ilikemoney

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I agree with you about soul mates. The reason I don't believe them is because, simply put, you're not going to have it all with anyone. You must compromise. The point is that even if you find someone at the right time with the right career and with all the characteristics you want, you are still going to have to give up a lot of things, many of which one can never foresee. For that reason, happy marriages are those in which communication and compromise comes natural. Those happy marriages you see -- I'd bet the house that they don't have it all. But they do have love and understanding, and that is as close to having it all as one can get. I think, no matter how old you are, if you're not willing to factor your partner in to your decision, that tells you everything you need to know. You haven't met someone that you love enough to make the compromises. There is nothing at all wrong with this. Putting yourself first in that case is exactly the right decision. But that is so different than claiming you can't respect someone who sacrifices for you, by following or making career adjustments, which is immature. If you really love someone and want to spend your life with then, then it really is crazy to lose respect for them because they want to sacrifice.

Thread over, you win. Bravo!

I've always been surprised that Johns Hopkins ranks so high in education. I can't speak too strongly -- all my information about the education school is second-hand. I live in Baltimore and love the University. I'm going there to start a PhD next year to study social science stuff, with a focus on education. I'm surprised because I currently teach in Maryland, and I have never met a single teacher who has walked in and out of that building and left with a positive opinion. Unanimously, every person I ever have talked to has mentioned that the classes lack rigor and are unhelpful to their teaching. My old roommate felt so strongly he quit his all expenses paid master's program. Since the program focuses so much on practitioners, and not academic research, this worries me doubly. My guess is that three things push up its rank: 1) its close relationship with the business school (I feel like USNEWS eats that stuff up); 2) its participation in the IES predoctoral program (even though it seems like other departments really carry the work); and 3) the center for social organization of schools, which is sponsored by the university. My feeling is you can do a hell of a job studying education in departments like economics and sociology at Hopkins, but the research programs in the Ed School are, I've heard, lacking. Hope I'm wrong!

Co-signing this. I sense resentment and that you don't see him as "good enough" for you. I hope I'm wrong, but only you can answer that. If that is the case though, DTMFA. You're just asking for misery. I can't imagine being in a successful relationship where I didn't fully respect the career and intellect of my partner. This is crazy, absolutely 100% certified bananas crazy. You would lose respect for someone because they made career moves -- that is, sacrifice -- to follow love? I can't fathom that. There are very few jobs out there where you can't do meaningful work because of your location. On the flip of that, there are a lot of jobs where you can do good, important, satisfying work just about anywhere. There are, and probably in academia more than other places, rare instances where both people have jobs in which location is crucial. In which case you shouldn't date that person. More often than not, at least one partner can make a move without much sacrifice. If you really love someone, really want to keep them, both sides will have to sacrifice at various times. If you can't do this without losing respect for your partner, save yourself some heartbreak and run for the hills.

Not too different than yours, my friend. I live in the same city as the school I'm attending (Baltimore--> Hopkins). My last day of work is June 30. I move into a new house with my girlfriend on July 1st. Which means I'll have a copious amount of time to worry about furnishing and burnishing. (Has anyone used that phrase before? I just made it up.) My main focus is to get in shape again. I used to be able to run a 2:42 marathon and I weighed about 20 pounds less than I do now. So, twice a day running is priority #1. Included in that will be helping to run a summer running program for my Cross Country team. Otherwise, I suppose I'll read a few books on Sociology -- after all, I've only officially taken one course in it, when I was a freshman in college (say... 8 years ago?). This will be the first summer without work obligations since I was 14. And with trying to make ends meet on a stipend, probably the last.

Perhaps my wording was strong. I still think transparency is the best option here. Be as open as you can while protecting your interests and that's the right thing to do.

You are under no obligation if you are not accepting financial aid. Even if you were, you are allowed to back out of your commitment if you do so by April 15th. ("In those instances in which a student accepts an offer before April 15, and subsequently desires to withdraw that acceptance, the student may submit in writing a resignation of the appointment at any time through April 15.") Move fast and you'll be okay. If it's unfunded no one's going to get very upset (at least, they shouldn't).

http://www.cgsnet.org/portals/0/pdf/CGS_Resolution.pdf "... However, an acceptance given or left in force after April 15 commits the student not to accept another offer without first obtaining a written release from the institution to which a commitment has been made. Similarly, an offer by an institution after April 15 is conditional on presentation by the student of the written release from any previously accepted offer." Point one. Legally you are okay. The resolution clearly states that you can't go to another school, but nothing about a private job. Point two. Ethically you are NOT okay. You are, as I'm sure you know, taking a position away from a deserving student. Perhaps they'll get off the waitlist, if your school has one. But they will know late in the game, which will cause that person undue stress. It's not fair. Why don't you ask straight up to your employer: "Am I going to get this job? Because if not, I am going to enter a PhD program. It would help me to know so I can do the right thing and not fill up a spot I won't be taking." Maybe they'll let you know your chances, or just tell you straight up. It's worth a try. If you do this, at least you made an effort. I understand -- you have to do what is best for you. I can't say I wouldn't follow your path if I were in your situation. But you might as well do good to everyone else in every way you can by trying to find out about your job. Even then, it's still ethically very dicey.

Johns Hopkins

Perhaps this is too straightforward/simple-minded, but I think you need to call your husband out. Given how you describe the situation, it sounds like he is being a dickhead. Yeah, sure, maybe he's unhappy with what he is doing right now. But if he is old enough to be married and have a kid, it's time to act like an adult. If he is attacking you for your success, that is totally unacceptable. Jealousy is one thing. Jealous people don't need to belittle you ("that's not even leadership!").... Just my two cents.

Can't imagine there's a solid answer to that. Can you do social psych research in the Ed school? Do you ultimately want to do education-related social psych research? Another thing to keep in mind is that if you have a degree in psych and want to do educational research, you can still get a position in a faculty of education with a non-education degree. It's much more difficult to get a position in a faculty of psychology with an education degree. So despite placement within field, your options may still be better with the psych degree. A ranking of 5 vs 95 is a big difference, but not insurmountable. (For that matter, education departments are not the most competetive places in academia. Not sure how it ranks to psychology. No offense ed schoolers, I have graduated twice now from ed. schools. ) In any event, I would keep in mind your wider options outside the education school and evaluate that in terms of placement at each of your schools. Good luck.

Bump... anyone moving here this year with questions?