random_grad

same here!

"any attrition is viewed as a disaster" they care for us

if it's gonna be cold: - if you don't want to appear bulky, consider getting these thermal undergarments. you will feel warm outdoors and not too hot indoors. much better than layering. - if you can get your hands on a neckwarmer, it's much better than scarfs. - when you get into a warm environment even for a short time (e.g. car) be sure to open your coat, remove your hat, or you will feel dizzy from the change of temperature - don't overdo it

It certainly is hard to maintain long-distance friendship with people who are not used to that. Most of my friends have dispersed all over the world after high school, so we've all struggled with that. There has been people who, like your friend 1, have completely ended relationships after the move. With one of my best friends from high school we've tried all sorts of things, and letters (really, written by hand letters) were quite efficient for a while. We were able to share a lot of personal stuff like this, add a few interesting cards we saw in the city or during recent travels, maybe a drawing of our own - this allowed staying close over several years before we could meet again and reconnect in reality. With another friend email has been great. Facebook messages too, esp. if a person posts a lot on facebook about their life. Personally, I don't think skype works too well for maintaining friendships. It's more for family. Friends tend to feel less obligated to connect regularly on skype and everyone's busy anyway. I've found that it's hard to meet people outside of academia via adult events such as meetup because once they know you're a grad student, they understand that you will graduate and move soon. I sensed that a new friend I met like this (and who is not in academia) felt betrayed when I said I would not be accepting the PhD offer from the school in the city we both lived in. That person really didn't understand how one could put career before friendship. And then there's a few other good friends who are just like me, zero friends (in the sense of their geographic location) aside from their spouses, and with whom I am very close yet we speak perhaps once every few months by email and meet once every few years. I feel a strong connection with them, and I think they do too, and for each of us it's sufficient to speak rarely like this. I think there is a certain amount of socially imposed guilt associated with having zero friends in the city where you live. Aside from the inconvenience of not having someone to help you out when you're sick, I think this does not have to be felt as something bad. If you don't need that, then why try to conform to the social norm of having lots of friends? The problem begins only if you really need that to be happy. It took me some time to realize that, but I have let it go and am much happier now that I accept this situation. For your situation, perhaps it would be an option to lower your expectations in regards to the amount of day-to-day details you would share with your long-distance friends. But this does not mean it's the end. Invite them over for spring break!

as said above, it really depends on where the school's located. in my case, my current funding was one of the highest ones I was offered but the city is also one of the most expensive ones. at another school funding was less but housing was so cheap there that one would've been able to rent an entire house with that other school's stipend. aside from taxes, probably the most unfortunate thing about funding is that it's the same regardless of your family situation. I mean, it kinda makes sense, but it's certainly harder to make ends meet when you have dependents and therefore must live in a bigger flat, spend more money on life etc. in my cohort, unless people have rich parents, previous savings or a partner who has a job, it's a choice between commuting and living in a room. most opted for living in a room in a shared apartment. but this might not be best for productivity, depending on your habits. I personally had to downgrade my lifestyle significantly this year (I just started my PhD in 2015). It's good that booze is cheap in the U.S. (I'm from Canada) but otherwise I have not been able to afford going to a bar since I moved here. I've been to a restaurant a couple of times on the department's dime and others appeared to be just as hungry for the experience as myself. but ultimately this is all first-world problems. my family eats healthy, we drink at starbucks, we live in a safe neighbourhood, we travel... this is definitely how I would behave; on the other hand, it doesn't mean it's bad. there is good advice on that in the book "graduate study in the 21st century" (although some other advice from that book seems outlandish to me). in a nutshell: observe the situation. you are new here. the department has set currents and tensions. don't pick sides unless you feel strongly for something and know who is on what side; don't antagonize anyone, esp. the secretary. stay positive, happy, excited. there are people who gossip and you'll identify them soon enough. it's like in any workplace, except it's a bunch of super-smart people involved in the game. I'm just straight out of these first few months, so the memories are fresh! I'm a loner type, and at the same time I'm here with my family, so I'm not all alone either. I've met a few people, made the effort to go to 90% of all the parties and events I was invited to, but have not made real friends yet. quite a few people complained that it's hard to make friends. I know people who've left academia because they need human interaction to be happy. otherwise it's really a place where loners can thrive. clubs are great to make friends but you need to find time to do that lol. I'll start participating in a club next semester, we'll see how this goes. I kinda wanted to try meetup too, but ain't nobody has time for that!

sorry, I meant "to balance"

It sounds like you have been with this person for quite a while now. So there must be a lot of other things which work between you two. Also think of your advisor's stature in the field. If she's a major figure, I'd say it should not be a problem for you to accept some infelicitous moments. Try focusing on these positive things for a while. Do these outweigh the negative? Also, do you have an alternative advisor in mind? Consider the difficulty of changing advisors. Is she already assigned to you? Are you able to just switch to an MA and then go to another program? Also, is your committee all set? who are the other people? I know people for whom a secondary advisor on a committee has de facto become a primary one. imo one of the tricks in grad school is not balance your own obsessions, finding your voice, identifying your big contribution to the field, with fitting in with how things are done in your subfield, what your advisor expects etc. So in a way you need to adapt to the broad expectations of the field, but this should not prevent you from finding your voice. However, I think it's crucial to be able to make your advisor happy and understand when it's genuine criticism vs. attempt at pushing you further. Finally, I'd say that you should always assume that the prof has read your entire paper. So not ask "please read my paper further" but rather "what do you think of this idea".

This may be due to the following: - your app at the school was not created yet at the time they got your results so there was nothing to attach the scores to. - your app has a different email than your GRE account, so the school was unable to match the two (this has happened to a friend of mine) Just send them a message with all the identifying information about yourself and they should be able to match your scores with your app. If the submission deadline is coming up/passed, call them.

oh no, the pain! that's just terrible! D: sorry to hear that. I'll try to get the extension as you suggest, thanks a bunch! yeah well I've been doing my taxes by hand for the last few years, I actually enjoy that. but it does seem like this year won't be like others. OMG, this is gold! I'll soon have enough education credits for the rest of my life. a brief update: I got the SSN denial letter immediately, which was pretty sweet. but when getting a state ID, they didn't accept my national Canadian ID with the cut corner. "not on the list" , they said. but they let it go, so it should be OK.

just an update if anyone ever happens to be in the same situation: just got the official denial letter (before, it was just from the words of the operator on the phone). And now I see that there is a reason why I dismissed the Canadian ID option back in October: they want something to show international status (F-1). And that, only a passport can show. Otherwise, I need to submit Canadian ID + local state ID. So at this point I'm applying for SSN to get a denial letter. Next step will be applying for state ID. And then I will send my Canadian ID + state ID over and hope I can file my taxes on time. in this story, I'm just flabbergasted by the incompetence of folks at my school's international office who set up a special application session for ITIN, where several people looked my application over, and who, upon initial rejection of photocopies, said that notarized copies of passport should be fine. I even asked them: does this happen often to students? - Oh yes, all the time! ...I mean, I'd expect they'd figure something's not right with the way the advise us to submit our ITIN app if this happens to students often. so disappointed. also, I will now always recommend getting a state ID as soon as possible, for non-drivers. thank you, TakeruK and fuzzylogician for keeping me company in this situation! happy new year XD

oh, I'd rather go and spend the day there than send my official documents by mail to another state. The lady on the phone said I can't just "walk in and flash my ID" - they need to keep for 2 months "because it's the procedure". now that's just so uncool of them! they've already denied it lol. I'll have to file another one. I don't think I should start a whole new procedure with SSN, because it's gonna be April soon and I don't wanna end up paying interest if I happen to owe money on my taxes.

lol yes, I've seen that somewhere this tells me that when I will start doing so I will have to go through the IRS process all over again. I've seen some insane bureaucracies in my life, and this so far is one of them

oh, I see, to get a state ID I need to get a denial letter for SSN. I think I've seen this mentioned on this forum before. Seems like a useful document to have. This is getting Kafkaesque. I think I will just try my chances with my cropped-corner Canadian ID. Should have thought about this earlier. Collective hivemind works wonders!

interesting! I didn't know about that! thank you so much! I'll do that. my Canadian provincial ID has a corner cut because it's a special ID for non-drivers, and I've had issues before that U.S. people would think it's invalid because of the cut corner because in the U.S. drivers' licenses get invalidated by cutting the corner >.< I mean, you are right, I should have sent that. It didn't occur to me in the midst of the busy first semester (and also because my school assured me that a notarized copy would suffice.) I just want to do just one more sending that would definitely work XD

The IRS asked me for documents to support my W-7 application for ITIN, namely, something to prove identity. They want original or copy certified by "the agency that issued or maintains the original records". The document needs to have a photo, signature, all that stuff. In my case, it would be the passport (I do not drive). Now, I won't send the original passport or whatever for obvious reasons; and the Canadian consulate does not do that kind of certifications - they recommend using a local notary. Which I did. But this did not satisfy the IRS. The passport is all I have as ID, so I called the IRS and they said that's just how it is - I need to send in the passport, wait for 2 months processing time and get it back. Whatever happens if police ask me for ID - they don't care. Travels? Liquor store? You're dreaming baby. How did you go about getting your ITIN? What kind of documents satisfied them? (My school has been utterly useless in that regard).

that makes sense. some Canadians might be hoping that the tide will turn

technically,I believe if U.S. immigration finds out you no longer have the min funds required by your visa, you could be sent home. whether or not this would be a good argument to bring up when arguing with a reticent uni is another questions.

ask friends/family to lend you some money; apologize for not getting them anything for xmas

imo since this is the same application cycle and the same type of letter, you would not need to get their consent again. Just generate the submission emails and include in the message that you decided to add this school to your list and would appreciate if they could submit this letter by Jan 15.

Yeah, I used the Columbia guideline as an aim because it's the only school which posted that. Whether or not that means they actually care is a different question. You have great scores, so I'd say don't sweat it too much. Many things departments write on their websites appear to be fear-inducing devices meant to discourage people from applying.

cold turkey

It helps if you can eat together, schedule coninciding days off or even move in together. I personally set a specific time of day to communicate with family who live with me (and family who do not) and this way we stay connected and reap the benefits of love. The only time in my life when it was difficult to schedule a moment to be with each other was when both worked very different shifts. That was terrible. I would go to sleep when my partner was still at work. In grad school schedules are more flexible so it s should be easier. I fail to see how being in a relationship prior to grad school somehow makes things easier. It is very hard to budget and works still needs to be done. Living together helps though.

I think the venue of publication matters more than rank of author.

what's ASU?

When the school had confusing guidelines, I picked the interpretation which suited me best. My letter of intent was about 900 words, and not once did I have to trim it, thank goodness. I didn't get into Berkeley though. Maybe I should have dug deeper into my department's website, hmmm.