I'm making this assumption based on past grad cafe results and needing to get visit weekends in order. There's always an outlier but I figure if I go with this mindset any acceptance will be a happy surprise.
... You didn't have to address me. I do it for the same reason I'm sure you made that comment.. Because I FELT like it. at least I said good luck. People just deserve to have their parade rained on. That's life. Just as easily as you could have ignored it so could these other people.
I did this twice -- in 2010, moving across Canada for a MSc program with my then-girlfriend of 5 years, and in 2012, moving from Eastern Canada to Western US for a PhD program with my now-wife. The moving part is tough because we wanted to find places that were great fits for both of us (my SO is not a student). Fortunately, in both moves, both of us were able to visit the cities/schools during prospective student visit days so we were both able to make informed decisions. Luckily for us, both times, when we compared our top choices, we had the same one! Although maybe this wasn't so lucky because we both had veto power in the application stage (I only picked schools that were good fits and then we removed all schools/places that my SO felt that she did not want to live in / would not have opportunities in). So, even at the application stage, all of the possible schools were places that were exciting for both of us!
I also agree with Munashi about the finding a new job for the SO. This was extra stressful for us because we had to go through a long process with US Immigration in order to get her work authorization so it was almost 8 months before she felt settled and even longer before she had a permanent position. I have not yet to experience being "between employment" myself, but from her experience, it's definitely true when people say that not having a job is way more stress/work than actually going to work full time every day!
I don't think it is especially difficult to maintain a relationship in grad school, and this is year 4 of grad school+relationship for us. You definitely need to plan your time better, but this works for me. I know some grad students prefer the flexibility of working whenever they want / feel the juices flowing and this is not as possible when you want to sync your schedule with a partner that does not have a flexible schedule. That is, I mostly maintain a 9am to 6pm workday, which currently matches my wife's 8:30 to 5:30 workday. Unless I am feeling a lot of pressure or am behind, I usually try to keep my work at work and not think about science at all during the evenings. I do a bit of work on the weekend sometimes.
To me, I always want to treat grad school as a "9 to 5" job, not continued perpetual stress/work that was my undergrad experience so this works really well for me.
Another difference between being in a relationship in grad school vs. my single friends is that while my SO is friends with most of my colleagues, and we do a lot of things together with our SOs, the students in relationships will also have a different social circle because of their SO's friends etc. Or, the attached students may have other arrangements that don't match up well with our colleagues' social plans. So, ultimately, my SO and I don't always go to every social gathering of my grad school friends. This is okay of course, but we are sometimes worried that we are the "boring married couple that never hangs out". I think a good strategy is to make an extra effort to prioritize going out with new people when you first start a new program and making new friends for the first time. I think the first few months is critical for forming new friendships since everyone is in the stage of "looking for friends". Afterwards, it's easier to settle down into whatever balance of spending-time-with-just-SO and spending-time-with-SO-and-grad-school-friends that the two of you are comfortable with. In my opinion, if you decline too many invitations at the start, people will stop asking you to do things!
Although it is some "work" to maintain a relationship while in grad school, all relationships need time/effort in order to stay healthy and fun! I don't think it's any more or less work to do this as a grad student vs. any other job. And obviously, there are tons of great positives about being in a good relationship (whether in grad school or not). I am 100% positive that the amazing support I have from my spouse is a big part of all of my past successes and it's something I can count on to help me feel confident about whatever challenges and crappy days that grad school throws at me in the future.
I just heard back from USC today! I was thrilled to get my first acceptance. I had been checking the site and my email almost daily since I had submitted. Still waiting to hear back from 8 more.
^ This is untrue for chemistry.
It is true that barely any interview. A couple do, but it's more of a last check after deciding offers to make sure you are a normal person/can speak english well. You won't be formally interviewed at visits, but it is basically an interview for the group you want to join at some places. You will be being watched.
jhopp_ got a reaction from Pillarsofcreation in Chemistry Fall 2019 cycle