Lisa_McCoy

Thank you so very much for sharing and while we are from hugely diff backgrounds, your experience really rings true to me.

Please do write to your supervisor and ask for feedback. It would be very imp for your work and also will show him that you are a pro-active student and set precedence for how you both carve out a work relationship.

Hi, i am so glad you write here and along with the mention of your brand of imposter syndrome, you also spoke about how confident you are in your own abilities. I just want to remind you in the context that these two are huge realities for you, the syndrome phase is temporary due to a low phase. Remembering the temp phase of it can be hugely helpful.

Hey, swak2001, firstly congratulations on seeking help on this forum. I know, as someone, who has been and still sometimes do find myself in the situation that you do, it is not easy to speak openly and ask for help. It is also not the easiest thing to do. AS for family, it is important that you take care of yourself while you communicate your state of reality to them. If you find that you are extremely disappointed, hurt or exhausted after having to communicate to your family about the reality of your situation, maybe you need to take a break from them. Also even though this might be uncalled for, small ideological and traumatic violences begin at home and perhaps you also need to find your own tribe and community outside of traditional definitions of home. Something that helped me while i was attempting to talk to my guide was having at least some of my facts right while understanding my own condition. I read a lot of fiction by David Foster Wallace and Woolf and also basic psychological work like ones on Cognitive Psychology before i met my guide. One thing is also to know the benefits and privileges you are guaranteed under the programs and like others mentioned, meet a counsellor that should be part of your university. Until then sending you a lot of warmth and many hugs.

Hi, this conversation is such a pertinent one especially in a climate where both the thesis writer and the guide are attempting to regularly contextualize the work in the larger political and academic milieu. I had the very terrible experience of having to request my committee to change my guide. I was interested in the ethical approaches to information systems and the way it could or could not be mapped on to the networks in social system. I was especially interested in the works of George Reynolds (look at Fundamentals of Information Systems last two chapters to get the dude's drift) but my guide was very adamant about it. Initially, I thought it was because of her concern for me but gradually i realized that she was pushing me in a direction that was more conducive and easier for her. Had I continued with the work that I was proposing, she'd have had to do a lot more of reading and learning and updating herself. So my big point here is that remember that this is your work for your academic life and you should be able to have a say in it. Having said that, do engage with your guide and see why they seem so reluctant to pay heed to your position.

There are few more forums like Postgraduate Forum, The Student Room and College Confidential which graduate students can check out. But by far, GradCafe is the best!

I can't say about all cities, but most US college cities are well connected and have public transport options. Car is a luxury not a necessity.

Try running. It not only keeps you fit but makes your body feel alive. I don't believe in hitting the gym but for past 5 months I have made it a point to run a few miles everyday and I could tell the huge difference it has made on my mindset. Other than running, try reading philosophical or spiritual books. I know they are not everyone's cup of tea but they keep me motivated towards life and keep me away from burn out.

Reading minds would be a great super power...I feel like I am surrounded by too many fake "friends"

Since you are doing PhD, allocating most of the time for research makes more sense than taking a class. However, as advised by everyone, it is better to talk to your advisor about this so that both of you are on the same page.

It depends on how much you are willing to compromise. You need to choose what is more important to you - faculty job or being with family. Can you let go a faculty position at a reputed university in far off city for the sake of being close to family? If your answer is yes, then you can always find some teaching job or the other at colleges that are near your hometown. But if you want to a faculty position at some of the best universities, then you should be willing to make sacrifice of staying away from loved ones.

The fear that your accent is incomprehensible should not stop you from speaking in English and sharing your thoughts. It will be difficult to adjust initially, but you can pick up a different (better) accent with time. But for that to happen, you need to converse in English regularly without being worried about your accent. So many immigrants pick up American accents in matter of few months.

You are not at fault. Such things happen in research. In fact, committing errors is a natural sign of progress as you get to analyze your mistake and understand the data in hand in a better way. As for the summer student, he is bound to feel frustrated and blame his mentors for the mistakes like every other research student on earth. From what I have read, it seems like you genuinely want to help him. So, don't hold back from speaking a few encouraging words to him and make him believe that you can truly help him with his research.

A lunch or dinner should not be turned into question and answer session about the post doc's research and presentation. While it is okay to mention it in the passing, avoid annoying the guest by asking to many subject related questions. Use the time to know about the likes and dislikes of the person, and engage in discussions on lighter topics like books, art etc.

All the best! May this rotation work out for you