pippapants

Your response makes me bristle a little bit. While I appreciate the cautionary tale you offered, it's difficult to guess that couple's perspective on their situation. Perhaps she would have spent her life regretting her decision to pursue a PhD over attempting to have their own children (which is my stance, if I put myself in their shoes). Just because it didn't work out for them doesn't mean that she regretted her decision. It seems like, from your perspective, it was a senseless decision. We spent a lot of time discussing our options before we elected to go this route (including both embryo and egg donation, trying naturally, adopting, etc.), and in the end, we were able to identify that we really wanted to try to have our own children. I personally don't think that is a decision anyone should have to defend or justify, even if it doesn't work out, just as I don't think anyone should have to defend their decision to pursue a career and a family at the same time, choosing to place their child in day care and to use the television or iPad to hold their attention while parents work or study or clean the house. Those may not be decisions someone else would make, but happy, healthy children have come out of all kinds of families. Personally, I try not to judge other people for their decisions. We do stand a good chance of having our own children if we are patient and try. An extensive family history going back several generations has provided us some guidance there -- no one has ended up childless, but the manner in which individuals have accomplished their goal varies. Some folks have tried naturally for years, some have pursued IVF. As someone who did not want to suffer repeated miscarriages, do invasive fetal testing, or have to choose to TFMR to avoid having a stillborn or a child who is unlike to survive to see his or her first birthday, fertility treatments were more attractive to us as a couple. Trust me, I have spent hours revisiting this decision, and I still believe we made the right choice, when faced with no good choices. If this cycle doesn't work, we will try another cycle, and likely move on to other options later. That said, just because it will be difficult for us does NOT mean that trying is foolish or that I will spend my life regretting my choices, which sounds like what you were implying. Having a family is not something we just decided to do for kicks -- it was always something we wanted, but we assumed it was something we could put off until I was done with coursework. Like many women in their 30s, I bought into the idea that the biological clock was not a real thing. We considered having children when I was in my master's program, and I chose at that point to put my education first. Knowing what I know now, I am choosing to put my family first, and if I can make a PhD work, then great. If not, then, well, I will find something else to do, because my percentage of chromosomally viable eggs is diminishing all the time. As for your musings about my satisfaction with my life after having a child, those are questions I (or any parent) don't feel I should have to have the answers to, right now, as I don't have an infant. I don't believe anyone knows how they will feel until they have had a child. Some career-focused women decide they would rather work less, while women who planned to stay home find it suffocating and decide to return to the workforce. It is be unfair to ask a hypothetical question, then hold the respondent to their answer when faced with those circumstances. Does that make sense? That said, I am hoping to pursue options to try to make things work for the time being. If it turns out that I will face a serious financial penalty if I have to withdraw later in the semester, then I will have choices to make.

I do have options if I leave. I have a master's degree that will allow me to find full-time or part-time employment immediately in my city. In fact, in my field, most faculty positions require 2 years of clinical experience. I chose to forego those two years, thinking that I would be an amaze-balls researcher and be able to have my pick of R1 jobs. Not turning out that way. Would I be happy in a 9-5 job? Probably happier than I am now, where I have no free time to cry over the injustices of my situation, or go to movies with my spouse to take my mind off things, or nap because my injections make me tired and menopausal but unable to sleep at night. I have spoken with a few people in my department and people from my master's program. Unfortunately, the reaction I have gotten has not been positive. Another student communicated her disapproval to me, telling me I would be better off if I waited for a few years, because "it really doesn't make a difference." She told me that no one would take me seriously if I have children during courses. My mentor from my old program generally expresses a dislike of people with children, because they aren't committed and cannot be counted on, in her opinion. You can imagine her reaction when I told her what we were doing. She asked why we couldn't just adopt in a few years? (Because I want to try to have my own children?) She said she hopes fertility treatments don't last long. I have not called the counseling center. Really, things hadn't been too bad until last week -- first week of the semester and invasive procedure that didn't go as well as hoped. I will probably try to do that when I get a chance. I'm sorry for the difficulties you have faced as a single male who wants children. I curse all those people who have "accidental" children. I mean, really, it's not fair. I don't know if it will get easier after this semester, and I don't know how long IVF/fertility struggles will last. I have met people in a support group who went through 5 cycles, and people who have suffered 15-20 early term miscarriages because they elected to try naturally. Like I said, no certainty and no guarantees. After this semester, the course load will lighten a bit, but the research commitment will double next fall.

I am hoping someone can normalize my stress and tell me I'm not crazy. So, last fall I applied to several programs and was offered full funding and a fellowship at the one I chose. We bought a house in the new state and arranged to move. I found out over the summer that I might carry a genetic problem that will limit our ability to have healthy children, so I had a blood test and waited for the results. In the mean time, we moved to our new state and I petitioned to take on a quarter-time research appointment (above the 12 credit hours of courses) with a very successful faculty member. The week school started, I got the results of the test, which confirmed I have the genetic problem. I was concerned about what that would mean for us and thought about withdrawing then, but I was encouraged to stay the course and "take one day at a time." We had planned to wait until I was finished with coursework to try to start a family, but I am in my mid-thirties, and a genetic counselor told us in September that if we wanted a family, we needed to start now, as it may take a few years or more. We could try naturally with likely recurrent miscarriages, or we could try IVF with genetic screening. I talked with my program director about family planning and was told I absolutely should put it off. When I relayed the concerns about my genetic status, I was told to do what I had to do, and I would be supported. Forgive me if I feel that was not supportive. My research adviser has been more supportive but is extremely demanding. My quarter-time appointment is more intense and stressful than some people's half-time appointments. I traveled three times last semester for it. We elected to start IVF in November, and it's been awful. IVF is a physically, emotionally, financially draining process with no certainty afforded to anyone -- least of all, people like us who produce a large percentage of chromosomally abnormal gametes. The hormones are awful, and with each step there is an agonizing wait to see how or if you will proceed. If you eff up any one step (too few follicles recruited, too few eggs retrieved, too few eggs fertilized, too few embryos make it to genetic screening, OR no viable embryos), you have to start over, seek a second opinion, etc. I struggled to finish the semester, taking an extra week on a large paper. (That said, I was praised for my work.) I missed an opportunity with my research group last week (and several classes) because I had a procedure. This semester, I have a higher course load than last (14 units) (on my adviser's suggestion), plus my research, plus genetic screening of embryos, a possible transfer, or another IVF cycle. I was hoping to have some certainty on the fertility front by now, but it hasn't happened. I am struggling to concentrate and get stuff done. Maybe I'm silly, but I can spend hours reading articles about people with my status, how to optimize an IVF cycles, statistics related to treatments, etc. I spend hours waiting by the phone for results, hoping I will somehow find some certainty or answers to what the next month will hold. I am concerned I will not make it through the semester. I know I need to tell people in my department that I'm struggling, but I'm afraid of their reactions (since not everyone has been supportive). I don't think I can reduce my course load to a manageable amount without forfeiting my tuition waiver and stipend. I think I would rather withdraw or take a leave of absence. Relaxing and bingeing on Netflix sounds so much more appealing right now than conquering 5 classes and research. Bottom line: Am I crazy? Has anyone else been through this?

I had issues last year. One of the schools I applied to was unable to find my GRE scores, and ETS gave me the same song and dance. I was so frustrated, but the program director reassured me and explained that she would call the graduate school to clarify. It turns out that my scores had gotten stuck between the graduate school and the social work program, and she was able to have them passed along.

Also, Columbia is not one of the more selective MSW programs (their acceptance rate is like 70%-ish?). In fact, a lot of state schools are a lot tougher to get into. I think you'll be fine.

I did not get licensed, though I am planning to. I went straight into my PhD because of my life circumstances (age, family, etc.). I wish, wish, wish that I had been able to take a few years to develop some practice experience because I would be eligible to take more jobs and a different variety of jobs.

My MSW program at a state school was group work heavy, too, and some of it was horrible. Most of it, in fact. You'll find in the field of social work that collaboration is emphasized because it's crucial to your success as a social worker. Most social workers are a part of some sort of team. I think you'll be hard pressed to find a program that doesn't require at least a little bit of group work. Even in my PhD program, collaboration and teamwork is a part of the program. :\ It's rough, but necessary.

Let me clarify... ETS didn't fail to send them to the graduate school, the graduate school at the university failed to forward them to the PhD program. They were just sitting at the grad school, and in the mean time, the PhD program coordinator threatened me, saying that my application was incomplete and I would be rejected. I had to provide proof that I'd had them sent for the PC to get off her butt and track them down. In the mean time, the director of the program apologized to me for the PC's rudeness, told me it was fine, then offered me admission with four years of funding. I went elsewhere, though.

Not to add to your stress, but I would follow up with that school. My GRE scores got lost last year when I applied to PhD programs. One of the schools I applied to never received them, despite the fact that I had chosen the option to send them directly after the exam. It was a mess.

In my program, we had a lot of discussions about private practice, because a LOT of people entering MSW programs have that goal. While it is an attainable goal, there are things to be aware of, too. Before you can bill as an independent therapist, a clinician has to achieve a certain number of hours of supervision from an LCSW. It's typically two years. Unfortunately, supervision is expensive, unless you find a job at an agency that provides supervision for you (in which case your salary may be lower). It costs between $100-$300 per hour (yikes), if it's not provided at an agency. After you've gotten your two years of supervision, you've got to pass an additional licensing exam. (But hey, then you can charge $100-$300 per hour to provide supervision!) Private practice requires generating your own caseload. Making contacts during your first two years is crucial so that you develop a strong reputation and will have referral sources. Beyond that, it's about marketing. More and more people are attempting to go into private practice, so saturation of therapists is something to be aware of. Private practice may not necessarily allow you to serve the population you want. A lot of children with trauma are treated in agency settings, so it may be that you find agency work fulfilling. That said, there are lots of ways to accomplish your goal of doing therapy. MSW, MS in Counseling, MFT. People in my MSW cohort who did internships with folks from other disciplines in a mental health setting felt that those folks got more instruction in mental health techniques and theories, so I would advise looking at different programs and seeing what bests meets your goals and interests.

Based on this website, it sounds like you've already taken the state exam and just have to do the ASBW exam now, which everyone takes. If you're taking it now, you'll need to get super up-to-date materials, because it's going to cover the DSM-V and not the DSM-IV. I would google "ASBW exam prep" and see what you find. Are there other students from your program that may have advice? Or professors? Most schools of social work can make recommendations for how to get prepared.

That's a good plan. Lenders don't do a good job of making students aware of their financial obligations when they take out the loans, and as a student, you're just not thinking about it because it's not relevant at that point. It can be an unwelcome surprise when you graduate and start looking at repayment options, crunching the numbers, etc. We're in a bad place with my husband's loans from vet school (our debt to income ratio is atrocious, as vets have similar debt to medical doctors but make significantly, significantly less). It's a constant source of stress knowing that we may get stuck with tax bill upwards of $$30,000 when his loans are forgiven if his salary doesn't significantly increase to the point that we can gain some traction and pay down his loans in the next 20 years. We need to start saving for that eventuality now, but we're struggling already with life's other demands. To be honest, we're hoping that there is some sort of student loan reform before that bill comes due. Not a great plan. I applied for and accepted a position as a GA/TA my second year in the MSW program, which paid my tuition and gave me a stipend. It added to my stress, but I have half the loans other people did. If you have that option, I highly recommend it.

Two people I know have tried to do loan forgiveness, in different fields. When I say "screwed," what I mean is that they took out loans with the expectation of doing loan forgiveness, which hasn't worked out. So now they are stuck with six-figure debt and income-based repayment (which has its own pitfalls). A guy moved to an "under-served" area (meaning that it was designated as under-served by the terms of the program) to provide services there. Bought a house, his wife got a job, they had a child, they established themselves in the community. Like, two years into the program, another person in his field moved nearby, and the community no longer qualified as "under-served," and he was SOL. He would have had to move to another "under-served" area continue his program. But, again, they'd already bought a house. He gave up on it and is doing income-base repayment (IBR), instead, over the long term and hoping he can pay the principle down before 20 years is up. A woman I know got into one of those "10 years at a non-profit" loan forgiveness programs. Unfortunately, the salaries she has been offered have been so low that she's struggled to make her payments (if you miss a payment, you'll get kicked out of the program) and make rent. She's changed jobs and moved a couple times, has always had trouble finding a job that qualifies for the program. She was really unhappy living the way she was living, and she's given up, too. And ALL loan forgiveness programs, as far as I can tell, come with fine print that says the program can be canceled at any time (if the government decides to de-fund it). So it's not as simple as people think it is. We're doing IBR (on mine and my husbands), but, as I said before, there's a catch. You have to pay taxes on the amount that remains after 10-20 years, which can be a significant sum. So if you take out a bunch of loans and don't make enough money to significantly pay down the principle, you can get stuck with a huge tax bill (tens of thousands of dollars). You can actually end up having more left to be forgiven than you take out, because of interest. In other words, you're way, way better off if you can take out less in loans. http://www.forbes.com/sites/robertfarrington/2015/01/12/the-dangers-of-student-loan-forgiveness/ http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/15/your-money/for-student-borrowers-a-tax-time-bomb.html?_r=0

Eh, I guess I have a different perspective. I'd stay in-state, rather than spending the money to move and paying out-of-state tuition for what will most likely be an equivalent education. You'll thank yourself later. It's very easy to get caught up in the idea that, "Hey, loans will cover it! I'll pay them back later or get them forgiven!" but the reality is that loans can really negatively affect your financial future (e.g., if you ever want to apply for a mortgage, your debt-to-income ratio will be a large factor) There is also no guarantee that you'll get them forgiven; no loan forgiveness program is guaranteed and can be canceled at any time. I know folks who have banked on this and ended up screwed. Additionally, you'll be better off in a program that is near where you'll eventually want to settle. If you have an inkling that you will want to return to Arizona because of your family, go to school in Arizona, because your field education will allow you to network and build a positive reputation at agencies, especially if you become involved in NASW or attend conferences. Recommendations from your professors will also bear more weight when they also have an established reputation in the surrounding community. Personally, I think it's a mistake to move somewhere for school if you know you won't settle near there and will need to move elsewhere afterward. Just my two cents.

Widener has a 75% acceptance rate, but I don't know what their typical accepted applicant looks like.