also, if you did not get the fellowship, please, do not see it as a reflection of your worth. I know academia pushes all of us to see ourselves through our accomplishments, but we've all worked very hard, and those scores would probably be different from year to year, depending on the committees, the evaluators, who is competing in a specific year. You're all doing great. It has happened to me multiple times to not get an award the first time, and to get it the second or third time I'd apply.