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Halek last won the day on June 10 2019

Halek had the most liked content!

About Halek

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    2018 Fall
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  1. I wasn't sure if this was positive or venting, but it feels more positive? I'm finishing "field season" (I ran an REU for an indigenous community for the summer) on saturday and I didn't expect to be this sad to leave? While I've missed home and my cat, I've met wonderful people here. While it looks like my professors grants are focused on other areas, I really want to come back here and do research someday.
  2. I've been in the field almost a month (a month this upcoming weekend). I'm tired, questioning why I'm doing this, and I miss my cat. I wanna go home. I still have one more month to go.
  3. I'm working with an native american tribe this summer and they had a conference on planing and ecology for indigenous people last week. My coworkers being who they are, I had no choice but to come. Even though sometimes I felt awkward as one of the only white people, it was honestly a life changing experience. I'm now reconsidering how ecologist view the world. Everything in ecology is so centered on competition, and now I'm starting to wonder if that is actually just a reflection on cultural values (ie everything in the west is based on competition, so we have come to understand our environment based on those values) and passing it off as some objective reality. It's a hard question to grapple with. And I'm sure whatever idea this leads to won't be popular with other ecologists. But I'm excited for this journey, and I'm thankful for everyone at the institute for allowing me to participate!
  4. Guy who asked me out suddenly today, while I'm at work (while I'm in the field I'm working for the tribal college, considering I'm a random white woman who just kinda got dropped in their department, it's been a pretty good experience actually!) and says that he wants to talk some more about "thing from last week", so me turning him down basically. I managed to convince him to wait until I got off work. But now he's messaging me again and I'm honestly exhausted from field work. I feel like a bitch, but I also didn't ask for this timing. I also get the feeling I'm never not going to be exhausted in the field. Trying to learn about a new (to me) culture is mentally exhausting, even though it feels like I'm doing nothing most of the time. And I really don't have the energy to give to this that I know he wants. Which is part of why I turned him down a week ago. But positive side: field work hasn't completely imploded on its self, so hurray!
  5. Oh yeah I totally agree with the leading on thing! It's why I didn't let the situation draw out. I actually had a situation similar to yours right when I was leaving working as a tech and going into grad school (so last summer). The situation turned so abusive I no longer consider the person a friend and I've honestly just started to really seriously heal from it. That's also why I knew it wouldn't work, because with how early I am in healing from that, I need to feel really secure if I were to go into a relationship right now.
  6. Update: I turned him down. It was the right thing to do. But I also feel horrible because I REALLY want to be in a relationship. But I know that a relationship with him wouldn't be healthy for me. I'm so tired I can barely move. And I don't know if it's from the field work or from him. I should be reading some Ethnographies but I feel like I just need to sleep.
  7. Of course a guy that I was starting to consider a friend tells me that he has a crush on me the second day I'm halfway across the country for field work. Of course I read this message at midnight after a day of meetings with the indigenous group I'm working with and several hours of my advisor telling me that I need to make a strong, close relationship with someone and feeling like I'm not socially outgoing enough for that. Of course, this same thing also happened when I moved away from my previous job to go to grad school. Of course, the guy just got out for a long term relationship. Why does it feel like people aren't interested in being with me until I leave? Why can't people want to have relationships with me while I'm actually in an area? Why do they always have to time this for when I'm at my most vulnerable and insecure? Seriously. I was just getting over the last time this happened.
  8. I'm tired to defending my adulthood to people. I worked in the "real world" before coming to grad school, you can't just take my "adult" status away from me like that. But the more I defend the more it's used against me, like a teenager saying they're an adult. I'm 24 year old, I live separate from my parents, I'm financially independent, I actually live on the opposite side of the continent from any sort of support network. I'm pretty sure I'm an adult. And yet, at least once every few weeks, I gotta have this same argument again and again.
  9. Sometimes it feels like I don't belong in grad school because I don't like to get drunk and I don't really smoke.
  10. I was sharing a meme about how smokey the bear is propoganda (I work in fire ecology and anthropology) with some friends. I thought it'd get some questions. I was not expecting my friend who had made a video game for the DNR to call me a liar, try to send me the emails of people who run smokey the bear in Michigan, and say that she doesn't trust academia. Everyone is now saying that the meme was "clearly" a bad choice, even though people have sent more obviously controversial things to the chat. I'm prepared for people to disagree with my research. I'm not prepared to be attacked by people that I thought were safe around. I no longer feel comfortable sharing what I'm going to spend the next six years of my life researching with my friends and I'm angry and sad about it.
  11. Halek

    State College, PA

    Avoid the area directly south east of downtown, this is where the frat houses are so it's quite a bit louder. I live on Westerly Parkway and I've seen some houses for rent over in this area, but that could be the "by room" situation that you mentioned. Overall, the area by the high school is nice and quite. I walk in, another member of my cohort bikes in, and several take the bus. So depending on how you like to commute you can make anything work at this distance.
  12. My advisor just gave me a mock qualifying exam during lab meeting. I blanked on a concept that she helped bring from animal behavior to anthropology. She's on the panel that does my actual oral portion of the exam. I know that the way qualifying is structure is to just keep poking until they find something you don't know, and I still home a month to study, but I just feel really embarrassed and exhausted. I know I need to study more but now I have a headache from the whole thing.
  13. My advisors daughter who I'm working with on a project doesn't communicate with me and goes directly to my advisor, which makes me look lazy and also makes me feel useless. I had no choice in this collaboration and will be very happy when she graduates and moves on.
  14. While group therapy is really helpful, it also wipes me out for the rest of the day emotionally and it makes it difficult to get work done. That being said, if you need help, therapy is really helpful guys.
  15. One of my professors assigned a 25 minute presentation on a paper 2 days before it was due. Thanks man.....I totally didn't have other stuff to get done plus plans that I'm trying to already fit in this weekend.
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