rheya19

Is it weird that my imposter syndrome seems to be coming from people saying positive things about me? The program I'm attending was very flattering in their recruitment of me, and it makes me feel like I must have been oversold, or they must have misunderstood my application package in some way, etc. Even my current professors' encouragement just makes these feelings more intense. It's making me pretty anxious, feeling like I have to live up to this inflated expectation of me.

My husband had a similar problem as the OP in a class he was TAing, and he finally asked the guy to leave. When the kid wouldn't, my husband threatened to call security and he finally left. He was worried he went too far, but his adviser (the professor for the course as well) told him, "Good. You're not doing him any favors by letting him act like that." They're not in high school anymore. They choose (and pay) to attend college classes, so the onus is on them to make good use of their time. 
You also have a responsibility to the rest of the class. They shouldn't have to suffer because of that kind of behavior. After my husband kicked that student out, he looked around the room and saw relief written on everyone's faces. And he was able to continue with the class more efficiently as well. 

My defaults are Oxford Bibliographies and History Compass. 

I sit at the front of the room and stare forward, motionlessly, like this:
 

I sit at the front of the room and stare forward, motionlessly, like this:
 

I have not found a satisfactory list. Most of the time the lists are not good representations of reality. Mostly because religious Studies is a broad field, probably too broad for any definitive ranking. What matters is your subject area. Who cares if your school is below par at Native American Religions if you are interested in African Tribal Religions? If you are looking for a program that deals with the ANE, the status of the historical theology department will have little bearing on the quality of your program. 
Also, because fit is one of the most important things for a person, everyone will determine the Tier of the school differently based on how they fit with that particular program. If you are going to study Jewish apocalyptic literature, no matter how good a school is, it shouldn't be ranked that high for you if there is not a single person who regularly interacts in that field at that school. 

Some things definitely define the tier structure for most people:
Funding. Unless you are looking outside the US, fully funded programs are typically a higher tier than programs that are not fully funded. Those with a stipend included are typically higher than those without a stipend. UK schools get an exception because as a non UK resident you will have to pay tuition (funding is possible, but not a given), although the schools (in certain areas) are some of the best.  Attached to a Research Institution. Bigger schools have more resources, offer more opportunities for inter-disciplinary studies, and typically host more conferences and speakers. Length of influence in the field. Your PhD will attach you to the legacy of research at your doctoral institution. E Current Faculty and their publications. This typically is more of an intra-tier factor. If you are looking at Biblical Studies or Theology, some standalone seminaries have more well-known scholars than graduate schools at larger institutions. However, due to #1 and #3 and #6 standalone seminaries are typically relegated to tier 2 status (Princeton Theological being the typical exception).  Placement rating of graduates. Not always published. Not always a factor in online rankings. Personally, because of the current state of the job market, this has to be taken into account.  Overall University prestige.  Your best bet is to apply to fully funded programs at large research institutions, that are well known and respected in their own right, with an established faculty that has at least professor who could be an adviser for your potential dissertation topic. 

If you have a specific subject matter within the field of Religious Studies you are interested in, let us know and someone may be able to point you in the direction of the topic schools in that area. 

It doesn't matter. It's your trajectory and the quality of your current work that matter. 
 
Doesn't matter, unless it's a fake university like Liberty University. You'd be surprised how many schools academics recognize. We're usually pretty familiar with the academic world. Plus, in order to get our jobs, we (literally) applied to hundreds of universities. Hell, I'm Canadian and I'm pretty sure I can name around 200 or so schools in the US alone, most of which most people have never heard of. I can even name at least one school in most European countries. So don't worry on that front!
 
Very few students get recommendations from big names; most don't. What matters is that the professor is familiar with your work and interests, and can speak to your ability (and perhaps, in your case, your upward trajectory).
 
Also not a big deal. But, as hector549 said, you'll need to clearly articulate why you want to pursue philosophy at the graduate level. And that justification will have to go beyond "I want to teach philosophy"; it'll have to talk about why it's philosophy in particular that you're interested in. What areas of philosophy do you want to study? Why?
 
 
Incidentally, wanting to teach philosophy generally isn't enough to get you through the PhD process. It's a grueling slog, and you need to know that there are no jobs for you at the end of it. You really need to be motivated by your research project, otherwise you'll burn out fast. You'll be competing with 600 other people for the same crappy job in a state or country far away. You'll apply to a hundred or more jobs every year, get zero to one interviews, and maybe if you're lucky after five or six years of that you'll earn 30-40k teaching five courses a semester in a tiny town somewhere you didn't especially want to live. Getting an MA is easier, but it's increasingly less sufficient for teaching at the HS or community college levels, because those markets are increasingly flooded by people with PhDs (note also that philosophy isn't usually a "teachable" for HS, so you need enough courses in other subjects to get certified). That's not meant to discourage you, just to give you an idea of what you're going into, and of the fact that the reasons you give for wanting to pursue the MA or PhD will have to look sufficient to counterbalance those factors.

In addition to what the other posters suggest, practice writing it as well. Try writing about your research interests or journaling in Korean. Translate your letter of intent into Korean for fun; it doesn't have to be flawless. Creating/composing in a foreign language helps learners develop a higher form of proficiency than just reading it.  

I sit at the front of the room and stare forward, motionlessly, like this:
 

Which is great but has exactly zero relevance to the OP's question. But good for you. 

In big cities *with good public transportation*, it can be easier to live without a car than if you lived in a suburb. Big cities generally have your necessities closer together and lots of buses/trains/etc to get you to where you are. In suburbs, public transit is harder to find and you might have to travel quite far to get to things. I lived in a suburb for my PhD and basically everything was a 25-40 minute car ride away, or over an hour on the bus (and most places don't even have good bus routes). 
Also, there is more incentive to avoid using a car in a big city where there might be a lot of traffic and/or very expensive parking so that walking or taking a train might be just as fast and much cheaper than driving!

@rheya19, good to know, thanks! If your interests cross into the social sciences (anthropology, geography, sociology), then you will likely be able to find review papers in journals like Annual Reviews in Anthropology or Progress in Human Geography.

I did exactly this, started my PhD in my mid-30s as a single childless woman in a cohort where most other students are about a decade younger.  What helped me the most was going in knowing that my cohort or even my department wouldn't meet all of my social needs.  I do sometimes socialize with my cohort because they are nice people and can actually be fun, but after spending so many hours with them each week I really don't desire to hang with them all the time outside of that.  I figured being at a large public university I'd be able to connect with grad students in other departments that might be older, so I gave that a whirl.  Unfortunately most of the people I came across were still either much younger or just living a completely different life being married with kids.  
I then chose to take my social life completely off campus and am happy I did.  I signed up for every things to do in this city list I could find, picked up all the free local papers, volunteered, and joined meetup groups to force myself to attend a few things each week whether I felt like it or not.  I did things I knew I like, tried things I'd never heard of, and gave things I previously felt hohum about another shot.  I wouldn't say I have close friends yet and that's ok.  But I do have people that when I see them out I can hang with them and it isn't weird or we can and do text each other to exchange invites.  The best part is most of the people I've met are not in school so I'm not constantly sucked into school stuff.  After having been in the working world I definitely appreciate the variety in my social life and don't want to feel like I can't ever get a break from school.  I also head out of town during school breaks to visit family and friends I haven't seen awhile because there is nothing like being surrounded by people who know you well.
As for dating, this too I've taken completely off campus because I just don't want that kind of drama in what I consider my workplace.  Depending on the type of person (LGBT, other race/ethnicity, specific religion, etc) you wish to date there may be limited choices based on the region of the world your program is in.  Also if you wish to date someone your age or older they may have assumptions about grad students that make dating harder such as you must have bad finances, you'll struggle to get a job when you graduate, your degree will take 10 years, you lack direction or something is wrong with you if you're this old and doing this, you don't have time to date, etc.  I personally just mention the general industry I'm in until it seems like I may want to get to know a guy better, then he can have more specific details.  Otherwise its just like dating when you work full time.  Sometimes its fun and other times it really sucks lol.   

I'm starting my MDiv at YDS this fall, which probably requires a different approach. Even so, I wanted to point out one thing about YDS that I noticed at all the admissions events I attended, including the fall open house last November. They very strongly emphasized community in all of the presentations. As long as you're qualified to attend, they also really need to see that you will be a contributing member of the community. They want the YDS community to be something you're actively seeking (not just that you want to study with J. Baden). And they want to know how you anticipate that community contributing to your studies.
It seems like your credentials are certainly enough to prevent you from being disqualified. As other commenters have said, you sound perfectly qualified based on what you said. I would urge you to use your personal statement and letters of recommendation to make it very clear how studying at YDS fits into your long term goals -- not just academically but also in terms of your development as an actor in the wider world.
If you can, I highly recommend attending the fall open houses for both HDS and YDS. They put a ton of work into those events, and it's much more helpful than just a visit to the school to sit in on classes or visit a professor.

I disagree with you that these are the only two schools in the entire world that you need to get into. (I say that as someone who only applied to two schools for my master's degree--one of them being HDS.) I certainly can understand that you want to get into one of these two schools, just as I narrowed my pick to two schools as well.
However, you are (obviously) a strong candidate for both programs. (You knew that, right?)
 
Good luck.

For me, I did a lot of reading and research on my own, and I kept a little Word document "journal" in which I summarized the ideas that I liked very briefly. Re-reading and adding to that document caused me to put it all together into a haphazard kind of methodology I wanted to use to study my subject (early Christian history and material culture.) I never thought I would come to my research subject this way, but I actually have a sense of my methodology rather than a clear sense of the specific texts and artifacts I want to study. It was clear enough of a methodology that it got me accepted to grad school, and now I'm focused on applying my ideas to various texts and artifacts and seeing how they stand up so that I can refine them further.
I guess what I'm getting at is finding a research topic is kind of a process. Try writing out all the researchers, theories, and subjects you find interesting and see where it leads you.  You probably have more of a sense of the kind of research you want to do than you realize. 

I think there are really only two proper places to put languages on your application: 1) usually the online form will ask you about languages or 2) your CV. The only real exception to this could be if you knew a very rare language and it was logically tied to your research interests, then maybe in your SOP. I wouldn't personally put it anywhere if I was in your shoes. BUT you may be inclined to put 'beginner' for Russian on the form and/or CV but you have to decide if that's ethical or not because it will be unlikely to be at that level by the time you apply.
I personally put a third language as 'beginner' but I can have a basic conversation and read it well so it was not mischaracterizing it.

When I applied to MSc programs, my partner and I were not married and we had similar concerns as you. Later, when applying to PhD programs, my partner and I were married and we still had similar concerns. The second time, they were even bigger concerns because we were moving from Canada to the US, so work authorization for my spouse was also a tricky thing to get. In the end, it did all work out though. 
Here's what we did for both rounds of applications in terms of choosing a location that would work for both of us. My spouse has a generally flexible line of work (non-academic) and any small town (~100,000 people or so) would have options, but of course, the bigger the city, the larger the pool of applicants. The only job-related constraints would be language (some places in Canada require French) and immigration policies (for places outside of Canada). Instead of just job opportunities, we were also considering our personal preferences on where we would like to live too! 
We started by determining what our own goals are (career and otherwise), for ourselves and for each other. We discussed short term and long term wishes and how we wanted to balance them. And we talked about what our major concerns were about grad school and the academic career path. 
Ultimately, we came up with a plan that ensured that both of us were happy. Although I was the one going to grad school, we viewed this as something we were doing together for the good of our family. So, I only applied to schools in locations that were good for both of us. Logistically, the way we did it was for each of us to compile our own lists of places we would like to go to. Then, we looked at each other's lists and we each had veto power (e.g. I might veto places that didn't have research that fit me or I wouldn't enjoy the city and my spouse might veto places that didn't suit their interests). The places that were on both our lists went to the top. We kept an open mind at this stage---neither of us vetoed places that might not sound great initially, but we would at least visit and see what it's like.
As for long term goals, both of our main desires were to set us both up so that we can both have careers in a specific geographical region (close to our families). We know that was where we would want our children to grow up. Our main concern was that the academic job market is brutal and most academics seem to have to move to wherever the jobs were. In addition, while some people we know got TT jobs right after graduation, and a few after 1 postdoc, the norm is 2 or 3 postdocs before a TT job. The nightmare scenario we wanted to avoid was that we would go on the TT job hunt, choose a less-than-ideal postdoc thinking that it would set us up for a good job later, but then go on another postdoc and another etc... In short, while we had long term big picture goals in mind, we also didn't want to spend our 20s and 30s only living for the future and not being able to enjoy the present.
We came up with a strategy to avoid our worst fears. First, we both decided that while academia would be a great career path for me, we are not going to have the "TT job or bust" mindset. Next, we decided that every position I take from then on (at the PhD application stage) would have to be a top-tier type position, or something that really sets us up very well for moving back to our geographical area. So, this meant that when applying to PhD programs, I only applied to top schools with the plan that if I only got into second-tier schools, it would make the odds of a TT job in our geographical region of choice very slim and the two of us would be better off if we followed a different career path. When applying to postdocs, I followed the same idea. 
The second strategy was to choose a program that would allow me to develop useful non-academia job skills. Ultimately, we would both be happier in our geographical region and outside of academia than in academia but outside of our region of choice. In addition to programs that would allow me to develop useful skills, I generally favoured places that would have good brand name recognition for employers outside of academia. This second preference played a larger role in the "choosing which offer to accept" stage rather than the application stage, since nothing is sure when you're just applying. 
Finally, the last strategy to combat our fears/worries was to make a commitment to ourselves. We decided that 10 years from the start of my PhD program (we'd be in our mid-30s), we will be in our geographical region of choice, no matter what. This was to alleviate the worries of chasing postdocs/TT jobs indefinitely and that we would be not living in the present enough. Although it was always true, making this commitment was a reminder to ourselves that we can just quit academia any time. For most grad students, we are achievement-seeking personalities and "quitting" might be hard to do. This promise to ourselves was a reminder that we can leave if we want to. 
So with these ideas, we both agreed on 8 places to apply to. My spouse visited grad programs whenever possible. I made it clear to all the grad programs that this was a decision that both of us were making together. Many places directly reached out to my spouse to recruit her as well as me, which was very appreciated. After the applications decisions were made, my spouse and I ranked the offers. Our top three choices were the same, but most importantly, the top choice was the same for both of us. So that was how we decided.
If you want an update on where we are on our plans, we are now 5 years past the start of my PhD (i.e. halfway through our 10 year plan). I just graduated from my PhD last month and I have just started a postdoc this week. I ended up with a fellowship postdoc position in our geographic region of choice! Our hopes are that we will never have to move away again. However, we're still open to it if there's a really good (but temporary) opportunity for a second postdoc, but only if the opportunity provides increased chances for a permanent academic job in our current area and that increase is worth the move away from our families. If not, and if there turns out to be no more academic opportunities in our area, we'll find non-academic jobs and stay where we are
Good luck with your decision making process. If you want to discuss more personal issues, feel free to send me a PM. I can also provide more details via PM if that helps someone in a similar situation.

I've been on the other end of this. I moved to a small to mid size town with my husband for his graduate work, and I hate it here. It has been very hard for me to make friends and find work, even after 4 years. My husband holds himself responsible for my situation, I have to remind myself that I willingly came along, and so yeah, it's been stressful on our relationship. One major thing that has helped was that before we came here, we agreed that when he is done, we will move to wherever it's best for my career, so I have that to look forward to. He also has been taking that into consideration over the last few years and not getting his hopes up for any particular place to start his career. Plus he's encouraged me to travel for professional-development programs and things like that, even when the money wasn't 100% there.  
I'd considered doing a PhD program of my own when we first got married (no appropriate programs in my field where we are now), and last year when I decided definitively to apply to PhD programs in 2018, he insisted I apply to start this fall even though it means we'll have to spend a year apart. I think he just couldn't stand to watch me wander aimlessly through this part of my life anymore; in a way, as hard as it will be to spend a year apart, it will be less emotional pressure on him and more motivation to get his dissertation written and done. 
So, I guess the moral of my story is that both of you have to be really committed to each other, and while tit-for-tat isn't a great way to run a relationship, in this case you should think about ways you can support her and make it up to her in some way. 
Good luck!

I've been on the other end of this. I moved to a small to mid size town with my husband for his graduate work, and I hate it here. It has been very hard for me to make friends and find work, even after 4 years. My husband holds himself responsible for my situation, I have to remind myself that I willingly came along, and so yeah, it's been stressful on our relationship. One major thing that has helped was that before we came here, we agreed that when he is done, we will move to wherever it's best for my career, so I have that to look forward to. He also has been taking that into consideration over the last few years and not getting his hopes up for any particular place to start his career. Plus he's encouraged me to travel for professional-development programs and things like that, even when the money wasn't 100% there.  
I'd considered doing a PhD program of my own when we first got married (no appropriate programs in my field where we are now), and last year when I decided definitively to apply to PhD programs in 2018, he insisted I apply to start this fall even though it means we'll have to spend a year apart. I think he just couldn't stand to watch me wander aimlessly through this part of my life anymore; in a way, as hard as it will be to spend a year apart, it will be less emotional pressure on him and more motivation to get his dissertation written and done. 
So, I guess the moral of my story is that both of you have to be really committed to each other, and while tit-for-tat isn't a great way to run a relationship, in this case you should think about ways you can support her and make it up to her in some way. 
Good luck!

By way of support, you are not alone in the sentiment of "I don't understand how I didn't see the signs earlier." A lot of parents and partners are surprised when they discover their children/spouses go from, say, turning religiously observant to turning up in Syria. That's a simplistic characterization and the radicalization is different to your husband's experience, but that is roughly a pattern that's observed everywhere and across the radicalization spectrum, from high school mass shooters to Taliban recruits.
So you're not alone in missing the signs. Sometimes it happens glacially, so slow that it's almost imperceptible, especially with a loved one.
Nobody has found a perfect way to deal with a situation like that. But I would suggest you seek support. See if you might talk to someone you are comfortable discussing this issue with -- a parent, a sibling, friend or coworker...someone dependable that can maintain confidentiality and has close rapport with him if it is necessary that they talk to him, though there's so much that a 'talk' can accomplish when it comes to radicalization/extremism. The idea is mostly for you to have support from a trustworthy source. Only someone like that, who knows the nuances of the situation better than us here, can help you talk through ideas and options.
I wish you courage.

Good. Because you have offered some comically dangerous advice. 
 
He only has to get "physically aggressive" once for your advice to turn out poorly for OP.  The guy only threatened to divorce his wife because she won't let him hang a Nazi banner. He sounds really stable and like the kind of fellow who is unlikely to get physically aggressive.
 
Are you for real? 
 
Holy mother of God, no! This advice is bad enough when offered to people in non-threatening relationships ....
 
OP:  fuzzy hit the advice head on. Please take care of your physical and emotional health. If want to try to help your husband, that is great (I think). But please don't believe that it is your responsibility or that you alone can change him. 

Okay, I'll voice the possibly less popular opinion. Your responsibility is to yourself. You don't have to stay with him and you are not responsible for getting him better or for educating him. You need to take care of yourself. If you do decide you want to try and stay, I think it's of utmost importance to get support from others. Can you involve his family? friends? do you have a support system around you to take care of you, if you need it? If he wasn't always like this, something must have triggered this, and maybe you can help him through it. Whatever it is, though, you shouldn't do it alone, and you shouldn't let him take it out on you. This sounds like a situation that requires professional help. I know that posting here was probably already hard enough, so maybe the next step is for you to find counseling on your own, maybe through your school, before you think about talking to him. Figure out your resources and support network, then come up with a plan to confront him. I hope that there is no fear of physical violence, but if there is, let me repeat again: your responsibility is to yourself first. Make sure that you are safe, and take care of yourself, both physically and mentally. If that means you need to leave him, I think that's totally understandable and no one from the outside can judge. And if you choose to stay and try and fix it, again I hope that no one will judge and that you can find the help you need. 

Hi, I set up this account especially for you. 
First of all, I am so sorry for the plight that you are in. Please don't leave your husband at this moment; if you do, I'm worried that he will turn into something more radical. However, if you have tried everything to talk sense into him but fail or if he becomes physically aggressive, that's another story. 
Have you considered taking your husband to a psychologist? Or do you know some of his close friends/relatives who are not racist? Try to get your husband talk to them. 
Or try to (discreetly) make him read real stories of the Holocaust - to let him understand what Nazism really means. 
As a last resort, anti-depressants such as Prozac, Celexa, may drastically reduce his aggression/hatred towards "other races" or women. 
You must stand your ground firmly and must never be swayed by your husband's attitudes/behaviours. If there's anyone who can change him, it's you. I understand how frustrating it is to battle against someone who holds drastically different (and wrong) values, especially if it's someone close to you. But please, please, please, don't give up on them without trying. I guess you don't need my reminder, but never forget that what you are standing for is 100% correct: women = men; white = Asian = black = Hispanics, etc. 
Kudos. It will get better, and I hope to hear any updates from you later on.

What the hell does ''this is not on" mean?