I compromise. I know I would grow resentful. My husband even mentioned last night that there would be nothing he could do to ease that if I made a decision that sacrificed what I really wanted to do. Where there's a will, there's a way. At least I have 6 months to prepare for the distance again. I am grateful to all of you because I have no peers attending or pursuing grad school, so I really value all of this feedback.

I haven't had my own computer in 4 years (I have a smartphone, and a computer at work) so I told myself if I got accepted into grad school, I'd buy a Lenovo Yoga laptop. My husband came up with a better idea and we're buying nice bikes so we can go cycling together all summer and I commute around town when I move off to school.

I appreciate this thought-provoking response. I see that it has 2 downvotes, but I'm not sure why. I didn't perceive it as critical, but raw- real. Since various people have asked these questions and I haven't been active on here lately, I will respond to these as best I can. I applied to the school because at the time, it appeared my husband would have the opportunity to transfer there. We have since learned that he cannot. He is in the military and I'm so tired of bouncing back and forth between a LDR and him being home. We had a full-blown LDR for 5 of the years we were dating. We have been living physically together + married for barely 2 years since then. I'm just not eager to do the distance thing by choice. It's easier when the Army "takes" us away. I struggle with making a conscious decision to go away. He is immensely supportive of me attending this program. I like that somebody mentioned a distinction between a bad fit, cold feet and imposter syndrome. Upon reflection, I think I just have cold feet. The program is an excellent fit for my research and professional goals. Likewise, I would never want to get in the way of him reaching his dreams. We established that foundation before we were married. It is part of what attracted us to one another: he didn't want a stay-at-home housewife with a diamond diploma, and I wanted someone who encouraged me to be the best I can be (professionally, academically, whatever else). Someone mentioned summer breaks: unfortunately, those don't exist in my field. Those are better served as opportunities to work full-time in the lab, without classes taking up your time. Writing years can be done from a distance, however. Good point! I didn't think of that. The local program(s) I applied to are within commuting distance and within weekend-commuting distance, respectively. The closer of the two programs is not at all the type of research I dreamed of doing, but would provide better opportunities for my long term goals of being an academic investigator at a private college or university. It's biochemistry research but not cancer biology. I applied there because it is a high-ranking school and the closest physical entity where I could pursue a graduate education. I applied but was rejected from their cancer bio track and my application trickled down to a different department that is now recruiting me. The second program (3 hours away) is cancer biology related, but I am currently waitlisted post-interview there, so, not much control over the situation. Going back to the military aspect, though, he's going to be gone 50% of the time I'm in school, anyway, so- might as well be somewhere I enjoy living, right? I have no familial support and would never choose to live in the state where we are currently. 9 hours away, though...Florida is nice

Oh, they made their decision within 2 days. I'm Waitlisted. I guess just grasping for any reason to make my name show up on their radar because they beat me to the punch.

It definitely makes sense and you do not need to apologize for feeling the way you do. I, personally, struggle with making decisions, so I can relate. It's easier when the decision is made for you, since, from what you mentioned - it seems you'd be happy at any/most of the institutions. Take some time, step back from the situation, then when you come back and revisit the decision making process, it may be very clear to you. Trust your gut.

7 years of college? Holy cow

Ugh. I hate those letters..my rejection letter stated that they "hoped I would pursue graduate education elsewhere." Gee, thanks.

No, that's basically the truth.

I am married and my #1 priority is pursuing the program that will allow me to reach my dreams. Then again, it's something my husband and I discussed long ago. Ultimately, who are you living for? Could you live with the fact that you didn't choose the program you wanted most, years down the road? If your relationship is meant to be, it will find a way. There are ways to find time to see each other. Long distance relationships are a walk in the park nowadays, with Skype. Best of luck. Follow your heart.

You can pm me if you want

Interesting. I interviewed there two weeks ago. Their admissions is rolling. Do you know whom you will be speaking to?

If you're waitlisted, it's because the applicant pool relative to you contained other individuals who (in the program's eyes) appear to be a better fit or more desirable, for whatever reason. A lot of people are hesitant to mention other interviews, let alone other offers, because rather than making the program think, "oh! We must act fast to secure this great student!" they might just be like, "Okay, then go there. We'll offer your spot to someone else." I would just hold tight, for fear of having the opposite outcome you desire.

Sometimes it's cheaper to utilize meters and free parking if you don't frequent the parts of campus that require a permit. Either that or the employee is just cheap. My university charges $1,000 a year OF YOUR TAXED SALARY for a spot in a lot a half mile away.

Baby will be on a better sleep schedule a year from now, so there's one benefit of deferring.

Gotcha! How strongly does that one weigh on your list of top choices? It's difficult no matter what! Having a SO complicates things lol.

You don't have to have a reason. You simply say you have thoroughly considered the offer, are greatly appreciative, but will be declining. Thank them for their time and generosity. Just concise and professional. My offer (the long distance one) *is* my only offer :/

This was an interesting read, thanks for the link. Kind of bold to ask a school what your actual chances of admission are, I don't think I'd have the guts to do that.

It's good to have the family support. Women tend to lead their families back home (we like being closer to our moms! What can I say?) and my husband is starting to accept that lol. We are stationed closer to his family now (he's career military) so I'm glad I can at least use that as justification for moving to Ohio when he retires and I finish grad school LOL. We're holding off on kids til my mom is closer, too, because there's just too much to juggle right now. She's been considering moving South because my youngest sister is off on her own now/done with college. I can definitely sympathize with your story! And yes, that's totally why the adcoms ask... If you're a competitive applicant at a bunch of other top tier schools, they know what they must do to keep you lol

I'm starting to believe there's good reason to go the schools who fight for you. My "safety"/"don't really want to go there" school has done nothing short of wine and dine me since they accepted me lol. It's eased the pain of being waitlisted at my #1. Personal phone calls to ask me how I am, if I'd like to visit with my husband, etc. I'm tempted just to accept. Good luck to you in Georgia!!

Just don't put your degree on the job application. I much prefer serving(coffee or waitressing) to working my current job.

I would give them a full month before following up again. You did everything you're supposed to do, and if they were vague in the initial emails, they probably don't have much more news now. I know it's frustrating. Hang in there. Remember, they will contact you if you're offered admission. You're on their radar. Give them some more time, then consider cornering the program director.

That's true. I appreciate your perspective. I would feel guilty if I didn't follow through or if I just discarded an offer that could have been revealed to me for a reason. I guess it doesn't hurt to try to finish up the interviews.

It's just something I'm not even interested in. It's biochemistry, sure, but it's not even studying mammalian cells. I agree that I should be flexible in my project, per se, but this is so far removed from anything I want to do.